View Full Version : Coming out at last, thank God!
10-30-2006, 01:56 PM
I discovered soulforce.org through Mel White's latest book, "Religion Gone Bad." (An OUTSTANDING book, by the way!)
At age 46, I'm in the process of coming out -- to myself last October, and to friends and immediate family since then. I'm now planning, with the help of my therapist, for coming out to professional colleagues by the end of this year.
I want to thank Mel White for the tremendous inspiration he is giving people like me. I'm a college professor, and one of the things I look forward to is integrating into my courses the struggle for gay and lesbian rights. Such a prospect would have been unthinkable to me just a few years back, given my deeply internalized homophobic shame. But now, I'm excited about participating in the struggle as an "insider," and the courage of gay and lesbian intellectuals and activists like Mel White is a big part of my spiritual journey of coming out -- and coming INTO my true potential.
Because I'm not yet entirely out, I choose to remain anonymous in this online forum. But I certainly would welcome supportive thoughts and comments, and the opportunity to dialogue with like-minded GLBT people in the process of fully becoming themselves.
10-30-2006, 02:25 PM
Like you, I came out fully to myself as well as others at the ripe young age of 45, 2 years ago. It hasn't been a cakewalk by any means, but most of my family and friends are happy for me, as I'm in a relationship with a wonderful woman. There are always those few who hold to the inerrancy of the Bible who are not only not supportive of me, but who condemn and disrespect my opinions and views. However, most of those I've come out to have mostly known I was a lesbian and were just waiting for me to figure it out myself! Perhaps the word is accept and not figure it out...
I'm really glad to see you here. I found the forums and Soulforce after reading Mel's first book, Stranger at the Gate. Have the new one but haven't read it yet. I'm working on a couple others at present. Hope you stick around, the forums are wonderful and you'll find so many friends here, each with their own life experiences, opinions, and knowledge. It's an awesome place to be! I'm happy for you, that you've finally come out - isn't it amazing to be able to accept yourself and be who you were created to be! Looking forward to getting to know you better and hearing what you have to say. Take care.
10-31-2006, 09:00 AM
A very warm welcome to you. I give you credit, and your due for coming out when it was the right time for you. Coming out brings with it many challenges, but also a tremendous feeling of relief and release, because we are finally allowing ourselves to be who we are meant to be, our truest, purest self. The way God intended us and loves us unconditionally. I am glad that you have a therapist to help you find your way through the process. Even though therapy is a tough choice for many humans to make, it can help us when we don't know what to do next. Please seek what you need here from us- this is like family and many here are familiar with the struggles you have had and may continue to have. Peace be with you and welcome. Vanessa :love: :pray:
11-02-2006, 06:38 PM
Great going! I am reminded of a Dutch proverb: "Once you step out of the door, You already have a large part of the journey behind you." You are in for a wonderful series of discoveries about your self and self esteem. If I could give one piece of advice it would to be as casual about your Gay nature as possible. The opportunity presents itself over and over. When asked if you are Married, Respond with-"No, I'm gay" as casually as you can with a smile. You will find the usual reply will be "Oh my brother is gay too" and the conversation continues on to other topics. The L-O-N-G-G Talk will be with family and old friends because they will need to adjust to a number of things: 1: they may be hurt because they felt that you were unable to trust them with something this basic about you. trust me they will adjust to this! It may help to explain to them just how frightening it is to a gay adolescent to grow up in a gay-intolerant world. below is part of a letter to the editor I wrote earlier this year to my home-town newspaper.
Imagine the time in your adolescence when you were discovering your sexual awareness. Now Imagine being told that your feelings of sexual attraction make you a worthless deviant because you feel them toward the same sex. So to survive you hide this secret and stifle the growth of your emerging identity and learn to hate yourself. This is psychological child abuse at its worst.
Then imagine the miracle of courageously overcoming this self loathing imposed by your past abuse. This epiphany restores your sense that you are a person deserving of happiness, equal worthiness and love. A hard fought internal struggle won by myself and many other gay people.
Now imagine being told the same false message by your state, your congress and even your president. Our leaders claim they are entitled to legislate their hate toward gay people and permanently incorporate it into our nation's constitution. .
Some say being gay is a choice. They are half right. You can choose to be true to your nature and experience passion, romance and love, all essential parts of a balanced normal life. Or you can falsely pretend to be attracted to the opposite sex and live an empty passionless lie.
Composing a letter to parents gives them time to digest the information and their feelings----A considerate thing for them Then meet them face to face.
11-02-2006, 08:35 PM
How did I miss this?
Hello and welcome. :)
Best wishes to you on your brave journey of self-discovery and fulfillment. Please come back and talk with us some more.
Perhaps at some point when you're more "out" we'll hear about what it's like as a college prof dealing with these issues. As a grad student, I have quite an interest in such matters.
All the best.
11-03-2006, 03:00 PM
First I'd like to say that its good to hear that you've found yourself. I can tell from my own experience that it feels like a rock has been lifted from your chest. It did for me anyhow.
And I read that you are a college professor, personaly Im trying to become a teacher. In history actually. What do you teach yourself?
And welcome, hope you'll find alot of good people to talk to here.
11-03-2006, 06:18 PM
What were your "causes" and what are they now? After initial reception, they should be the same to be true to yourself. Coming out is just an emotional egocentrism -- don't let it drive you in a direction that damages who you really are. Afterall, at our ages the hormones have subsided. Let logic rule your relationship to the world. Vote, participate, and express about the same things that counted before. A person who comes out and lets that become a compulsive topic is boring. I know.
Rarity from the Hollow (my novel to prevent child abuse, and that's an example of a good cause -- read it -- www.fatcatpress.com).
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