pnggrad79
05-14-2007, 10:06 AM
Please allow me to vent then talk me down with some sage wisdom which I know there is a plethora of around here.
My wife and I have been married for almost 3 years and been together for 10. When I decided to come out of the closet to my family, I went whole hog. My wife said nothing to hers, despite the fact that her brother is gay and they have known for years. So I sat around at family functions (they are the only family that allows me into their house, mine refuse) a virtual ghost. My wife and her family barely acknowledge my existence, I get no introductions, and my wife doesn't touch me, speak to me, and treats me as if I am nothing more than lint on the TV screen. 80 miles north of her parents is our house and there, she is all over me, hugging me, telling me she loves me, etc. But when we are at her parents' house, I am an infection. Finally, her dad cornered her one day and said, "Did ya'll get married in Niagara Falls?" My wife said, "Uh yes" and he said, "We're not stupid, we see the rings." So her father outed her. Now its out in the open, they know, we're still welcome there, but when we go to her parents house, I am still a ghost. In the car driving up the driveway, she reaches across the console, kisses me, says, "I love you", but when we open that door, she turns into the ice princess. I am not called "baby" I am called by my name. She doesn't come within 5 feet of me, barely talks to me, and she wonders why I just sit around and wait to leave.
Yesterday, Mother's Day, we go down to see her mother, and one of her mother's friends has a rent house that caught on fire. So me, my wife, and her mother all go to the house to meet her mother's friend. All the neighbors are standing around and my wife is approached by a high school friend of hers. I am standing not 2 feet from her, and they talk for a good 15 minutes. This guy keeps looking at me, doesn't know who I am, and my wife says nothing about who I am or what I am doing there. For 15 minutes I stand there while they talk and she says nothing. He left, and she grins at me and says, "I know what you're going to say and save it until we get back in the car." We walk to the car, get in, and she says, "That was Fred Flintstone (not his real name, duh) and if he found out I am a lesbian, the whole town would know. I don't want to embarrass my mother."
I said, "So now I am an embarrassment to you? If I was a man, you would have had no problem at all introducing me to your high school friend. Furthermore, your mother would not be embarrassed. But I am not a man, I am a woman. And I have done nothing for you or your mother to be embarrassed about. I don't drink, don't smoke, have never been in jail, and I treat you very well. Why do you treat me like lint on the TV screen in front of your family?" I am tired of being treated like a disease that needs to be hidden away, and not talked about. Being gay is not a disease. It is not something I am ashamed of.
My question to you is this- Am I wrong to want to be treated like a person around her family or should I just keep quiet, not cause a scene, and suck up with being treated like a ghost? or should I say something ?:confused: I love my wife but I am tired of being treated one way at our house and the complete opposite at her family's house.
My wife and I have been married for almost 3 years and been together for 10. When I decided to come out of the closet to my family, I went whole hog. My wife said nothing to hers, despite the fact that her brother is gay and they have known for years. So I sat around at family functions (they are the only family that allows me into their house, mine refuse) a virtual ghost. My wife and her family barely acknowledge my existence, I get no introductions, and my wife doesn't touch me, speak to me, and treats me as if I am nothing more than lint on the TV screen. 80 miles north of her parents is our house and there, she is all over me, hugging me, telling me she loves me, etc. But when we are at her parents' house, I am an infection. Finally, her dad cornered her one day and said, "Did ya'll get married in Niagara Falls?" My wife said, "Uh yes" and he said, "We're not stupid, we see the rings." So her father outed her. Now its out in the open, they know, we're still welcome there, but when we go to her parents house, I am still a ghost. In the car driving up the driveway, she reaches across the console, kisses me, says, "I love you", but when we open that door, she turns into the ice princess. I am not called "baby" I am called by my name. She doesn't come within 5 feet of me, barely talks to me, and she wonders why I just sit around and wait to leave.
Yesterday, Mother's Day, we go down to see her mother, and one of her mother's friends has a rent house that caught on fire. So me, my wife, and her mother all go to the house to meet her mother's friend. All the neighbors are standing around and my wife is approached by a high school friend of hers. I am standing not 2 feet from her, and they talk for a good 15 minutes. This guy keeps looking at me, doesn't know who I am, and my wife says nothing about who I am or what I am doing there. For 15 minutes I stand there while they talk and she says nothing. He left, and she grins at me and says, "I know what you're going to say and save it until we get back in the car." We walk to the car, get in, and she says, "That was Fred Flintstone (not his real name, duh) and if he found out I am a lesbian, the whole town would know. I don't want to embarrass my mother."
I said, "So now I am an embarrassment to you? If I was a man, you would have had no problem at all introducing me to your high school friend. Furthermore, your mother would not be embarrassed. But I am not a man, I am a woman. And I have done nothing for you or your mother to be embarrassed about. I don't drink, don't smoke, have never been in jail, and I treat you very well. Why do you treat me like lint on the TV screen in front of your family?" I am tired of being treated like a disease that needs to be hidden away, and not talked about. Being gay is not a disease. It is not something I am ashamed of.
My question to you is this- Am I wrong to want to be treated like a person around her family or should I just keep quiet, not cause a scene, and suck up with being treated like a ghost? or should I say something ?:confused: I love my wife but I am tired of being treated one way at our house and the complete opposite at her family's house.