Ex-Gay News

[Emproph]

Just what it says – feel free to add. ;)
________________________________

I think videos can be especially effective because it’s easier and more entertaining to watch something. The visual aspect and other effects can convey an emotional impact that makes the information more memorable.

That said, Daniel Gonzalez via Ex-Gay Watch just produced another video (http://www.exgaywatch.com/wp/2007/02/an-ex-gay-watch-original-video-the-spitzer-study-methodological-flaws-and-abuse-in-anti-gay-politics/) (direct link below). It refutes Dr. Robert Spitzer's study that’s often used as 'evidence' to claim that homosexuals can “change.”

An Ex-Gay Watch Original Video – The Spitzer Study: Methodological Flaws And Abuse In Anti-Gay Politics

The transcript is posted at the site with direct links to all the web pages shown in the video that cite the study. The Google video (http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-4167841001552268783&hl=en) (direct link) is best I think because you can watch the whole thing (13 minutes). It’s on you tube as well but in two parts (the you tube limit is 10 minutes)

There is an excellent analysis of Dr. Spitzer’s study here as well that I would recommend if you're interested: http://www.religioustolerance.org/hom_spit.htm
~~

P.S. I can't wait to hear them bleat about this one, "We never said it wasn't a flawed study..." :rolleyes:

[ladyinred]

An article on how ex gay ministries affected Newt Gingrich's cousin and others who spoke out against it. Their stories: http://www.commondreams.org/pressreleases/July98/071798b.htm
Ok I just thought of something who do the ex ministries really benefit, the members who are trying to change their idenity so they can fit in and so society and churches won't reject them? Or the ministries themselves? To me that in itself is not a good reason to try to change.. If it was actually benefitting the person who was receiving such therapy rather than an issue of conformity I might differ.I'm thinking in terms of mental health though... and what these people are going through in terms of trying to fit in or be "saved" But consider the old adage,"To thine own self be true.". Tim Layhaye quoted this in his book called the "Four temperaments" and said it was a key principle to mental health.Well if psychological health means we must fit into our true nature and character , then to conform in an external way and trying to go against it would actually be the antithesis of mental health, and would work at destroying the individual's mental health rather than preserving it.

[ladyinred]

Another article somewhat dated, but goes in depth to what those in ex-gay ministries go through. http://www.rldbooks.com/Articles/Archives/Ex-Gay.html
Excerpted from the book ,"The salvation mongers."

[ladyinred]

Here is a support group and they talk extensively about their feelings and their experiences in the exgay ministries.. also you who have not been through conversion therapy maybe interested in reading these postings to give you more insights as to what gay people go through when involved in these conversion therapies. For people needing help and support, this group might help you in feeling not alone or alienated and help in the healing process.
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/exexgayministry/ also another group for support is,
http://www.gaychristiansurvivors.com/

[ladyinred]

I am posting this because this member writes about the reality of exgay ministries:--- In exexgayministry@yahoogroups.com, Korry Korry <korrykorrykoan@...>
wrote:
>
> "Ex-gay" lies and God's love
> Like Kyle Rice ("I hate being gay"), this author grew up
fundamentalist and gay. As a monitor of "ex-gay" ministries, he knows
their lies. As a Christian, he knows God's acceptance.
>
> By Timothy Kincaid
>
> An Advocate.com exclusive posted October 9, 2006
>
>
>
>
>
> It saddened me to read in The Advocate the article penned by Kyle
Rice, the young man who hates being gay. Not only because he is so
unhappy, but because it reminded me of where I came from.
>
> Like Kyle, I was raised conservative Christian. My father was, and
still is, the pastor of a Pentecostal church. And like Kyle, I did not
want to be gay.
> I'm not going to try and change Kyle's mind about his faith.
Nor am I going to try and convince him to embrace his sexual orientation
or discourage his political activism. But I do want to caution Kyle
about his decision to participate in an "ex-gay" ministry.
>
> I write at a Web site that is dedicated to monitoring these ministries
and have become familiar with the methods, claims, and motivations of
their movement. It is from this experience that I offer the following
advice to Kyle:
>
> Kyle, when you have been told that you can "change," they do not mean
that you will change your attractions. The change spoken about is only a
change in how you identity yourself. You will be encouraged to view
yourself no longer as gay but as a nongay person who suffers from
same-sex attractions.
>
> The national leaders of the "ex-gay" movement don't often admit it to
the press, but when asked they will acknowledge that they are still
attracted to the same sex. Those few men who are married are not
attracted to women in general but have developed an attraction to one
specific woman, their wife. One leader recently told a workshop that he
was unable to consummate his marriage during the first nine months.
>
> Although a few of the most visible "ex-gays" are married, for the vast
majority "change" means living a life of celibacy. This may at first
seem acceptable to you. But remember, Kyle, this is not only giving up
sex; it also means you will never hold hands, kiss, or cuddle in front
of a fire.
>
> And should you decide that you like a woman "enough" to marry her,
please know that not only will you be giving her only a portion of
yourself but you are interfering with her ability to meet a man who can
love her the way she deserves to be loved. Also, nearly all "ex-gay"
marriages end in divorce—including the unions of many who were at
one time leaders in the movement and held up as testimony.
> I don't know if it is possible to change one's orientation. But I
do know that the overwhelming majority of people who go through these
ministries never succeed in doing so. I know people who have tried for
decades without success, and I don't know any who entered an "ex-gay"
program as fully homosexual and are now fully heterosexual. If this
happens at all, it is very rare, and you should understand that it's
really very unlikely that it will happen to you.
>
> And finally, Kyle, the "ex-gay" ministries will tell you things that
are not true. Perhaps they don't mean to lie, but the things you will be
told about "the homosexual lifestyle" are not at all reflective of the
lives that gay people lead.
>
> You may be told that gays were all molested, will die by age 42, have
hundreds of sex partners, don't establish lifelong relationships, or
even that gays are not capable of love to the depth that straight people
experience. Perhaps you will be told that gay people wish to destroy
marriage, hate Christians, want to overthrow society, or seek to molest
children. None of this is true. I think you know better, Kyle, but it
can be very persuasive when all the people around you repeat these
things.
> But the most damaging and difficult lie of all is that you cannot be
gay and Christian.
> I don't say that because I think Christians should never try to change
their orientation. I say that because the vast majority of people who do
try will never experience such a change.
>
> And when they finally give up their long, futile struggle, they often
believe that this means they must also abandon their faith. I pray that
when you discover you have not become straight you will not then believe
that you must give up your relationship with God.
>
> I know that you have a certain understanding of Scripture that tells
you homosexuality is incompatible with God. But God also instructs us
(in the King James translation) to "Study to shew thyself approved unto
God, a workman that needeth not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word
of truth." This means that we cannot rely solely on what our church has
told us, or even on our understanding of the Bible, but we must listen
to others and seek the truth from what different scholars have to say.
And while some biblical scholars agree with the position your church
teaches, others do not. I encourage you to read for yourself what they
have to say.
>
> My final advice to you, Kyle, is this: However it was that you came to
be gay, God made you this way. And whatever you feel about what God
wants you to do about it, we do know one thing: God doesn't want you
to hate yourself. Nor does he want you to hate any part of the way he
created you.
> I wish Kyle happiness and peace. I hope he finds a way to reconcile
his attractions with his faith. But most of all, I will pray that he
learns to love himself.
>
> I invite others of you who are people of faith to do the same.
>
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>

[ladyinred]

I must say I'm learning from these groups by reading their posts.. I've always been curious about the truth of ex gay ministries, and it seems to me that the many people who have posted on these forums cannot all be liars.. Their experiences are real.. and what should we learn from them? That exgay ministries do more harm then good. That they basically destroy the lives of the people who are trying to convert and change.. That the change isn't even a reality only an external conformity. We may not have empirical evidence from psychologists or psychiatrists who can support this though the majority of them are skeptical as well. But what we can count on are the stories of real live people to validate these claims to why it will never work.

[ladyinred]

Wow!!! this one has over 5000 members. Now what was that so called statistic on 200 people claiming to have a success at conversion?:lol: http://groups.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=groups.groupProfile&groupid=100591763&Mytoken=20050616162745

[ladyinred]

http://www.activeboard.com/forum.spark?forumID=61975&p=3&topicID=3549585 Parents and children. Too many of these kids find they have no support at home and many kicked out because of their sexual orientation. But the important question to ask why on earth would any parent want their child to be homeless and on the street? It could be dangerous for children and teens who cannot really survive on their own. The religious right talk about family values and children being important. How is it serving the interests of these kids when they are left homeless? I'd call it child abuse. Not only at a mental and emotional level but it is also endangering a child.. Would you call these types of homes a loving and stable environment for a child... And the Christian right talks about gays being unfit to parent? It is highly doubtful that a gay couple would throw their children out on the street for being straight.

[ladyinred]

I never really grew up in a religious home but had some inklings into my sexuality when I was around 17, thinking I might be homosexual caused me alot of internal suffering and I actually became suicidal.. I later on met a man and was convinced that living the gay lifestyle was unhealthy and it was better to settle down in a traditional relationship, during that time I was plagued with "those feelings." Later on in my mid-thirties I began to realize I had an intense attraction toward women and was in conflict about that. So basically what did I do ? Hide. How the heck do you control feelings like that?? Around thirty-seven I started doing some research and exploring in that area and basically came to learn about the FRC , Paul Cameron and later on about the religious right.
I used to do a letter writing campaign to the FRC, of course that proved unfruitful because they basically said my guilt about homosexual tendacies came from God and it was abnormal, and the usual blah, blah, blah...
So I became more curious and started challenging my assumptions and beliefs and yes was still dealing with those feelings and inward struggles. Then I started writing on various forums about gay rights and started to challenge what I had read about anti gay sentiments.. and even did more research on it.. actually reading the bible..
My mother basically accepted me and I really did not have major problems with her. But because of our society and things I had heard I developed a guilt trip.I'd never heard of soul force until I was in Oklahoma, and was not aware of its stand on gay issues or the religious right.. I was basically cultivating information on what I read, talking to people, being with a female partner for four years and seeking alternative forms of spirituality other than the bible.. Buddhism, alternative forms of Christianity and others like sufism.. Perhaps curiosity gets the better of me I guess.. but I'm still into finding out about various forms of information..and research...and am also personally curious about other people's views... but I will admit sometimes it does get me in trouble when I'm being outspoken... as I have been attacked on certain forums when I speak up for gay rights...
But one thing I noticed on one forum when I was speaking up is more people started to do so(later on), and those righties are a tough crowd...many may never change their minds but who knows...
I think people are so conditioned by their past beliefs and if coming from a religious home ,by that sort of conditioning, it never occurs to them to challenge those past beliefs and that conditioning..which say something about human nature... well here I am folks.. LOL

[ladyinred]

http://f1.grp.yahoofs.com/v1/oNXLRTKVhzZDKl82n6YIh5-OJQdqU9MYluiwL5DMQEHDFWimv4kQU2yMKcslX5BIvRuYnXlib b_2t5z6J33eHIJ0eyKVc-zpV80U/HRC_Finally_Free.pdf

[ladyinred]

Hi david, let me see if I can find these links again .

[ladyinred]

I'm also going to include sveral other s as well:
http://www.hrc.org/Template.cfm?Section=Home&Template=/ContentManagement/ContentDisplay.cfm&ContentID=31570

http://www.tentmaker.org/books/GatesOfHell.html

http://www.religiousaddictionandspiritualabuse.com/site/749804/page/45029

http://www.whosoever.org/v4i1/truluck.html ( Truluck is apparently a member of Soulforce, But I noticed the link here in Soulforce's website does not work, so I found this one)

http://www.nacronline.com/dox/library/images.shtml

http://www.spiritualabuse.com/dox/library.htm

http://www.otkenyer.hu/truluck/index.html Truluck's main website

[ladyinred]

I don't know if Soulforce is familiar with this site, but because many who come from fundamentalist Christian homes, and rate of suicide among GLBT people I am going to include this link
http://www.suicide.org/gay-and-lesbian-suicide.html

[Gregory_de_Bois]

Wow!!! this one has over 5000 members. Now what was that so called statistic on 200 people claiming to have a success at conversion?:lol: http://groups.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=groups.groupProfile&groupid=100591763&Mytoken=20050616162745

Hey the group leader's from Boise. There are some good people in Boise I guess.;)

[ladyinred]

Now I know that there are GLBT who stay in churches with abusive teachings and anti-gay sentiments for fear of being alienated from God and church goers, but consider this statement taken from a book by Dr David D. Burns," Feeling Good , the new mood therapy", he deals with a spectrum of irrational beliefs and is an expert in the area of cognitive therapy... This is taken from the approval addiction in his book. "Did it ever occur to you that if someone disapproves of you, it might be his or her problem? Disapproval many times may reflect other people's irrational beliefs.To take an extreme example, Hitler's hateful doctrine that the jews were inferior did not reflect anything about the inner worth of the people he intended to destroy. "

[ladyinred]

http://www.spiritwatch.org/relabdef.htm,
http://www.spiritwatch.org/relabuse.htm
http://www.spiritwatch.org/idrelab.htm

[Gregory_de_Bois]

I don't know if Soulforce is familiar with this site, but because many who come from fundamentalist Christian homes, and rate of suicide among GLBT people I am going to include this link
http://www.suicide.org/gay-and-lesbian-suicide.html
Gosh. Now I can't stop crying... How can people be so cruel?

[ladyinred]

I'm no biblical scholar by any means, but what does the bible say about trying to make yourself right with God through your own works or by observing Mosaic laws and traditions?
Galatians: 5:1 through 5:4 So Christ has really set us free. Now make sure that you stay free, and do not get tied up again in slavery to the law."Listen , I paul, tell you this: If you are counting on circumcision to make you right with God,then Christ cannot help you.I'll say it again,if you are trying to find favor with God by being circumcised,you must obey all the regulations in the whole law of Moses.For if you are trying to make yourself right with God by keeping the law, you have been cut off by Christ. You have fallen away from God's grace.
Colossians:2:16 to 19 So don't let anyone condemn you for what you eat or drink,or for not celebrating certain holy days or new moon ceremonies, or Sabbaths.For these rules were only a shadow of th real thing , Christ Himself. Don't let anyone condemn you by insisting on self denial."

Once saved .are we still considered sinners?
Collosians:1:21-23 This includes you who were once so far away from God. You were his enemies, separated from him by your evil thoughts and actions, yet now has he brought you back as his friends. He has done this through the death on the cross in his own human body.As a result, he has brought you into the very presence of God, and you are holy and blameless as you stand before him without a single fault. But you must continue to believe this truth and stand in it firmly.
Collosians: 2:13-14.. Then God made you alive with Christ. He forgave all our sins, He canceled the record that contained charges against us
Titus 3:4 4But when the kindness and love of God our Savior appeared, 5he saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy. He saved us through the washing of rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit, 6whom he poured out on us generously through Jesus Christ our Savior, 7so that, having been justified by his grace, we might become heirs having the hope of eternal life.
Jude1: 24 To him who is able to keep you from falling and to present you before his glorious presence without fault and with great joy—

First John:1 John 3:20-21 (New International Version)
New International Version (NIV)
Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society


20whenever our hearts condemn us. For God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything.

21Dear friends, if our hearts do not condemn us, we have confidence before God

Many more verses in 1 John can't include them all though but these stand out as well. 1 John 4:13-18
13We know that we live in him and he in us, because he has given us of his Spirit. 14And we have seen and testify that the Father has sent his Son to be the Savior of the world. 15If anyone acknowledges that Jesus is the Son of God, God lives in him and he in God. 16And so we know and rely on the love God has for us.
God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him. 17In this way, love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment, because in this world we are like him. 18There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.

[ladyinred]

Now why don't churches teach what is above in the verses i posted,when it is clearly in the bible?

[ladyinred]

I found this website for a young lady who had expressed dismay about her sexual orientation, and thought her mom hated her and that her family would be better off without her, in other words dead... I didn't know what to do, I'd sent her a personal email trying to talk her out of those feelings. I wanted to reach out and help her before it was too late, and by the grace of God I found this website, the one I posted on suicide.. Realizing that she needed someone to trust and talk to, and probably needed more help or support than I could possibly provide, I sent the website to her. Suicide is no laughing matter. And I think it grieves the Holy Spirit to lose any of God's children to this tragic suffering and loss. Does anyone honestly believe that a loving God would will this kind of tragedy on anyone.. does it really serve God's plan for salvation? NO.

[ladyinred]

These are some of the sayings recorded in Tibetian version of gospels of Jesus, though certain authorities or scholars would disclaim the validity of these... They still seem to be very much in keeping in line with Jesus's teachings and his way of thinking..(He is St Issa to the Indians)http://reluctant-messenger.com/issa3.htm
11 He inveighed against the act of a man arrogating to himself the power to deprive his fellow beings of their rights of humanity; "for," said he, "God the Father makes no difference between his children; all to him are equally dear."
27 "Help the poor, support the weak, do ill to no one, and covet not that which thou hast not and which thou seest belongeth to another."

15 "Wherefore I say unto you, Leave your idols and perform not rites which separate you from your Father, associating you with the priests from whom the heavens have turned away.

16 "For it is they who have led you from the true God and whose superstitions and cruelties conduce to the perversion of your soul and the loss of all moral sense."

12 "But," said the priests, "how could a people live according to the rules of justice if it had no preceptors?"

13 Then Issa answered, "So long as the people had no priests, the natural law governed them, and they preserved the candor of their souls.

17 "The Eternal Spirit is the soul of all that is animate. You commit a great sin in dividing it into a spirit of evil and a spirit of good, for there is no God outside the good,
"Fill my temple with your hope and with your patience and abjure not the religion of your fathers; for I alone have guided them and have heaped them with benefits.
12 "Enter into your temple, into your heart. Illumine it with good thoughts and the patience and immovable confidence which you should have in your Father.

14 "For God has created you in his own likeness-innocent, with pure souls and hearts filled with goodness, destined not for the conception of evil schemes but made to be sanctuaries of love and justice.

16 "If you wish to accomplish works marked with love or piety, do them with an open heart and let not your actions be governed by calculations or the hope of gain.

17 "For such actions would not help to your salvation, and you would fall into that state of moral degradation where theft, lying, and murder pass for generous deeds."
And Issa said unto them: "The human race perishes because of its lack of faith, for the darkness and the tempest have scattered the flocks of humanity and they have lost their shepherds.

7 "But the tempest will not last forever, and the darkness will not always obscure the light. The sky will become once more serene, the heavenly light will spread itself over the earth, and the flocks gone astray will gather around their shepherd.

8 "Do not strive to find straight paths in the darkness, lest ye fall into a pit; but gather together your remaining strength, support one another, place your confidence in your God, and wait till light appears.

9 "He who sustains his neighbor, sustains himself; and whosoever protects his family, protects the people and the state.

10 "For be sure that the day is at hand when you shall be delivered from the darkness; you shall be gathered together as one family; and your enemy, who ignores what the favor of God is, shall tremble with fear."

19 And the learned elders put him this question: "It is said that thou deniest the laws of Mossa and that thou teaches" the people to forsake the temple of God?"

20 And Issa replied: "One cannot demolish that which has been given by our Heavenly Father, neither that which has been destroyed by sinners; but I have enjoined the purification of the heart from all blemish, for it is the true temple of God.

21 "As to the laws of Mossa, I have endeavored to establish them in the hearts of men. And I say unto you that you do not understand their real meaning, for it is not vengeance but mercy that they teach; only the sense of these laws has been perverted

[ladyinred]

We often think about perverted to mean something of an anomaly about sexual behavior and I haven't personally found anything in the bible about that,however,I have found in the bible the term perverse or perverted used against violence or cruel behavior, consider these verses found in the bible,Psalms, "Envy not the oppressor ,choose none of his ways ,for the perverse person is an abomination in sight of the Lord; in the New testament, ....To be blameless, harmless children without fault amidst a crooked and perverse generation among whom you shine as lights in the world(Blameless, harmless meaning no malicious intent to harm people) Proverbs also uses the word perverse in describing ...a violent man that winks his eyes and purses his lips and entices his neighbor to do things that are not good. Proverbs 26:24 People with hate in their heart may sound pleasant enough but don't believe them. Though they pretend to be kind, their hearts are full of all kinds of evil..28...a lying heart hates it's victims. and flattery causes ruin.There is plenty of biblical scripture that teaches against hate and violence... What is the basis for moral behavior then, it is commonly found in the Golden rule.

[ladyinred]

Now ask this ,why has the religious right conveniently ignored biblical verses that teach against the things I've mentioned above... and especially God's law of love, justice and mercy..as in the biblical verse,love does no harm to a neighbor...? Perhaps because if they truly turned to the HolySpirit as their guide, he would convict them of having unloving hearts and intentions.

[ladyinred]

Another frequently overlooked biblical verse.. Judgement is without mercy to the one who has shown no mercy, mercy triumphs over judgement.

[ladyinred]

What constitutes moral depravity then, I'll sum it up from the bible and other spiritual sources that I've read.. It is fear, hatred,violence and misunderstanding directed at any persons, groups, etc that divide us from person to person, nation to nation, etc. What would we call divisive religion then. It certainly is not based in the bible.

[ladyinred]

Destructive religion does not create mentally or emotionally balanced people.

[ladyinred]

Where in the bible does it say to hate yourself and attack and abuse yourself with guilt. When you do this you are denying God's grace and mercy and forgiveness for your life.. (and exempt yourself from his healing power I might add)Hate is the antithesis to love, it literally will destroy love and send it out of the picture. What was God's commandment? To hate thyself. No , to love your neighbor as yourself.. In 1 John it defines the children of the devil as he who hates his brother.. what is hate,ill will, malicious intent... why then do we have the same destructive tendacies toward ourselves? It is one reason we all need to work on our negative self image and redefine it

[ladyinred]

http://www.coping.org/innerhealing/shame.htm

[scorpiogirl]

Here's something from the New York Times:

http://www.nytimes.com/2007/02/12/nyregion/12group.hyml?_r=1&oref=slogin

[scorpiogirl]

Here's something from the New York Times:

http://www.nytimes.com/2007/02/12/nyregion/12group.hyml?_r=1&oref=slogin

Ugh link doesn't work. Go to the New York times website and click on NY/Region on the left, then scroll down to "Some Tormented by Homosexuality Look to a Controversial Therapy"

[ladyinred]

The girl I was talking about is a lesbian, I've kept an open line of communication with her as she has been through all the crap that exgay ministries have dumped on her... I can only advise, but I think I finally am able to talk her into getting help with the right people.. and have recommended resources that specifically help GLBT people.. and other websites. she's emotionally and mentally fragile and feels vunerable.. and untrusting of most people. I told her not to talk to anyone who would put her down or berate her in any way about her sexuality even if it included her parent, she is not psychologically able to handle that right now.. I also told her if any counselor starts in on her about her sexuality, WALK AWAY PRONTO. I also told her to stay away from churches that do the same, even if it is a familar church...they will only serve in further demoralizing her. and right now she needs all the support she can get... Some of you may disagree with what I said about a parent, but do you honestly think she would be able to deal with that kind of rejection, if it happened right now..I say NO... She said she even felt her parents hated her and would be better off without her (saying dead) She does not need more rejection and stuff directed at her right now..The person in her life who seems to be supportive of her right now is her gf... I told her that since she trusted her and could open up with her, that was fine...and should talk to people she feels she can trust..

[ladyinred]

Many may express dismay at about not coming out to just anyone... If you are mentally and spiritually strong enough to deal with the pressure that is all well and good, and even commendable.. but I will share that as a security guard (when I was working) I never felt comfortable or even safe enough to come out in that environment.. I was not willing to open myself up to the potential abuse or hostility that could be directed at me...they were not gay friendly and you could tell often by the remarks many of them made.

[ladyinred]

I might add that someone who is more vulnerable and not as emotionally stable to deal with the critics and harshness may not be ready to come out with certain people for a good reason.

[ladyinred]

This young lady needs more support and not people who will trounce on her and beat her down further..she's already been beaten down enough

[ladyinred]

Read the verses I had posted here on supporting the weak, the most vulnerable in our society.. they need reaching out to, it is not enough to just to talk about GLBT people who are hurting inside ,it is our duty, if we can ,to reach out to them ,to affirm them, to help them in their weaknesses and vulnerability.

[ladyinred]

I am and have been where this young lady is today.. it is an ongoing healing experience for me.. often I had been isolated and felt like I could talk to no one.. not that I was in reparative therapy... but there were many times I felt I had to do things on my own... I am not as withdrawn as I used to be, but there were many days where I had been overwhelmed by fear and panic attacks... depression and have felt isolated and alone..I am more open now and friendlier but I can still be on my guard with people.. Yes, it is not always easy to know whom to trust...especially when you feel like you have been hurt many times by people in your life...all I can do is reach out in my own way to other people who are hurting as well, and hopefully offer them some form of comfort and support and help in my own way.. I try to do that, many times with posting what i have found helpful to me... call me the chronic writer... but at least I feel in my own way I'm making a contribution to others, who may also find and do the same for me as well. And many times they do... they may have insight and wisdom which will help me as well.