Stuck in the middle...

[Jennifer5]

... feeling like I should really do something, and knowing that there isn't a thing I can do.

My dad is getting married again. Which I really do think is great for him, and great for my mom and all his kids, because that will probably take him out of our lives completely, which with my dad that is a very good thing. But I really don't think it's fair to this woman's kids, my mom, sister, half sister, and I all agree... that no matter how horrible and annoying these other kids might be, nothing they could've done would make them deserve this.

I just hate being in the place of wanting to warn them, but have no way of doing it.... mean while he's going to go ahead and trash yet another family.

I don't know what to do. I don't think there's anything that I can do. But I guess I just needed to share this with some people. Any thoughts?

Thanks love ya and miss ya all:love:

[tdogg]

Hi Jen, I've missed you too!!! School work must be keeping you way too busy.

Wow, what a sad situation. I'm not really sure what advice to give. But know you have my heart felt thoughts and prayers. I'm sure if something is to be done, you'll get that knowledge along with an opportunity to do it. Is there a way to develop some sort of relationship with those children? Even if it's not too deep? You might be able to give them that warning some day.

You know your father, that's probably the best defense tool. I'm just not sure how to pass that on from you to them???? I'm sure something will come to you when the opportunity arises. That is so sweet to think of them, it doesn't seem like you know them all that well.

Don't stay gone TOO long next time! :love: :pray: :love:

[Jennifer5]

...my sister and I were kind of friends with the girl when we first moved here, four years ago, but that didn't last.. we changed schools and since we found her annoying we never really say her much after that... so really we haven't spent anything with them in aout 3 or 4 years. The girl is 11 and the little guy is 5... I just don't know how I could do anything, because I don't even talk to my dad anymore, so I don't have anyway to get to them. I just don't know... :love:Thanks Tdogg, what you said actually does help:love:

[scott snedeker]

jennifer, without going into too much detail, what is it that makes your father a threat? If it's abuse physical or sexual then alert the local dept of children and families. Give them the history. If any repeat offenses against your father's new family come to yor attention alert them immediately.

Love Scotty:cowboy:

[Daniel]

Jen- my heart goes out to you. Seeing a train wreck before it happens is hard hard hard. And I have not doubt that your foresight in the matter is right on.

What can you do? Other than what Scotty has suggested, I am hard pressed to think of anything. That's the rub: people are free to marry and conduct themselves as they see fit until they really mess up bad and the law intervenes.

One thought: maybe the best thing you can do right now is cultivate a sense of calm- stillness. That still small voice will tell you what, and what not, to do.

[Jennifer5]

jennifer, without going into too much detail, what is it that makes your father a threat? If it's abuse physical or sexual then alert the local dept of children and families. Give them the history. If any repeat offenses against your father's new family come to yor attention alert them immediately.

Love Scotty:cowboy:
Abuse... sometimes, the only ones that I know for a fact that he had abused was my mom and my brother. There's nothing I can really say to any local dept of children and families... but the local police and the county sheriffs are well aware of the situation, and when something does happen, this time I'm sure that he'll be arrested.


Jen- my heart goes out to you. Seeing a train wreck before it happens is hard hard hard. And I have not doubt that your foresight in the matter is right on.

What can you do? Other than what Scotty has suggested, I am hard pressed to think of anything. That's the rub: people are free to marry and conduct themselves as they see fit until they really mess up bad and the law intervenes.

One thought: maybe the best thing you can do right now is cultivate a sense of calm- stillness. That still small voice will tell you what, and what not, to do.

Yes, that's true that she really can marry him if she wants, but it's not fair to kids, and they actually have a lot in common... and they both really like their mushrooms. It's just hard to sit here and see the pattern repeat and watch him do it to yet again another family, and know there's nothing that can be done to stop it.

I know you're right though, I'll try and take some time out and not worry so much about this. I guess, I'm just at point of needing to share. You know, sometimes, once you share and get some other people's thoughts, it's easier to move on.

[marutidas]

Hugs,:love:

Well, there maybe nothing you can do, I speak from experience, my dad is currently married to his 5th wife. If he wants to get married, he will, but it would be good to voice your concerns, let him know how you truely feel about the whole thing.

Good Luck

Maruti Das

[Vanessa White]

Jen: I am also sending mucho hugs and love your way in regard to this struggle. I can imagine it is so hard for you to know that this is happening. Life creates such challenges for us when we are powerless to affect change in others' lives. Without diminishing your struggle with this, I want to share something with you similar to what Daniel suggested, about getting peaceful and quiet about it. I was anticipating a difficult time of adjustment during the Thanksgiving holiday, due to all of the recent changes in my life. I read an affirmation right before the holiday, that told me when all else fails, choose gratitude. Be grateful. I am thinking as I read your words, that I am grateful for you that your dad is no longer a part of your life, as well as your mom and brother's life, which brings you all a certain level of safety. We cannot create change for other people in our lives, even when that hurts to acknowledge that fact. Care for yourself right now, and try to let go and trust that anyone innocent in all of this, including the children, will be watched over and okay. I will pray for the same thing. Miss you, Jen, and thinking of you LOTS!!!!!!!!! :love: :love: :love: :love: :love: Vanessa

[Jennifer5]

Hugs,:love:

Well, there maybe nothing you can do, I speak from experience, my dad is currently married to his 5th wife. If he wants to get married, he will, but it would be good to voice your concerns, let him know how you truely feel about the whole thing.

Good Luck

Maruti Das
Yeah, only problem with that idea, is that would mean I would have to talk to him... which I really don't see happening, good idea though.

Jen: I am also sending mucho hugs and love your way in regard to this struggle. I can imagine it is so hard for you to know that this is happening. Life creates such challenges for us when we are powerless to affect change in others' lives. Without diminishing your struggle with this, I want to share something with you similar to what Daniel suggested, about getting peaceful and quiet about it. I was anticipating a difficult time of adjustment during the Thanksgiving holiday, due to all of the recent changes in my life. I read an affirmation right before the holiday, that told me when all else fails, choose gratitude. Be grateful. I am thinking as I read your words, that I am grateful for you that your dad is no longer a part of your life, as well as your mom and brother's life, which brings you all a certain level of safety. We cannot create change for other people in our lives, even when that hurts to acknowledge that fact. Care for yourself right now, and try to let go and trust that anyone innocent in all of this, including the children, will be watched over and okay. I will pray for the same thing. Miss you, Jen, and thinking of you LOTS!!!!!!!!! :love: :love: :love: :love: :love: Vanessa

Thanks Vanessa, and thank you to everyone...I actually woke up feeling a lot better. You know one of those dreams where you get all mad at the person. Get it all out, then you feel a lot better. For some reason, now I don't really feel so worried. If things aren't ok, they'll just have to deal with what happens when it happens. Thanks all.:love: :love: :love:

[Vanessa White]

I am so glad that you are feeling better. Love ya, Jen. Hang in, Vanessa :love: :love: :love:

[BronzDragon]

... I don't know what to do. I don't think there's anything that I can do. But I guess I just needed to share this with some people. Any thoughts?


Question: How mean do you really wanna be? I have a couple of minister's manuals, and in each it has a line that asks, “Is there any here who have good reason why this couple should not be married, speak now or forever hold your piece.”

:lol: Um, just a hunt. :D I mean, Hint.

[Jennifer5]

I am so glad that you are feeling better. Love ya, Jen. Hang in, Vanessa :love: :love: :love:
Thanks Vanessa

Question: How mean do you really wanna be? I have a couple of minister's manuals, and in each it has a line that asks, “Is there any here who have good reason why this couple should not be married, speak now or forever hold your piece.”

:lol: Um, just a hunt. :D I mean, Hint.
Thanks for the idea... and a good one:lol:... actually thought about that a little at times... but my sisters and I all agreed and none of us will be going to the wedding. Right now none of us are speaking with him. He actually hasn't told my sister and I he was getting married yet, we found out through our half sister... which was a little weird.:)

[Aminal]

Hello Jennifer5 (and all).

Jennifer5,

I do not know many details that could help me 'talk' to you, so please, take anything I write with a grain of salt. (And, what would even make me qualified to help?)

If you have not done, or do not do, anything to help, then surely do nothing to hurt.

If your dad is, without a doubt, a physical threat to others, then, IMO, you should see it as your responsibility to do something to thwart that threat.

About warning the new family, bear in mind though, and as you have 'heard', the messenger is sometimes 'killed'.

There are multiple ways to look at the situation you have mentioned (meaning your father having another marriage and family).

(Very basically).

One:
Your father could be at a point in his life where he is finally, fully aware of his transgressions. The person he is marrying, as well as the children, could be a major turning point in his life in regards to him being a person worthy of life, it self. He may become everything he should be in regards to being a decent person, husband and father.

Two:
Your father could be at a point in his life where he is about to 'snap'. The responsibility, again, of being a husband and father could be more than he can handle. If he has had fits of rage in the past, he could go so far as to kill one or more members of his new family.

Fortunately, and of course unfortunately, either scenario is a possibility.

Factor in a third scenario... he just continues as he always has. From what I gather from reading. Two of these scenarios are bad. That brings us back to, again, what I say is just my opinion, it being your responsibility to thwart the bad, or at least attempt to.

If you do nothing, and great good happens in your father's new life with his new family, then all is well.

If you do nothing, then discover the worst has happened, can you live with that?

If you take your 'message' to the new family, and are met with disdain, at the very least you know you did something.

Two things to consider about warning the new family:

If their life together is very good, then consider it a blessing 'you have been proved wrong'.

If bad things start to happen, your warning will surface ten fold, and they will probably be less inclined to allow the bad to continue, knowing that it is an established pattern, and unlikely to change.

I guess the only other thing I can add is, if you can find the courage to talk to your father about all that bothers you, whether it be about your life with him, or the new life he is embarking on, then do so. And yes, it will take courage. Don't feel bad if you find that courage hard to acquire. In serious situations like family abuse, it is difficult for a 'child' to bring such matters to a parent, no matter how old that 'child' is.

The main thing you can do, that is most assuredly possible, is to allow your self to be happy.

I sincerely wish you the best

[Jennifer5]

Thanks Aminal:)

[Zerbie]

Keep us posted Jen. I haven't weighed in with any advice because I would be asking, too, in such a situation - I don't know.

Interesting thoughts from Aminal! BTW Aminal, Jen is still quite young - 15 and a half I believe? Jen, your Bday is in March, right?

[Jennifer5]

Yeah, it is, March 5th... miss you Zerbie... need to talk more.:love:

[Zerbie]

Yeah, it is, March 5th... miss you Zerbie... need to talk more.:love:

'Been ridiculously busy. Finally done with papers/performances and mostly done with classes and teaching. Then comes the usual holiday craziness. Iow, nothing outta the ordinary. Pleased to say.

Missed you too - about time for some holiday break and much needed down time. Nice to see some of us forum regulars who were MIA are back this week (me, you, Vanessa.)

:)

[Jennifer5]

'Been ridiculously busy. Finally done with papers/performances and mostly done with classes and teaching. Then comes the usual holiday craziness. Iow, nothing outta the ordinary. Pleased to say.

Missed you too - about time for some holiday break and much needed down time. Nice to see some of us forum regulars who were MIA are back this week (me, you, Vanessa.)

:)
I didn't even realize evenyone was missing... I never did catch up with things, but couldn't stay away from here... I need you all, missed you all so much. It's definately nice to be back... I just feel bad that I keep starting new threads instead of reading others, because I don't have the time to go through them.:)......

[Emproph]

It has been dri-ving-me-out-of-my-mind for days!

♪ ♪ Stuck in the Middle (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mkrTqcwWTuE) ♪ ♪

It kinda works if you know the lyrics (http://www.geocities.com/babyomlet/amyfiction/joint/lyrics.html) while you listen to it. In any event, you have a flowin groovy tune to apply the situation. ¶ I don't know either, I just went with it.

That's all I got....and that song....I'm free as a clam.

[Jennifer5]

It has been dri-ving-me-out-of-my-mind for days!

♪ ♪ Stuck in the Middle (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mkrTqcwWTuE) ♪ ♪

It kinda works if you know the lyrics (http://www.geocities.com/babyomlet/amyfiction/joint/lyrics.html) while you listen to it. In any event, you have a flowin groovy tune to apply the situation. ¶ I don't know either, I just went with it.

That's all I got....and that song....I'm free as a clam.
I couldn't help but wonder if anyone would catch that when I posted it, I love that song, everytime I read the title the song starts playing in my head.:lol:

[Emproph]

I couldn't help but wonder if anyone would catch that when I posted it, I love that song, everytime I read the title the song starts playing in my head.:lol:

Oh, oh good. So it wasn't a coincidence. That's too fun, I have a new found appreciation for that song, and when I was posting that I thought maybe I liked it just because my groovy tunes meter was off a tick or two, even though every fiber of my being said NO, It spans across all time, it's that groovy!

So, totally – coolness to the bone man. :cool:

[Jennifer5]

Oh, oh good. So it wasn't a coincidence. That's too fun, I have a new found appreciation for that song, and when I was posting that I thought maybe I liked it just because my groovy tunes meter was off a tick or two, even though every fiber of my being said NO, It spans across all time, it's that groovy!

So, totally – coolness to the bone man. :cool:

Well, it was kind of a coincidence, but I did notice when I posted it, I thought of changing the title but then ended up leaving it, because it seemed to fit... it's definately a neat song... I'm going to start a thread to come up with a list of fun classics... I keep forgetting the names of all the good songs..:D