Hi there!

[Zerbie]

Greetings from the desert Southwest. Just joined, and if the avatar uploaded without problems, what you will see is a cartoon pic that looks a scary lot like me, for real! Except that in real life I don't wear bunny ears (I collect plush bunnies, hence the ears.)

I've wanted to be involved in LGBT activism since I first heard about the existence of gay people when I was 6 or 7 (I'm bisexual myself) and I've managed to be somewhat involved over the years. Hubby and I are both deeply committed right now to fighting an anti-gay amendment that the right-wing policy group in town has launched for November 2006.

Glad that Soulforce exists, since anti-gay animus has its root in philosophical, emotional, quasi-religious reactionism and dogma. Those things need to be addressed before we will have really effective change.

Anyway - Hi!:D

[keltic63]

Welcome Zerbie!

[Ellen]

Welcome! So when are you going to tell us the story about what happened when you were 9?

[Zerbie]

Welcome! So when are you going to tell us the story about what happened when you were 9?


Okay then. Kinda long:

I always knew what I was (bi) and that there was a huge social problem with homosexuality, and that I wanted to grow up to be an activist. Logically, being 6, 7, and 8 years I figured I would wait til college, or at least late high school before mentioning this stuff to other people, and the plan was to tactfully explain to my not-so-understanding mom about my own orientation when I was 17 or 18. So what happened that I came out to her at 9?

One night after dinner in 1983/84 (not sure exactly when this happened) I went alone into the living room and turned on the TV. Something I wanted to watch started in 10 minutes and there was a news show finishing up before that, so I was sitting through the end of the news. Around that time were all the early-ish reports about AIDS, I'm pretty sure it wasn't even named yet, and I heard several things that just horrified me, starting with the broadcasters saying that the general public shouldn't be concerned about the disease because it (supposedly) only happened to homosexuals. Then they had an interview with a "religious leader" who said that stuff about the disease being God's punishment for immorality and he thought that all homosexuals would be exterminated within a few more years.

I totally freaked out. Started crying and screamed for my mother. When she came into the living room I pointed at the TV and said "Listen to that!" She listened for moment then said, "So? Why do you care about that? You won't get sick, only bad people get that disease."

I'll skip over the long argument, which I still remember pretty clearly - but basically my mom kept demanding an explanation for why I thought homosexuals deserved to live, and I kept trying to explain to her that not wanting innocent people to die didn't NEED an explanation, but she kept saying something was wrong with anyone who cared about gay people. I insisted that belief was itself the biggest problem and I asked her to please help me find, as I put it then, "The Gay Liberationists" so that I could join them, and basically lobby the government for AIDS research funding, etc.

Then she said if I cared about homosexuals it was because I didn't know what they were. I told her I did. My mother actually made me describe sex acts between men before she would believe that I knew what a gay person was. And it was during this argument that I thought I had an ace in the hole with the matter of my own orientation. I thought: if she understood what I was, because she loves me, she wouldn't hate these men, and maybe then she would teach me how to be an activist and fight on behalf of PWAs. My last thought before I said it was, 'This is YEARS too soon, but my brothers are dying! Here is my last chance to get help before it's too late.' So, I told my mom.

And as you know, it resulted in me backed into a corner trying to shield my face while my mom's hands flew at me over and over, mom screaming hysterical anti-gay propaganda. And I kept thinking, 'Oh God, gays lose their mothers!' That experience illustrated to me how necessary it is to fight for one another. . .not only did I learn that the whole country wanted gay men to die, horribly, and would cheer for it instead of trying to protect them, but I learned that my own mother would hate me for loving people.

That was a day I'll never forget, and the emotions from that struggle are what fuel my activism to this day.

[Ellen]

Wow, what a story. How did you overcome that at such a young age and not let it totally screw you up? You must have amazing strength and sense-of-self.

[SolInvictus]

Welcome Zerbie. Your story is powerful, and gla you are using that energy for activism. God Bless You.

[Zerbie]

Because Keltic bumped his first post. So I'm bumping mine.

Ha! :p :lol:

Blast from the past - this is weird reading myself talking here almost 2 years ago.

[Sherrie Z]

Wow, that is very impressive! What a story ... so aware and so compassionate at such a young age! Go, Zerbie!

My sympathies that you had such a hard time at home, but good for you that you stood by the truth and love that you knew and felt called to share. How are things with your (biological) family now?

For me, it was Anita Bryant's anti-gay crusade on TV that was a significant factor in getting me involved in working for LGBT rights ... this was a few years before the time of your story, but I was in my mid-twenties at that time.

By the way, I was in the Castro again a few days ago ... and I thought of you ... : )

[Zerbie]

My sympathies that you had such a hard time at home, but good for you that you stood by the truth and love that you knew and felt called to share. How are things with your (biological) family now?

For me, it was Anita Bryant's anti-gay crusade on TV that was a significant factor in getting me involved in working for LGBT rights ... this was a few years before the time of your story, : )

I'm so glad I didn't live through Anita Bryant's campaign - she sounds like an utter psycho. :mad: But on the flip side, when are these anti-gay nasties gonna wake up and realize that the more they attempt to restrict the civil rights of gay people, the more gay rights activists they are gonna create?? I wasn't nearly so involved in this stuff until Arizona put an anti-gay ballot initiative in the thick of things.

Relations with the parents are much better now. My dad basically avoids conflict and prefers to be easy-going, so things have mostly been alright with him all along, but he used to let my mother do things her way for those reasons. Growing up, after that incident, my mother went nuts trying to get me to use nailpolish and makeup and move in a more feminine way, like that was going to make me like men more, or something.:rolleyes: I never did connect it to having told her I was bisexual at 9 until a few years ago, in hindsight. Mom also did everything she could to keep me away from gay men, but oddly, had no objection to lesbians. :confused::confused::confused::confused::confused:

Anyway. :lol: I probably confused her a bit when I got married, and at that time she threw out all my gay-themed books that were stored in my parents' garage. I was livid, and sure she did it intentionally, but she said she remembers that I "told" her to get rid of them. Which I never would have done, since some of them contained good socio/political analyses and useful historical/legal factual information and I still wish I had them (a few have apparently gone out of print).

Relations with Mom are much better now, but some day I may need to sit down over lunch and explain things. Last summer she visited us and asked me if I had "become a Christian now" - and I gather from the question she is puzzling over whether I had a quasi-religious conversion into an ex-gay, or something.

After that question I started telling her about all the ways hubby & I are involved in gay rights groups, the campaigning we've done, etc.

The best thing is that I'm working on a project right now which I told her about, and finally after years of changing the subject, my mom finally said: "Wow, that sounds like a very big project. Good luck and let me know how it goes." Then, she even asked me about it on the next phone call. So after 20+ years, she has finally decided to support me in this endeavor. That's a really big deal to me!

Maybe now I can show her the photo in 'People.' :lol:

[Sherrie Z]

Maybe now I can show her the photo in 'People.' :lol:


And what a cool photo it is!!! Thanks so much for the update ... I'm very glad to hear that things have improved with your family. And also very glad that you and your husband are so committed to the cause ... hooray!!! : )