Calling others to reality

[keltic63]

ahh, this is such a difficult thing to do, isn't it? there are so many times that we can clearly see what it appears that others cannot see. at the moment, this is a theme in my life.

I was recently asked to speak to someone about a personal issue that was affecting their job performance. it was very difficult to even bring up the subject because it seemed like it would be devastating to be told that this particular, and seemingly harmless, behavior was indeed affecting job performance and how others perceived them.

how does one approach such a task? I've often thought about the parents of gay and lesbian kids; how they sometimes seem to be either oblivious to their children's orientation, or are simply ignoring what is right there in front of them. Now, I don't believe that it is our job to walk up to someone and say "hey, your kid is gay." But what if someone comes to us to discuss the kid?

I know that before I came out, I had one dear friend who gave me several opportunities to out myself, and I just couldn't do it. I'm sure it was painful to watch. Isn't it just as painful to watch people ask for help indirectly, and yet feel as though the question just can't be asked?

ok, I've danced around this a good bit. I hope you can understand all that rambling.

[Daniel]

Nice thing about teaching, the kind of teaching I do (voice teaching) is that one gets paid to tell people the hard facts about what they are doing. That makes the pill easier to swallow, unless, of course, the student is 'studying' to get compliments. Then I find my nose getting out of joint. And sometimes they want to look like they are interested in learning something, but aren't really. Everything about them says "I have to do it my own way." I know a good deal about that sort of person actually- ha- being one of them!

That may be the hard thing: when one has to address something, or at least feel like one should and there isn't a way for the relationship to function that 'holds' the 'telling'. I guess there has to be some trust involved between parties.

On trust: At 48 I still find there are opportunites to out myself. And looking back, it has often been with other men. You know, that moment when one has to indicate- if one senses 'interest' on the other person's part- that one is married/partnered/hitched etc. Better not to lead someone down the wrong road.

On blooming: I have a young friend (28) who was cagey about being open about being gay until he found himself in his first real relationship. The love he is experiencing has made a tremendous difference in his life. Huge. There is a sense of respect, honor, genuine love and caring between the two men that is striking and humbling to this old married man.

I really don't think we can fully know who (or what) we are until we allow ourselves to open to love- and to be loved.

On letting go:

Anyone Can Whistle by Stephen Sondheim

Anyone can whistle,
That's what they say-
Easy.
Anyone can whistle
Any old day-
Easy.
It's all so simple:
Relax, let go, let fly.
So someone tell me why
Can't I?
I can dance a tango,
I can read Greek-
Easy.
I can slay a dragon
Any old week-
Easy.
What's hard is simple.
What's natural comes hard.
Maybe you could show me
How to let go,
Lower my guard,
Learn to be free.
Maybe if you whistle,
Whistle for me.

I can slay a dragon
Any old week-
Easy.
What's hard is simple.
What's natural comes hard.
Maybe you could show me
How to let go,
Lower my guard,
Learn to be free.
Maybe if you whistle,
Whistle for me.

[Vanessa White]

Keltic: I think I understand a bit of what you are saying. I have a friend whom I first met seventeen years ago, who at the time was married to her high school sweetheart, and awaiting adoption of her son from Colombia. As we became friends, she would often ask me these veiled, cryptic questions about being gay, feeling close to another woman, etc., not coming out but implying that she had some "secret" that she was wanting to disclose to me. I had not come out to her at that point either, so she seemed to be trying to get me to do so. I don't even remember how my truth and hers then came out, but now she lives fairly openly with her female partner and son. It was a long, painful, secret process however. Hard to bring up to her even when I could tell she was in such denial from her own reality. I am thankful that she can breathe a sigh of relief at being more open now. And, I absolutely agree with Daniel, we haven't a clue about our true selves until we can fully give and receive love, especially to ourselves. Fully embracing our own truth opens us to the entire Universe worth of love and understanding. :love: :love: :love: