Fitting a stereotype?

[Mia14]

This summer, I cut my hair very short. I love it for many reasons, but I also think that it helps me to identify as a lesbian woman - thanks to those lovely stereotypes.

I know not everyone fits stereotypes, etc., but it feels almost like coming out in a different way to make a visible statement like very short hair or even just wearing something with a rainbow on it. Sometimes I think I want to try dressing more masculine, too. I'm not sure (as in the chicken and egg phenomenon) which came first, the awareness of the stereotypes or the behaviors themselves.

I do know that I like seeing people who fit the stereotypes to a certain extent because it makes me feel good to know that there are others out there like me (even if the perception is all in my head). I know I'm guilty of thinking that many women with short hair like mine are lesbian, :o but I also know that it's probably just wishful thinking on my part. It's definitely fun and comforting to think so.

Does anyone else think they fall into a stereotype (not necessarily a GLBT one)? I know not all of us fall into the stereotypes that society has drawn, but I think many of us do in one way or another.

[Vanessa White]

THe stereotypes that I fit? Well, I have very short hair, for most of my life now. I would fit the stereotypical role of a "lipstick lesbian"- dresses frequently, and at least mascara and lipstick almost every day. And, I like to build/fix/refinish things. I am physically strong. Up to this point in my life, I have tended to be drawn to women that were more typically masculine in their dress/mannerisms/personality traits. I am not sure why that is, so I am sure several years of therapy with bring forth the answer :lol: :lol: :lol: Anyway, I enjoy fitting the stereotype sometimes. THe short hair one always kinda takes me by surprise, because now so many women of all sexual orientation persuasions like to wear their hair short.

[marutidas]

I have made great strides to not fit any particular mold,
I know that no one has the same thought processes that I have, I usally end up confusing people when I speak.(to much Shakespeare)
On the other hand, I have a desire to be a drag queen, but want to find something completely unique from all other queens and I dont want to lip sync and I am not much of a singer.
So I guess its all how you look at it what a steriotype is,
I am gay, but not a femme, nor am I overly masculine, Except on pride, when I try to be the biggest queen of them all.
I enjoy fashion, but look like a fashion victim,
I like going to bars, but not dance clubs, and I don't like to drink.
I am just me.

I know this is sounds kinda mean to say this, but I dont like steriotypes.
It lacks a certain amount of indiviuality, even other gays expect you to act a certain way(well some of the ones I know anyway, wont talk to you unless you look and act like them), I find it kind of sad. Instead of being yourself, you are trying to live up to other peoples expectations. Which in turn become a little to materialistic for my taste.

I have come out to couple of friends who were completely surprised that I was gay, I wasn't hidng it, I was just being me.

Can't I just be a mighty warrior with a Spork?

[Zerbie]

Sexuality and gender stereotypes! Oh my!!

:lol:

When I was identifying as a lesbian, before coming out as bi, I had some inner questions about this sort of thing. There is a stereotype that lesbians are kinda butch, but I never came off even slightly butch - I couldn't do it to save my life. I had a hard time meeting other lesbian women, no matter how much I wanted to. When I did encounter them, say someplace in public I saw some chick whose vibe just rang as "lesbian" to me, maybe she was wearing some kind of identifying jewelry like little triangle earings, my sense was that those random on-the-street encounters, those women didn't seem to "read" me the same way.

I once worked every day with a closeted lesbian colleague who I just KNEW was lesbian, and I noticed whenever certain personal topics came up she skirted away, and it seemed she assumed I was a straight girl and was playing it safe around the (presumably) all straight colleagues. So then, when I walked into an all-lesbian safer sex workshop that she was also attending, she hit the floor in astonishment. She had no idea I liked women, but I had known she was lesbian for 3 years. She was totally floored to find out, on BOTH counts.

One of my gay guy friends used to dress me in buttondown flannel shirts, and make me take off my makeup and ponytail my (shoulder-length) hair - since I refused to cut it short like he thought I should. He tried to get me to fit a "big fuzzy dyke" image in his head - but in retrospect I have to wonder what we were thinking. :rolleyes: I just looked uncomfortable, and I felt fraudulent. We must have been a spectacle - a couple of 20ish kids, he dressed to the nines like a fashionable young gay stereotype, and me, awkwardly trying to pull off flannel. :rolleyes: :lol:

The funniest thing ever, tho, was when I was singing Cherubino (that's a young man's part made to be performed by a young woman in drag) and try as I might, I could not stop being too femme. This was during same those years when I identified exclusively as lesbian. Being exhorted day after day to "butch it up, Zerbie" and coached in all manner of techniques to try to walk in a "masculine" way, and gesture with my hands in a "butch" manner, my scene partner came up in all wide-eyed sincerity with a brilliant suggestion:

"Zerbie! I know! Just Pretend You're A Lesbian!!!!"

[Daniel]

The funniest thing ever, tho, was when I was singing Cherubino (that's a young man's part made to be performed by a young woman in drag) and try as I might, I could not stop being too femme. This was during same those years when I identified exclusively as lesbian. Being exhorted day after day to "butch it up, Zerbie" and coached in all manner of techniques to try to walk in a "masculine" way, and gesture with my hands in a "butch" manner, my scene partner came up in all wide-eyed sincerity with a brilliant suggestion:

"Zerbie! I know! Just Pretend You're A Lesbian!!!!"

Zerbie- Great Story! (I think that guy walk thing is all in the hips, no?)

I've appeared onstage (in a production of Wonderful Town)in drag with two blonds gals with great gams on either side of me (I'm 6'1'') in the first scene- blond wig- big hat- great dress- and 3 inch heels. Had to learn how to walk in heels and move 'like a woman'. Very hard on the the lower back, I must say. Visits to the chiropractor were in order. Odd thing though, my women colleagues were jealous of the 45 minutes of makeup - they made me look amazing from 20 feet away- and the stage hands- straight to a man- kept giving me sidelong glances. That kinda weirded me out. Interesting how 'appearance' can cue a response. I felt a whole different sense of energy. And vulnerable. Vulnerable with a peculiar sense of power. A different kind of power that 'men' try to exude when they want to 'dominate'.

[Zerbie]

Hey Daniel, ya have any pictures? I would love to see that!

As for the guy walk - I dunno - they finally put me in some kinda clunky shoes and that mostly took care of it. Someplace I still have the video, I managed to churn out a really cute feisty little Cherubino.

Can you elaborate at all about what it was that made you feel vulnerable when you did the drag thing?

[pinklyon09]

I think that there's nothing wrong with fulfilling stereotypes. (the obvious problems arise when people assume that it is because of the stereotype and not the personality of the person)

Personally I fit many stereotypes, none of which I am. Namely the stereotypical flamboyant gay man. I love to prim, I LOVE showtunes, and I have been attracted to more gay men than any woman should ever be. I am in actuality a bisexual woman.

Mostly I found that the stereotypes I have the most trouble with are racial. I'm 1/2 black 1/2 white, but I'm classified as black. I'm not ghetto, I mean my favorite type of music is showtunes. I'm a prep. And I LOVE that I don't fit any one stereotype that people who just meet me wouldn't expect. And I feel that as a black bisexual woman I'm expected to be an aggresive, which I most certainly am not. But being that I've never been in a relationship I will have to wait and see how I cope with that stereotype.

Wow so I just said a lot. And I guess thanks...or sorry if you're still reading.

[Zerbie]

Hey - no, don't say sorry! - that's FASCINATING, Pink!

I totally get it! Yeah, a weird mix of stereotypes. Me too. :p

I'd guess I come across at first glance as thoroughly straight, white, middle-class conventional. Well, the white and middle-class parts are true, but I am far from straight and even further from conventional. :p People are often shocked to find out what I'm about, on the inside. I don't LOOK unconventional at all, unless you catch me doing pretzel-y yoga poses in public places like airports, as I sometimes do.

Like you, I "click" with a lot of gay male stereotypes too. Musical theater, but even more, OPERA. When I was questioning what the heck I was, I sometimes joked that a simple sex change to male would take care of most of those questions. I seriously did ask myself if I wasn't a transgender gay man, with an attraction to women. :confused: Nope - just a bi chick with a special place in my heart for the gay guys. :love:

And for some reason, people frequently think they shouldn't use "cuss" words in my presence - as if they think I'm going to be offended. We can be in a big group and someone will cuss, then single me out, "Sorry, Zerbie." I'm like - "what? You need to ride in the car with me when I'm driving sometime, if ya wanna hear cuss words. . ."

[BruceChris]

Well, let me see here. In our society, women have a certain advantage in that they can wear as much male attire as they want, and still be accepted as women, more or less. Men, on the other hand, when we go out in drag, are clearly IN DRAG. Women can wear a flannel shirt, or boots, or pants, and it is still within the range of women's attire. But if a guy goes out in a dress, heels, padded bra, lipstick, makeup, a wig, and the whole nine yards , he is making a STATEMENT! This is ONE area in our society, where men, by their appearance, can make a shit-or-get-off-the-pot statement. (Exception - If a woman takes ALL her clothes off!). Appearance, isn't it a strange and wonderful thing?

My demographic peer group might be that of a (supposedly) male identified, hetrosexual, middle class, college educated, professional male. I actually do not have a whole lot in common with that bunch.

P&L, Chris

[Mia14]

I'm glad to see I'm not alone when I feel that I fit lots of different stereotypes - not all of which accuratel portray me.

Now I've got short, but more femme-cut hair. I'm no longer physically strong, but I like building/tinkering with things, carpentry, repair, and lots of other macho stereotype things. I don't wear make-up except when I'm visiting family or trying to look pretty for a special occasion. As far as clothing, comfort rules with t-shirts and jeans. I own more clothing from the boy's department than from the women's department, but I have to wear more femme clothing at this point to try to fly under my gf's father's radar (which really isn't all that sensitive).

Zerbie - I used to get the same apologies when people cursed in front of me. It doesn't bother me and never has, and I use a few myself here and there.

Bruce - I think it really is interesting how women can wear "men's clothing" so much more easily than the opposite is true. I've heard one explanation of why this is true that really seemed to fit our culture's twisted mentality:

society has traditionally placed men in a position of power, so it's only logical that women should try to imitate men in order to gain power :rolleyes:; men imitating women are demoting themselves in the grand scheme of things and therefore seen as less logical.

I personally do not agree with men/women being more/less powerful just because of gender, but I think society (at least traditionally) may see things as such.