Praise and worship

[pnggrad79]

I need some help with something. I grew up in a Southern Baptist home and was married for 19 years to a man and we faithfully attended a Southern Baptist church. Needless to say, I was firmly steeped in Southern Baptist doctrine, and traditions. When I realized I was in love with a woman, I fought like everything the attraction because I knew that I couldn't be saved and a lesbian. So for 12 years I did everything I could to get her out of my life. It didn't work and neither did the many prayers I begged God to take this away from me. So after 19 years I divorced my husband and moved in with her and we were married in Canada last year. When we got married, I had been out of church for 3 years because I just couldn't face the judgment that I knew I would get not only for my divorce, but because I was lesbian, too, from any Southern Baptist church. I searched for a Bible based gay church. I found several, and we went and have become pretty involved. I sing in the praise team and my wife works the computer system and soundboard.

The problem is this- being raised Southern Baptist, I am not very animated when it comes to worship and praise. I am getting better, but not quite there yet. I don't speak in tongues, I don't roll around on the floor and I don't fall out. And these people look at me like, "What's wrong with you?" They constantly say things like, "You are a praise leader, you need to step out of your Baptist roots and become Pentecostal." I feel like what I left the Baptist church for I am finding in a gay church, which astounds me. If anyone, any gay person knows what judgment and criticism feels like, why do they perpetrate it on others? I don't get it. I feel pressured to speak in tongues, as if my salvation depends on it, or roll around on the floor, as if my upraised hands aren't enough.

This is my opinion-I feel like worship and praise are very personal actions directed vertically toward God. It is MY praise to HIM. I shouldn't have to impress others with it nor do I intend to. I know there is a time and place for corporate praise and worship and I happily do it, but I don't feel it is anyone's right to tell me their opinion of how I do it. But invariably, our worship leader says it is not good enough, it is not bringing God's presence into our worship. We need to be more animated and more this or more that. If God is who I worship, why should anyone be able to say it isn't good enough?

I want to be able to worship freely and I think that I should be able to do that in church. Am I wrong? Am I just taking this too seriously? :(

[Jennifer5]

I want to be able to worship freely and I think that I should be able to do that in church. Am I wrong? Am I just taking this too seriously? :(

No you're right you should be free to your opinion. How conected are you to your church? Do you feel at home there? If not myabe you can consider going some where better... but if you want to stay, I guess you just keep saying that you don't want to do that and you're already doing enough.

[keltic63]

it's been my experience that pentecostal churches exert a lot of pressure in that way. I hesitate to offer any real advice because I am so biased on this. Examine your heart, find out if you're "animated" because it's how you worship, or if it is a show for others. Don't do anything that you feel is not from your heart.

steve

[Zerbie]

[QUOTE=pnggrad79-I feel like worship and praise are very personal actions directed vertically toward God. It is MY praise to HIM. I shouldn't have to impress others with it nor do I intend to. I know there is a time and place for corporate praise and worship and I happily do it, but I don't feel it is anyone's right to tell me their opinion of how I do it. But invariably, our worship leader says it is not good enough, it is not bringing God's presence into our worship. We need to be more animated and more this or more that. If God is who I worship, why should anyone be able to say it isn't good enough?

I want to be able to worship freely and I think that I should be able to do that in church. Am I wrong? Am I just taking this too seriously? :([/QUOTE]


Ok - first off - how you feel is how you feel, and that is ALWAYS appropriate, because it's just your personal feeling. You desire a church that fits YOU - rather than molding yourself to fit the church.

What really got me was that your worship leader says it's not enough, "it is not bringing God's presence into worship???"
Er. . . So, where is HE then? Is HE down the road at the other church where the praise team is more animated, because HE thinks they're cooler, more hip, more passionate, more sincere than yours? Did HE stay home this morning because Pnggrad wasn't rolling on the floor? Or did HE walk out part way through the service because "it wasn't enough" for HIM?

If someone said to me that I wasn't bringing God into the service, I would have several reactions:

1: Oh wow - what power I have!!! It's all MY responsibility to lure God around like a dog on a leash.
2: Oh, God isn't present for our service? HE isn't everywhere?
3: If God isn't present, where the bleep is HE then?
4: If God relies solely upon appearances, HE isn't very spiritual, is HE?

And so on. Honestly, I wouldn't have been as patient as you. I would've thrown up my hands in exasperation, rolled my eyes, and walked out.
But we're all different - if in some way, this style of worship appeals to you, or this church appeals very strongly, perhaps you want to try and "make things work." But my impression reading your post is that you're already finding this church to be a non-fit for you. Yes, everyone's style of worship is personal and different. The same person at different times might pray quietly, or drop to the floor and weep out loud. I've been known to do both.

Lastly, real religion is inward. It is not about the outward show. It is not a performance for others. IT is you, growing into the being you already are in the Lord's image - realizing it, if you will. It is you finding inner peace, and becoming alert to the divine spirit within you and the world around you. HOW you experience that is immaterial. What matters is the sincerity of your worship. Not how exciting it looks from the outside.

[Joe Brummer]

The next person that says anything to you about your more reserved ways, I say you smile at them and remind them god moves each of us in different ways. then just wink and smile!

[Shep]

My opinion on this is pretty much the same as everyone else's, but I'll put my 2 cents in anyway.
Praise and worship is a matter of the heart, and is not limited to a certain method. God is not tuned in to churches on Sunday morning watching for who is dancing around, and who is not. I know of no place in the Bible where we are required to express our worship one way or another. We humans are different from each other in many different ways, and our inability to accept each other's differences has (and will) only caused division, not unity. That is why there are so many different denominations within the Christian religion, and other religions too.
So, if you know in your heart that you are sincere in your worship regardless of the method, then I believe that God honors that. It's a personal thing between you and God.

[Catt of the Garage]

Gaaah! It's a denominational superiority complex. Honestly, these are the curse of the church and have been for years.

I'd say, first off, don't leave unless you feel you are being called to leave. Every church has some people with an attitude problem. In your original church you felt the membership was fundamentally not accepting you - in that case, you're better off out of it, but this church sounds different to me. It sounds like you enjoy your church, you are participating, you feel valued and you feel like God wants you to be there, so I'd say, hang in there.

But as for the bad attitude you're getting over your different approach to worship - first off I don't think you're "taking it too seriously"; worship is a very important thing and you should feel comfortable approaching God in whatever way works for you and Him; and in criticising your worship style these people are getting too big for their boots. You might have to confront them about it, or it might be better to just let it slide off, depending on the situation. But don't lose sight of the fact that you are right - if your worship is offered "in spirit and truth", then it is just as acceptable to God whatever the style.

But having said that I don't think you're taking it too seriously, it might help to take it with a bigger pinch of salt. These vagaries can be offensive, or they can be funny, depending on how you look at it. This is typical Pentecostal behaviour - next sentence they'll be suggesting you organise a spontaneous round of applause.

I don't mean to belittle this at all -as a Baptist myself I find a statement like "you need to step out of your Baptist roots and become Pentecostal" very objectionable. But you'll find this kind of attitude in any denomination, albeit in many disguises.

Imagine if you were a Pentecostal and you became the worship leader at a very strait-laced Baptist church but remained "true to your roots", speaking in tongues and muttering prayers into the microphone over a repeated guitar riff. Or imagine you were a Catholic who joined a Brethren church and insisted on genuflecting and calling the elders "Father". Imagine the response you'd get! It's just human nature - the persistent attempt to turn Church from the Body of Christ into a "member's only" club. And there are two possible responses to it - get disillusioned and leave, or else see through it - see God's vision of a united, beautiful Church with a truly divine mission, and see these persistent dirty habits for what they are - the grime of humanity clinging to Jesus' robe. This is what he came to save us from.

Hang in there. I'd give them a slap for you but I'm in Scotland and who would pay the air fares?

[Catt of the Garage]

It occurs to me to add that if you feel harassed or hurt by what is being said and it is affecting your worship (which it sounds like it is), have you considered talking to your pastor? If one sheep is biting another's butt it's his job to take it aside and give it a smack.

[pnggrad79]

Catt,
You made some valid points and I greatly appreciate your insight. You also made me laugh. Thanks.:)

[NathanATX]

It occurs to me to add that if you feel harassed or hurt by what is being said and it is affecting your worship (which it sounds like it is), have you considered talking to your pastor? If one sheep is biting another's butt it's his job to take it aside and give it a smack.

Catt, I LOVED your post. :)

Here are my thoughts on authentic worship...

Worship, in my opinion, is simply a response to the awareness of God's presence in our lives. When we encounter the goodness of God... when we are embraced by the mercy & peace of God... when we have those moments of realizing we are not alone in the universe... In those moments, we are worshipping. Sometimes we sing, shout and dance joyfully. Worship might be a quiet prayer, it might be lighting a candle. Other times worship might simply be breathing in an awareness of God's presence.

Worship might be washing Jesus' feet with perfume and drying them with your hair.

Worship might be giving your lunch of fish & bread to Jesus.

Worship might be dancing, singing, and otherwise making a fool of yourself in front of the whole world.

As far as our ability to summon God's presence is concerned...

Is there any place where God isn't? Isn't it odd that on one hand we say that God is omniscient and omnipresent, that His presence is everywhere, yet we feel like we have to perfom specific detailed rituals, sing the right songs, have the right emotions, etc., in order for God to be thoughtful enough to grace us with His presence?

If our worship had to be "good enough" in order for God to let us experience His presence, I doubt that any human being would ever know what the presence of God is like.

The point is that God loves us with a crazy, amazing, and endless love. God delights in us. We are His children. Can you imagine witholding your affection or your presence from your babies? A loving parent wouldn't do that. And how much more does God love and care for us!

I believe the role of the worship leader is to help the congregation become aware of God's presence. Most people, myself included, live our lives getting caught up in business and stress. We forget in moments of fear and worry to bring an awareness of God's presence into those situations. When we worship at church, we are just practicing bringing an awareness of God's presence and love into our lives. When we can do it at church, we learn that we can do it in the rest of our lives. And that is what worship is all about.

I grew up in a charismatic/pentecostal church and actually went to Oral Roberts University. I love praise & worship music... for years it was the only way I connected to God. Praise & worship can be a very authentic worship experience. Sometimes though, people can get caught up in having a high-energy, emotional experience and think that if that doesn't happen, then God didn't show up.

But we know differently, don't we. :)

When we teach people to worship in spirit and in truth, everything we do becomes worship. We could be singing from a baptist hymnal, praying a Hail Mary, or singing an exuberant praise song.

Worship brings our minds and spirits into an awareness of God's presence and love in our lives... It doesn't make God aware of us.

Who am I that you are mindful of me,
That you hear me when I call?
Is it true that You are thinking of me,
that You love me... It's amazing!!!

I am a friend of God,
I am a friend of God,
I am a friend of God,
You call me friend!


Matthew 18:19 "Again, I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything you ask for, it will be done for you by my Father in heaven. 20 For where two or three come together in my name, there am I with them." (NIV)

John 4:19 "Sir," the woman said, "I can see that you are a prophet. 20 Our fathers worshiped on this mountain, but you Jews claim that the place where we must worship is in Jerusalem."

21 Jesus declared, "Believe me, woman, a time is coming when you will worship the Father neither on this mountain nor in Jerusalem. 22 You Samaritans worship what you do not know; we worship what we do know, for salvation is from the Jews. 23 Yet a time is coming and has now come when the true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and truth, for they are the kind of worshipers the Father seeks. 24 God is spirit, and his worshipers must worship in spirit and in truth."

[pnggrad79]

Nate,
Yes, we know differently. I know that sometimes God is loud and all over the place and he leads us to worship in that way, but other times he is a cool, crisp wind in the trees on top of Sandia Peak in Albuquerque and he gently reminds us of His goodness, kindness and reckless love toward us. Thank you for your post. It was wonderful and refreshing and reminded me of how much God loves me, a 45 year old lesbian from Texas! Preach on, brother!!!:)

[Catt of the Garage]

Alleylooyer! *slap*

[schoolboi]

I would like to start of by saying that I agree with everyone who has said that your worship expression is yours, and you should not be required to do anything that is not comfortable to you. Your worship is extremely acceptable to God just the way it is.

That being said I think it is important to realize that the expectation of a leader and the expectation of a worshiper in the pew are two very different things. If you are leading Pentecostal worship then I would say a Pentecostal worship style would be an expectable expectation. The same would go for a worship leader in any tradition to conform to that tradition when leading. My advice would be to think about your role as a leader. Ask your pastor the expectations of being a worship leader. If you can’t meet those expectations you should consider finding another role of leadership in your church where you can meet the expectations.