Offering the other cheek?

[nmwolfboy]

Over the last year i’ve been slowly re-reading portions of a book I have called “Owning Your Own Shadow”. It’s a small book that relates Jungian ideas about how throughout the process of enculturation we all create a shadow self from the bits and pieces of our personalities that we try to reject. These fragments are not only the weak parts of ourselves; they very often contain a great deal of our personal power. Over time, if not acknowledged and expressed the shadow self gains strength. I’ve found this idea in other contexts, such as paganism, wherein I knew shadow work as “confronting the guardian”.

As I continue to cautiously explore a re-conversion to Christianity, it occurs to me that my feelings about the faith of my childhood and youth are part of my shadow. The betrayal and anger I felt towards the Church is part of my shadow. The fear I feel in just being open to the idea of re-opening a relationship with the Church is part of my shadow.

Here I thought I’d thoroughly confronted my guardian, regularly had her/him over for tea, and that s/he had very few surprises left to spring upon me. How shady of her/him to bring up Christianity when I comfortably ask “what shall we talk about now?” I feel as though an old and dear friend has just told me to “put up or shut up.”

The Church of my youth injured me spiritually & emotionally. The Church catholic continues to injure many, including God’s glbt children. I’ve tried to open my mind and heart to the reality of the Church today and found that there are many who understand that and are asking for forgiveness. Who are inviting, almost begging us to return to the table because they recognize that we are all one. They look at us and see their brothers & sisters, with whom they wish to share. Can I forgive the Church? Not an easy task, considering that there are still some there who continue to perpetuate violence upon our souls.

This morning after waking I was reading about lessons in forgiveness. As an example, the author related that the clergy and laity at an Episcopal parish, recognizing the continuing hate & injustice perpetrated upon God’s glbt children by the Church, and repenting of this, decided to hold a special service wherein they asked forgiveness of their local glbt community. Upon learning of the service, authorities of the parish’s diocese were angry. To punish the parish the authorities cancelled a low-interest loan that they had provided to finance the parish’s new worship building.

Many in the parish initially reacted in outrage to this diocesan action, but the clergy of the parish asked that if they were seeking to dwell in forgiveness with the glbt community, shouldn't they also dwell in forgiveness with the diocese? This is the path the parish took. In the wake of their actions, attendance increased at that parish along with the offerings the parish received, and the worship building was paid off in three years.

Forgiveness yields its own fruit, sweet and nourishing. Perhaps I can learn to forgive the Church. Perhaps i can learn to forgive myself. I can’t think of any better place to try than my local parish, which turns out to have been the parish in this story.

What are your thoughts/experiences about forgiveness, especially personal forgiveness of the Church around issues of glbt exclusion?

[BenL]

Scott,

Such a beautiful post that requires quiet reflection before responding. I will gather thoughts and impressions before trying.

Your post brought to mind a book that was extremely helpful for me. It's Forgiven and Forgiving by L. William Countryman, an Episcopal priest, a theologian, and, as it happens, a gay man. Available on Amazon.

BenL

[BenL]

The Church of my youth injured me spiritually & emotionally. The Church catholic continues to injure many, including God’s glbt children. I’ve tried to open my mind and heart to the reality of the Church today and found that there are many who understand that and are asking for forgiveness. Who are inviting, almost begging us to return to the table because they recognize that we are all one. They look at us and see their brothers & sisters, with whom they wish to share. Can I forgive the Church? Not an easy task, considering that there are still some there who continue to perpetuate violence upon our souls.

Scott, the hurt is palpable in what you write. Many if not most of us here have been hurt in one way or another by organized religion, which is really a codification of society's world view. As you gingerly try to make contact with the Christ of Christianity, remember that Jesus was hurt for the same reasons most humans are hurt ... because they don't fit in, because they don't follow the rules. And he forgave unconditionally, if the scriptural account is to be believed.

Forgiveness yields its own fruit, sweet and nourishing. Perhaps I can learn to forgive the Church. Perhaps i can learn to forgive myself. I can’t think of any better place to try than my local parish, which turns out to have been the parish in this story.

What are your thoughts/experiences about forgiveness, especially personal forgiveness of the Church around issues of glbt exclusion?

What Bill Countryman says in the book I mentioned in a previous post is that forgiveness is as much, if not more, for the forgiver than for the forgiven. It's one of those mysteries of human nature. True forgiveness always heals the person who has been hurt, regardless of whether it heals the person who has inflicted the hurt. When we truly forgive ourselves, we double up on the healing power. But just as the self is the hardest person to come out to, self is the hardest to forgive.

The result of being able to forgive ourselves and others is the ability to rise above the hurt. Christians live in community, but find their fullest realization in God. Our journey is not to become the best Episcopalians we can be (the denomination you and I share currently) but to live in Christ to the fullest.

Forgiveness is liberating, especially for the one who does the forgiving. Our injuries can own us. They can chain us to hatred and prevent love from filling our souls.

It sounds like you have found a good spiritual home for now. Any church is just a path to our final home in God. If a church or a congregation blocks the path or pushes us off it, it's time to let go and follow where the Spirit leads. Who knows where the path will take any of us in the future?

I look at life as pilgrimage and sojourning. In that light it is easier to understand the hurts that come our way. And to forgive them.

BenL

[andrewlittle]

Some thoughts on reconciliation and forgiveness - a little disjointed, perhaps, but hopefully they'll have some value. I believe the Church, or even a church, has to take the lead in changing attitudes and fostering forgiveness.

Jesus posited a fairly radical, ethical line - one based on Mat 16:25-26,
“For those who want to save their life will lose it, and those who lose their life for my sake will find it. For what will it profit them if they gain the whole world but forfeit their life? Or what will they give in return for their life?” (NRSV)

The church has based much of its behavior, since becoming an institution, on maintaining its status, solvency, relevance and political clout in the world. That behavior has included the historical marginalization or oppression of significant groups, many of who are still found within its doors. The life of the church is founded on the concept of being the light of Christ to the world and, however divine the calling may be, is a temporal and, therefore, quite possibly a temporary presence in society. To maintain its existence at the expense of any of its neighbors, which includes any part of God’s creation inside or outside its walls, is to seek life over its mission.

The institutionalized church is a behemoth entity with the coordination of a young Doberman puppy. The limbs are seemingly non-conversant with the body, which seems irrevocably disconnected from the brain. This image of the church universal may be somewhat disparaging, but is nonetheless relatively accurate. Different Christian denominations, while supposedly collectively forming the body of Christ and fulfilling the “calling” of Christ in the world, have amazingly disparate views of their ministry and mission. With regard to gender and sexuality issues particularly, some churches may be more easily turned, but none, even the smallest, are easily maneuvered through an about face.

The possibilities for reconciliation exist on two basic fronts, but I contend that it is most incumbent on the church to correct its behavior going forward, while simultaneously but subordinately determining what it can do about the past. Too often, a symbolic act of reconciliation is offered without a change in current conduct, leaving the effort at reconciliation to be perceived as gratuitous and self-serving. From the point of view of injured parties, the value of the symbolic act comes from its significance as an act of repentance and, therefore, change. The danger of misinterpretation or lack of trust may be reduced considerably if the behavioral change precedes the reconciliatory efforts with regard to the past. It is easily conceivable that there may even need to be a history of right conduct before an act of contrition may be believable and acceptable.

If bias was a clearly delineated construct absent its myriad subtleties, it’s demise might be definable - something that occurs when a particular event or mile-marker is reached. It is, however, a complicated and devious conglomerate hidden within the memories and lessons of one’s life, as well as those of one’s community or church. Bias is the potential evil that dwells within everyone. Reconciliation on one level, therefore, is a journey on which each must embark - an endless journey of self-discovery and repentance.

Miroslav Volf in Exclusion & Embrace describes reconciliation as a process that includes forgiveness and repentance, self-donation or making space for the other, and healing of memory. Of the first two, only the willingness of one party is required for initiation into the reconciliation process, either by expressing the readiness to consider forgiving or repenting. Volf refers to this as a willingness to embrace, the step necessary before throwing arms wide open in invitation.

A bold, and perhaps improvable, conclusion is that exploration of the many forms of oppression that exist may force the first step of recovery from dependence on privilege - the initial denial that serves to shield our psyche from the realization of complicity. When faced with so many manifestations of acculturated bias - racism, sexism, ageism, ableism, classism and heterosexism, to name but a few - it becomes apparent that each of us can no longer claim innocence. Denial shields us from inescapable guilt. The hope is that denial gives way to the realization of the way in which dominance and injustice are maintained by the institutional church. Repentance, the logical consequence of guilt, keeps guilt from being just a noble but useless reaction.

The pilgrimage, undertaken by those with the courage to do so, will include embracing fully the message of the Gospel, working past the denial of complicity in the ills of a selfish world, and embracing the dehumanizing circumstances of the majority of God’s children on earth. It has to begin with the agency of one before it can blossom into a pilgrimage of many. But that agency has come, and is still present - the One has already had the courage and remains with us until the end of days. Is it not time for the rest of us to dare tread the path of foolishness?