View Full Version : Enlighten Me, I'm No Expert
07-23-2007, 09:53 PM
FOR ALL THOSE PEOPLE THAT HAVE BEEN IN A SERIOUS RELATIONSHIP, OR ARE CURRENTLY IN ONE....
HOW SOON IS TOO SOON TO FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE?
HOW DO YOU KNOW IF YOU'RE GOING TOO FAST IN THE RELATIONSHIP?
the reason being is that my best friend says that my girlfriend and I are going too fast in our relationship...
I disagree, I feel a close bond with her, we've been dating for 5 months now, and it's not like we're planning to get married, not at all, not yet anyway...
but maybe i'm wrong?
I personally think that it all depends on the two people and how closely connected they are to each other, and how well they get along, how their feelings coincide to one another, etc...
My best friend had a terrible experience with her now ex boyfriend...could it be possible that because of that she has just condemned all relationships to impending doom because of her hurt?
enlighten me people, because I'm not an expert in relationships...this is my first relationship, and I consider myself lucky, she's beautiful, wonderful, devoted, smart, and willing to give me the world if she could...I guess I can't help but fall in love w/her more each day....
i"d love to hear opinions, suggestions, observations....
thanks guys and gals!:rolleyes:
07-23-2007, 11:21 PM
My husband and I met and were pretty much inseparable from the beginning. But then, I already had two other serious relationships before that- and a good amount of dating. I was 'ready'.
I experienced a full-body connection to him- and the love that I felt was overwhelming. My sense is that there has to be more than one energetic connection in evidence (relationships based only on sex, though they might be mindblowing and intense, have a burnout factor). I think the heart, mind and groin have to be part of the interaction for the relationship to last. Does it take some work to keep the connnections open? You bet!
Can another person 'see' that one might be headed for relationship disaster? Of course. But they better be able to lay out their reasoning, even if it comes from the gut.
Yeah. Your friend could be 'projecting'. That's always possible. Maybe the thing to use here is our own gut. About your friend and your girlfriend.
Gotta get quiet to do this though. Gotta stop that chatter brain. It swings back and forth and can't make heads of tails out of anything. Monkey mind- they call it.
07-23-2007, 11:27 PM
Relationships depend on many things, those things comprising the personalities, habits, needs, wants, and experiences of the two people IN them. It will depend on your stage in life - whether you both want the same things - if your values coincide. . . stuff like that. With some matters of luck and timing thrown in.
I didn't have a great many relationships before this - I dated a reasonable bit, had a few flings, and was in love twice before I met my partner. It was obvious to me that the first two loves were not going to work out to be longterm. When I met my husband, it was clear within a few months that we were a partnership already, and it was just a matter of discovering each other further and making the marriage official. We both just knew. And to give credit where due, he knew well before I did. ;)
Just live your life and see where things go. If you are head over heels in love, and it sounds like you are, just BE in love. Enjoy it! It is an incomparable experience! Get to know your girlfriend better, share with her, be open and honest, and see where life takes you. Your friend sounds well-meaning, but she does not necessarily know what's right or not in your love life. If she says anything that strikes a chord of truth in you, then listen to that. Otherwise, remember that she is not you and is not the one in your relationship, so she's looking from an outside perspective. If what she says just doesn't help, then just don't act on it.
It sounds like you are very happy and head over heels. I would enjoy that to the fullest. :)
07-24-2007, 07:53 AM
In my experience most intimate relationships begin with a "hormonal" stage of being head over heels in love. Its all about the joy of choosing and being chosen, discovery of the new. Its wonderful, its good, it will last 12-24 months TOPS. The second phase is about deciding to love even when you don't always feel it, being committed to healthy communication, giving of yourself to the other, being careful to recieve what they have for you. This stage is about facing hardship and disappointment together and growing in love. In this phase you learn about the DEPTHS of love... regions that you didn't even know existed before.
In phase one... love is a noun. In phase two ... love is a verb. In phase one... love happens to you... In Phase two... you decide to love every morning.
Phase one isn't gone forever though so don't despair. If you work on your relationship and give it priority in your life ... Phase one will come back for extended visits and you will always be glad to invite it in!
Only you can judge the proper pacing of your relationship but in general 5 months doesn't seem too fast to me.
07-24-2007, 06:50 PM
I mean like I said I'm new to being in a gay relationship and in a relationship in general, i've had dates, but nothing special...not like this...
Well, my best friend that dating a guy or girl is the same, and that they are suceptible to hurting and cheating on you...She doesn't want me to get hurt, which I understand, but then she makes my girlfriend look like she's capable of cheating on me, and I know she wouldn't, I trust her completely...
but Zerbie's right, I'll just BE in love, and see where it takes me....
wheww thanks guys for your pieces of wisdom...:)
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