Last night was a watershed moment

[u-dog]

Thanks to the handful of folks I asked to pray for me and my wife!!

We disclosed our situation and our respective orientations (me:gay; her: bi) to our three college aged kids last night. What an amazing, amazing evening. They were surprised (the moments between when they knew something big was up and when they heard what it was was very anxious - one thought "divorce", one thought "cancer", one thought "we have to put Gramma down" (that was a joke).

After they put their jaw back in place and after the long moment of shocked silence a flood of questions poured out. My wife and I had made a long list of questions we thought they might ask as we prepared for the conversation. they asked all but 2 of them... and those two they didn't ask because they already knew the answers.

Each processed the information in their characteristic ways. Our "kinesthetic" learner who always since infancy has had to connect physically in order to process anyhing sat next to me and made maximum body contact with his head on my shoulder and his arm across my body. His twin, mr analytical, proceeded to lay out the pieces and see how they all fit together. Mr emotional integrity listened and empathized.

When they finally exhausted their initial layer of questions they all reported that this helped them to make sense of their experience of me. All of them said that in spite of our closeness as a family and my obvious love and support for them, there had always been a "missing piece" of the Dad puzzle -- something important that they didn't know but needed to.

One of them said to us "I always admired your relationship back when I thought that you basically had no problems but now that I see the adversity that you have had to face in order have the relationship that you do... I am totally in awe"

What incredible kids I have! Praise God. Thanks friends for your support.

dave

[keltic63]

You know, when you mentioned this event a few weeks ago, I knew that it would be a positive experience for you! I'm so happy that it went as it did. You've obviously done a great job with your kids.

God Bless ALL of you!

[Vanessa White]

I agree with Keltic wholeheartedly. You both must have parented these three strong individuals in such a way, that what it came down to was embracing you both with total love and understanding, and questions which is always something to expect. And, without sounding like I am stereotyping in terms of gender, that you had such a warm support from your children in that they are all male, therefore socialized outside of your influence in some very specific ways. We as parents have immeasurable power when it comes to our children, I am so convinced. God bless your entire family in these moments of transformation. Peace and love with you all, u-dog...... Vanessa :love::pray:

[dsdrane]

I am so happy for you, I could bust.

Praise God from whom all blessings flow, indeed!

Many, many congratulations!!

:love:, -d.

P.S. :cookie:

[BenL]

Dave,

What a relief that must be for you. I remember coming out to my kids. What a nonevent it turned out to be. My son's only question was "Are you going to get divorced?" When we said, "No," he replied, "Then I don't want to talk about it."

Contrast that with the devastation that followed two years later when Charley came out as trans. We are still picking up the pieces from that one.

Dave, you are blessed with a wonderful family -- a spouse who stands with you and three young men who sound like they're made of the good stuff their ol' man is made of. I'm so very happy for you.

[Daniel]

Thanks to the handful of folks I asked to pray for me and my wife!!

We disclosed our situation and our respective orientations (me:gay; her: bi) to our three college aged kids last night. What an amazing, amazing evening. They were surprised (the moments between when they knew something big was up and when they heard what it was was very anxious - one thought "divorce", one thought "cancer", one thought "we have to put Gramma down" (that was a joke).

Wow Dave,

You did it! It finally happened! Good for you, your wife and your most excellent kids! :applause::award:

I can only imagine that a weight has dropped from your shoulders and that you are going through a range of emotions. But mostly, you must feel relieved that the cat is finally out of the bag, yes?

I am happy for you all. And send you many blessings.

Wow!

[Pablo Rafael]

Dave,

I say a prayer of thanks that this went well for you and your family. I believe that everyone needs to be honest with about they are. I know this can be a hard thing in families. Honesty has great value.

It seems from the stories people have told that informing children about one's sexual orientation oftentimes goes better than telling one's parents. Dealing with children all my adult life has led me to see that loving parents produce loving children. I would say the reactions of your children show forth the effect of having good parents.

Tu Amigo, Pablo

[Jamie McDaniel]

Hearing these family stories is so important. Thank you for sharing your experience with us, Dave.

