How do you love yourself, conditionally or unconditionally

[ladyinred]

http://www.coping.org/innerhealing/uncond.htm
http://www.coping.org/innerhealing/shame.htm

[scorpiogirl]

Those are some excellent web pages! Thanks for posting them! :)

[BruceChris]

I have always believed that good theology and good psychology tell us, or should tell us the same things about who we are, and what the charactoristics of a good, healthy life should be. I also believe that emotional growth and spiritual growth mean exactly the same thing. O.K., O.K., I'm prostheletizing again here. (Or was that preaching?) :confused: :eek: :lol: :love:

Peace and Love, Bruce Chris

[BenL]

It seems to me that our parents, or the people who raise us, are supposed to model unconditional love for us from the youngest age. Those of us who are parents usually try to do this, but we often fall short of the mark since we do not love ourselves unconditionally.

Spiritual and psychological maturity consists partly of reconnecting to the selves we can love. For those who believe in God, that often means experiencing the unconditional love that God has for us before we can love ourselves. Jesus' admonition not to keep the children away from him has a dimension of unconditional love, I think. He warns about dire consequences to anyone who violates a child's love. It's one of the sterner warnings in the Gospels, but one that we tend to brush aside or paint with a warm and fuzzy brush.

BenL

[ladyinred]

Yep, I'd think you all would be right.. sound psychology, sound spirituality would be an affect of what Jesus taught,Love thy neighbor as thy self..

[Jennifer5]

Thank you for the links... I'll have to look more at them tomorrow...:)

[ladyinred]

I know this one is long, but the woman is a reverend, and I was reading her stuff about really what matters to God...she seems as well to be familiar with soulforce and may be a member of soulforce, I don't know.... but her ideas on worship ,faith and God just make sense...http://justspirit.blogspot.com/ It really provided me with insight and wisdom as well.

[ladyinred]

I often draw on others for sharing their experiences as to gaining my own understanding, it's when we can do that that we can often learn much about ourselves and God.

[ladyinred]

This website will help you gin insight perspective and help ,it is called innerbonding.com

The woman encourages us to seek our own path to truth and not to rely on the authority of others but to support our own higher good... she doesn't claim to be an authority but the articles are excellent if you want to improve the quality of your life....www.innerbonding.com Here is a sample article:The Temptation of the Critical Voice
By Dr. Margaret Paul


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Do you listen to your inner critic as if it is the voice of authority? Learn about how that voice came into being and how to begin to move beyond these false beliefs and into truth.


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Each of us has an inner critic. There is no way to grow up in our society without having developed this inner critical voice - which comes from parents, teachers, peers, the media, and from our own conclusions.

The problem is that this inner critic sounds like a voice of authority when in reality it doesn't know what it is talking about. It is a voice based on beliefs that have been handed down through generations but that have no basis in fact.

How often has this voice said to you:

"You can't do it. You are inadequate."
"You are stupid and ugly."

"If he (or she) rejects you, it is because you are not okay."

"You had better do it right. If you don't, everyone will know that you are a fraud."

"It is NOT okay to make a mistake."

...and so on.

This inner critic speaks with such authority that it is tempting to believe what it says. Yet is knows only lies. It knows nothing of who you really are.

When this voice is criticizing you, it is criticizing the "you" that it thinks you are - your ego wounded self. The critic, having come into being to help you survive and protect you from rejection, long ago decided that who you really are is not good enough. When you experienced judgment or rejection from the important people in your life, you likely concluded that you were being rejected because you weren't good enough or lovable enough or worthy enough or smart enough or attractive enough...and so on. You may have had no idea when you were being judged or rejected, rather than loved and accepted, that it actually had nothing to do with you. You probably had no idea that you cannot CAUSE another person to be judgmental or rejecting, or loving and accepting. You likely had no idea that others' behavior is not under your control.

If you believed that you were causing others to judge or reject you, you may have decided that who you really are is not good enough. So you started to judge and reject yourself as you attempted to create a "self" that would be loved and accepted. The inner critic - your ego wounded self - is the self you created. You came to believe that if you judged yourself enough, you would make yourself into an acceptable person.

The problem is that none of this is true. There never was anything wrong with your true Self, your essence, your soul. It was, and is, a perfect expression of the Source from which we are all a part.

When your wounded self is criticizing you, it is criticizing your looks, your intelligence, or your performance. But none of this is who you are.

Who you are - what is truly worthy, lovable and valuable about you - is your ability to love. Not how you look, not how smart you are, not how much money you have or how big your house is. Your true Self is an individualized expression of God (or whatever you want to call our Source), and God is Love.

Next time you hear the authoritative voice of your inner critic, instead of giving that voice credence, stop listening to that voice. Treat that voice with compassion, like a child who acts like it knows everything. Instead of acting on that voice, open instead to the voice of your true Self - the voice of Truth.

Do this simply by asking, with a deep desire to learn, "What is the truth?" Your Higher Self will answer you. This Self is the true voice of authority, even though it may be much softer and gentler than the loud voice of your inner critic.

Each time you hear the critical voice, ask your Higher Self "What is the truth?" If you take action based on the Truth rather than on the false beliefs of your inner critic, you will find yourself feeling so much better in so many ways!






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[ladyinred]

I think we all grw up with a concept of God being judgemental, perhaps like our parents an religion taught us. and the opposite i strue , we need to reevaluate what we believe about God, why we belief it and learn to think differently and see God as unconditional love, not as trying to be judgemental or controlling our lives.. these weblinks help me along with specific meditations I do... The more we are loving to ourselves the more we can love an accept others... why I see fundalmentalism as a problem is it dumps guilt on people they don't need, it is oppressive and not loving to believe in toxic religion.. it teaches us we are not ok for who we are, it teaches us we have to give up ourselves and happiness and conform to some specific dogma or belief system...This is what harms people not love.