Gay moms and dads.

[ladyinred]

Dobson on gay parenting.... Dobson seems to think that children who have gay parents will be less emotionally well adjusted and have a hard life ahead of them. I often encountered on heterosexist boards..." Oh my God!!!" Your son has you as a parent, think how embarrassing that must be for a child who doesn't fit in!!!" Among other things they said. They were stating that kids who have gay parents will face alot of adversity and rejection growing up. But in truth what child doesn't? Growing up, I was made fun of for being fat, having crooked teeth ,picked on alot...even my son gets picked on by bullies at times for being smaller. I'd also like to note when we look at the history of how blacks were treated in this country...their children faced adversity as well, alot during the sixties due to segregation. Does this mean because of bigotry and prejudice against black people that they were bad parents because they were raising children with these obstacles and adversities ? Or because they were somehow different than the majority?Of course not.What about children who are raised in moslem homes in this country, with the anti-moslem sentiment because of terrorist actions by the Islamic fanatics, alot of times these people are looked down on. You should see the anti-moslem sentiment I read on these boards alot of times. And it is down right hostile... What about prejudice against minorities in general, even women? What about single mothers or fathers? The rule of thumb with the religious right it seems..."If you don't come from a traditional family backround with a mom and dad, you are automatically a bad parent doing damage to your children. (Actually society is doing the damage by promoting biases and intolerance for others that are somehow,"Not one of us.")What about children who were abandoned by their parents? Or single mothers who had to leave an abusive situation because of how their husband treated them? Or dysfunctional homes? Why I am pointing all this out, is I want gay parents to know , they have nothing to be ashamed of. I remember seeing a neurologist psych. He had worked with children for years. He told me in all his practice with dealing with children (And he knew I was gay) is that the children who are hurt the most are those that come from, mentally,emotionally and physically abusive homes. Well looking at society at large these attitudes seem to be prevalent. Intolerance toward people who are fat, kids who aren't popular or with the in crowd, people of different cultures ,races and backrounds,the poor kid,not being good looking,or having a career that pays alot of money, and the list goes on and on.....All of us have at times experienced some form of rejection in one way another. So having the approval of society at large really means nada. I just wanted to clarify things here and say gay people have been unfairly scapegoated...And this attack by the religious right is unwaranted nonsense. Judge people by the content of their character , not because of their color, race,orientation..etc... If we all did that , we'd probably live in a more peaceful world.I'd say Dobson is outta touch with the real world..:love:

[BruceChris]

And I love to hear you express them! You go, girl!

Dare I ask? From all of the things he has to say about it, does James Dobson have gay parents?

And we have a fair number of kids on our LGBT church, the idea that gay people don't have kids is SO day-before-yesterday.

Pease and love, Bruce Chris

[Vanessa White]

Thanks, ladyinred for your thoughts on this. I am also a gay parent, raising an almost nine year old daughter, and my partner and I are split now so we are doing it under separate roofs. We have been complimented by many, many people, about how well adjusted, centered, well behaved, generous, happy our child is. So much for Dobson's theory. I absolutely agree that abusive situations create so much more damage mentally and emotionally to a child. I worked for fifteen years with foster kids as a case manager and supervisor, and the damage is hard to undo when a child has been abused in any way. We have had to start teaching our daughter the awful words that she may hear at school or other places in relation to her family or her parents being lesbians. You know, dyke, queer, fag, etc., against God, sinful, sick, and as much as it is awful that we have to teach her, we want her to be prepared. So far, nothing directly has been said to us or to her in any derogatory sense. Her friends don't always get it at first, then our daughter will tell them she has two moms and that is all there is to it, and that is enough! Even though as a couple we had to split, as parents I can say we have done a great job and I feel good about it.

[kara speltz]

They were stating that kids who have gay parents will face alot of adversity and rejection growing up. But in truth what child doesn't? Growing up, I was made fun of for being fat, having crooked teeth ,picked on alot...even my son gets picked on by bullies at times for being smaller. I'd also like to note when we look at the history of how blacks were treated in this country...their children faced adversity as well, alot during the sixties due to segregation. Does this mean because of bigotry and prejudice against black people that they were bad parents because they were raising children with these obstacles and adversities ? Or because they were somehow different than the majority?

Dear Lady: I have a theory, actually. It goes back to that old saying, "what ever doesn't kill you makes you stronger." I have a friend who grew up with well to do parents and she is cursed with a sense of entitlement that borders on arrogance. She also doesn't seem to have the same strength to confront difficulties as those of us who grew up in less than ideal situations.

There's a child psychologist, Judith (I forget her last name - senior moment - she spoke at the press conference in Denver during the last Dobson action) and her small studies are indicating our kids are just as well adjusted if not more than those growing up in heterosexual homes. She indicates one of the reasons has to do with the fact that there are fewer "accidental" kids.

But in any case, back to the subject. I truly expect (and looking at my own wonderful son this feels like confirmation) our kids may be better adjusted than mixed gender couples; (or as I used to describe folks from straight marriages - mixed gender couples :rolleyes: .

Kara

[ladyinred]

Unfortunately you will have those who are heterosexist who would dispute that. But Then again. I think part of our development is that we learn to deal with adversity in our own life. Of course I'm not advocating an anti-heterosexual sentiment just because I've stated my views about gay parents. Now gay people might want to consider this too. You can be on one of these forums that are blatantly anti-gay and lambast away or level accusations at them, but it never really would serve the glbt community to do that, because A) it would be helping promote the idea many of them have already that gays are anti-heterosexual and family and have a "gay agenda" to destroy their families. Putting them on the defensive... ,they are going to shoot back at you with more accusations leveled at the glbt community. But there is no harm in pointing things out to them about misconceptions about glbt people. I talk to my religiously conservative brother all the time and I told him that gays are not out to undermine traditional families, but do not want to be treated as second class citizens. I also pointed ut that we aren't asking for special treatment under the law but want to be treated fairly by the laws.. I said that if a gay person were to molest children, or commit crimes ,or abuse their partners...then they should get the same treatment under the law as straight people do,who do the same things. And he thought that was reasonable.He felt like gay people should be accepted for who they are and treated fairly . I don't know what he personally thinks about the "marriage amendment." But he didn't seem to have a problem with domestic partnerships getting benefits, medical care and other privileges heterosexuals have for their families or having legal protection from discrimination.

[ladyinred]

I agree with you and you made some very :love: valid points.