Today was our last official day of campus visits for the 2007 Soulforce Equality Ride…

It is now midnight and all I can do is sigh…

At this point, if I think about it in too much depth, I will melt in my tears. As we wrap up this colossal road trip, I am finding the conclusion of this communal experience completely bittersweet. The bittter? I will miss my tribe, by people, my purpose, my cause. The sweet? I will return home to California and all that is familiar.

I am ready to go home. Or rather, ready to go back to my almost three year old son Jubal-Lee. I am not so much home sick as I am Jubal-Lee sick. “Home” has become a completely relative word over the last two months and will continue to be that way for the next 4 months of camping. “Home” has been a motel in Rexburg, Idaho. “Home” has been a hotel in Portland, Oregon. Row 15 on a coach bus with rainbow colored interior was a place I called “home” for 12 hours at a time. However, “home” was never complete because it did not include Jubal-Lee. So now I realize that home will be found with the people I love the most. Right now there is only one human that I love the most. My little one. When I find nothing else in the files of my mind that I can smile about, I conjure up an image of him…and there it is. A heart smile. A soul revival. True and pure love. A love that is so hopeful and so intentional. A love worth everything in the whole world. A love that I must return to. My job is complete. I return soon.

Today on campus we were in full force, all 52 passionate and collected Equality Riders. We stood vigil at Bethany Lutheran College for two hours. I spoke with two officers of the peace an hour into it. I explained once again that our intention was not to get arrested, but rather talk with and connect with students. They knew that was not going to happen on campus, and so they prepared accordingly, as did we, though we continued to hold out hope for an enriching on-campus dialogue with Bethany Lutheran students and faculty.

At noon, we broke vigil and flooded the campus green like a wave. Ten Riders met police with poster pictures of the Ride in their arms. I was able to make it over to a group of students, introduce myself and shake some hands. (One girl turned her head and said, “No thank you.”) I knew every moment counted at this point, as I saw the officers approach. There were now what seemed to be as many officers as there were students. The original two had multiplied, emerging from thin air. I smiled to each student and chose my words with care…

“I came here to promote love. I came all the way from California to introduce myself so you could see with your own eyes what a gay Christian looks like. I left my young son to do this. I wish to be recognized as a sister in Christ. I have been a Christian all my life.”

With that I was given my warning to leave campus lest I be charged with criminal tresspassing. As I backed away from the group of 20 or so students, I calmly remarked, “Your school has decided to silence us today.” They stared blankly as I walked away and shifted my attention to my friends who were now on their knees being placed under arrest. I stood on the sidelines and sang what has become somewhat of an anthem here on the Equality Ride…”go now in peace, go now in peace, may the love of God surround you, everywhere, everywhere you may go”. We sang to our friends as they drove away in custody. I returned to the vigil line until I saw what I had been praying would occur.

One Equality Rider (my fellow Californian) stood surrounded by 30 or more students conversing. I went and stood next to him, and we discretely held hands. The students were asking all kinds of heated questions regarding sexual identity. I chimed in, “Let’s talk about Christianity; we are really here to sow love.” Thus began hours of dialogue and connection as more Riders joined us and broke off into smaller groups with students. For a moment, I stepped away from it all to observe and soak in every detail. It was happening. Progress was being made. Disagreement or laughter, it did not matter to me at that point. The over arching epiphany was that THIS CONVERSATION WAS HAPPENING. That was the desire of our hearts. God bless each one of you who has courage to make change in this world. God bless each one who has a heart capable of loving ALL of God’s creation.

Jillian Nye

We are midway through this colossal road trip. I have heard it said over the last couple of days, “I finally feel like I am actually on the Equality Ride.” We are five stops into the ride and the feeling of surrealism is beginning to dissipate with every real and meaningful conversation that we have on campus.

As many of our friends are silenced and arrested on the East Bus, we speak on their behalf. We act as the collective voice. We make connections with students and faculty; we exchange phone calls, text messages, and emails; we find those who are hungry for this conversation. We are ready, willing, and prepared to engage. Our hearts burn with passion for equality for all humanity. Each person who “comes out” to us or who genuinely thanks us for coming to their school keeps our fire steadily burning.

Namaste… This word resonates in my mind. It resonates for my friends and also for my adversaries. It makes it possible to truly love my neighbor whether they think favorably of me or not. Namaste all you who are LGBTQ. Namaste all you who are ally. Namaste all you who are skeptic. The Divine in me sees the Divine in you.

I close with the words from Galatians 3:28, which read: “There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is neither male nor female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus.”

In God’s grip for all eternity,

Jillian Nye in Portland, Oregon (missing my little Jubal-lee)

Notre Dame – Our first day on campus, a beautiful winter wonderland. We opened the day by standing vigil outside the campus perimeter holding our banner, which reads: Social Justice for LGBT Students. We naturally generated some stares from drivers-by and happily received some smiles and waves.

A lovely Notre Dame freshman named Eddie Vasquez escorted us onto campus. His bravery – to be openly associated with us on a campus voted the most inhospitable to LGBT students by the Princeton Review – spoke volumes to me. At one point, he and I locked arms, and I told him, “Eddie, I came here for you. I hope you feel encouraged and less alone.” He thanked me and complimented me on my hair. Like I said, lovely man.

Once on campus, we made our way to the Basilica of the Sacred Heart. It was breathtakingly beautiful! Inside the Basilica, I felt very reverent and open to Notre Dame as a community of believers. I knelt, I stood, I prayed, I sang. When it came time for communion, I was deeply moved by my strong desire to get up and take part. Kneeling on the bench, I felt saddened that I was not recognized as a disciple of Christ worthy of taking part in the symbolic “body and blood”. Then, looking up and seeing three of my equality riding family members in line to receive made me equally happy, acknowledging the reality that we are all one. God reminded me that even if no one on this planet validates me, I am worthy in God’s eyes.

After mass we convened in the student center for lunch. I had an engaging conversation with a professor of engineering named Jim Powers. It encouraged me that he was able to see that we as Soulforce came to his campus in a spirit of love. In the end, I offered him our pamphlet What the Bible Says and Doesn’t Say About Homosexuality. He accepted and we parted ways.

Things got serious in the student center when Eddie took a stand and attracted students’ attention by publicly introducing us as a group and explaining that we were here to open up honest dialogue. I had so much admiration for him and for his friend, another Notre Dame student who also spoke. I attempted to videotape but my trembling hand thwarted the attempt. A guy in the audience mockingly clapped and said welcome, then in the same breath added, “Go away, we don’t care.” Next up were our very own Kelsey Pacha and Delfin Bautista, two of our Catholic Equality Riders. They were precise, eloquent, and carried themselves well. The majority of students and staff did not even look up from their lunch or laptops.

I noticed a man videotaping from a stealth angle, so when the mini testimonials came to a close, I chose to introduce myself to him and his companions. Jessica Kalup and I inquired as to who they were and told them a bit about Soulforce. The four men said that they were visiting from Illinois and were just being touristy because they heard something interesting happening. I never did find out what they were doing in visiting Notre Dame that day; they were elusive and inquisitive of whether or not we were anti religion. Thinking back, I really don’t know if I buy their “tourist” story. They very well could have been the four men I saw earlier that morning parked in a small S.U.V. observing our vigil line from across the street. We gave them business cards and shook hands and said our goodbyes, then shifted our attention to the students.

Right about that time, we got word that four of our members distributing booklets and buttons requested of them by students had been given official written notices instructing them to leave campus and never return lest they be arrested for “criminal trespassing.” So just as we were escorted on, we were escorted off. Walking past gorgeous architecture and playful squirrels in the snow, I told Eddie about being kicked out of my home when my landlord suspected that I was gay. He told me how his mom told his dad that he (Eddie’s father) could leave the home if he had a problem with Eddie’s orientation. High five to Eddie’s mom for being a loving mother with strong conviction.

We concluded our night with a pizza dinner at the Zion UCC of South Bend. Community members and students from Notre Dame, St. Mary’s, and Bethel College welcomed us whole-heartedly and surrounded us with smiles and love. Dan Seda preformed his monologue, Cylest sang “Love Can Build a Bridge,” and Emily and I each read two of our poems. I received so much positive feedback! Our group also gave two presentations, titled “A Christian Thing To Do” and “In God’s Image.” They were impeccable, and I felt like a proud mother as I watched my friends speak from their hearts in such an intelligent and thoughtful way. I conclude this journal entry with the last stanza from tonight’s poetry reading:

We all have lessons to learn.
Christ came to show us the way.
He spoke about vines and branches,
Never did he condemn a gay.

All for love,

Jillian Nye