I've lost my brain...

[Progo35]

Please pray for me, I am trying to get a ton of work done and can't concentrate. It's bizarre. I know that I struggle with clinical depression but I feel like this happens so often that it has become an involuntary excuse. Not a conscious excuse in that I want to excuse myself, but I haven't been able to apply methods of working myself out of it. In regard to this, I am an honors student and have high academic goals for myself. In order to stay in the honors program I'm in, I have to keep a 3.5 GPA, and in order to study musicology in grad school, which is what I think I want to do, I also need to have a high GPA.

Frankly, sometimes I feel like my brain has fallen out and I just can't find it, no matter how dillegently I look through my room...

[RM260boy]

will do progo,

i truly can identify. i currently have major depression, and unless a person has experienced it, they truly have no idea. mine fortunately has to do with my current situation, which shoul be resolved very soon.

will be praying for you :pray:

[Daniel]

Please pray for me, I am trying to get a ton of work done and can't concentrate. It's bizarre. I know that I struggle with clinical depression but I feel like this happens so often that it has become an involuntary excuse. Not a conscious excuse in that I want to excuse myself, but I haven't been able to apply methods of working myself out of it. In regard to this, I am an honors student and have high academic goals for myself. In order to stay in the honors program I'm in, I have to keep a 3.5 GPA, and in order to study musicology in grad school, which is what I think I want to do, I also need to have a high GPA.

Frankly, sometimes I feel like my brain has fallen out and I just can't find it, no matter how dillegently I look through my room...


It's not bizarre at all: you've described yourself as having a disability. I would think that this would place you in a stituation that is difficult to deal with. Hey! You have lots of company. I've struggled with my own issues regarding staying on track, getting things done, and generally keeping my head above the water. Everyone has something to deal with. ;) My own life situation has had me dealing with tinnitus.

You have my prayers.

I can recommend one thing to you highly. And that is learning to meditate is some form or another. Why? Because in doing so, the body becomes very relaxed and stress is dealt with. That's one good thing. Also, meditation is all about getting focused and centered. This has a huge effect on depression.

Assuming you are a Christian, you might investigate using the Jesus Prayer.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jesus_Prayer

It is an ancient practice that has it's roots in early Christianity and is still practiced in monasteries today. I mention this particular practice because, while there are a multitude of meditative practices, this one might suit you better than others. Even the word meditation frightens some people. But I can tell you, as someone who has come out of fundamentalism, you have nothing to be afraid of. Thinking on Jesus will only do you good.

For it to be done effectively, one must combine the practice with deep and calm - that is- not fast- breathing. This brings focus in itself. This kind of practice for 20 minutes morning and evening and you will be able to find yourself.

[Zerbie]

:pray:

All best wishes with you as you struggle with depression. I have a trauma background which sometimes wreaks havoc in my inner life, and can stop me from getting my work done some days. So I know what a major upheaval something like a depression can be. It is not your fault!! Take care of yourself, nurture yourself richly until you are on all cylinders again. If you are under a doctor's care for this, be sure you are following instructions, taking medication as prescribed, etc. since depression is a serious condition and one you don't have to suffer from when it can be treated.

Things that have been known to help me endure (and even somewhat relieve) a major emotional/psychological upset are, in no particular order:

exercise (dance, walking outside in beautiful surroundings, swimming, resistance training, etc)

or the opposite: a nap, or lying down listening to peaceful music that touches the spirit gently

reading positive, inspiring material: if you're Christian, perhaps reading favorite scriptures may speak to you and soothe ruffled emotions.

Light a candle and pray - cry all your frustration and sadness out, and allow yourself to be comforted.

warm soothing bubble bath with scented candles around the bathroom & peaceful music in the background. Maybe bring a light, fun magazine into the tub for fun reading.

snuggling plush animals and watching a silly movie on TV. Best done in sweats or pajamas.

***

Once your emotions are back on even keel, THEN you can put your attention back on the GPA. But not before. When your heart is all off-kilter, you will not be focusing productively. Best recognize that and let the mood run its course.

Musicology? Are you a music theory or history major now? What IS your major subject? Are you a performer? I ask because I'm a musician and I'm in grad school, so it seems we may have some things in common there.

[Progo35]

Thanks, you guys. I really appreciate your thoughts and prayers. I will be replaying more some time tomorrow or around then.

[andrewlittle]

Having dealt with depression fairly frequently, and knowing that initiative is generally the first thing to go out the window, I feel for your situation.

I have enjoyed reading your discussions - and recognize a real willingness to learn how to approach dialogue about contentious issues respectfully - but I wonder if posting here right at this moment is a good idea.

Don't get me wrong - I think we will all profit by your presence - but I know I tend to get addicted to things like forums just at those times when my attention and focus is needed on other important tasks at hand. I then have a built in excuse to berate myself, something that many times goes along with depression, creating something akin to a downward spiral. In these times, becoming involved in meaningful, important discussions is a way in which I derail myself from tasks that I should be focusing more energy on.

Self-awareness is critical, and it's obvious that you possess that capacity, but tools are also critical. The ones offered above by Daniel and Zerbie are very good ones (they are so dang smart, those two), and may prove useful for you in the long-run. The short-run, however, can be tricky (at least for me). I don't know if you tend to be obsessive-compulsive like me, but for me creating a schedule that includes disciplines like Daniel and Zerbie mentioned (meditation, prayer, scripture reading of you're religious) and time maps for what times I will spend doing what things helps. It gives me a rigor with which to rein in my galloping thoughts.

I will add you to my prayers, also.

BTW, if you happen to find your brain, look for mine will you? It seems to be taking the same kind of hiatus right now.

[Progo35]

Yes, that is kind of what I mean: I can't focus, thus I distract myself with something else. Definitely some OC tendencies in there somewhere...but when I do get my work done, I'll be glad to come back to our discussions.

If I do find my brain I will definitely check to see if yours has joined it for a vacation.

[u-dog]

Hey Progo!

I've been managing my depression, more or less effectively for going on 25 years. here are the things that have helped me.

1. exercise.
2. eating right (stay away from fast food - eat the stuff your mother said was good for you)
3. getting plenty of rest (if your depression wakes you up in the night (anxiety componant) then be sure to take a nap in the afternoon.
4. Being with others and doing fun things EVEN IF YOU DON"T FEEL LIKE IT!!
5. Seeng a therapist to deal with your issues
6. If you and your therapist/physician think its appropriate ... MEDS
7. Stay away from alcohol (its a depressant)
8. Get lots of natural light

What all of these strategies have in common is that they retrain your (missing) brain to make itself happy again. They all stimulate the production (or in the case of the meds - the absorbtion) of the natural "Happy juice" that your brain produces.

Blessing on you! No one who hasn't been through it knows what its like!!

[Britt.]

You're in my thoughts. Having dealt w/ bipolar myself, I also get it to the extent that someone other than yourself can.

As far as things that help, the advice from people above is pretty good advice. Find things you enjoy. Running off to the woods w/ a bunch of friends & getting away from my own bs for a few days really helped me.

Meditation is great. I admit I need to make more of an effort to remember to do it though.

[Progo35]

I finished a paper! Yay!

[Vanessa White]

The success with that hurdle can help you press on, in addition with all of the other hints that my friends have presented to you. One thing that helps me quite a bit, is staying present as much as possible. One day at a time, sometimes one minute at a time, helps me to focus and to also not worry about the future, or ruminate about the past. And, it helps to enjoy what is happening in the here and now!!!! Good luck, be well, Vanessa :love:

[Progo35]

Zerbie-right now I'm a Cultural Studies major at Gordon College. I designed the major myself to combine music, sociology and philosophy. I have tried hard to focus on how music relates to history and my final project was a music history project on how French Symbolist poetry impacted Arnold Schoenberg's compositions and atonal work. I started at Gordon as a straight music major but I encountered major issues with theory, and the staff there was not supportive, with the exception of one very kind, wonderful professor who helped me design my integrative program.

What I would love to do is to finish my degree as an honors student and then take supplementary music classes. I did a lot of prayer around how my disability affects how I learn music theory and found a great tutor, so I've made a lot of progress towards being able to complete a straight music program. After I take supplementary classes in theory, I would love to present that work and my Cultural studies work in applying to a graduate program in Musicology and/or Music Therapy.

What I would really like to do is develop a graduate thesis that combines musicology with music therapy by studying music in the context of disability history. For instance, Beethoven's work could be studied in the context of his deafness and how disabled people were percieved in Germany during his day, and what was going on in the disabled community. Or, opera could be studied for its use of disability as a metaphor for various things. Perhaps there is even a connection between the theoretical aspects of various musical works and what may have been going on in the disability community or a disabled composer's life.

What branch of musical study do you specialize in in grad school?

[Zerbie]

Zerbie-right now I'm a Cultural Studies major at Gordon College. I designed the major myself to combine music, sociology and philosophy. I have tried hard to focus on how music relates to history and my final project was a music history project on how French Symbolist poetry impacted Arnold Schoenberg's compositions and atonal work. I started at Gordon as a straight music major but I encountered major issues with theory, and the staff there was not supportive, with the exception of one very kind, wonderful professor who helped me design my integrative program.

What I would love to do is to finish my degree as an honors student and then take supplementary music classes. I did a lot of prayer around how my disability affects how I learn music theory and found a great tutor, so I've made a lot of progress towards being able to complete a straight music program. After I take supplementary classes in theory, I would love to present that work and my Cultural studies work in applying to a graduate program in Musicology and/or Music Therapy.

What I would really like to do is develop a graduate thesis that combines musicology with music therapy by studying music in the context of disability history. For instance, Beethoven's work could be studied in the context of his deafness and how disabled people were percieved in Germany during his day, and what was going on in the disabled community. Or, opera could be studied for its use of disability as a metaphor for various things. Perhaps there is even a connection between the theoretical aspects of various musical works and what may have been going on in the disability community or a disabled composer's life.

What branch of musical study do you specialize in in grad school?

Fascinating! You really know where your interests lie!

I think you'll definitely find a unique niche in musicology with that. Of course a lot has been said about Beethoven's deafness and its impact on his social/professional conduct and his compositions - but I don't believe it has yet been linked to a broader study of what life would have been like for the disabled in 1800 Vienna. That would really put the discussion into a broader context, assuming you can find enough material to really assess the disabled community back then. I guess that means diaries and the like?

Opera and disability as metaphor - that's definitely a rich topic. Perfect for a term paper and then to expand into a thesis. Nifty!

I'm an opera singer. At the moment I am plodding slowly through a Doctor of Musical Arts degree. I'm shopping for a dissertation topic myself, having changed my mind and withdrawn my original plan for the dissertation project. I have terrible trouble with theory also - a combination of having lackadaisical theory teachers in undergrad so I never did learn sonata form in the first place, plus the fact that any time numerals make an appearance, my brain re-arranges their positioning without telling me. So I can be looking at a chord and know that it's in root position, but when I have to label it, I may label it a 6/3 or something. I just allow extra time because I know that will happen, and then show my analysis to someone who can name chords without difficulty and have them check what I did.

[BrentRichards]

Zerbie-right now I'm a Cultural Studies major at Gordon College.

Should have guessed that from the Wenham reference. I attended Gordon-Conwell for a few years in the late 90's. Beautiful area, beautiful campus. There was a great little used book store I used to go to in Wenham between classes, and a great little pizza place, too ... can't remember the names.

[andrewlittle]

I still haven't found my brain.

And I just realized that I could function at my higest historical level with just a tiny fraction of your yours. Reading what you wrote, I don't think you'd miss just a tiny little bit. You seem to have an enormous quantity of fully functional gray matter - won't you share?

Take pity on me, Progo, as I'm currently a mindless vacuum where an intellect should be. And the procedure is really quite safe, Dr Stein told me so.

[robert eggleton]

Unlike prior science, it sounds like, from modern science, that brain cells do regenerate, or grow new or whatever heals. But, it's so slow. I'll be down and out before I ever achieve consciousness again -- I need to eliminate the parties.

[Progo35]

Andrew:

Oh, sure, any time you can schedule Dr. Stein to handle the procedure. Which side of the brain are you looking for the most? Right or left? Just don't borrow the spatial/gyroscope part of my brain, I'm constantly having to provide it with costly maintenance.

[BrentRichards]

Hey, if you guys can't get Dr. Stein, I hear a certain Dr. Kevorkian was released from prison today ... I'm sure he's free.

[Progo35]

Ugghhhh....really? Or are you kidding? :) I think that if I had the choice, I'd go with Dr. Phil...I wonder if he does brain surgery in addition to analyzing people on national TV?

[d_pedr]

I've been managing my depression, more or less effectively for going on 25 years. here are the things that have helped me.


Hi Progo,

glag you're making some progress, and finished a paper.

u-dog's list is pretty comprehensive, but I would add one thing extra that's helped me...

Set 'Bite-size' goals as well as the big ones - you know the ones that step towards the big ones, but take much less time - i.e. less than a day ideally.
Like instead of trying to walk on water to get across the lake/stream (great way to do it if you've got enough faith though!!),
1-find the stepping stones
2-move from one stepping stone to the next and repeat
3-walk up onto the other bank

These mini-goals can help build a little confidence that at least your getting closer.

Love in Christ

d_pedr:love::pray:

[BrentRichards]

Ugghhhh....really? Or are you kidding? :) I think that if I had the choice, I'd go with Dr. Phil...I wonder if he does brain surgery in addition to analyzing people on national TV?

I'm certainly kidding that you should go see him. But he did actually get out of prison on Friday. He was in 8 years ... can't believe it was that long, though I'm sure he can.

[Progo35]

The fact that he got out of prison actually really bothers me. I don't know if you've had the chance to look at my 'Any Thoughts?' post, but euthanasia has gotten to the point that doctors are taking it upon themselves to make these decisions for people, and society is being inundated with the idea that it is better to be dead than to be cognitively disabled. Now, I realize that the man Kevorkian euthanized had ALS (I think), but in very strong opinion, people should be focusing on how to improve the lives of severely disabled people rather than using death to fix the problem.

What I am talking about here involves a propensity to take compassionately-motivated euthansia (which I still think is wrong), and turn it into a mandate about who's life is worthwhile and who's isn't.

The problem for me is that the media gives very little attention to those cases in which euthanasia has been forced on people or to the less-than compassionate motivations of more than a few administrators of euthanasia. For instance, in 2001 there was a case in CA involving Robert Westland, who had been in a coma but had come out of it with therapy and started to talk and wheel his wheelchair. His wife and his mother shared responsibility for his care. For some reason, the mother suddenly decided that Robert "wouldn't want to live like this" and tried to remove his feeding tube. Doctors were going to do this without consulting Robert's mother but a nurse couldn't live with herself and called his mom, who fought for him and, incredibly, won. At the trials involved, Robert's doctor said that Robert responded regarding whether he liked something or not, he could answer yes and no, and responded to therapy. But, this same doctor supported the wife's petition to dehydrate Robert to death. He said that he would give him morphine for the pain but that he wouldn't know how much to give him, because he couldn't communicate well.

This, frankly, is barbaric. Moreover, there are now laws that allow doctors to stop treating a patient without his or his family's consent. Most notably, the Texas Futile Care law has caused three deaths and tried to cause a fourth recently, except the patient, a child named Emilio Gonzales, died before all of the litigation surrounding him could be decided upon. His 23 year old mother had to spend her last days with a dying child fighting for his right to recieve basic end of life care.

I encourage everyone on this forum to look this up and examine the medical arguments against such practices. It's one thing to give someone a choice about whether to live or die, it's another to force it on someone, and/or to ignore the fact that severely disabled people often suffer from depression that cause them to view life in an obscured way, something that should be recognized and treated.

I don't have time right now to go into all of my research or to fully explore the other side of this issue, but I will say that there is a huge difference between someone who has stage three cancer and died three times, only to be resuscitated against their will, and someone who exists in a disabled state.

Now, I'm not attacking you, BenL, and I know that you didn't mean that I should go and see Dr. Kevorkian to do a brain transplant... :)

[BrentRichards]

The fact that he got out of prison actually really bothers me. I don't know if you've had the chance to look at my 'Any Thoughts?' post, but euthanasia has gotten to the point that doctors are taking it upon themselves to make these decisions for people, and society is being inundated with the idea that it is better to be dead than to be cognitively disabled. Now, I realize that the man Kevorkian euthanized had ALS (I think), but in very strong opinion, people should be focusing on how to improve the lives of severely disabled people rather than using death to fix the problem.

What I am talking about here involves a propensity to take compassionately-motivated euthansia (which I still think is wrong), and turn it into a mandate about who's life is worthwhile and who's isn't.

The problem for me is that the media gives very little attention to those cases in which euthanasia has been forced on people or to the less-than compassionate motivations of more than a few administrators of euthanasia. For instance, in 2001 there was a case in CA involving Robert Westland, who had been in a coma but had come out of it with therapy and started to talk and wheel his wheelchair. His wife and his mother shared responsibility for his care. For some reason, the mother suddenly decided that Robert "wouldn't want to live like this" and tried to remove his feeding tube. Doctors were going to do this without consulting Robert's mother but a nurse couldn't live with herself and called his mom, who fought for him and, incredibly, won. At the trials involved, Robert's doctor said that Robert responded regarding whether he liked something or not, he could answer yes and no, and responded to therapy. But, this same doctor supported the wife's petition to dehydrate Robert to death. He said that he would give him morphine for the pain but that he wouldn't know how much to give him, because he couldn't communicate well.

This, frankly, is barbaric. Moreover, there are now laws that allow doctors to stop treating a patient without his or his family's consent. Most notably, the Texas Futile Care law has caused three deaths and tried to cause a fourth recently, except the patient, a child named Emilio Gonzales, died before all of the litigation surrounding him could be decided upon. His 23 year old mother had to spend her last days with a dying child fighting for his right to recieve basic end of life care.

I encourage everyone on this forum to look this up and examine the medical arguments against such practices. It's one thing to give someone a choice about whether to live or die, it's another to force it on someone, and/or to ignore the fact that severely disabled people often suffer from depression that cause them to view life in an obscured way, something that should be recognized and treated.

I don't have time right now to go into all of my research or to fully explore the other side of this issue, but I will say that there is a huge difference between someone who has stage three cancer and died three times, only to be resuscitated against their will, and someone who exists in a disabled state.

Now, I'm not attacking you, BenL, and I know that you didn't mean that I should go and see Dr. Kevorkian to do a brain transplant... :)

No, I'm certainly inclined to agree with you. I don't consider assisted suicide to be a "neat and tidy" issue, but I'm not a Kevorkian fan, and I'm entirely with you on "futile care" ... Kevorkian reference was a tasteless joke, sorry.

[Progo35]

Actually, it was funny, I wasn't offended...in that context, your joke could be taken to mean, "While we're talking about wacko, silly stuff, did you know that that wacko, silly doctor just got out of prison? Maybe he could do that for you."

[Progo35]

Please continue to pray for me, as I finally have all the info I need to finish my next paper and, as always, I'm still having concentration problems....things go too fast! But, please pray that my teachers will be understanding because I'm afraid that their not going to give me credit for my work if I don't get it in, like...yesterday. So, please pray that I will avoid distractions, including this forum, gardening, TV, music, etc. until I get the rest of my work done.

Thanks!

[u-dog]

All right Young lady!! :mad: Back to work!!

;)


:pray::pray:We got the prayer thing covered :pray::pray: