Sitting in Meadowlark Coffee & Espresso after our 14th school stop at Union College, the only thing that came to my mind was one thing: I was tired. I was tired from the lack of sleep and countless hours on the road. I was tired of watery hotel coffee. But most of all, I was tired at defending my humanity.
Editors note: Brian Adkins, a 2010 Equality Rider, composed this note to his fellow Equality Riders. We reprint it here with his permission.
I joined the 2010 Soulforce Equality Ride not because I am queer, but because I am a Christian. I wanted to be a part of the dialog around the intersection of faith and sexuality and justice. Along the way, I have seen the best and the worst of Christianity. I have seen love beautifully and unconditionally expressed, and I have heard oppression called love. I have at times expressed my own truth eloquently, but more often I have fumbled with it clumsily like the lyrics to a song I have never heard before. My truth is a song still being written.
Ahoy ahoy!
The last time I blogged for the interwebs, the Equality Ride had just finished its first stop at Valley Forge Christian College, several weeks later and now I am here to talk about our stop at Southwest Baptist University (SBU). The day was interesting starting off with a little gathering with our hosts in a conference room where we had a little chat and told them exactly why we were here: 1) Their policy clearly discriminates against the LGBTQ and allied students/faculty on the campus 2) To spread love and affirmation to said persons 3) to engage in true dialogue to foster change and provide safe spaces for those who identify to being LGBTQ and allies.
Next was chapel, which left quite a few riders in emotional turmoil as the topic was about missionary work and the speaker seemed ignorant about what he was saying and just condemning people to hell. I know I felt the spirit move me out of the chapel quickly, just get away from the rhetoric spewing out of that man’s mouth. After the chapel, a few of our Riders, particularly Isaiah and Asher, went and conversed with the speaker about their feelings and how offensive they found this chapel service. I hope the man actually took the words spoken seriously and will try a different approach to things in the future.
Skipping ahead, the awkward conversation about racism is blooming at SBU, a group of riders, students, and faculty members were a part of a panel that talked about what Soulforce was and the topic of LGBTQ persons on campus. One of the faculty members was just plain combative and could not even see a LGBTQ person as an actual human being. I give kudos to all the Riders that dealt with that woman because she was just plain rude!
With emotions still high, and many of our Riders experiencing spiritual violence, the Dean of Students, with permission, got on the bus to “talk” to us about how we experienced the day. If “talking” to us, was a rant about how we betrayed his trust by holding a vigil later that day, then yeah, we had some “great” dialogue. Several of the riders, challenged the administrator to actually listen to what we felt, and he did.
After this, the Equality Riders set up camp right outside the campus and some ate food from the awesome PFLAG parents, talked to community members and students, or simply just sang songs. It felt like a nice, sweet closing after the tumultuous and emotionally exhausting day defending our humanity and dealing with the rampant issues of racism on SBU’s campus.
My experience in Lincoln is good so far in that there are some initiatives towards equality extended to QTBLG (Queer, Transgender, Bisexual, Lesbian, & Gay- and YES IN THAT ORDER so don’t get it twisted) folks. The community really likes us being in town & it inspires them to be more open about being QTBLG. Though I found that I had to initiate the conversations about queer experiences and rights, that tells me that (1) they aren’t used to talking about it amongst themselves and (2) they are hesitant to talk about it for fear of being attacked or ostracized. When I did bring them back to the topic, I felt that they were very happy to talk about their personal experiences of being queer in Lincoln. I felt like they were resting their heads on my shoulder (figuratively) to find comfort and that is a feeling I can’t describe!
Yesterday, I met with an old colleague/friend & his boyfriend who showed me around town yesterday and we got to catch up on life & talk about what its like being queer in Lincoln. They are such an adorable couple and so deeply committed, but when I asked if they hold hands in public or kiss (PDA) like so many straight couples do (and take for granted), they said no. Again, they are in a beautiful relationship that’s lasted 3 years and still going strong. They shouldn’t have to worry about having to hide their love. I shudder to think that I might have to do that when I get into a relationship.
