morph01
10-25-2006, 12:39 AM
Hello. My screen name is morph01, but since I'm totally out to everybody who cares to love me as I am, my name is Jim Polston and I presently live in North Charleston, SC. I night manage a small gay-owned and operated restaurant and am pursuing a college degree in Commercial Graphics at Trident Technical College. I am 47 years of age and rebuilding my life from the ashes of coming out.
I came out to myself in 2003 while separated from a virtuous and loyal 12-year hetero marriage. Then, I was outed and didn't lie about my true self, and dearly paid the price for being genuine. What I got in exchange was my inner dignity, the willing flushing down the toilet of my antidepressant meds, and a spiritual strength in knowing that I wasn't arguing with God as he made me--and the self-accepting knowledge that being born gay is precious and valid.
Like many of you, my story is one where it's a miracle that I did not end my own life, and I almost once did end it. The search for love can be painful enough to bring to bear so very many self-incriminations. Current social norms, my church damning me for who and what I am ... the pain of navigating a strange new emotional/ sexual life without a clear roadmap ... no answers, no spiitual guidance. But a voice in my soul said that "I'm not done with you yet," so I crumpled up my suicide note and put away my ready pistol. My life turned around and I was shown a path to move forward in.
That path led to a marvelous bohemian part of a conservative Southern city, where the majority of us get along and accept one another openly. I found the pursuit of a college degree, some false starts, heartbreaks, mis-steps and mistakes, as well as finding out about our combined struggles for gender equality through local GLBT organizations and political action. I have marched on our State's courthouse steps and sat in on referendum debates with State Legislators. I wish I could do more.
Recently, I am, pleased to announce that I am blessed with a fatefully destined romantic Love. My partner and I are engaged to be spiritually married after I graduate and relocate to his own city 265 miles away. Long distance relationships are difficult, but when you meet that perfect, very special man who loves you in the same deep and dedicated way, then it's prudent to appreciate the chance cupid gave you both with all your being.
It is for my mature fiance (age 62), for me (age 47), and for all of us that I dedicate myself to our combined cause, because his view of his upbringing and his profession will not allow him to be freely gay. Sadly he's got a point: social myths and his profession does not socially allow for full gender-orientation disclosure ... yet ... so I feel that we are in a race against time for our loving life committment to be as socially accepted and as legally recognized as my past childless hetero marriage was.
No matter though; when I send out our wedding announcements, my gender-equality-reluctant family members will have to either face it or deny it's validity--but they cannot take our happiness together away from us.
I have been politically active, though I feel strongly that letting people get to know everthing about me serves better to promote understanding and compassion. Being a good neighbor pays more dividends than being pushy with a flyer towards an unreceptive family at a public gathering--I may be wrong about this but I feel that our fight will be won in a more personal manner--though I chose to speak up for us during college in my Public Speaking class.
My view is that my sexual orientation is not a public affair, but a personal one that requires no apology and is just as valid as any hetero couple's publicly holding hands as they walk together down a city street. But I'm not some anonymous gay guy walking through life with my partner, I'm me--a real person and so is he: we're a couple. If being public about it is necessary, well, so be it. I'm here and I'm out, though I have to respect his need for discretion. I pray that one day my partner can feel as open as I do while in his twilight years, and that the law will allow me to care for him as he wishes and needs in a dignified way. He deserves it. So do we all.
Thanks for welcoming us.
~Jim & Charles
I came out to myself in 2003 while separated from a virtuous and loyal 12-year hetero marriage. Then, I was outed and didn't lie about my true self, and dearly paid the price for being genuine. What I got in exchange was my inner dignity, the willing flushing down the toilet of my antidepressant meds, and a spiritual strength in knowing that I wasn't arguing with God as he made me--and the self-accepting knowledge that being born gay is precious and valid.
Like many of you, my story is one where it's a miracle that I did not end my own life, and I almost once did end it. The search for love can be painful enough to bring to bear so very many self-incriminations. Current social norms, my church damning me for who and what I am ... the pain of navigating a strange new emotional/ sexual life without a clear roadmap ... no answers, no spiitual guidance. But a voice in my soul said that "I'm not done with you yet," so I crumpled up my suicide note and put away my ready pistol. My life turned around and I was shown a path to move forward in.
That path led to a marvelous bohemian part of a conservative Southern city, where the majority of us get along and accept one another openly. I found the pursuit of a college degree, some false starts, heartbreaks, mis-steps and mistakes, as well as finding out about our combined struggles for gender equality through local GLBT organizations and political action. I have marched on our State's courthouse steps and sat in on referendum debates with State Legislators. I wish I could do more.
Recently, I am, pleased to announce that I am blessed with a fatefully destined romantic Love. My partner and I are engaged to be spiritually married after I graduate and relocate to his own city 265 miles away. Long distance relationships are difficult, but when you meet that perfect, very special man who loves you in the same deep and dedicated way, then it's prudent to appreciate the chance cupid gave you both with all your being.
It is for my mature fiance (age 62), for me (age 47), and for all of us that I dedicate myself to our combined cause, because his view of his upbringing and his profession will not allow him to be freely gay. Sadly he's got a point: social myths and his profession does not socially allow for full gender-orientation disclosure ... yet ... so I feel that we are in a race against time for our loving life committment to be as socially accepted and as legally recognized as my past childless hetero marriage was.
No matter though; when I send out our wedding announcements, my gender-equality-reluctant family members will have to either face it or deny it's validity--but they cannot take our happiness together away from us.
I have been politically active, though I feel strongly that letting people get to know everthing about me serves better to promote understanding and compassion. Being a good neighbor pays more dividends than being pushy with a flyer towards an unreceptive family at a public gathering--I may be wrong about this but I feel that our fight will be won in a more personal manner--though I chose to speak up for us during college in my Public Speaking class.
My view is that my sexual orientation is not a public affair, but a personal one that requires no apology and is just as valid as any hetero couple's publicly holding hands as they walk together down a city street. But I'm not some anonymous gay guy walking through life with my partner, I'm me--a real person and so is he: we're a couple. If being public about it is necessary, well, so be it. I'm here and I'm out, though I have to respect his need for discretion. I pray that one day my partner can feel as open as I do while in his twilight years, and that the law will allow me to care for him as he wishes and needs in a dignified way. He deserves it. So do we all.
Thanks for welcoming us.
~Jim & Charles