More has happened in the last 48 hours than I could have ever anticipated; Mississippi has successfully created an unforgettable earmark in the Ride for me.

As we approached the school Thursday morning I was still recovering from the 8 hour drive a small group of us Equality Riders had made the night before from Waco, TX, reuniting those who had sat in jail for 25 hours after our Baylor University civil disobedience, with the rest of our group. So much tension was already created by the duplicity of the (MC) Mississippi College administration and various threats on our physical safety delivered to the Clinton law enforcement, I was unsure of what to expect from our visit.

When we pulled up into Mississippi College’s campus, there was a steady stream of people lining the streets as we drove up to our stop and more standing on a grassy hill across from where we were exiting the bus, larger than we’d ever experienced before on the East bus. I had spoken several days before to Stephen about participating in the civil disobedience, and I knew that it was only at this point in the ride that I was fully prepared mentally to do so. We left the bus and were immediately read a statement of warning that if we were to step onto MC property we would be guilty of trespassing and immediately arrested. In response we held hands as a group and walked towards the hill of students, media, and police to stand on the sidewalk in front of them and begin our vigil.

After singing several songs, in an eerie concert surrounded by watching eyes, Enku began to describe his background and why he was a part of the ride. He continued to speak to the injustice and cruelty of policies that MC has against gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgendered individuals on campus and how that affects the entire communities’ perception as well. Eventually, he and Vince Pancucci held up a large frame surrounding photographed smiling faces of the East Bus Equality riders when we were children. He pointed out individual riders, naming them for the crowd and stated that he and Vince intended to bring this picture of God’s beloved children to the foot of the statue of Jesus on campus. They took several steps forward and were immediately arrested in front of the crowd. Katie and I followed, walking to students.

Earlier, while Enku was speaking, I had heard a male student in front of me speaking loudly to his friend of his views on homosexuality. He was rehearsing verses and I perceived him to be uninterested in the heart of our ride. So after the initial arrests I walked directly towards him, extended my hand and introduced myself to engage him in a way he didn’t anticipate. I wanted him to know I had walked onto campus to speak with him, and specifically him. As the policemen placed handcuffs on my wrists I stood in front of him while he professed his love for “homosexuals” and true hopes for me to find the right path. Before I was led away, all I could manage to say to him was that I believe I am.

Vince, Enku, Katie and I were taken away to be booked at the police department after being led through a siege of reporters. Kyle would follow a little later, and after our release, other riders would describe the shock that students expressed regarding our arrests, all made as a result of our intent to engage in conversation with students.

We were booked quickly and politely, all of the police officers extending kindnesses to us that were the exact reversal of what the riders in Waco, TX had experienced. For this I was grateful but conflicted that I would be the one to receive such treatment while my friends endured genuine trespasses and lack of recognition of their humanity.

Delayed until 5pm from 1pm when we had anticipated seeing the judge initially, we were notified that we must have a trial instead of a simple ruling on our bail amount. A police officer gathered us and brought us to the court where urgently escorted to a conversation with our court-assigned lawyer and a local lawyer who is an open lesbian in the community. With great seriousness they outlined the dire changes that had occurred in the last hour. Our lawyer had spoken to the judge and realized his intentions in our case—intentions to increase our consequences-especially as second-time trespassing offenders. They informed us minutes before we were to stand before the judge that he had every intention of giving us jail time—the maximum penalty for criminal trespassing was up to 6 months.

I was unable to process the magnitude of these words very well, and as they barreled on, we were informed that our best option would be to plead guilty (which had been our intent) and to profusely apologize to the court for our inconvenience to the city of Clinton. This we could agree on, because as a non-violent group we recognize our adversary is not the law enforces nor the administrators but the ignorance and misinformation that perpetuates the policies and beliefs that oppress people. Katie agreed to be a voice for the five of us and we entered the courtroom, my heart in my throat, banging against my rib cage.

I had been in courtrooms before, but this vague concept of jail time had never held any power over me until now. As the hearing proceeded I began to count on my fingers how long it would be until I was out of jail, if I received the maximum time, “March to April, April to May, May to June, June to July, July to August, August to September.” I would be out in September. I wondered if Casey would think to call my Mom and Dad to let them know, or if I would have to call them on the house phone. In those few moments, I thought of Gandhi, and King, and Mel White and became reconciled to the possibility that I may go to jail in a few minutes and I would be ok. The judges questioning did not help my attempt to hope we would escape without great legal injury as he continually emphasized a metaphor of punishment, “When a child refuses to learn from a punishment the first time, do you not increase the consequences?”

In the end, to our great relief, Enku and Kyle were sentenced with 10 days of jail, suspended granted they stay out of trouble for the next 2 years. Katie, Vince, and I had prior trespassing charges and were sentenced with 20 days in jail, suspended granted we stay out of trouble for the next 2 years plus 4 days (weekdays) of community service here in Clinton, Mississippi

After having processed the last 8 hours with Curt and Abby few minutes to the side, we headed back to find the group and get back the bus. As we searched, all of us unfamiliar with the area, we came to where the bus was only to see it being directed away from us by a patrol car with flashing lights. As we were leaving Clinton, the bus was pulled over three times within 5 minutes, concluding with a grand finale of the policemen iterating something to the effect of “get out of town, now.” That is all I need to hear, and I know we’re exactly where we’re supposed to be.

In summation, at the end of our second day in Jackson I don’t know what emotions I am feeling. They are foreign and heavy and real. I don’t know if I am afraid, but I cannot help but feel the growing momentum as a sign that this is only the beginning. As Robin said in our meeting later that night, “it’s only going to get worse”.

And so I am searching in myself for the strong moveless places and for pieces of peace. They are the reasons that I am here in the first place and I realize as circumstances intensify, that when I signed up for this ride I was saying I would give my complete commitment. I have become increasingly committed to this ride as I am grown and deeply moved in deep places of myself. I know I was ready to go to jail for six months for this cause, and this is what I’ll remember as we continue on the ride.

Today was my first day of community service. There was a lot of talk about our safety, because we didn’t know anything about the nature of the work or people we’d be with, but it was an amazing surprise. We worked with the Clinton Parks and Recreation facility management and met great people who talked with us, worked beside us, and stood up for us throughout the day. Clinton has potential for slow change in its deepest parts and it gives me the greatest hope.

Katie, Vince, and I will be remaining behind the group in Clinton, Mississippi from Monday until Wednesday this next week while we complete our community service hours. It is a struggle to know we will be doing fine and recuperating somewhat here while the rest of our group goes on to two other stops without us. I’m torn from my happiness about the beauty of our situation and opportunities while we stay and Clinton and my inability to support the rest of our bus family while they persist in the ride without us beside them.