dmghobby
08-26-2006, 03:47 AM
I just devoured Rev. Dr. White's Stranger At the Gate in a day and a half. I hope to have 1/2 his courage and impact.
About me, starting with my religious life and history:
I was raised in the Church of Christ and my life story up until University closely parallels Rev. Dr. White's... Typical overachiever... If there was a school club, I joined it...active in Student Government...National Honor Society... Graduated HS with Honors... Who's Who Among American High School Students... Who's Who Among Americn College and University Students... 3 Silver and 1 Bronze Medal at the National University Forensics (public speaking) Tournament...
Attended Church every time the doors were open and never missed my Church's Youth Group Bible Study on Tuesday nights (this was over 25 years ago, and I can still remember the night of the week we had Bible Study!)...As a Senior in High School, I went as a member of our Youth Group sent to do mission work in Indiana for 2 weeks with another Youth Group from Baytown, TX... Our goal, just like Rev. Dr. Whites when he was this age, was to save souls.
My parents bought me a NIV New Testament that I still carry with me to this day to commemorate this milestone. I have used that Testament for 25 years and there are very few pages that aren't highlighted in various colors with notes in the margins. To me, It is a living document!
I've known I was gay for as far back as I can remember (EARLY childhood). I struggled with that knowledge until I couldn't take it any more. 2 weeks before starting my student teaching in Speech/Drama, I withdrew from Texas Tech University and blew the closet doors off and moved to Dallas to finally "come out". Fortunately, I didn't wind up married to my college sweetheart to try to "exorcise the gay demon" (I broke the engagement, without telling her why before leaving town).
I felt that there was no way I could reconcile my "gay self" with my "Christian self", based on my fundamentalist upbringing... So, it was either "God or Gay". Although I never stopped believing, I did stop attending Church...
My new "church" was the "church of the nightlife". Dead end job in a record store (yeah, we still called them "records" then! :lol:) so I could sleep until noon and hit the bars...NIGHTLY. Every hedonistic pleasure that I had previously engaged in with tremendous guilt, I approached with new found "enthusiasm", burying the guilt in the pleasure.
Fasts forward over a decade later:
Fortunately, due to my political activism (I'm a Democratic Party Precinct Chair in my rural county), I invited my County Chair to attend my precinct's predominately African-American Missionary Baptist Church... For purely political reasons... We were going to "GOTV" and "mine for voters" for the 2002 midterm elections... (at the time, there was one caucasian member of the church, married to the guitar player)... The congregation obviously viewed us with skepticism, and I know now based on gentle ribbing, that they never expected to see me again... WELL, I can probably count on 1 hand the number of times I've missed services since that fateful day.
The intuitive congregants have "figured me out" but don't say anything. (I even brought my partner of almost 13 years to last year's annual church picnic!) He deserves a medal for that one (bless his Jewish heart).
Unfortunately, I am at a crossroads with my congregation... They still cling to the "6 misleading passages".
I almost stopped attending the first time the anti-gay rhetoric was spewed from the pulpit. Divine intervention, however, was on my side. I missed our next service...not sure that I wanted to belong to yet another "church" that couldn't teach Christ's love, unconditionally. Two days after missing service, my pastor's wife called to check on me. "Is anything wrong, David, it's just not like you to not be at Church"... In a split moment, I decided that it was necessary to live with integrity...I could either go back to the closet and living a lie or risk the consequences of being honest.
I explained the hurtful comments her husband had made from the pulpit and stated that I just wasn't sure that "St. Paul Baptist Church had a place for me".
(If you're still reading, I appreciate it... I have a lot on my mind tonight).
Sister Jones was absolutely devastated and outraged when she heard my concerns and assured me that her husband had gotten caught up in a moment of his "passion" getting before his "reason".
It was at this point that I went on an extensive internet research crusade to "educate" my pastor (through his wife) about the various misinterpretations and passages taken out of context... The next Sunday, armed with stacks of research, I called her aside after services and said, "Joyce, if I am to remain a member of this congregation, you must read the information in this manilla envelope and do what you can to help Rev. Jones get through this information, too". I don't know if he's ever red the information, as he's never acknowldged having done so. He has made it a point, however, to hug me after every service and whisper in my ear, "I'm praying for you, David." I reciprocate by telling him the same...
There's an interesting "cultural" aspect to African-American Churchs. There are numerous "special events" throughout the year.
Sunday before last, was our "Annual Pastor and First Lady's Anniversary Celebration". Full of pomp and circumstance. I was asked (and honored) to deliver the keynote welcome. African-American congregations from far and wide come to celebrate this event and I was quite nervous.
A prominent Pastor from a large Church in Houston drove to the country to deliver the sermon... A beautiful tribute to Rev. Jones and his wife, my dear friend Joyce. Unfortunately, his closing remarks turned into a tirade that NO HOMOSEXUAL would be in HEAVEN:eek: . It was all I could do not to get up and walk out in protest:mad: .
So now, espcially after reading Stranger At the Gate, I have a new "crusade".
If "living by example" isn't good enough for my Brothers and Sisters in my home church (after spending almost 20 years away from "organized" religion), then it's time to do one of two things. First, I will make another attempt to explain (this time to my Pastor directly why I am as worthy as any other Christian to see God's face in Heaven, then I will strongly consider visiting a United Church of Christ, where at least we are generally accepted.
A UFMCC Church would be ideal, however, that would require a drive of over 70 miles each way, which I can't afford financially. (There is a UCC only 25 miles away.)
The above is a "time capsule" of my religious live...
Now for some more "personal items:
I've been involved in 2 long-term relationships. The first ended in the mid-'80's with a suicide. Peter was the first person I had ever known with HIV/AIDS. After almost a year of uncertainty when his time would come (it was still an automatic death sentence then), he made his first suicide attempt. The last year was spent with his mother and I rotating a 24/7 suicide vigil, at his doctor's orders. Sadly, in a lapse of judgement, Peter was left alone long enough to accomplish his goal.
After wandering aimlessly for several years, and participating in all the destructive behaviors that can be associated with the loss of a spouse, I finally met my current partner... Speaking of destructive behavior, we met (ironically) at a bath house in Denver... Both of our collective sets of friends said it would never last... We are polar opposites... I'm outgoing (verbose?) and he is much more reserved...
He was a "real cowboy" and I was a loft-dwelling confirmed urbanite (although, I had grown up 1 generation of the family dairy farm...which my siblings and I were shipped to every summer to learn how to do "real work"). He ran in a very affluent circle and I was decidedly "middle class" (and proud to have made it THAT far, considering my family was decidedly DEEP BLUE collar). He loved horses, I was terrified of them (having been thrown by a possessed Shetland Pony as a child).
If the relationship was to work, I had to learn to share his passion. It wasn't easy, to say the least. However, today, (as we are both HIV/AIDS and I am in better health) I actually "run" the farm. I bought my first "show horse" and he graciously took a year off from showing to support my new "interest". Since then, we've developed a nice reputation in our industry.
I do know one thing. I love the Lord and will serve Him to the best of my ability. I will do my best to educate those who have been "programmed" their entire lives that to be truly "Christian", one must renounce their "sinful, hedonestic, immoral lives of homosexuality"... Starting with my home congregation.
I hope this hasn't bored those who actually take the time to read this... I'm just "inspired" at the moment and the things I've written here have been bursting in my heart and soul for release.
Thank you all for the opportunity to free these things into God's universe.
About me, starting with my religious life and history:
I was raised in the Church of Christ and my life story up until University closely parallels Rev. Dr. White's... Typical overachiever... If there was a school club, I joined it...active in Student Government...National Honor Society... Graduated HS with Honors... Who's Who Among American High School Students... Who's Who Among Americn College and University Students... 3 Silver and 1 Bronze Medal at the National University Forensics (public speaking) Tournament...
Attended Church every time the doors were open and never missed my Church's Youth Group Bible Study on Tuesday nights (this was over 25 years ago, and I can still remember the night of the week we had Bible Study!)...As a Senior in High School, I went as a member of our Youth Group sent to do mission work in Indiana for 2 weeks with another Youth Group from Baytown, TX... Our goal, just like Rev. Dr. Whites when he was this age, was to save souls.
My parents bought me a NIV New Testament that I still carry with me to this day to commemorate this milestone. I have used that Testament for 25 years and there are very few pages that aren't highlighted in various colors with notes in the margins. To me, It is a living document!
I've known I was gay for as far back as I can remember (EARLY childhood). I struggled with that knowledge until I couldn't take it any more. 2 weeks before starting my student teaching in Speech/Drama, I withdrew from Texas Tech University and blew the closet doors off and moved to Dallas to finally "come out". Fortunately, I didn't wind up married to my college sweetheart to try to "exorcise the gay demon" (I broke the engagement, without telling her why before leaving town).
I felt that there was no way I could reconcile my "gay self" with my "Christian self", based on my fundamentalist upbringing... So, it was either "God or Gay". Although I never stopped believing, I did stop attending Church...
My new "church" was the "church of the nightlife". Dead end job in a record store (yeah, we still called them "records" then! :lol:) so I could sleep until noon and hit the bars...NIGHTLY. Every hedonistic pleasure that I had previously engaged in with tremendous guilt, I approached with new found "enthusiasm", burying the guilt in the pleasure.
Fasts forward over a decade later:
Fortunately, due to my political activism (I'm a Democratic Party Precinct Chair in my rural county), I invited my County Chair to attend my precinct's predominately African-American Missionary Baptist Church... For purely political reasons... We were going to "GOTV" and "mine for voters" for the 2002 midterm elections... (at the time, there was one caucasian member of the church, married to the guitar player)... The congregation obviously viewed us with skepticism, and I know now based on gentle ribbing, that they never expected to see me again... WELL, I can probably count on 1 hand the number of times I've missed services since that fateful day.
The intuitive congregants have "figured me out" but don't say anything. (I even brought my partner of almost 13 years to last year's annual church picnic!) He deserves a medal for that one (bless his Jewish heart).
Unfortunately, I am at a crossroads with my congregation... They still cling to the "6 misleading passages".
I almost stopped attending the first time the anti-gay rhetoric was spewed from the pulpit. Divine intervention, however, was on my side. I missed our next service...not sure that I wanted to belong to yet another "church" that couldn't teach Christ's love, unconditionally. Two days after missing service, my pastor's wife called to check on me. "Is anything wrong, David, it's just not like you to not be at Church"... In a split moment, I decided that it was necessary to live with integrity...I could either go back to the closet and living a lie or risk the consequences of being honest.
I explained the hurtful comments her husband had made from the pulpit and stated that I just wasn't sure that "St. Paul Baptist Church had a place for me".
(If you're still reading, I appreciate it... I have a lot on my mind tonight).
Sister Jones was absolutely devastated and outraged when she heard my concerns and assured me that her husband had gotten caught up in a moment of his "passion" getting before his "reason".
It was at this point that I went on an extensive internet research crusade to "educate" my pastor (through his wife) about the various misinterpretations and passages taken out of context... The next Sunday, armed with stacks of research, I called her aside after services and said, "Joyce, if I am to remain a member of this congregation, you must read the information in this manilla envelope and do what you can to help Rev. Jones get through this information, too". I don't know if he's ever red the information, as he's never acknowldged having done so. He has made it a point, however, to hug me after every service and whisper in my ear, "I'm praying for you, David." I reciprocate by telling him the same...
There's an interesting "cultural" aspect to African-American Churchs. There are numerous "special events" throughout the year.
Sunday before last, was our "Annual Pastor and First Lady's Anniversary Celebration". Full of pomp and circumstance. I was asked (and honored) to deliver the keynote welcome. African-American congregations from far and wide come to celebrate this event and I was quite nervous.
A prominent Pastor from a large Church in Houston drove to the country to deliver the sermon... A beautiful tribute to Rev. Jones and his wife, my dear friend Joyce. Unfortunately, his closing remarks turned into a tirade that NO HOMOSEXUAL would be in HEAVEN:eek: . It was all I could do not to get up and walk out in protest:mad: .
So now, espcially after reading Stranger At the Gate, I have a new "crusade".
If "living by example" isn't good enough for my Brothers and Sisters in my home church (after spending almost 20 years away from "organized" religion), then it's time to do one of two things. First, I will make another attempt to explain (this time to my Pastor directly why I am as worthy as any other Christian to see God's face in Heaven, then I will strongly consider visiting a United Church of Christ, where at least we are generally accepted.
A UFMCC Church would be ideal, however, that would require a drive of over 70 miles each way, which I can't afford financially. (There is a UCC only 25 miles away.)
The above is a "time capsule" of my religious live...
Now for some more "personal items:
I've been involved in 2 long-term relationships. The first ended in the mid-'80's with a suicide. Peter was the first person I had ever known with HIV/AIDS. After almost a year of uncertainty when his time would come (it was still an automatic death sentence then), he made his first suicide attempt. The last year was spent with his mother and I rotating a 24/7 suicide vigil, at his doctor's orders. Sadly, in a lapse of judgement, Peter was left alone long enough to accomplish his goal.
After wandering aimlessly for several years, and participating in all the destructive behaviors that can be associated with the loss of a spouse, I finally met my current partner... Speaking of destructive behavior, we met (ironically) at a bath house in Denver... Both of our collective sets of friends said it would never last... We are polar opposites... I'm outgoing (verbose?) and he is much more reserved...
He was a "real cowboy" and I was a loft-dwelling confirmed urbanite (although, I had grown up 1 generation of the family dairy farm...which my siblings and I were shipped to every summer to learn how to do "real work"). He ran in a very affluent circle and I was decidedly "middle class" (and proud to have made it THAT far, considering my family was decidedly DEEP BLUE collar). He loved horses, I was terrified of them (having been thrown by a possessed Shetland Pony as a child).
If the relationship was to work, I had to learn to share his passion. It wasn't easy, to say the least. However, today, (as we are both HIV/AIDS and I am in better health) I actually "run" the farm. I bought my first "show horse" and he graciously took a year off from showing to support my new "interest". Since then, we've developed a nice reputation in our industry.
I do know one thing. I love the Lord and will serve Him to the best of my ability. I will do my best to educate those who have been "programmed" their entire lives that to be truly "Christian", one must renounce their "sinful, hedonestic, immoral lives of homosexuality"... Starting with my home congregation.
I hope this hasn't bored those who actually take the time to read this... I'm just "inspired" at the moment and the things I've written here have been bursting in my heart and soul for release.
Thank you all for the opportunity to free these things into God's universe.