View Full Version : Family in Peices
01-06-2006, 08:10 PM
I don't really know where to turn right now. My parents have been trying to settle their divorce since last Febuary... and so far I haven't really had any feelings about it, I mean my dad was never really here anyway, but as things get closer it looks like he's going to force us out of our home, we all want to stay but it doesn't seem we are going to have a choice. It's not leaving that's the problem we've done it many times before we can do it again... it's just this time we would be leaving beacuse we have to. Does anyone know of anyway I can at least make my mom feel better about this process so she doesn't feel so stressed?
01-06-2006, 10:13 PM
I am so sorry to hear about your family going through the mess they are. How long were your parents married? I am sorry to say this, but there is no easy thing in divorce. It hurts everyone, and you know that. It is one of those things that you just have to go through and eventually the sun will come out and things will settle down. Try to encourage your mom to just get it over with asap and move on. Is she involved in any kind of counseling or divorce support groups? If not, please encourage her to get involved with one because it is good to just be with people who understand what you are going through. I know it is tough, I went through it about 5 years ago, and I don't wish it on anyone. :pray:
01-06-2006, 11:24 PM
They were married 15 or 16 years, and yes my mom is in counseling but she still comes home upset a lot, and always saying she's just always worried how we would even live if we're pushed out. The thing is my dad was locked out of our house Febuary 13th when he was caught with my older brother's college money... this was after he had thretened to till her in couples counseling. The only reason we stay was when my mom comtinued to uncover things she found that my sister and I's college money was also gone... it's just hard because he never stops, even for his wife and children... you would think a pastor would know better... it makes it feel like nothing is safe when your own father will break into his old house to get things he wants, and make threats to the point where the local police make regular drive buys to check on the house... I don't know... does it sound like we need to give up and leave? would that be better?
01-07-2006, 10:33 AM
No, Jennifer, you're not likely to feel safe in that situation. It's one of those tragic things where you simply have to get out, leap into the unknown (terrifying) and find a new, safe home. It's up to your mom to be the one steering all of that, since, if I remember correctly, you are 14. But if your dad has been so untrustworthy, the first thing you two need to do is get a safe home of your own, and then once you're there, you will have to deal with the heartbreak that will inevitably follow, the aftermath of feeling Why didn't my husband/father treat me the way I needed to be treated? etc.
Big hugs Jennifer. You'll get through this; I'm just sorry knowing it will be very painful for you and the rest of your family.
Zerbie:love: :love: :love: :love:
01-07-2006, 05:02 PM
Jennifer, you are only 14 and dealing with so much!! I have two daughters, almost 14 and 16 and we've been through the divorce from their father and their home they grew up in. There were many tears and many more heart aches. yet we are all healthier, emotionally and have a new home and a new beginning. You cannot think, for one minute, that you are emotionally responsible for your mom. When I was 13 my parents divirced and we had to move out of our home, too. I would watch my mom cry in the quiet of the darkened room and mkany many times I wanted to make it all better for her and for us. Yet there was nothing I could do. Time took care of a lot of things, as did years and years of counseling for me. My mom eventually married and moved on. Now I'm hopiong my girls will heal through time, prayers and counseling. I will pray for you and your family. Please know we are all here at SoulForce to help you through your hard times!
01-08-2006, 01:10 PM
Sending warm thoughts your way, Jennifer! We love having you here. I hope wherever you and your Mom end up living, that it has access to the Internet!
You know, Soulforce has often had young people standing with us at our national actions. Maybe one day, you'll make it too!
01-08-2006, 05:09 PM
Thanks... It's actually my sister too... but it looks like we'll be moving now no matter what happens... I'll make sure we have internet service this is pretty much all I have now... and as for coming to a soulforce event, I was in Colorado last spring and ever since I left I haven't found a place where I feel more at home and welcomed, I'm already trying to figure out a way to get to Colorado this summer, I've missed the group of people that I met from the minute I left.
But anyway, it looks like we'll probably be just starting our life over.... we'll live in a cottage on the back of my grandparents property, it's a nice place in Half Moon Bay California, but I really wanted to be in more of a kid friendly area. But we would be selling almost everthing we have which at this point is a lot... my mom said she doesn't want to move a bunch of stuff again and we would pretty much start from the beginning... I'm freaked out by the idea of just leaving but it seems like the best choice. Now my sister and I just have to figure out how to traine one of our dogs other wise my mom said we have to find her a different home... I guess everything happens for a reason... but the dog would be the hardest to leave behind.
I'm just really glad for soulforce right now, believe it or not you all help me to feel a lot better and I know I'll always have something.:)
01-08-2006, 05:21 PM
... and as for coming to a soulforce event, I was in Colorado last spring
Wow! I didn't realize. Then, Jennifer, you're already a Soulforce veteran! :tup:
01-08-2006, 06:00 PM
I wouldn't say that, lol... but I loved it. :)
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