To Feed, or not to Feed...

[Progo35]

Today I wound up talking to someone on the beach who looked (and said that he was) hungry and broke. This happened during the course of a conversation we were having about shell collecting (I've been in FL because my mom, aunt and I are moving my grandmother to a nursing home in NC:(.)

We were just talking as two aquantences and he asked if we could go get lunch. I didn't have any money with me, and it was past lunchtime, so I decided to invite this guy back to our apartment for dinner. He came, we fed him, I gave him a little money and then he left.

The thing is, that trangresses certain boundaries I try to ascribe to in reaching out to the homeless/hungry people I meet. Usually I have a personal safety rule of not inviting such people into my house or giving them my address. But, he said that he would really like to keep in touch and he didn't have a computer, so I gave him my address/cell phone number in case he wanted to keep in touch. Moreover, I usually try to stick to feeding people, not giving them money. The thing is, that is also WAY beyond what I would normally do. My mom and aunt were not happy that I did any of these things.

I guess what motivates me to sometimes do things like this is that I know how difficult it is to be down on one's luck and have no one to turn to. And, as I've talked about with one of my mentors, homeless/wayward people are sometimes more desperate for human contact than they are for food or anything else. But, I think that my mentor would say that inviting someone into one's home is a big no no. But, if I were hungry, lost, and not able to drive, I would want someone to help me.

Like, for instance, one time I got lost on a very familiar route back to my school because it got dark really fast. I got very scared because I couldn't figure out which way to go, and started to cry. Luckily, a woman passing by in her car stopped and asked me if I needed help. I could hear gospel music coming from the car and when I told her that I had gotten lost on my way back to Gordon College, she said that she was actually going back to Gordon Conwell and would be happy to give me a lift. So, she did. I have another rule about not getting into stranger's cars, but if she hadn't come along someone else might have. In short, sometimes we are vulnerable despite being careful, responsible people. I often get lost because of the spatial components of my disability and will probably always have to ask strangers for directions and/or help when I would rather not. So, when someone asks me for help, I can see how they might be doing so out of desperation. Also, my instincts didn't flare up and say, "this person is dangerous," which is usually what I try to go by in making such decisions. Doing good is not convienent and involves risk, otherwise it would no longer be "good."

But, this person could have been a murderer or a robber or a rapist or whatever, and I invited him into our house with my mom and aunt. Also, he might be able to find me if he wanted to. So, I feel conflicted over whether or not I made the right decision tonight. I feel that that is what Jesus would have done, and I feel that boundaries can become reasons for not helping people out of convienence: but Jesus was God and thus could protect himself and others from whatever such a person might do.

I was wondering what other people on this forum might think? In a world were love dominates, doing what I did tonight is a no brainer. But, we don't live in that kind of world. It's not so much that I'm not willing to take this risk, but I felt bad for involving others. So, which is more important: my duty to take preventive measures against possible harm or my duty to show basic love to a stranger?

[andrewlittle]

I guess I see this as one of the moments when we find out that ethics in real life is not as easy as in textbooks.

I believe that we do have an ethical responsibility to keep ourselves safe, but that we also have other ethical responsibilities that, many times, transcend our own safety.

This was not, I don't think at least, a life and death situation for the man, so doing nothing would not result in his being in immediate danger - maybe. There were undoubtedly different ways to deal with it, which it sounds like you examined. You thought about feeding him, but had no money on you. You thought about not offering anything, but decided against it. You simply had to decide between two ethical imperatives, and make a choice.

You chose to show love and compassion, placing those qualities above self-preservation. Of course, you recognized no imminent threat from the man, otherwise you would have chose differently I presume.

Progo, I would (and frequently have) done exactly the same thing as you did. I have also questioned afterward whether it was the smartest thing I could do. I do believe the Spirit moves us on occasion to set aside our normal course of behavior to reach out in a way that makes us more vulnerable. I usually pray that I did what God would have had me do, and that God will protect me and others involved from harm.

I applaud your compassion, Progo. Of course, that being said, if my daughter told me she did what you did - well, doodoo would hit the fan.

[Dash]

My reply is in two parts...with a certain cognitive tension between them.

First of all I love your heart. When I was in my twenties, I remember a few times when I tried to help people in need. I took a guy to the grocery store a couple times, even gave him a bible, I think. I've given rides to people, and worked as a social worker briefly doling out food and monetary assistance. I'm still all torn up by the poverty around me...and there's plenty on Howard Street in Chicago and even in Evanston, which is pretty well-off generally.

So, I've done what you've done...I've taken people house and my car. I don't regret it, so I'd be a hypocrite to criticize. Taking a cue from Gandhi, I'll say that every seed we plant...regardless of all our efforts...requires, in the end, significant input from God to grow. We do what we do, and we pray and place our hope in God.

I would tell you to be at peace with your acts of charity. Moved by your spirit, act with a certain disregard for the outcome. That is not in your hands.

The second part of my reply is that, in my experience, I'm a terrifically bad judge of character. Nine times out of ten, I'll fall prey to the liar or the mooch. I've had to call the police when I felt threatened by someone I tried to help. Once I woke up at 2am to furious door banging in a thunderstorm and the horrible sight of a man peering in my windows in flashes of lightning. Seems like every time I stop an listen to someone and respond with money, I walk away and immediately see through the lie I was told.

But...God makes the sun shine on the good and the bad. The breeze cools both the honest and the deceitful. Who am I to judge? What sad state of affairs lead a person to think they must lie to get a little help in life?

Nowadays, I mostly walk past those to try to stop me on the street...sometimes it breaks my heart to do it. I have my pet charities to which I try to donate regularly, and yes, I have a couple people that I know will be waiting on the street, and I make a point a) to treat them kindly and b) to give. I never think that what I've done is enough, or in any way laudable...in fact mostly I'm ashamed of my sad attempts at charity...but I guess that's part of what it's all about.

I know exactly what a police officer would tell you...I've been told it: "Give to organizations, not to individuals*." From a spiritual perspective, though, that advice can never satisfy. I think if you are listening to the Spirit, you would do well to heed it. It's not all your work...some of it is God's, and you're not wrong to trust the Spirit to finish its part.

That said...be safe. :pray::love:

[Progo35]

Thanks, Andrew and Dash. I appreciate that. :)