Hidden for 30 years !

[ro-lin]

Hi from Norway !
My name is Roy, and I have hated myself all my life of knowing I was Gay, but never dared to admit it! I still struggle, but pray to God I must at last have the remains of my life to turn out of my jail and be free to tell the world ”I am loved by God!"
I have tried to lie to myself, that I was not gay...and married (wife) and got children. I still keep very low profile, don’t ever talk about the issue and still keep quiet in discussions. BUT I want to rebel and tell the conservative church"friends", that the church is guilty of many life’s, destroying them...even you and I was loved by Jesus!
I am very lonely, need friends, supporters...and most of all a church that love me fore what I am.
Thanks for reading this
Roy in Norway
:love:

[AZBear]

Hello, Roy, and welcome! I think you will find here many people who have had life experiences similar to yours but who are working through those problems so that they can find joy and freedom in being just who they are, no matter what their age or circumstances may be.

I've not been a member for very long myself but I've found the others here to be an incredibly caring and supportive community of believers. I hope you will post often in the discussion forums and I look forward to learning of your perspectives relative to the challenges we all face.

[Daniel]

As I write this, I have the sounds of Tony Bennett ringing through my ears, singing- It's Never Too Late. And, or course, I agree with the sentiment of the song. It really is never too late to accept one's self and have a better life and love. Life is so precious. And I hope that you are able to more fully move into the space of being an open gay man. The journey really starts then- hiding in the shadows- or even keeping a low profile- only keeps one from real happiness. Even if there are those who react badly- and my parents reacted badly and my siblings are still fundamentalists- they have 'gotten with the program' after seeing that I will not compromise myself by staying in the closet for their silly beliefs. Why should I deny myself live and love just to please someone else? It doesn't make sense. There is nothing wrong with being gay. And if one stays in the closet so as to not offend anyone, one is only diminishing one's self. And to what end? Who does that make life better for?

Truth telling throws off the shackles of the past. It really does. Of course, you have made the very big first step by recognizing that you are gay. The hard fact here is that, if you are going to find a measure of personal happiness - we're talking love with another man- you are going to have to start speaking up! That's my opinion, anyway. Others may feel differently perhaps. This requires courage. And a bit of daring.

We've only one life to live- that we know of anyway. What are you waiting for?

Yes. There are risks to being open about being gay. But I think you will find that they are worth taking. This can be terrifying. The fear of rejection can be great. Though you may find that the young among us are pretty much unimpressed with people being gay these days! They are used to the idea. How about talking with someone who you can be pretty sure will react in an affirmative way?

As they say: you need a support system.

Start small. Think Big.

Leap!

[Jamie McDaniel]

As they say: you need a support system.

Hi Roy. A few questions came to mind when reading your post. Are you still married? Does your wife (or former wife) know you are gay? Do any of your children or any other family members? Do you have at least a few gay or gay-affirming friends?

Daniel is telling the truth about needing a support system. LGBT people growing up surrounded entirely by conservatives can be very, very lonely. Not just from their labeling gay people "sinners" but also because often they simply don't understand us. If a married heterosexual man cheats with a hot woman, his fellow church members will call it sin and hold him accountable, but they can relate. That shared understanding of sexuality is an important component for dealing with day to day life. Those of us who are same-gender attracted very much need that too.

[Jennifer5]

To late? Never! Life is for living, it's about the journey.

First of all WELCOME!
I think that you will find that this will be a great place to find love and support as you work through some of this, and I think Jamie had some very good questions to think about.

I'm glad you found Soulforce and glad to have you here! Hope that you'll come back and talk with us more!:love:

[ro-lin]

Hi Roy. A few questions came to mind when reading your post. Are you still married? Does your wife (or former wife) know you are gay? Do any of your children or any other family members? Do you have at least a few gay or gay-affirming friends?

Daniel is telling the truth about needing a support system. LGBT people growing up surrounded entirely by conservatives can be very, very lonely. Not just from their labeling gay people "sinners" but also because often they simply don't understand us. If a married heterosexual man cheats with a hot woman, his fellow church members will call it sin and hold him accountable, but they can relate. That shared understanding of sexuality is an important component for dealing with day to day life. Those of us who are same-gender attracted very much need that too.
I am still married, my wife know and my oldest son know, but not the second son! ( I made a promiss to my wife not to tell) True all this years of hiding I have had a nervous breakdown and have to go on medication to keep down the pain of a spoiled life! I am an undertaker as for my profession, but my education was ballet-dancer from the Royal Opera House in Oslo back in 1970. I hated myself and wanted to change my peronality, which never happen. I have been prayed fore many times, no "healing" happend...and why should it...I was not sick !!! I lost my mother in cancer at the age of 13th, and my father was an alcoholic. I wanted so much to be a girl, but "hi son, grow up to ne a MAN!!"
I hate to go to my grave not ever deard to be loved and love! Saint John could leap onto the chest of Jesus, I have no chest to leap on! I hope to get friends here at SoulForce, which I already like becomming a member of !
Love from Roy

[Daniel]

Roy- Do you have an resources in you area that would be of help to you? Are there gay organizations that you can contact? And what about counseling? Have you- are you- talking with anyone? It's very hard to deal with this sort of thing by yourself.

[Dash]

I am glad you are here with us Roy. :) I saw your post about Romans Chapter 1 a little bit ago, and I am going to post more in that thread.

But for now, Welcome! Looks like there are more wonderful things coming out of Norway! :love:

[ro-lin]

I am going to a counciling once a week, it helps, otherwice I would not manage....
hug to every one
from
Roy

[Jennifer5]

:love: (((hugs))) :love:

[ro-lin]

:love: (((hugs))) :love:

Roy in Norway thanks you for your comforting words, SoulForce is a very importent tool...I hope to learn to be active and stand shoulder by schuolder toghether with all my friends in this human right movment of us!!

[Zerbie]

Roy - How did I fail to respond to this thread for so long?? I thought I had already written, somehow.

Welcome welcome welcome, Roy in Norway. :)

You mention that you pray to God - well let that answer your question about being loved for who you are. God has always loved you for who you are, just as He has always known who you are, longer than even you have known.

You have friends here too, now. Take your time. Have patience. I am glad you are in counselling, let that help you build your inner strength back - after 30 years, it needs some time to get strong and confident again.

I wish you strength and peace, Roy. Hugs from me, too. :love: :love: :love:

PS: I love ballet!