Let's Talk about Sex

[marutidas]

We have been talking about our sexuality, but how does one feel about it,
I am wanting to start an OPEN and HONEST conversation about the subject that veryone seems to be dancing around.

I think we could have a good conversation about this subject without it being vulgar.

I want to know what sex means to you, we have in the past had a talk about love, and Sex can be a physical extension of that love. And how it brings you closer to your partner, wife or husband.

For you newcomers here is Dash's thread,
The Contemplation of Love,
http://www.soulforce.org/forums/showthread.php?t=1165

I want know your thoughts on the subject in general, the Good and the Bad.

~~~Maruti Das:flower:

[novaseeker]

To me sex is a very emotional experience, perhaps even primarily an emotional experience. I experience it, when I am with a love, as one of the most wonderful, giving expressions of that love that can be enjoyed by the lovers. It's a very unitive experience for me, and I suppose that's one big reason why I've never been a partaker in casual sex ... it just doesn't attract me because my main attraction to sex is emotional, and the physical follows from that.

I also have an odd theory about sex that I will share with everyone. It applies to sex where there is a male partner involved ... I have usually thought of it in terms of gay male sex, but it would also apply to heterosexual sex as well. The way I think of it, sex is the physical manifestation of self-giving love. Both partners give of themselves in the act of sex in a very tangible way ... the "receiving" partner opens him/herself to the lover, receiving his body as a gift. This is in a very real sense an act of selflessness because it involves the surrender of what is otherwise held to be inviolate -- namely the biological contours of one's person -- to invasion by the lover, it is the surrender of the independence of one's self, in a tangible way, to be entered by the lover, and to be joined to him in an act of self-opening. It is to say: "Here I am, my love, come and enter me, enter my person, and let us become one...". The "giving" partner, for his part, enters his lover and, during the course of sex, offers him/her what in natural terms is the ultimate act of self-giving: in the act of climax, or orgasm, his entire self, coded in DNA spirals, is given, freely, to his partner, a blueprint of his being placed inside the person of his lover ... and, importantly, it is this act of self-giving, this act of creating unity in a tangible way through the sharing of DNA, that is, for the "giving" partner, exquisitely pleasurable. Of course there are other "givings" and "receivings" in the act of sex (the "receiving" partner also gives the "giving" partner a good deal of pleasure, and the "giving" partner may do the same to the "receiving" partner, etc.), but the basic contours of giving and receiving, or, as I see it, of self-surrender enabling self-gift, are remarkable and wonderful and deeply moving for me when I reflect on sex (and sometimes during it as well).

[Daniel]

Ok. I'm game.

Well, for one thing, I have never slept with a woman, so I can't exactly make comparisions- not that one should actually. It's just that I would like my comments to be seen in context. Always have been a homosexualist.

Lovemaking with another man has always been, as novaseeker has noted, primarily an emotional experience. I would add the word spiritual to that dynamic, for in its highest expression, that's what it has become.

Oddly enough, now that I am no longer in my youth (I know this depends on one's perspective: compared to a 80 year old, I'm young. But compared to a 20 year old, I'm over the hill! :lol: ), I think about sex more than I did then. :rolleyes: I was much more uptight about it as a younger man, which makes the freedom I see in young men today a remarkable sight. Sex wasn't spoken about in the house that I grew up in, and the one time my father did talk about it, it was so out of context as to be both ludicrous and frightening. So coming into my own has been a lifelong journey.

I can truly say that I found myself in making love to another man- not counting my first sexual experience on a college choir tour as a freshman where I was jumped in the middle of the night. It made me aware that I was living in my head for the most part- trying not to feel anything- because I had felt so much. Making love was embodying, and woke up all my senses. Inner and outer.

What I have learned is that, the more I am comfortable with myself, the more connection I have with my Beloved. Sounds simple, right? Doing it is another matter. There can be loads of stuff to wade through, the whole flotsam of one's life actually. To be present, really present, takes courage, stamina and a certain grit. In the end, at it's most satisfying, whether emotionally, physically and spiritually, whether down and dirty, exulted and refined, sex, as I've experienced it, is all about intimacy and the search for meaning and oneness.

This is why I believe every young person should get to know their own body before they make love with another person. Making love to yourself is a gift. You can't give what you don't have.

[rainbowdog]

I am a lesbian and i am not in a loving commited relationship yet. i think sex whether it is heterosexual or homosexual needs to wait until you have that soul mate. If i am in a loving committed relationship with my partner then sex is a loving, emotional, and spiritual act which God will embrace. But if you have casual sex sleeping with different people that is not only sinful behavoir but is dangerous. It also gives us homosexuals a bad name because so many heterosexuals think that is all we do is having same-sex or casual sex with different partners. But i think regaurdless of your sexual orientation, if you are in a committed and loving relationship than you are fulfilling God's plan. But if God means for you to not have a lover and be celibate than you should honor God instead of having casual sex. I hope that many of you, me includied will find our soulmates then comes along emotional and lovin sex.

God Bless,
Christy

[Rick336]

Why is it important to talk about sex in this group?

[marutidas]

Rick,
I am very curious about the need and desires of the vital intement moments of a persons life. I was think about the physical extention of love and or lust and how this applies to our sexuality. Being attracted to someone is just the first part of the conversation of sexuality, but what about the act itself. I have found emotional release in it. It is not something one does just to feel better, but that is merely the benefit, the icing on the cake, so to speak. The church, as I know it doesn't like to have these kinds of conversations, for whatever reason, being a taboo subject and all, especially with the older church crowd.

So why have this conversation?
I was hoping to get people to explore that side of this selves without judgement, is't that why many come to this place, because that were being shamed and humiliated of their nature, so why not have it out in the open so we can talk, and share our experiences(as long as they follow forum guidelines) So other can know that its not something to be ashamed of. I know this is not the case all of the time. I cannot find any harm in talking about the truely beautiful intement moments we share with the ones we love.

I am also hoping that those who read this forum, will also share the spiritual side of Sex. Anything from Tantric practices to the Karma Sutra.

So please Rick, do respond, I would like to hear your take on Sex.

~~~Maruti Das:flower:

[marutidas]

First of all Rainbowcat,
To say only have sex when you have found true love, is kinda like saying don't have sex until you are married. Unfortunately, nature and hormones will alway over ride logic. When some is just coming into puberty, thougths and desries are going to flooding a poor teenage brain. So, on the part of the parent, when they start showing sexual desire it is wise to have and honest talk about sex, tell them everything, safe sex, about STD's. The whole enchillada. With this knowledge all you can do is hope that they make the right decsion.

On the part of adults,
I know that there is more to life that just Sex. But there is nothing wrong with having a health sex life, as long as one follow the the 3 S's
Safe-always use a condom or some form of sexual protection
Sane- don't do anything over the top that could cause injury.
Consentual- talk to your partner about both of your needs and your fantasies. See if you are both comfortqable with the play that will take place.

We are only persived as permiscuous, because us Gay men like to have sex by and large. You see in a hetero relationship, it is the woman who limits how much sex her man can have, where as gay men like having sex and will have it often. I don't know what goes on in a lesbian relationship, so I can't tell ya. But there is nothing wrong with liking Sex in my opinion, as long as you care enough to think of your partner's safety. Now having casual partners does carry risks, they could have an STD, be Married or be really bad in bed. But this is only my opinion of the subject and not written in stone.

~~~Maruti Das:flower:

[tdogg]

What I have learned is that, the more I am comfortable with myself, the more connection I have with my Beloved. Sounds simple, right? Doing it is another matter. There can be loads of stuff to wade through, the whole flotsam of one's life actually. To be present, really present, takes courage, stamina and a certain grit. In the end, at it's most satisfying, whether emotionally, physically and spiritually, whether down and dirty, exulted and refined, sex, as I've experienced it, is all about intimacy and the search for meaning and oneness.

This is why I believe every young person should get to know their own body before they make love with another person. Making love to yourself is a gift. You can't give what you don't have.

Daniel - well and perfectly said! My sentiments exactly. It took YEARS for me to learn to love myself, and that has definitely enlightened and enhanced my love-making/receiving and -giving.

[rainbowdog]

Lesbian sex is not the same as gay male sex:rolleyes: But Lesbian sex is different. It is not much of physical sex but rather emotional and spiritual. Now some lesbians have physical sexual relational sex but not as much as gay men. I do have a book on Lesbian sex. I do not know the author. But I am waiting for my soul mate.

peace,
Christy:cool:

[nmwolfboy]

An idea i've had for a very long time is this: Sex is a gift that, at least within the American society i've come to know, is taken much too seriously.

Sex is wonderful and can bring a vital & renewing intimacy to a committed relationship. It can also be a pleasurable respite with a friend.

My key concerns with any sexual act between adults are the motivations, consequences & ability to consent that are involved.

The historic moral finger-wagging about sex is understandable - how many of us have been hurt (emotionally, mentally, phiscally) with relation to sexual encounters? How many of us have hurt others? i wonder if the majority of sexually active adults wouldn't agree that they've at least been sexually irresponsible once in their lives? No wonder guilt & shame are so often braided into our sexual histories, without even considering the extra burden of societal disapproval that GLBTQ folks bear!

However, sex is/can be immensely pleasureable as well. That capacity was given by God.

The thought that sex is only blessed by God when it's also blessed by the sacrament of marriage (or is part of a committed relationship's fidelity) seems to me more like a rule made by humans, not by God.

Then again, maybe i'm too much of a Pagan at heart.:p

i have no answers, only tons of questions.

[marutidas]

From what I have heard from my friends who have visited Europe, the say that ist just more open with sexuality than that of the U.S.. Is it me or Does America in general seem to be a littel prudish? Nudity in general does not seem to be much of a taboo either. But thats only what I have heard.

~~~Maruti Das:flower:

[keltic63]

From what I have heard from my friends who have visited Europe, the say that ist just more open with sexuality than that of the U.S.. Is it me or Does America in general seem to be a littel prudish? Nudity in general does not seem to be much of a taboo either. But thats only what I have heard.

~~~Maruti Das:flower:

keep in mind that it was the Pilgrims who came over to colonize this country, they came to be known as Puritans, although that was not their chosen name for the movement. From this group, grew other movements/denominations such as the presbyterians, baptists, and congregationalist churches. This was a very legalistic sect. Ironically, this group that came to america for religious freedom soon became oppressive. Other religious groups who came to the colonies for the same freedoms were repressed by the Puritan theocracy that was well established in New England. I think it is safe to say that the influence was strong and we feel it still.

[novaseeker]

From what I have heard from my friends who have visited Europe, the say that ist just more open with sexuality than that of the U.S.. Is it me or Does America in general seem to be a littel prudish? Nudity in general does not seem to be much of a taboo either. But thats only what I have heard.

Europe is less prudish about sex in general than the US is. It comes across in several ways. First, print media and television tend to me much racier on the sex side and much more tame on the violence side, whereas we tend to have the complete reverse. Second, public displays of affection are very common and accepted in ways that make most Americans uncomfortable (e.g., you will often see couples making out on city benches, on the subway, in a park, etc., and noone really cares about it ... it's normal .. whereas Americans are completely uncomfortable with that and think that this should be kept in private places). Third, yes there is nudity in terms of beaches and so forth and as I note above in print media and movies and it's much less of a big deal than in the US. In general, it's a lot less prudish about sexual matters, but also it has to be remembered that Europe is also much less religious than the US is in general, and there are remarkably few Europeans who attend church, and markedly fewer of them who even believe in God than in the US, and I think this has a lot of impact as well.

[scott snedeker]

I believe considering sex a "sin" is very pschologically damaging.

Sex is one of the natural functions that we are designed to do.

I feel the opposite. Not having sex when you desire it is going against God's intent!


love and affirmation,


Scotty:cowboy: