A life of hiding??

[amy]

Is life all about hiding? I know I don't have to hide here or with my partner. But I can't just stay at home my entire life nor can I stay on this website 24/7. I have classes, work, etc. I feel like I have to hide my sexuality and my faith from everyone in classes, at work, from my family, anyone I meet (maybe that's why I have very few friends...wait...I don't have any.) I'm not looking for sympathy or pity or judgments...I don't have friends (or know anyone at this school) because I don't want to be judged. I sense what they think about me with the look on their faces. I'm also an artist, which the art department you would think is the most open to differences than any. But it is in my art classes that I feel the most judged. Maybe not because of my sexuality but because of my relationship with God. What kind of world do we live in? Where people are afraid to holds hands in public, afraid to show any kind of affection for their loved one. I think I'm having a hard time with how the world treats homosexuals. I don't understand how you who have received your sexuality and are publicly open about it live through the abuse from homophobics.

[Zerbie]

Is life all about hiding? I know I don't have to hide here or with my partner. But I can't just stay at home my entire life nor can I stay on this website 24/7. I have classes, work, etc. I feel like I have to hide my sexuality and my faith from everyone in classes, at work, from my family, anyone I meet (maybe that's why I have very few friends...wait...I don't have any.) I'm not looking for sympathy or pity or judgments...I don't have friends (or know anyone at this school) because I don't want to be judged

. I think I'm having a hard time with how the world treats homosexuals. I don't understand how you who have received your sexuality and are publicly open about it live through the abuse from homophobics.

Hi Amy.

Life entails risk. Like, getting in a car to go to class (or walking across a busy street, or riding your bike. . .) entails risk. All those people you aren't getting to know, aren't getting to be friends with, they might assume you are too busy to spend time with them, or be worried that YOU don't like THEM, or some of them might be homophobes as you fear. But if you don't start getting to know them, you won't find out. I'm not suggesting you put yourself in life-threatening danger, but my sense is, there is a great possibility that you are not giving the people in your life a chance to be your friends. Talk to the other students before and after class. Go out for coffee with them when the group goes out. Once you get talking on a variety of subjects, you will start to get a 'feel' for how they take various issues. You might be very pleasantly surprised. Or not. But I recommend you find out.

When I was first sorting all these things out for myself I was going to school (I seem to always be going to school! :p ) and I pretty much assumed there would be a lot of homophobia around me, and tended not to give the others in my department much of a chance to prove me wrong. In fact, when I finally came out to a couple in my class after 3 years, they told me they had known since the day they MET me, and were waiting for me to trust them. For 3 years. I had them labelled for homophobes, wrongly, within weeks of meeting them, and it took all those years for me to find out I had been wrong. Finally, I reached a point where I would rather just be me, and KNOW how people took to me. I was surprised how smoothly things went - that people are not nearly so likely to express mean and nasty attitudes to your face as you might fear.

As to your last point, how do we make it through? The abuse from homophobic people (as long as it doesn't escalate to real serious danger like physical assault or loss of a job/similar) is, in my experience, MUCH less scary than being afraid of it is.

The one plus to these kinds of reactions is, it shows you clearly who your friends are, and it keeps the homophobic ones away from you, and you don't want them around, so, that's a plus. ;) Leaves you with REAL friends. They're out there; give them a chance.

You might be surprised how much LESS scary it is than it looks. Oh, and I suggest you check out Dotti and Robi's website - does anyone have the link? It's called something like "gay into straight America" - I think. They talk a lot about how much MORE acceptance they found than they even anticipated, and how by expecting to be welcomed, they seem to attract accepting and welcoming reactions from the people they meet. I bet it would make you feel good to read about that right now.

[BruceChris]

http://gayintostraightamerica.com/index.php?page_id=12

You can read all of their old newsletters, and track down their other stuff, too.

Peace and love, Bruce Chris

[BruceChris]

It's not healthy to be hiding from the world, and not having or making friends, especially at your age. When you're young is the best (and most necessary) time of one's life to have and make friends.

I'll bet that you could have scads of penpalls, from right on this website, more that you could squeeze in between schoolwork and sleep, even. (Edit) But then again, this site really wasn't set up for penpals..........

I used to be where you are, kinda. But I live in The Big City, and I've found a GLBT church, where I am a valued person.(!?!)

http://www.soulforce.org/forums/showthread.php?t=1093

God Loves You, We Love You, and God STILL Loves You!

Peace and Love, Bruce Chris

[scorpiogirl]

I agree with Zerbie and Bruce completely...it's a lot better to be out in the open than to hide. I've only been out for a year but the past year has been so liberating. It can be scary I know. You wonder about what others think of you. However by talking to people you could help open their eyes and their hearts and let them see that you're not really all that different. Those that choose not to accept you, when then that's their loss. I know this is easier said than done but you won't know what will happen until you try.

Good Luck with whatever you choose to do!
:love: :love:

P.S. Does your school have a gay -straight alliance? Support groups are always helpful.