hello, my name is..

[mocjo]

I was raised in a conservative Christian home, school and church, so as many ,I struggled with my homosexuality. I was as young as 5 and remember knowing there was something "different" about me. I thought I was evil. I still think that sometimes. It has not been an easy life so far. When I was pretending to be straight I felt I could pray and communicate with God. I would get on my knees and beg for Him to take away these "feelings". They never went away. There was a long period where I would think that I can't be a Christian and gay and so stopped praying. Only recently have I started praying and handing things over to God. Many of my friends werent raised in this enviroment and so it is hard for them to understand and help with certain things. It is nice to read some of the forums and be able to relate. I admire Mel White. Thank you, you have helped me not dislike Jerry Falwell so much!

[antonyh]

I was as young as 5 and remember knowing there was something "different" about me. I thought I was evil. I still think that sometimes.


Welcome to Soulforce. You are not evil :love:

[scott snedeker]

Your gay soul is God-given gift. He intends for you to follow your heart to the path of joy. To do otherwise disconnects you from you inner being. You honor him by living true to your nature.

You are venturing on a journey of self discovery, of connecting to the unconditional love of self.......Your Heart of Innocence

[TigerXero]

Your story sounds very familiar, but know that what you may be beginning is a whole new spiritual journey you weren't even allowed to realize as a possibility given your (and my own) upbringing. Mine would have to be described as one from conservative Christianity to that of a progressive Christian view of the Bible, and hopefully you will be able to reconnect with God as I did. But yes, welcome to the forums. You'll be sure to find a warm and supportive group of people here.

[davidb]

Greetings from yet another corner of the evangelical refugee camp. This is a great place to interact with people with similar struggles who know what you are going through. You can find healing, and things do get better. Your sexuality is a gift from God, and you a precious part of God's creation. Yes, we too are "fearfully and wonderfully made."

____________________________________________
What lies behind us and what lies before us are small matters compared to what lies within us.

--Emerson

[u-dog]

I would get on my knees and beg for Him to take away these "feelings". They never went away.

I, too, prayed and prayed for that Mocjo and wondered why He didn't answer that prayer. Many (probably MOST) of us, beleivers and non-believers alike have prayed that prayer and recieved the same non-answer. I have come to believe that the reason that God doesn't answer that prayer in the affirmative is because He loves us and knows that our sexuality is central to who we are. If he changed my orientation, "I" would no longer be "me". To change our sexual identity would be the same as obliterating us. God, unlike some of his followers, is unwilling to obliterate us.



Thank you, you have helped me not dislike Jerry Falwell so much!

Well now, Mocjo, wait a minute!! I think you might be throwing the baby out with the bathwater!! So MUCH is built on our dislike of Jerry Falwell! :lol:

[Vanessa White]

I have not had an experience similar to yours when I was growing up, but many of my friends here have, so I have grown to have a better understanding of that type of message that gets ingrained in your fiber of being. I am so glad for you that you found us- we are like family around here. Peace and love, Vanessa :love:

[Zerbie]

Joy is a lovely name. :) :) :)

Sorry to hear of your struggles. Again, they are familiar. I am fortunate not to have had much of that religious upbringing, though my family of origin was horribly homophobic and that had a pretty big impact (on various things.)

Glad you found Soulforce. Welcome.:)

[Rick336]

mocjo,

Welcome to SoulForce. I'm glad you're here. Stick around and be a part of a great group of folks.

Rick