Current affairs with my life.

[ladyinred]

I've not been real active on the forums here lately. My mother recently passed away from a long illness with lung cancer. It has been unnerving to say the least..and a long ordeal. I will miss her alot.. I had to take care of alot of the decisions near the end , having her medical power of attorney.. I was on the phone calling doctors left and right.. trying to get some things straightened out, For one thing the internist and the nursing /rehab where she was staying temporarily to get rehab, had given her oxyconton which depresses the respiratory system and she was already having difficulty with breathing.. mostly due to the radiation which exacerbated her copd and emphysema. I had to get her out of that place back to the hospital because she was really having alot of problems with her oxygen level going down. Then I found out that the same doctor was overseeing her care in the hospital. I had to call the pulmonary doctor and insist that she not be treated by this man (A internist treating lung diseases?) He still had her on oxyconton which caused her to go into respiratory distress and her blood pressure went down Fortunately the pulmonary doctor gave her a shot of arcane to counteract the effects of this drug and she seemed to be doing okay, but then later lost consciousness. Had to be put on the vent. The lung damage was so severe that she died. So I'm dealing with grief right now. I wish I could have saved my mother from all this.. I thought she was going to pull through it.. But i know one thing , she was one tough lady.. As much as she had to overcome in the past with differebt illnesses . I guess her immune system was just shot and could not fight off infections or the cancer and the psuedomonis she had in the end.. This is something I will get through , I have the support of my family and friends, which has helped me tremendously....

[ladyinred]

I've had multiple difficulties in life ,like what I notice that many of you do on this forum, but what gets me through is my faith in God. I pray and meditate daily,asking for guidance in handling situations and problems and I often get miraculous results and answers I need , to make decisions in handling many things. God is not a withholding God, he will provide for us many things we need in some form or another , if we ask according to his will. I've had money turn up, when I was short. friends help me through problems, and things will just appear in terms of what I need.. That's how I got my disability for one ,without the legal hassle. I just prayed about it and asked God if it could come to me without the legal hassle from the Govt. Sure enough I got it... I actually have people who want to assist and help me believe it or not. But I also work with my family in terms of cooperating with them and helping them as well. My ex and I are still on good terms even though we broke up and she helps me alot of times. But it isn't a one way street. I've given alot to my relationships too. I helped her through tough times , when she lost her job and things like that.... I don't believe in being an island to myself. As I make spiritual progress in my own journey. I tend to understand other people alot better, communicate with them better, and try to see their point of view as well. I wasn't always like that.. I just had alot of growing up to do.. Now I tend to have alot more patience with people. I listen more and I try to help them through their struggles and problems also. I'm also alot more compassionate and less critical of other people.. Also some of the things we see as trials and tribulations are many times lessons for us to learn or things we can grow on and gain experience from. Just food for thought.:)

[BruceChris]

At least I can offer you mine.

God's Peace and Love, Bruce Chris

[Vanessa White]

Ladyinred: You are right, we do all have our own struggles. I extend to you my prayers and thoughts on the loss of your mom. It must be so difficult for you at times, yet good that you have friends and family to love and to support you. I agree with you, that faith in God can help us through the toughest of trials. I also agree that the further I have come in my own spiritual journey, the more I come to have an understanding of the trials of others. I take things not so personally from those around me, when I stop to think that they each have their own burdens/struggles that have little, if nothing, to do with me. Part of having faith, for me, has been the process of letting go. I tend to want to read ahead to the ending of a situation, to know how it will turn out. I tend to be a pretty secure person, but that is my little girl insecurity kicking in. Lately, after my own struggles, I have been working very hard on letting go, trusting, and having faith in God that he knows what I need, and that everything will be okay. The funny thing is, the more I let go, the more things work out. The harder I hold on, the more complicated things get. So, I am learning, slowly, this lesson of fully trusting that God knows what he is doing. My prayers and thoughts are with you, come around often for what you need here. Peace, Vanessa

[Dash]

:love: :dove:

[kara speltz]

Dear Dash: I'm so sorry to hear of your mother's very painful death. Please know that you are in everyone's prayers. Having read your very loving posts, I know the depth of your capacity for love. May you be enveloped in love as you process your grief.

kara

[Dash]

Oh...not me, Kara... Our friend ladyinred. My family is all well. (thanks though, for the thoughts)

I just don't really know what to say... I'm in a very healing...wishfully anyway...mood. Dear ladyinred...be well, and take extra care of yourself. :love:

[kara speltz]

Oh...not me, Kara... Our friend ladyinred. My family is all well. (thanks though, for the thoughts)

I just don't really know what to say... I'm in a very healing...wishfully anyway...mood. Dear ladyinred...be well, and take extra care of yourself. :love:

Another senior moment! I'm way too old for all this new technology, and get lost often in the process:mad: . My condolences go out to lady. kara

[ladyinred]

Thank you all for your support and kind words. the thing that has pulled me through alot of the tough times in my life is learning that others have had their ordeals ,lost loved ones and go through alot of things I've had to go through. It has helped me not to take things so personally and say,"Why me Lord?" I was reading on this gay forum, where a mother was grieving for the loss of her son , who was bisexual, he had been assaulted by other teenage boys and ,even though his mother did everything in her power to get him help and loved and supported him, he became suicidal, thinking he couldn't live in a society that couldn't tolerate him and that the same thing would keep happening to him as a result. I wrote the mother and gave her some words of comfort and told her she had been a great mom and it was unfortunate that she had lost her son that way. But it does happen. Even with the best intentions of helping loved ones and getting psychotherapy and other help, they can still resort to suicide. I've seen it happen in my life, with my ex brother in law's wife and her mother.. But what I thought was unkind was some so-called Christians had posted some really unkind things on that forum (not being gay) Later recanted and apologized , but still it was uncalled for. A grieving mother doesn't need that. and the loss of a child is hard enough without people saying hurtful, cruel things. This really bothers me that many heterosexuals think they have the line to God and are automatically going to heaven because they fit into social norms and are married to the opposite sex.. To me that is a bunch of crock , and then they turn around and demonize GLBT people saying they are depraved and immoral.Well, I know one thing , being married to the opposite sex doesn't automatically make you a moral, upright person. they have their own problems as well. What is moral? To me it is something akin to the golden rule, I personally don't think God cares what you do in your own bedroom, but He is concerned with the heart and soul and mind of the person.WE hear today the rate of divorces, adultery, broken families, stds among teens , the list goes on. So as far as morality goes they have hardly any room to point fingers. They don't even try to look at the positive of the many glbt people who are gifted, hardworkers, contribute to their churches and communities, are devoted partners and so on. As Dash likes to fondly quote, "There is no law against love." Really that is all that truly matters with God, that we love one another. Melissa Etheridge wrote in her song about what happened in Pennsylvannia about flight 93, where a gay man was on board and helped in the endeavor of overpowering the terrorists..."..Because who he wants to love is breaking your god's rules...' The thing is many different people have many different interpretations of what God is. But have you noticed that the people who are usually the most kind hearted and positive and loving, think of God as a loving , merciful God. While those who believe in a vengeful, wrathful God who is ultimately condemning are usually the same... I think Thomas Jefferson who was a deist said the belief in a cruel God makes for a cruel man.Well the cruelest people who say they believe in God , must not know much about the God of love, mercy and forgiveness and their actions, and words show it.. Hatred like I said is no passive thing. (mentioned in earlier posts)People who justify hatred and violence in the name of a god they believe in , must really have some serious psychological issues themselves.. I personally cannot believe in a malevolent god, how would that help mankind in anyway? Wouldn't it make more sense that God was more interested in the welfare and happiness of his children, than to think he was ultimately out to destroy them? Some thoughts of my own.