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Pathfinder
02-28-2007, 09:40 PM
Probably the best thing that happened to me today was having to listen to a rebroadcast of Larry Flick in the Morning on Sirius OutQ because I was reminded I hadn't visited the SoulForce web-site as I told myself I'd do the first time I heard about the Equality Rides.....

So, here I am! I guess you'd like to know a little bit about me..... Okay, here goes.

I returned home to NC from Atlanta in the summer of 2005 after finally coming to the realization that my 6 year relationship was not working (and if the truth were really told --- had not been working for nearly 4 years). It was a rather traumatic time for me. At 44, I was completely broke, underemployed, and totally unhappy with where I was and where it seemed I was going (which was essentially nowhere). Over the course of the year that followed, I began trying to find me, the person I had somehow lost in a relationship that never should have been.

I have reconnected with the person I was, the spunky individual with a will of her own and a dream to somehow make a difference. In January, I began Graduate School and plan to become a high school history teacher. To a certain extent, I enjoy my life in small town NC, but there is something missing..... Obviously, there is no open GLBT network in town --- too many right-wing conservatives lurking in the bushes. And while this small town is located less than an hour away from the state's largest metropolitan area, Charlotte, the GLBT Community there has been less than welcoming. So, I began trying to meet people on the internet. I never thought it possible, but I met someone in May of last year! She's wonderful! We share a great many things in common. She's slightly younger than me, but that doesn't bother her and it certainly doesn't bother me. She's also in graduate school, but at a different university and in a different program.

However, there are several problems..... One is the distance between us. She lives 170 miles to the west and while my brother also lives there and I have a place to stay when I visit, it's not always easy to see one another. The second is much deeper. While with her a few weeks ago, she confided in me that she's afraid of intimacy and losing control. It seems that every woman she's ever been involved with has been pretty stereotypical. You know the one I mean. The one that arrives driving a U-haul for the second date? Well, anyway, here I was, wanting desperately to be with her, wanting us to explore our relationship in a deeper way and she was putting up all the warning signs! Suddenly, I found myself in a new situation. I really wanted to be with her and I expressed this to her, but I told her I could wait; that if she did not feel the same, I would get out of the car, go into my brother's and we'd continue as before. I left the decision up to her. Sitting in her little car, I came to the realization that I don't want to mess this up. It's too good a thing.....

Well, to cut to the chase as they say, she overcame her fear and we spent a most wonderful night together, waking up early the following morning and having breakfast and spending a couple of hours together before parting company. After returning home I wanted to reassure her that I would never pressure her, that we would take things as they come. She responded that "taking things as they come" has never been easy for her, but that she wanted to try. So, while I hate the geographic distance between us, I feel that only good can come from our friendship that has grown and continues to grow.

I'm not sure why I've gone on so long. I guess I just had to tell someone. My best friend lives in Florida and I haven't had a chance to talk to her in several weeks. Well, thanks for listening!!! Have a wonderful day!

Zerbie
02-28-2007, 09:51 PM
Welcome Pathfinder! :)

Sounds like you are finding a Path indeed.

Brava to you on having the bravery to take a risk in relationship, and to your sweetheart, likewise. It can take that risk sometimes - for you, the risk to give her "space" and let her figure out if she's willing to get close, and for her, the risk to get to that closeness.

Hmm. About the distance, it need not be a big hindrance. The most important thing is the honesty and openness of communication, which it sounds like you already have. Just keep it. I'm guessing that if she is not in a position to re-locate, perhaps once you have your teaching certification you may be in a place to find employment nearer to her and your brother. Until then, keep at the communication - that's what instant messenger and cell phones are for! ;)

When my husband and I were dating, I was in Houston and he was in Phoenix. We were paying ridiculous surcharges for going over our cell phone minutes until we got a plan where we could call each other for free. :p Well that and - countless hours on IM. We were a bit similar - I wasn't too sure about being in such a serious relationship, and he kept reminding himself to back off and let me figure out if I was willing or not. The honest communication is the most priceless asset in our relationship.

I wish you and your girlfriend the very best.

Now come back and participate in some of our other discussions (but keep us posted on this one too, of course.)

Z

BruceChris
02-28-2007, 10:03 PM
You tell us a lot about yourself, in your introductory posting. You sound like a decent, and very real person. Zerbie is good people, and very real, too. But I've known her a lot longer. Welcome to our wonderful website, and give your friend our best.

Peace and Love, Bruce Chris

Daniel
02-28-2007, 11:38 PM
Wow! You've said a lot Pathfinder. I applaud your courage and commitment to seeking your better self as well as you efforts in developing a healthy relationship in connection to your partner- and honor her wishes too. That's a huge thing. Good for you!

I wish you both much happiness and joy. It sounds like things are going really well.

andrewlittle
03-01-2007, 09:37 AM
Glad to meet (read, at least) you.

While the distance can be a frustration, it sounds like it also provides a handy "buffer" zone between your desire to take things further and your gf's fear of mving closer. I pray, that as the need for emotional distance diminishes, the geographic distance does likewise.

Thank you for being so open, by the way. Your authenticity is refreshing and appealing. It was pleasure to read the synopsis of your journey - and very uplifting to see the kind of personal self-reflection you have courageously undertaken.

Andy

nmwolfboy
03-01-2007, 10:21 AM
Welcome Pathfinder!

Thanks for sharing what's been happening in your journey. i hope you find, as i have, that this Soulforce forum is full of warm, caring & incredibly thoughtful people.

-Scott

belladonnacordial
03-01-2007, 04:45 PM
Hi Pathfinder!

As far as I can tell you are doing everything the right way. I know how much work and energy it can take to give someone the sort of love they want, especially if that takes the form of time and space. I think she is a very lucky person to have found you.

Also, congratulations on taking the steps to create the life you desire and deserve. I applaud your courage and wish you well.

Welcome to the forum! This is a safe place full of amazing people and a great place to find friendship, support, and understanding.

Wishing you much love and light in your new life,
Donna

paintyourrainbow
11-04-2007, 12:59 PM
Just curious how your long distance relationship is doing? My partner of eleven years, Pat, has recently moved back to California to be closer to her kids and grandkids. I chose to stay in Portland, Oregon for now. My choices and freedoms are more evident since her move....and I am working on photography more passionately. Looking forward to my visit with Pat in December. Anyways....what is new?

Gennee
11-04-2007, 02:43 PM
Welcome to soulforce, Pathfinder. Thank you for sharing about your journey. i'm sure that you will discover man things about yourself that you never knew you possess. I see there a are some wonderful qualities that you have.

Gennee


:love::love:

antiochian
11-05-2007, 11:07 PM
Hi and welcome! So heartwarming to hear that you are possibly finding love again after that last unfulfilling relationship. I'm saddened that Charlotte's LGBTQ center wasn't very welcoming... sometimes that happens and it's a shame. But you're very welcome here, even if it's only a bunch of avatars talking to each other in cyberspace!

Jennifer5
11-23-2007, 02:45 AM
Welcome, glad to have you here :)

Megandy
12-20-2007, 11:02 PM
And while this small town is located less than an hour away from the state's largest metropolitan area, Charlotte, the GLBT Community there has been less than welcoming.

Hi there!!
Although I myself am a "newbie" to SF, I want to welcome you! I have pretty much grown up in rural conservative NC, so your thread title caught my eye! What town do you live in?? We are in Cornelius, NC (just north of Charlotte). I don't claim to be much of a part of the GLBT community in Charlotte, but I'm sorry that you found the community to be less than welcoming. I agree, the GLBT community in Charlotte could use some extra helping hands. Unfortunately they are downsizing (can't afford the rent!), so I'm concerned that we are losing ground in that area. I myself am in graduate school (in the social work program at UNCC), so I don't have much extra time to volunteer, but I am starting to volunteer a little.

Anyway, I just wanted to introduce myself, and offer a line of support and friendship for another gay family member in North Carolina!!

-Megan

RedneckDyke
12-21-2007, 10:49 AM
Hiya Pathfinder!!!!

I live in rural conservative NC too. Not too far from y'all. Chatham county. South of Greensboro and north of SAnford. Near Chapel Hill. I admit I don't know much about Charlotte exceppt that my partner changes planes there when she flies out of Greensboro. (She's a nurse and travels a lot.)
We got a farm and lots of animals and birds. We love it but you are right in that there isn't any organized Queer community. There's a few of us here, and we ain't closeted, but we don't go marching around the courthouse square hanging rainbow flags on the statue of the confederate soldier either.
Actually, that might be pretty funny. Put a big ol wig on him too and dress him in drag and say "oh, johhny, you're a rebel now.":D:D:D
Anyhow, we know several other gay couples that farm in the surrounding counties. We see them at sustainable ag conferences and stuff. Also, in our town, we have Twin Oaks, which is a clothing optional men's camping retreat. Pretty funny. Hey, queers keepin' it rural are the 3 dollar bill backbone of America y'all.
So, if you're ever in Greensboro or Pittsboro or Chapel Hill or something maybe we could hang.

Great to meet you!
Redneck

Megandy
12-21-2007, 01:09 PM
So, if you're ever in Greensboro or Pittsboro or Chapel Hill or something maybe we could hang.

Great to meet you!
Redneck

Great to know there are lots of us rural gay folk in NC. I bet the born & bred folks would be surprised to see how many of us there are right down the street! lol!