I attended Love Won Out in Phoenix

[Jim Burroway]

I went undercover and attended the Love Won Out conference in Phoenix on Feb 10. I have three posts up about it here:

Prologue: Why I Went To "Love Won Out"
http://www.boxturtlebulletin.com/2007/02/12/220

Part 1: What’s Love Got To Do With It?
http://www.boxturtlebulletin.com/2007/02/15/224

Part 2: Parents Struggle With "No Exceptions"
http://www.boxturtlebulletin.com/2007/02/22/228

I'd be interested in comments/feedback.

Thanks

[u-dog]

Blogs two and three were honestly and sensitively written and I thank you for them. I found myself getting sadder and sadder and angrier and angrier as I read. Thinking about all the young folks whose relationships with their loving parents are being fouled and muddled and poisoned by the untruths and half-truths being purveyed by these people. All the "Healing" that these families need is available to them within their own relationships and it is being squandered in the name of a bankrupt ideology.

I have three (straight) sons, but if any one of them had brought home a boyfriend instead of a girlfriend we would have wrapped our arms around him and celebrated their love. It makes me so angry!!!

Dave

[nmwolfboy]

Wow. You've got much more fortitude than i believe i have! It could not have been easy to attend the Love Won Out conference.

I think you do a good job of demonstrating the differences between the motivations of the folks who choose to attend these conferences and the conference organizers. That's something i've never considered before.

Actually, reading about what you observed makes me even more angry with the ex-gay industry for preying upon the pain and insecurities of gay people and their families. And for what? Money? Furtherance of injustice? Immoral moralising?

How can we, as opponents of the ex-gay predators reach out to these folks? It breaks my heart to think that my parents could have been preyed upon by these vultures and their propaganda. Thank God that they weren't. So far as i know, anyway. Even though i've talked with my parents twice already this week, your report makes me want to grab the phone & call them again to once more tell them how much i love & appreciate them!

[Jim Burroway]

As I sat through that conference, I was thinking similar thoughts, that our parents are our best resources. There will be three more conferences scheduled this year in Omaha, Indianapolis, and Irvine CA. I'm wondering if maybe we can get PFLAG involved as a witness to these parents.

[Zerbie]

Wow. You're an excellent writer Jim, and what's more, you zero in on all kinds of subtleties that are too often glossed over or completely missed in the "national conversation" over this topic.

I was very interested in attending the conference and hearing it for myself, but couldn't bring myself to pay their entrance fee - they don't deserve any more money. The conference sounds to a fair extent like I pictured it would be.

Did you attend the talk on "why what they (meaning us, I assume) are teaching is so dangerous?" That one pretty much set me off without having heard a word of it except the title.

I was protesting outside while you were in there. Thanks for the report.

Great having you on the forum!!

[Zerbie]

As I sat through that conference, I was thinking similar thoughts, that our parents are our best resources. There will be three more conferences scheduled this year in Omaha, Indianapolis, and Irvine CA. I'm wondering if maybe we can get PFLAG involved as a witness to these parents.

Well I noticed a contigent of PFLAGers at our Phoenix protest - I imagine someone could think up a way to get the PFLAG contact info visible and available to participants - then it would be up to the participants to make the quantum leap into checking out PFLAG.

Hmmm. Though right off the cuff I can't think of a way to infilrate the conference with PFLAGers, so perhaps just a web addy on a protest sign outside???

[NathanATX]

Jim, the story is amazing. I just passed the word to my myspace crew.
Nate

[Emproph]

Well I noticed a contigent of PFLAGers at our Phoenix protest - I imagine someone could think up a way to get the PFLAG contact info visible and available to participants - then it would be up to the participants to make the quantum leap into checking out PFLAG.

Hmmm. Though right off the cuff I can't think of a way to infilrate the conference with PFLAGers, so perhaps just a web addy on a protest sign outside???
Could you imagine a line of protest signs with easy-to-remember websites, like PFLAG.ORG

The only concern I have is that those websites would almost have to be geared specifically toward LWO parents/participants, and immediately (home page) begin to address aspects of dogma and disinformation – which the PFLAG (http://pflag.org/) site is clearly not designed for.

From now on though, at least one PFLAG.ORG sign.

I’ve got so many ideas. It marks a new era in gay protest history. No longer about protest, we now show up to educate and inform...

[Daniel]

Jim- thank you for your post and blog links. There is a great deal to digest in what you have written.

Several things stand out, none the least of which is the agony of the father who spoke to you about his love for his son.

Another is the degree to which participants seemed to swallow- hook, line and sinker- a Freudian model which hardly represents the man's thinking- being rather twisted and punitive in its effect on participants.

This seems very much in keeping with the need to assign blame- as if being gay was somehow a crime. I only wish that participants could begin to understand that gay people are not part of some sad story with a bad ending.

It's the stories that those who go to these conferences tell themselves that are sad.

[Jim Burroway]

I agree, we really need to be conscious of the aims of "protest", which we haven't been in the past. These particular events call for education more than most. We usually look toward the more conventional gay-rights and gay community groups to lead the protests, but now I think this would be a great opportunity to get our wonderful PFLAG people involved and at the lead.

I think a simple message that conveys the idea that "You love your children as much as we love ours" can go a long way.

Daniel,
That was the most tragic aspect of this. These parents really trust the people they were listening to. And why shouldn't they? These folks are "experts." They have degrees and most of them have "changed" themselves. What's more, they share the same faith. These parents have the "ears to hear" what Love Won Out was telling them, which was very frustrating to me.

NathanATX
Your MySpace crew is a pretty sizeable contingent! :) Thanks!

[Emproph]

I think a simple message that conveys the idea that "You love your children as much as we love ours" can go a long way.I got misty reading just that.

[Rick336]

Jim,

You did an excellent job of describing a "Love Won Out" conference from your first hand perspective of the event.

One paragraph that really angered me was this one:

But when Melissa Fryrear spoke so forcefully that she had never met a lesbian or a gay man who did not have some sort of experience with sexual abuse, that message would become a much-repreated refrain in conversations later that day.

Huh? I don't get it.

Where is Melissa Fryrear finding all these sexually abused gays and lesbians? I've been out of the closet for over three decades and of the hundreds of gay people that I've known, not one has ever been sexually abused as a child.

If Melissa Fryrear wants to meet a gay man who has never been sexually abused....she can come talk to me. And if she wants to meet more, I can easily come up with a long list.

I'm sure there are some gay folks that have experienced sexual abuse and need professional counseling. But an "expert" giving people the idea that homosexuality is caused by sexual abuse is not only absurd, it's grossly irresponsible.

Melissa Fryrear has got a lot more research to do if she wants her opinions to meet with reality. Otherwise, she's greatly misleading a lot of good people. If she truly has the well-being of these families in mind, then she should seek out as much objective information on the subject as she can find. Afterall, these young people's happiness is on the line here.

Thanks to reports like the one you've just done, the gay community can more easily address this problem and hopefully save a lot of young people from unhappy and unfulfilling lives.

Rick Hunter

[Diane Vera]

Could you imagine a line of protest signs with easy-to-remember websites, like PFLAG.ORG

The only concern I have is that those websites would almost have to be geared specifically toward LWO parents/participants, and immediately (home page) begin to address aspects of dogma and disinformation – which the PFLAG (http://pflag.org/) site is clearly not designed for.

If anyone here would like to create such a website, I can provide the web space and register a domain name. (On the server where my "Against Satanic Panics" site is hosted, I'm allowed to have unlimited additional domains at $10 per year each, which I'll be glad to donate. I'm also allowed to create sub-accounts that other people can use.)