Earlier today, we were invited to an affirming church where there was great food, great people, and great discussion! I’m glad that our conversations weren’t just limited to LGB rights but also covered the T and it ventured towards talks about racism and affirmations of high school QTBLG groups. Our time was very limited though and it saddens me that it had to end so soon because the conversations were scintillating. There were some folks from different congregations, schools, and The Human Rights Campaign. I wish the representative stayed around for the racism conversation and that we didn’t have to spend so much time talking about other things that stalled the conversation that people needed to have. There were awesome Union College students & faculty in attendance as well. I heard many wonderful things and learned that the faculty created a “safe space” which has a mini LGBTQ resource library. There is a space set up with chairs where students can come, sit, chill, and find affirming faculty members. LGBTQ students are already making use of this space. This is a wonderful resource for Union students that I am thankful that they have.
While that is great, Union still needs to extend their anti-harrasment policy to include protection to QTBLG students. I’m also hoping that Union will encourage all faculty and staff to be safe zone trained- as some of them already have signs on their doors. We also hope to encourage a comprehensive RA (Resident Advisor) training so they could better respond to someone who identifies as QTBLG or an ally.
Upon hearing these gems, I’m very excited about our visit to Union College tomorrow! I’m very glad that I get to help pave the road to equality for all by clearing up some negative myth-conceptions about queer folks, advocating for the importance of safe spaces, highlighting the other -isms that is connected with homophobia, and build personal rapports with Union students, faculty, & the greater Lincoln community! Ciao for now.
Peace, Love, Namaste, & Equality for all!
We are nearing the end of Equality Ride, and I’ve been meditating a lot about this one question: “What is love?” It’s a big concept to think about, but at the same time one of the simplest emotions to feel and identify. I feel love for my fellow Riders, and I feel love for all of the people we’ve met (and will continue to meet) on this wild adventure.
I have to admit – I’ve been thinking about what I want to write in this blog for days, and our recent visits to Southwest Baptist University and Bethel College provided some clarity on the topic of love. While discussing how Christians should love their GLBTQ siblings during a panel at SBU, an SBU professor said: “The way I love you – I call it love, and you call it oppression.” This didn’t sit well with me, for what (I hope) are obvious reasons.
Similarly, our stop at Bethel College was challenging. At one point during a large group discussion with Riders and Bethel students, administrators, and faculty, Jennifer spoke quite powerfully: ”I’ve been sitting here for a long time feeling really emotional. I know it’s not anyone’s fault that your school is the thirteenth of 15 schools that we’re visiting, but I am so tired of hearing over and over again, my experience of being queer listed next to sins like lying, or being queer talked about as something to struggle with like gossip. I understand that people here believe that it’s a sin. And I don’t. I don’t struggle with it. But it’s hard for me to sit here and listen to this being said over and over again because I am in a relationship with a woman that Ilove. I love her. And I want to build a life with her and build children with her… What other sin is a part of building a loving life with someone?”
A professor in the room then said that humans have a flawed perspective of what love really is because we’re all in sin. As a response to Jennifer’s passionate proclamation of love for Cait, he proposed that humans have no idea what love looks like because of original sin, and thereby condemned Jennifer and Cait’s relationship. At this point, I was boiling. I saw the look on Jennifer’s face when the professor said this, and I had to speak up. “Sir, if I understood you correctly, I don’t think that you heard anything that Jennifer just shared. I know Cait and Jennifer, and they are truly in love. How can you say that their love is sinful? It’s not hurting anyone! In fact, it’s beautiful. I feel personally hurt by this comment because I am in love with someone who’s not on Equality Ride, and I constantly have to fight for my right to love my partner.”
When Riders share their stories very openly and honestly, from a vulnerable place that may still be an open wound, we hope to never be met with cruel words or admonishments that who we are – core parts of our identity and our sense of self – is sinful. Unfortunately, we hear those things often. I’m exhausted from trying to find relatable ways of saying (in Jennifer Luu’s words), “You live in this world with humans, as you are a human. It is right and good to be nice to said humans and not be a jerk. Please try it. Please.”
We’ve been all over the country in the past seven weeks, and I’ve learned that people love to play the “us vs. them” game. But when we start playing the “us vs. them” game, we lose sight of what it means to love. One way that WE – people, humanity, folks of every faith background, culture, race, sexual orientation, gender, ability, class – are set free is by telling our own story, sharing from our heart the experience of what it means to be [your name here]. While facts can help explain us, only stories can save us. And only when we know each others’ stories can we truly love each other. So listen. Receive. Learn. Open your heart to what your neighbor shares with you.