hello all

[singer]

Hi,
I'm the mother of a lesbian woman--and have pretty much lost the respect of my very fundamentalist family because I think she's pretty wonderful. I'm hoping to get to know you all, and will be listening mostly rather than commenting, at least at first. Hope that's okay--I'm very glad to know you're here.

Singer

[Zerbie]

Hello and welcome. Thank you for supporting and standing by your daughter - there is nothing else she needs from you more. :applause:

As for the rest of your family - perhaps given time their reaction will lessen.

Best wishes to you all.

:pray:

[Daniel]

Welcome!

All I gotta say is that your daughter is blessed to have you as her mother. It's great that you support her.

Your own family is conservative/fundamentalist? Wow. Has that been an issue for you personally? And if so, I'm curious as to how you've dealt with this.

Hope to see you here more. Please don't be shy. The water is warm.

[ladyinred]

I commend you for standing by your daughter and that will help her tremendously in her acceptance of herself. My mother was for the most part supportive of me ,even went sometimes to a glbt church I was going to in Oklahoma, along with my religiously conservative older brother. I really don't get static from my family, they basically treat it like it is no big deal.. It's not a big hangup with them. ,so I don't get sermons about how I better change my ways and all that. :) :love: Even my new sister in law who is republican and somewhat conservative has the attitude that it shouldn't matter and ribs me alot good naturedly, even liked to tease my ex Terry.

[singer]

Your own family is conservative/fundamentalist? Wow. Has that been an issue for you personally? And if so, I'm curious as to how you've dealt with this.

Daniel,
Thanks for the welcome, and thanks for asking. Yes, being raised fundamentalist has been quite an issue for me...and for Joanna, my daughter, by default.

It'll help if I give you a bit of background. I found Soulforce by way of a c-span re-broadcast of Mel's book tour. I actually ran across Mel in the 80s, before he came out...he was the keynote speaker at a Mt. Hermon writer's conference I attended. Mt Hermon, if you're not familiar with it, is a very conservative evangelical conference center/summer camp in the Santa Cruz mountains in California. In one session of this writer's conference, Mel threw the Bible across the stage and asked us, "who is your ultimate authority?" The moment stands out in my memory as one of the most important ones in my journey out of fundamentalism. He was talking about the Jonestown incident and how Jones used scripture to manipulate people. The upshot of his question was that we are responsible for our own understanding of scripture, and should not assume we--or our pastor or parents or whomever--have the "correct" interpretation of it. My reaction was, "what a great question!" and "they're gonna throw him out of the conference!" since it was clear that he was challenging the authority of the evangelical leaders whose power is so pervasive in the fundamentalist church, then and now.

I was already in retreat from my family's religion then...over the following several years I went through a lot of therapy and took a 2-year "vacation" from my parents...to make a long story short, at this point (at age 52) I've put Christianity to one side. I can't go to church--I feel suffocated, and can't keep from feeling like I have to give up something vital to me to fit in. Much of that is memory--my dad was a leader in our church, and I was very well known by everybody, had to live up to the "spiritual woman" thing--but some of it is current: I can't help but wonder if anybody's actually thinking independently in the churches I try, or if I can be myself and speak my mind and ask my questions without people judging me. God knows my daughter's long since given up on church--and because she's so much a part of who I am, that plays pretty strongly in my reactions. I find access to the force for good in the universe in my husband and children and friends, in nature, in good literature, in music, but my faith, such as it is, is for the most part wordless.

Seeing Mel as a gay leader who still believes in Jesus and the gospel--well, I respect him more than I can say, and if he still holds to the tenets of Christianity, I'll take another very careful look. It may be that examining the work you all are doing can help me put the two sides of my life back together. But for me, it will continue to be all about how we treat each other. The great commandment, that we love God and each other, for me that's the heart of the matter.

As I said, I'm glad you all are here.

--Singer

"If the grace of God miraculously operates, it probably operates through the subliminal door." --William James

[Vanessa White]

I am so glad that you found your way to Soulforce, again in a way. Your courage to examine that life needs to be more in tune with what your heart and soul believes can only help in offering such unconditional support to your daughter. She is lucky to have you, and Zerbie is right, maybe other family members will eventually come around. Please visit often once you are comfortable here, we are like a family. Peace be with you and Joanne, Vanessa :love:

[BruceChris]

I have never been much of an outgoing, social person, but even I have been able to find a church that reaches out to me, does not judge me, makes me feel welcome and accepted. Of course, I do have the advantage of living in a large, northern city. I don't have any idea what your options are, but please, do come back here and talk to us, and tell us how things are going, and how we can best help you out.

God loves you, and God loves your daughter. We can better reach out to you, as we are able to get to know you better. :sing: - :sing: - :sing:

[tdogg]

Welcome Singer!

It warms my heart to hear you are fully supportive of your daughter. You are both very blessed. I have a handful of family members/friends who are not supportive and have even condemned me - however, I have so many loved ones who are behind me 100% and that's what matters most. I found out on my own despite what they try to tell me, that yes, I can be a lesbian and a christian (or rather, my spirituality and beliefs). Thanks for sharing your story. Hope you stay around and share some more. I'm glad you're here! :D :rainbow: :applause: