Living Authentically...

[NathanATX]

What is the possibility of creating a private forum for a select few ministers & forum leaders to provide a safe place for closted ministers to get advice, prayer, encouragement, accountability, etc...?

I just received an email... and then had a looong IM conversation... with a 32 year old music minister in Florida. He's married, loves his wife, has three kids... and has been struggling with his sexuality. It's becoming very intense for him lately.

He started flirting and then I confronted him with his lack of integrity... A) He's married B) He knows I love my awesome boyfriend ... I told him:

nateblackpfs: but look... I'm a brilliant, handsome, egregious, successful, respected, etc... gay man. You have a lot of the same qualities...but think about it... (if I were single) what would be attractive about a guy who is hurting himself, hurting others, lying to others... possibly putting his wife at risk
nateblackpfs: Jesus said our highest calling is to love God with everything we have and to love our neighbors as we love ourselves.
nateblackpfs: are you loving yourself by denying who you are created to be? by putting yourself through an emotional roller coaster? by not honoring your word to your wife?
nateblackpfs: are you loving me by flirting and using sexual innuendo when you know I am committed to another man?


Let me just say the conversation wore me out... but he eventually calmed down.

Anyway, it left me with an awareness that there is no safe place for closted ministers to turn to. (is there?)

If not... is that something the creative souls here could address?

[keltic63]

I think it's a great idea Nate. funny thing is, the guy you were talking to sounds a lot like my life before I came out. The problem is, it gets very bad before it gets better.

He needs a safe place to get advice. I wonder how we can do that here. I think it would really need to be a private forum, but how could we provide access to it for those people? perhaps they would need to pm a moderator or admin for permission to join that particular forum.

[maestro_di_cappella]

This is EXACTLY the kind of thing I've been looking for. Please, go for it!

I, fortunately, came to my senses before I got tangled up in dating relationships and/or marriage. However, a place of support for gay ministers would indeed be wonderful!

I have been thinking a lot lately about those who come to a new understanding of their sexuality after they have already become married. The difficult choices that they have to make weigh heavy on my soul....

[Daniel]

It's an interesting idea. Though, I wonder, like Steve, if those who would benefit the most from it would actually avail themselves of it. I think that a guy in this kind of situation may not have clear awarness about his desires- hence- his first foray in dealing with them is more likely to be with a person rather than a place.

Simply put: its the attraction that makes for the interaction.

Those who are more self-aware might find more benefit from what is being suggested. It may depend of how far back in the closet one is.

And an observation: this is the second suggestion calling for a separate forum of some sort. That's interesting in itself.

Growing and expanding perhaps?

[Zerbie]

I don't know about a private forum. . . it takes a lot of self-awareness and initiative to contact a moderator (a total stranger) to request a login for a private forum to discuss something so personal - but if there were a forum here for when these people stumble upon our boards. . . .

If we had a forum section included with all the others, this one specifically for dealing with individuals and their personal concerns, I think we could preserve the "safety" of the space if it were the most heavily moderated - mods check there most frequently and immediately remove any trolling post that could be harmful. What about that? Easy accessibility is key to being available to those who are just wandering in, which I wager will be the vast majority of our target audience - but then it requires moderation to keep the trolls away.

I too care a great deal about people in such situations and would love nothing more than to see a safe space provided for them where they could hash out their thoughts and get emotional support. They deserve a safe place to express their fears/concerns.

[RainbowL'elly]

i think zerbie is right- it's easier to seek advice in a place where you feel most anonymous and don't have to identify yourself as something you may not be entirely comfortable with in the first place. by logging on here and finding a forum dedicated to asking questions and getting advice on such a personal issue, we could all benifit- the highly moderated idea sounds like a great one and would help to quell some fears. by making a private forum and having folks ask for entrance it points them out to someone else that they might not be ready to admit that they are both gay and a minister to yet- nobody has to know if it is part of the regular forums.

catch my drift?