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Vanessa White
04-26-2007, 11:41 AM
Hello all, including those newest members from some of the schools that the Equality Riders visited. First of all, welcome, and I do hope that your membership/visitation here is at least enlightening, even if not altogether pleasant. The feeling of unpleasantness is mutual, I must say. I have been thinking on starting this thread for a couple of days now, not really knowing how to respond to some of what has been seeming to happen here, meaning in general on the Soulforce forums. I am posting here on this thread, and leave it to the moderators to move if they see it more appropriately placed elsewhere.

Let me begin by stating how proud, and humbled, I feel of and by the work of the Equality Riders. If I were twenty years younger, I would like to think that I would have been taking two months plus off from my life to participate in this endeavor. Frankly, I don't know that I would have had the courage to do so, but I like to think that I would. I admire their tenacity, strength, courage, determination, energy, and ability to look pure adversity and intolerance in the face and continue on. Now, by saying that, I am in no way stating that all schools and/or all students, staff, and personnel have been intolerant. I know that many schools have welcomed the riders for dialogue, discussion, presence. I know that some students have felt inspired, changed, willing to look in a different way because of the presence of our riders. I feel fully able to support what they have done and the way in which they have done it.

I do not do well with confrontation, with hostility, and that could be another reason that I would not have been a Rider, even though I would like to think I could handle it. It is another reason I don't easily post when there seems to be so much conflict on a thread, even if it is useful and necessary. THe dilemma for me personally becomes, by not speaking my truth, am I silencing myself from what needs to be exposed to the light? Probably, in a way.

However, much of what has been posted here in some of the threads does not seem like discussion, meaning, a willingness to see even a little bit, an alternate point of view. I would like to trust that the persons that actually join our membership here, know full well what the mission of Soulforce is, and come here not to just rant what they see as the only way to view things, but rather, the way they have always seen things, yet are willing to consider other perspectives. I have watched many of my beloved SF friends become agitated, angry, and personally offended by some of what has been written. THat saddens and angers me for them. And, I have felt personal hurt, on behalf of the LGBTQ community, and the youths and students that have no one to turn to as they try to make sense of how they feel and who they are. Those are the souls for whom these actions hope to help the most, I believe, those that do not yet know how to help themselves.

Without speaking too much for others here whom I have come to know and to cherish, I think many of us view any mistreatment of our fellow humans to be unthinkable and intolerable, and whatever can be done in a loving, nonviolent, manner, to open up our arms to our fellow humans, we should be doing so. I feel so encouraged and hopeful when new members come on board, and are willing to openly tell us their story, and are willing to hear ours with open ears and hearts. It hurts my heart when they are not.

I read this in an affirmation book by Melody Beattie today, and I believed it applied to the current climate on the forums:
"We can be honest with people without being mean. We can be diplomatic in whatever we need to say, at least most of the time. And we usually don't have to scream and shout. I have learned a little trick along the way. THe weaker and more vulnerable I feel, the more I holler and the meaner I react. The more truly powerful, clear, and centered I am, the quieter, gentler, and more loving I speak. The next time you feel threatened or start to scream and yell, stop yourself. Take a deep breath. Deliberately speak more softly than you normally would.
You can speak softly and still carry a great big stick."
Much love and peace to you all, Vanessa :love: :love: :love:

Zerbie
04-26-2007, 03:26 PM
Thank you Vanessa. :love: :love: :love:
You are absolutely correct.

I was thinking for a few days of posting a similar thread myself. Glad that you did.

It has been intense here this week. The way I see it, more loving words were needed, and look - they are already forthcoming. :)

Britt.
04-26-2007, 03:39 PM
Like Zerbie, I appreciate this post.

I've kept up w/ some of the new threads, but there have been more than I really have time to read up on, & give a response.

Rick336
04-26-2007, 04:16 PM
Venessa,

Great post. I agree.

Sometimes I'm guilty of reacting on first impulse with a response to a post I disagree with. Later I think of how I could have stated my position with more tact and kindness.

I think it's probably human nature to respond that way but many times it alienates those with an opposing viewpoint. It also defeats the purpose of growth through communication.

I'm glad you brought this to our attention. Thank you. :)

Rick

Daniel
04-26-2007, 04:36 PM
Oh Vanessa. This thread, compared with a few I've been active on, is like finding a shady tree in the middle of a hot dry plain. Cool and refreshing. Mind if I sit here a minute?

I went out to the market earlier today, and found myself thinking about the interaction on those threads as I passed a park full of flowers and people bustling about, the sun radiant, spring in the air, the air vibrating with possibility. I stood there and thought: "I wish I could share the beauty of this moment with all the people I've sparred with this week. I wish they could see that we have the same loves and sorrows."

That's what's missing in those conversations: the sharing of simple things, loves, likes and interests which build up rather than tear down. Those things are so far away when everyone- myself included- is endeavoring to make their point, stick in their oar, and god-dang-it, make the other guy see the light.

The moment I had standing in a park is the kind of moment we are blessed enough to have if we have lives, rather than attitudes. And I want to have more of the former and less of the latter.

I think that's what we all want.

Zerbie
04-26-2007, 04:41 PM
((((( Daniel )))))

Big hugs to you, Daniel darlin.'

I'd send water, but this is Arizona. :D

So you get hugs instead.
You're right, of course. ;)
:love: :love: :love: :love: :love:

Vanessa White
04-27-2007, 08:34 AM
I agree, what we all want, or at least I perceive that we all want on some level, is to find our commonalities, and to be understood. I would think that something as simple in beauty as flowers, a quiet park, aspects of nature, can easily bring it all into perspective. After all, it does represent new life bursting forth, the promise of new life, a new season, hope for the future.....

Please, Daniel, sit in the shade as long as you desire, I think I shall join you there. :love: :love: :love: :love:

Dash
04-27-2007, 01:31 PM
This electronic world often renders human interaction down to nothing more than agreement or disagreement. It is distinctly jarring to communicate with people in the bare naked world of ideas and conflicting opinion.

It's quite different, however, when we meet in person--at least in my experience. It's easier to gauge another person's comfort level, security and maturity when I look at them. I know when I can push a little, or when I need to just let them have their say without rebuttal.

But...

This is what we've got for the most part. We don't have the opportunity to personally engage the masses with whom we seek reconciliation.

I think as active (or potential) followers of Gandhian methods, we will have to take very seriously his prescriptions for self-purification and inner change before we will become truly adept at nonviolent Internet communication with our challengers. I doubt that loving them, and speaking to them in a loving way will begin by just deciding to change our tone...it will start with rigorous practice of truth in daily life, of nonstealing, nonretaliation...of directing the little and big angers toward forgiveness and constructive expressions of conflict resolution.

I've been trying to work on these things this year, and it is remarkable how bad I am at it. It is remarkable how much I overlook and accept. I face these tests all day long at work and with my co-workers, and I am not a nice person! :)

Gandhi took great pains to distinguish between two different kinds of nonviolence...his satyagraha and an inferior duragraha. The first is a "nonviolence of the strong" or "active nonviolent resistance". It permits not even a hint of hatred or violence in thought or word toward those to whom it is directed. The second is a "nonviolence of the weak" or "passive resistance". He acknowledged that most of his followers had only reached the second level in the struggle for India's independence from British rule. This lesser form of nonviolence uses the methods of nonviolence, but only for their pragmatic value insofar as they might pressure the opponents to change. Unlike satyagraha, duragraha harbors hidden anger and simply desires victory of one value over another. When it fails, it often reverts to violence, because it did not truly embody love. Part of the difference between the two is that one seeks to change the challenger, and one seeks to love the challenger.

The means and end should always be equal. If our methods only involve debating and trying to change others, the result will likely be continued debate and resistance to change. Mel White has made this clear when he says, "The debate is over." If our method is to love, then regardless of the outcome, we will have a return of love...if only within ourselves.

I'm taking very tiny baby steps with this...well...maybe not even that. Maybe I'm only just realizing that I've never walked.