Coming out after being married to someone of the opposite sex and having children is something I can't relate to directly, but I am very glad that there are many folks in Soulforce who can, people like Steve, Beth, and Mel White. I have a friend here in Kentucky that is facing that as well. Like you, he loves talking theology. His son is 13 I think and he has not yet told him.

[u-dog]

Thanks everybody!

My major emotions are relief and joy. I have been eager for them to know but not that eager to tell them. I'm glad that initial scarey part is over. Its not that I didn't know that they would react well in the long run. I know them well enough to know the kind of men they are. But I didn't know if they would "get it" immediately. I didn't know if they would be able to empathize with ME right away or if they would have to process for a while first. What made the experience so amazing and gracefilled for me was the degree to which they understood all of the subtleties involved. I anticipate many more questions as they have time to digest the news, but now they know who I am and know what to ask.

They ARE great kids (men actually) and one of my first and greatest hopes was to become friends with them as they became adults. Now that process is well and truly under weigh.

Today, I am a happy person.

[Zerbie]

(((( Dave! )))) What AMAZING news!!!!

Omigosh!! Wow!! You have such a loving family!

Hey, side note, I was fascinated to learn your wife is bi: I assumed straight all this time. If she's bi, then she can relate more to what it's been like for you, then.

Not to mention, this pretty much PROVES that queer parents can turn out truly fabulous children.

Back to the point: Wow! Congratulations! Hugs to you and your magnificent family! :love::love::love::love::love:

[BrentRichards]

YEEEEEEHAAAAAAAA! So happy for you Dave!

I lift mine eyes; the cloud grows thin;
I see the blue above it;
And day by day this pathway smoothes
Since first I learned to love it:
The peace of Christ makes fresh my heart,
A fountain ever springing:
All things are mine since I am His—
How can I keep from singing?

[Dash]

:-)

(I couldn't make it any bigger, darnit...)

[andrewlittle]

I have been away a couple of days (another thread for that) and so haven't seen this until now. You have frequently been in my prayers about this when it was pending.

Now you're just in my most joyful thoughts. I will continue to pray that it unfolds ever more fully, and that this period of time is formative in great and life affirming ways for you, your wife and kids.

The power of love - reflecting the love you have always shown them - coming home to roost. Of course, I don't really know, but if God actually has a face and lips, they are shaped like a big, massive smile over this.

I am feeling all kinds of emotion right now, for a lot of reasons, but for this I am feeling puffed up with joy and happiness. Praise God, and you, my dear, dear friend.

Andy

[u-dog]

Ok... I wasn't quite finished hearing what a great Dad I am and how fantastic my kids are... ;)

[andrewlittle]

Ok... I wasn't quite finished hearing what a great Dad I am and how fantastic my kids are... ;)

You've had your quota of "nice" from me for awhile. Maybe someone else would like to blow smoke up your skirt, though.

[Progo35]

I'm so glad that this worked out for your family, u-dog. It is a relief to know that disclosing your orientations to your children has not resulted in a loss of love. :)

[BrentRichards]

You've had your quota of "nice" from me for awhile. Maybe someone else would like to blow smoke up your skirt, though.

Happy now? [I really DO think you guys must be great parents, and have great kids]

[ladyinred]

u-dog, glad things turned out well, my kiddo is still dealing with it "slowly" but doesn't seem to have any bad feelings toward me. At first he "slapped me" (not hard, and not in the face) And said,"Mom!! don't you know that is bad?" I talked to him about the bad part and I guess he is still dealing with that aspect, but it really didn't affect our relationship in a negative way.Of course when I just recently bought him some clothes , he remarked they looked sooo gay.(Sigh) Which of course he picked up from other kids at school.
Kids and what they learn, this will have to go slowly. They talk about a parent's influence, but it seems to me that there are other major "influences" going on in his life.

[u-dog]

Lady,

Kids work hard to disguise how important you and your opinions are to them but don't be deceived, you are the number one source of info and analysis if you are willing to carry the load (and I'm sure you are)

"Gay" used in the context that he used it has next to nothing to do with homosexuality and absolutely nothing to do with you and who you are.

How old is he btw?

[u-dog]

:rainbow:Happy now?


I don't want SMOKE up my skirt!! I want...

[I]SUNSHINE

[BrentRichards]

:rainbow:


I don't want SMOKE up my skirt!! I want...

SUNSHINE

On a cloudy day? And when it's cold outside, I suppose you'll want the month of may!

[tymejumper]

Lady,

Kids work hard to disguise how important you and your opinions are to them but don't be deceived, you are the number one source of info and analysis if you are willing to carry the load (and I'm sure you are)

"Gay" used in the context that he used it has next to nothing to do with homosexuality and absolutely nothing to do with you and who you are.

How old is he btw?

I am so happy for you! That is awesome that you could make it work and raise such wonderful humans in the process. I remember asking my daughter how she felt having a lesbian for a Mom and she said " well, since I have never had a staight mother I can't compair it to anything. I don't see any difference with you and my friends moms except I can talk to you and they can't talk to theirs." Ahhh, my little scientist.

[pnggrad79]

When I came out, my oldest daughter was 16, and my youngest was 13. My wife and I sat on the bed and I had the box containing our rings (we were flying to Niagara Falls the next day to get married in Canada). When I said, "I am a lesbian", my oldest said, "Oh is that all? Can I go to Wal-Mart? I need shampoo." My youngest had a little more difficulty with it, but I talked to her ad nauseum about it and a week later, after we got back from Canada, she helped me make a scrapbook of the event. The absolute coolest moment was when we were in Michael's looking for scrapbook nicknacks and she came up to me with a packet containing a tuxedo and a wedding dress, and she had two of them. She handed both to me and I looked puzzled and she said, "Oh my gosh, mom, you can take the tuxs out and just use the two wedding dresses! Work with me!". I gave her the biggest hug and told her "Thank you, baby". She smiled. Biggest reward yet!

Now, the youngest is 16 and went to Pride with us last year, marched with our float, and hung out with two guys from our church and together they checked out the guys. LOL:rainbow:

[u-dog]

Thanks Tymejumper and PNG,

What great stories! I told Brent in a PM that one of the twins told me the three of them had had a good laugh over possible Father's day presents given this new information. he refused to elaborate. God alone knows what next Sunday will bring. I shudder to think! :rolleyes:

[andrewlittle]

Thanks Tymejumper and PNG,

What great stories! I told Brent in a PM that one of the twins told me the three of them had had a good laugh over possible Father's day presents given this new information. he refused to elaborate. God alone knows what next Sunday will bring. I shudder to think! :rolleyes:

A vibrator, perhaps. For your back, of course. Get your mind out of the gutter.

[u-dog]

I think they're saving that idea for Mother's Day ;)

[Daniel]

The absolute coolest moment was when we were in Michael's looking for scrapbook nicknacks and she came up to me with a packet containing a tuxedo and a wedding dress, and she had two of them. She handed both to me and I looked puzzled and she said, "Oh my gosh, mom, you can take the tuxs out and just use the two wedding dresses! Work with me!". I gave her the biggest hug and told her "Thank you, baby". She smiled. Biggest reward yet!

Great story! Made me smile from ear to ear.

~


Udog- If your boys have inherited an ounce of the mischievous side in evidence here, you are in big trouble. :D

[u-dog]

Udog- If your boys have inherited an ounce of the mischievous side in evidence here, you are in big trouble. :D


Are you kidding? I learned everything I know from them!! :lol:

[BrentRichards]

Are you kidding? I learned everything I know from them!! :lol:

If that were my story, I'd stick to it.

[tdogg]

U-dog

Awesome! I'm really happy for you, for all of you.

Because you and your wife have done such an obviously great job at raising up your three sons, and they love you unconditionally, it's a great day that they are not only so lovingly accepting, but so understanding as well.

Thanks for bringing up three very smart, loving and compassionate children who have grown up to be nothing less than smart, loving and compassionate - we need more young adults like them in the world!!

Way to go, and yes God is to be greatly thanked!!! Blessing to you and your family. :love::love::love: