Came out 2 Family

[sjbouza]

Well, today was the day. I finally got up the courage to come out to my family. Well, my aunt at least. We went out to lunch today, like we usually do a couple Mondays a month. The time felt right and the discussion we were having, which I initiated...:rolleyes: ;) We were talking about homosexuality and relationships and I st one point I just blurted out, "people like me". She asked, "you are homosexual?" I said, "yes I am gay Vicki!!!"

We talked more about everything including what the Bible says. I voiced what I believe and she just said that I have been deceived by the world. That the Bible condemns homosexuality. I explained my side and how I believed, but she didnt change her position. I knew she wouldnt. But she said that she still loves me no matter what. That I need to talk to here minister and see what he has to say about it.

Anyway, I cant even explain the feelings that I have right now. I feel a lot more free. Even though she doesnt see my points, that isnt what matters to me. I am still family, which deep down inside I knew that wouldnt change. I also knew that I wouldnt change how she believes. But you know what, that doesnt matter to me. If she ever sees what I see makes no difference to me. I know that God loves me and I am going to heaven to be with Him one day. I know that I am not living for the flesh, I am living for love. Just because it is with another man, I dont believe that God cares. I know that this is the way he created me. She doesnt believe it was a choice that I made. It is hard to explain how she explained it to me. But basically she feels that it is a choice to live a homosexual lifestyle. That there are "thousands" of people that have been changed and are now living a "normal" life. I just put it to her this way. You cant know unless you have been in my shoes or the shoes of someone that has a homosexual orientation. It is like explaining what it is to walk on the moon to someone that has never been there. They just cant and sometimes wont understand what it is.

I do feel a lot better. Even though she will probably never believe as I do about my relationship with God, I still have her. I told her if she wanted to tell mom or whomever, I didnt care. I am past that point now I guess. I am sure that she will. For me that will be the easiest. Just to get it out there has freed me soooooo much.

GOD IS WONDERFUL!!! I give Him PRAISE!!!

I want to thank everyone here. Without what I have learned here and some of the things that a few of you have told me I could have never come to this point in my life. As I told her, if it wasnt for this site and Dr White, I wouldnt be in Gods loving arms right now. I would still feel the condemnation and hatred. I no longer feel that. When I am at church in Praise and Worship I can feel the Holy Spirit filling my with the love of God. I can feel His love and blessings in my life. So thank you all for everything. I love you all in Christ. You will never know how much you all have meant to me. I thank God for Soul Force and people like you all. A true blessing is here for all who are thrown away by everyone else.

With much love and thanks
Scott

[andrewlittle]

Praise God from whom all blessings flow.

God bless for you for courage, Scott.

[u-dog]

much love back atcha my brother! I am so very happy for you. I will continue to keep you in prayer as there may be a few rocky conversations ahead in the next few weeks, but you have taken and big and courageous step forward. Jesus tells us to love our neighbor as ourself but if we despise ourselves we aint doin much good for others are we?

Dave

PS. Stay away from Aunt Vicki's pastor for a while until you have regained your equilibrium, you are still in the early part of the journey outward!

[keltic63]

Scott, that's wonderful! it brought back memories of when I came out, and how it felt in those first few days to finally feel free!

Don't worry about your family agreeing or disagreeing with you. You can't control that. I'd hold off on meeting with your aunt's minister until you are confident that you can hold your own against the anti-gay statements this guy may make.

[dsdrane]

PS. Stay away from Aunt Vicki's pastor for a while until you have regained your equilibrium, you are still in the early part of the journey outward!

Firstly, many, many congratulations for diving into the deep end without your swim fins! It's such a birthing process!

Secondly, Dave is right with the above. Remember that this is YOUR life, and you will meet with whomever or not according to what you dictate.

It's such a tricky balancing act to give family what they need to try to process while at the same time not giving in to family at the expense of your safety and happiness.

You're in the driver's seat...they'll learn eventually.

Keep on truckin'!

David:applause: :love: :cookie:

[BrentRichards]

Kudos! It does feel freeing, doesn't it?

Here's a little piece of the letter I sent to my siblings when I came out ... we don't live close by, and I didn't want to do it by phone ... the letter also gave them a little time to process before they had to respond ... they were/are very positive, thankfully.

I don't expect you to be able to take this in and be "fine" with it all at once, if at all. I know how long it took me to come to terms with it, and I know it may be difficult for you to decide on an appropriate response as well.

...

So there's the news. Are you still sitting down, or lying on the floor breathing into a paper bag? As I said, I don't know how to expect you to react ... I hope that you'll realize that I'm not any different than the same brother you always had (sorry, you were hoping to "trade up"). Now, you just know one more thing about me than you did before. Although I can't insist that you like this news, I am confident that the kind of love our Mom and Dad taught us means that I'm not going to get "thrown out of the family."

[Rick336]

Anyway, I cant even explain the feelings that I have right now. I feel a lot more free.

Aint freedom wonderful?

This is great news!! Congratulaitons Scott. :tup: :applause: You'll always remember Monday April 30th, 2007 as the day you came out.

Rick

[nmwolfboy]

Congratulations, Scott!

What a wonderful step you've taken. :applause: i second the folks who've advised that you're in the driver's seat of this process. Take your next steps when you feel it's right.

i've been out for a long time and i've gotta say, you are right - the freedom feels wonderful! Thanks for sharing your news. :)

Many blessings upon you. :pray:

Pax,

scott

[kara speltz]

Well, today was the day. I finally got up the courage to come out to my family. Well, my aunt at least. We went out to lunch today, like we usually do a couple Mondays a month. The time felt right and the discussion we were having, which I initiated...:rolleyes: ;) We were talking about homosexuality and relationships and I st one point I just blurted out, "people like me". She asked, "you are homosexual?" I said, "yes I am gay Vicki!!!"

We talked more about everything including what the Bible says. I voiced what I believe and she just said that I have been deceived by the world. That the Bible condemns homosexuality. I explained my side and how I believed, but she didnt change her position. I knew she wouldnt. But she said that she still loves me no matter what. That I need to talk to here minister and see what he has to say about it.

Anyway, I cant even explain the feelings that I have right now. I feel a lot more free. Even though she doesnt see my points, that isnt what matters to me. I am still family, which deep down inside I knew that wouldnt change. I also knew that I wouldnt change how she believes. But you know what, that doesnt matter to me. If she ever sees what I see makes no difference to me. I know that God loves me and I am going to heaven to be with Him one day. I know that I am not living for the flesh, I am living for love. Just because it is with another man, I dont believe that God cares. I know that this is the way he created me. She doesnt believe it was a choice that I made. It is hard to explain how she explained it to me. But basically she feels that it is a choice to live a homosexual lifestyle. That there are "thousands" of people that have been changed and are now living a "normal" life. I just put it to her this way. You cant know unless you have been in my shoes or the shoes of someone that has a homosexual orientation. It is like explaining what it is to walk on the moon to someone that has never been there. They just cant and sometimes wont understand what it is.

I do feel a lot better. Even though she will probably never believe as I do about my relationship with God, I still have her. I told her if she wanted to tell mom or whomever, I didnt care. I am past that point now I guess. I am sure that she will. For me that will be the easiest. Just to get it out there has freed me soooooo much.

GOD IS WONDERFUL!!! I give Him PRAISE!!!

I want to thank everyone here. Without what I have learned here and some of the things that a few of you have told me I could have never come to this point in my life. As I told her, if it wasnt for this site and Dr White, I wouldnt be in Gods loving arms right now. I would still feel the condemnation and hatred. I no longer feel that. When I am at church in Praise and Worship I can feel the Holy Spirit filling my with the love of God. I can feel His love and blessings in my life. So thank you all for everything. I love you all in Christ. You will never know how much you all have meant to me. I thank God for Soul Force and people like you all. A true blessing is here for all who are thrown away by everyone else.

With much love and thanks
Scott

Congratulations Scott. It does get easier, at least for most of us. But remember how long it took you to be accepting of yourself and give your aunt at least that amount of time.

I've posted this story before on the forum, but I'm going to tell it again, because it's such a wonderful story.

Anyone who has read, "Stranger at the Gate - to be gay and Christian in America, " by Mel White knows that he's been out some 30 years. He and Gary celebrated their 25th anniversary last Palm Sunday.

Mel's parents were very accepting of Gary, and loved him. But it was still hard for them given that they came out of a fundamentalist background. Mel's dad is a minister in Santa Cruz (he's now 94). Three years ago, Mel was invited to be the grand marshall for the Santa Cruz Gay Pride parade. Mel very much wanted his father to ride with him. Carl repeatedly told Mel he couldn't do that because it would ruin his ministry in Santa Cruz.

But his dad did agree to come with Mel and I to a conference that Mel was keynoting near Santa Cruz. The topic was about making our churches more welcoming. I thought it was a big step for him. Shortly after our arrival, Mel and I were approached by a young woman somewhere around 20, who told us that she'd read, "Stranger," with a razor blade in her hand. She was the daughter of an American Baptist minister and her father had totally rejected her.

Ultimately she told Mel's Dad, Carl, her story and he was deeply touched by it. Carl took her phone number and promised to call her. Carl was very quiet on the way home, and later told us that he'd decided after lisitening to Melissa's story that he would ride with Mel the next day. When Carl told his own minister what he was going to do the minister threatened him saying that he wasn't sure he could continue to minister at their church if he did that. Carl held his ground and the next morning, rode in the parade with Mel. Mel was so proud. He created a small hand scripted sign saying, "my 91 year old father - mayor of Santa Cruz 1958."

Since then Carl has even attended a PFLAG meeting. So after 25 years, his father is still on the journey to full acceptance. And let's face it, Mels as charasmatic person as I have ever met in my life, so we all need to be patient with our families.

kara

[Freespirited]

Hi Scott!


Isn't that feeling wonderful!! it is like being born again! and I don't
mean in just a religious sort of way, but at least with me it did felt
like I was literally borned again!! and looking back on that day I
remember crying but strangely it felt good to cry, and soon after
I had an outpouring of emotions a new me bloomed.... ooooooh
how sweet of a fragrance my entire body felt being me!


My friend don't forget you are a blossom that just openned up, and
as a result you are very vulnerable to the abrupt changes you will
face and endure in this unpredictable human emotional climate
of your life I call "The Spring season of your true self"....

chucks just when I am feeling inspired the phone rang! my
goddaughter is coming over in a few minutes!!

I will beeeeeeeeeeeee back!! I am sooooooooo happy for you!

LEANDRO

[sjbouza]

Everyone, thank you for all the words of support and encouragement. They are much appreciated and very much needed. Yes, I dont plan to meet with my aunts minister for awhile. I need time to get my thoughts back again, so to speak. I am in a state right now of happiness, but I am also still feeling some of the "odd man out" type of feelings. I just needed to get that part of my life over. I dont know if it really was the right time, but the second before I said it I was just a small voice inside the told me..."do it now!!!" So I did it. It felt so wonderful. Now that some of you have said it, there is a very "born again" feeling.

This is the beginning of my new journey as an openly gay Christian man. I know, and have always accepted that I will probably never change how they believe or interpret the Bible. But I know within myself, despite what my aunt has said, that I am saved by the blood of Jesus Christ and am going to see them in heaven on day. God is in my life and I know He made me this way and I am in His arms. No matter what they may say or think of me, I know that deep down in my soul.

Again, thank you all for everything. I am looking forward to "chatting" with all of you more and more as my journey unfolds. I am sure I will be needing some advice in the near future. I just thank and praise God that I have you all, my brothers and sisters in Christ.

All my love,
Scott

[antonyh]

Anyway, I cant even explain the feelings that I have right now. I feel a lot more free. Even though she doesnt see my points, that isnt what matters to me. I am still family, which deep down inside I knew that wouldnt change.

Congratulations...you are extending your freedom :)

[squirt07]

congrats. maybe one day i will be able to be that free.

[u-dog]

congrats. maybe one day i will be able to be that free.

Your time is coming Squirt! and you'll know when it arrives. Hopefully you won't wait til you're 48.

[Emproph]

I need time to get my thoughts back again, so to speak. I am in a state right now of happiness, but I am also still feeling some of the "odd man out" type of feelings. I just needed to get that part of my life over. I dont know if it really was the right time, but the second before I said it I was just a small voice inside the told me..."do it now!!!" So I did it. It felt so wonderful. Now that some of you have said it, there is a very "born again" feeling.

You did it. Once is all it takes to know you can do it again. It may be very hard sometimes, but you'll never have to face the fear of having to do it for THE FIRST TIME ever again. Remember that.

I know, and have always accepted that I will probably never change how they believe or interpret the Bible. But I know within myself, despite what my aunt has said, that I am saved by the blood of Jesus Christ and am going to see them in heaven on day. God is in my life and I know He made me this way and I am in His arms.

Remember too, now when she hears about other gay people, she may be more inclined to think of them as someone else's nephew, as opposed to a sinful lifestyle.