In need of some uplifting

[sjbouza]

I am soooo fucking depressed right now. Yes, I said the "f" word, sorry. But that is how I am right now. I have been crying for the past hour and there is not much chance of stopping.

My boyfriend is in Europe for another 2.5 weeks. We have no way to communicate and it is driving me deep into a depression. We have been together for almost two years and have not gone more than a day without talking to each other over the phone. It is a long distance relationship, but being able to hear his voice everyday is the reason that we have made it this long. I am not doubting that we will make it, I know we will. But not talking to him is really taking its toll right now. I feel so empty and lost. I just want to hear his voice.

I am sorry, I have to go. I cant see the screen anymore.

deep in the depths,
Scott

[keltic63]

{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}

that is rough. I know how hard it is to be apart. we've made it through a week at the most, and even then, txt messages were flying on a regular basis.

I'm not sure I understand why there is no communication though. wouldn't he have access to email somewhere? a little cybercafe? the hotel lobby? something?

[NathanATX]

Know that you are in the heart of God, dear Scott.

Meditate on these words from "The Prophet" by Kahlil Gibran.

Then said Almitra, "Speak to us of Love."

And he raised his head and looked upon the people, and there fell a stillness upon them.

And with a great voice he said:

When love beckons to you follow him,

Though his ways are hard and steep.

And when his wings enfold you yield to him,

Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you.

And when he speaks to you believe in him,

Though his voice may shatter your dreams as the north wind lays waste the garden.

For even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you. Even as he is for your growth so is he for your pruning.

Even as he ascends to your height and caresses your tenderest branches that quiver in the sun,

So shall he descend to your roots and shake them in their clinging to the earth.

Like sheaves of corn he gathers you unto himself.

He threshes you to make you naked.

He sifts you to free you from your husks.

He grinds you to whiteness.

He kneads you until you are pliant;

And then he assigns you to his sacred fire, that you may become sacred bread for God's sacred feast.

All these things shall love do unto you that you may know the secrets of your heart, and in that knowledge become a fragment of Life's heart.

But if in your fear you would seek only love's peace and love's pleasure,

Then it is better for you that you cover your nakedness and pass out of love's threshing-floor,

Into the seasonless world where you shall laugh, but not all of your laughter, and weep, but not all of your tears.

Love gives naught but itself and takes naught but from itself.

Love possesses not nor would it be possessed;

For love is sufficient unto love.

When you love you should not say, "God is in my heart," but rather, I am in the heart of God."

And think not you can direct the course of love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.

Love has no other desire but to fulfil itself.

But if you love and must needs have desires, let these be your desires:

To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night.

To know the pain of too much tenderness.

To be wounded by your own understanding of love;

And to bleed willingly and joyfully.

To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving;

To rest at the noon hour and meditate love's ecstasy;

To return home at eventide with gratitude;

And then to sleep with a prayer for the beloved in your heart and a song of praise upon your lips.


Now take a deep, deep breath. Know that the same divine presence of God that resides in you also resides in the one you love. You are always connected. And exhale. And trust. Know that God holds your tender heart in Her hands.

[sjbouza]

Thanks guys. I am feeling better now.

Keltic,

Yes, he has access however he is so busy and the time difference is 7 hours so we are never in the same place at the same time, so to speak. He did get a chance to call on this past Sunday, but only for 5 minutes before he had to run out the door. It is going to be until Aug 9 or 10 before he is back home again. It is just so expensive for him to use the net over there also, and phone calls are outrageous. He is on a business trip so any personal calls he makes have to be paid by him. The hotel where he is staying charges almost $4 per minute for him to call me. So that 5 minute phone call cost him $20. Dumbass forgot his phone card, that I am pissed about!!!

Nathan,

That really helped me. I know that God has me in His heart and that I am with Him always. Sometimes the distance really gets to me. I can deal with the 800+ miles, because we talk everyday. But knowing he is halfway around the world and I cant talk to him, that just kills me. I know it is killing him too. When we did talk on Sunday, I could hear it in his voice and he could in mine. I guess I just need to remember that he is feeling the same things I am.

I just miss him so much. This is one of the big signs for me that we are going to be together for the rest of our lives. This trip of his has proven to me that I cannot live without him, not even for a short period of time.

Again, thanks guys. As usual you are the BESTEST;)

Peace and love,
Scott

[keltic63]

Thanks guys. I am feeling better now.

Keltic,

Yes, he has access however he is so busy and the time difference is 7 hours so we are never in the same place at the same time, so to speak. He did get a chance to call on this past Sunday, but only for 5 minutes before he had to run out the door. It is going to be until Aug 9 or 10 before he is back home again. It is just so expensive for him to use the net over there also, and phone calls are outrageous. He is on a business trip so any personal calls he makes have to be paid by him. The hotel where he is staying charges almost $4 per minute for him to call me. So that 5 minute phone call cost him $20. Dumbass forgot his phone card, that I am pissed about!!!



OK, I figured that it should be possible for him to contact you, I didn't count on the cost of that. Back in June, my Scott and I were apart for separate vacations with our kids. He was in VA Beach and his phone said he was roaming. I called one day, desperate because I needed to know where something was (he has a habit of moving things....:rolleyes:) and the first thing he said was not "hello" but "I'm roaming!" :lol:

If you think this may happen again, why not make sure he has a yahoo mail or hotmail or gmail or some kind of account that he can email you from wherever he is?

Glad you're feeling better this morning. :love:

[pnggrad79]

Scotty,
When my now wife and I were falling in love, I lived in South Carolina and she lived in Texas. I know about long distance relationships and how hard it can be. It is hard to see a smile over the phone, or email. But when that is all you have, you gotta run with it.

Long distance relationships are hard, but it can be done.

I am sorry he and you have to be apart for what seems like an eternity, but take this time to take stock of your life and your love together and just enjoy the solace. What Nate said was priceless! Do you have friends you can go hang with? Is there a book you've been wanting to read? Take advantage of the alone time, and do something you need or want to do. In no time, you and your love will be reunited and it will be better than you dreamed of. :D

Peace and love my friend!

[u-dog]

Polly and I commuted back and forth from Pittsburgh to New York for a year before our wedding (I was in Ohio and she was in NYC) A month after our wedding PEOPLES EXPRESS airline went out of business. We have always sort of felt guilty about that !! :lol:

Long distance sucks! hang in there!:love:

[Vanessa White]

I can imagine that it is overwhelming at times. What Nate wrote in his post is just beautiful, and can help bring you back when you feel like you are at the brink. I have never been in a long distance relationship, but I can imagine the difficulty and complexity of it, as well as the isolation. One of the most empowering aspects of love that I have learned in the last year, is the strength of a relationship when both individuals explore that very thing- their individuality. That does not take away the need to actually be in each other's company. It only enhances the other aspect of being ones self. png makes a good point about embracing your "alone" time, to strengthen your sense of self in his absence. It will give you BOTH so much additionally to share and talk about when you do finally connect again.

I am sending you many warm hugs. Glad that you reached out when you needed to as well. That is what our "family" here is all about. Peace and love to you, Vanessa :love::love::love::love:

[dsdrane]

Hi, Scott.

I'm getting a crash course in the whole long-distance thing.

And it sucks.

In some ways I have it easier, because Dash and I have known nothing else. In other ways it's tortuous, because we now know we desparately want to be in the same place, but we're still unsure how and when exactly that will happen. (We're workin' on it....)

I recently arranged to be in Chicago over the long Labor Day weekend, which is great, of course, but still 5+ weeks away.

Too long!:mad:

So I arranged for another "surgical strike" to Chicago -- less than 48 hours -- midway. Also great...until on the phone with him I realized even midway was another 2+ weeks!!:eek:

[Cue the strings!]

A feeling of absolute panic rolled over me, as I thought: My God, how on Earth will I manage to deal for another 2+ weeks!?!? I'm rolling my eyes as I type this; it seem so silly and dramatic, but it's absolutely what I felt...and feel.

Like you, I know I'll be fine, but that desparate longing, that ache, is very, very real. It won't be denied, so you might as well give in, acknowledge it for what it is, write to us, etc.,...whatever helps you get through it.

:love:, -d.

[Zerbie]

Hubby & I were long-distance until we got married - from August til the following May. Not trans-continental though, just Texas to Arizona. We spent almost enough on Southwest Airlines to have put a downpayment on a house, and I felt like I lived at Houston Hobby. :D

I used to feel terrible right after he left each week. But there was work to do, so I got busy with that. And while going about on my own, I would draw strength from knowing that this incredible wonderful person loved me.

You've been touched by love. Let that strengthen you. Let the power of it flow through your heart and allow you to be more compassionate and caring of those around you in your day to day life.

Can you work on something new and wonderful, something to anticipate and celebrate when your bf comes home? A garden? A home project? Maybe, try out some new gourmet recipes and surprise him with a special meal on his return?

Hang in there! Find something to make the occasion special and happy, so you can enjoy this time of anticipation.

:love::love:

[sjbouza]

I so much appreciate the encouraging words from all of you. It has helped me sooo much. I did get an email from him today. He is on an overnight ferry to Italy so he got on the net and shot me an email. I tell you it came at the most perfect time. I feel so much better now, in part to all the love I have received here from you wonderful people. Thank you again.

I dont know if I stated it correctly. We are in a long distance relationship, he lives in New York and I in Michigan. He is on a business trip until Aug 6 or 7. When he is home in NY we talk EVERYDAY. We use about 5000+ minutes a month, thank God for free nights and weekends and unlimited long distance. So up until this point we have never gone more than one day without talking at least 2 hours with each other in a day. We also use IM and Skype. Skype lets us use webcams so we can see one another, that has been a God send.

dsdane,

I would recommend that you both get a webcam and download Skype. It is free and is so much better than using cams over IM programs like AIM or Yahoo Messenger. Skype is almost real time. It is as close to watching TV as you can get. We found that using IM programs was so jerky. We would only get a shot of each other every few seconds. It was like watching a slide show. With Skype, I can see every word as he speaks it, well pretty much. It will depend on your computer. But I do recommend it for a LD relationship. It has taken ours to a whole new level. Even though we are 800+ miles from each other, just being able to see one another seems to melt the miles away. It helps more than you can know until you use it. Try it and see what you think. Here is a link to Skype (http://skype.com/helloagain.html).

Peace and love to all,
Scott

[sjbouza]

I am soooo happy. I got a call from my baby just now. It was only for like 10 minutes but it seemed so much longer. I feel so wonderful right now. He is doing great. He has had to lean on a couple of peoples shoulders over there because he misses me too. OMG I love him so much.

Again, thanks to you all for your support and encouragment, it means a lot to me.

Peace and love,
Scott

[pnggrad79]

I am soooo happy. I got a call from my baby just now. It was only for like 10 minutes but it seemed so much longer. I feel so wonderful right now. He is doing great. He has had to lean on a couple of peoples shoulders over there because he misses me too. OMG I love him so much.

Again, thanks to you all for your support and encouragment, it means a lot to me.

Peace and love,
Scott

Scott,
So glad he called. I know how good that made you feel. I can sense the love and it is wonderful. Why can't ya'll live in the same city? Sucks doesn't it.
Hang in there, what is it, one more week?

[Dash]

Hang in there, Scott. :love:

I'm only just getting to know this long-distance thing. For me it makes for a confusing array of emotions. Excitement and love, tantalizing longings, hope...emptiness, wondering, angst, and tears....and pissiness!:lol:

I've noticed that I'm really irritable with my coworkers after having been with David. All I want to do is close my eyes and stay in that wonderful dreamy place remembering his presence and that peace...

...and there are 20 people flying around me at work, like annoying birds pecking at my skin! "I need this! Can you do that! Print! Scan! Send! Now! Nownow!!!"

AAAARRRRRrrrrrgghhhh!!

:smashy::headbang::poke:

Sigh...

[tdogg]

Dumbass forgot his phone card, that I am pissed about!!!


Ok, I was going to say something brilliant like "why didn't he bring a phone card with him???" Guess that explains it!

Scott honey, here are some hugs for you!

{{{{{{{{{{{:love::love::love:}}}}}}}}}}}

So, maybe to while away the time, why don't you plan something really special for your man's homecoming?? A little decorating, his favorite home cooked meal, etc. etc. It might take your mind off missing him a little. Try and look forward to the happy (ecstatic??) reunion! Hang in there, he'll be home soon!!! :pray::love:

[antonyh]

My partner and I dated for six months and then I had to move to Chicago for grad school. He had a year to complete on his Undergraduate Degree. So we lived apart a year before he could join me in Chicago.

Now I have started a new job and sometimes we are apart during the business week. It is a new adjustment for sure.

Hang in there! I'm glad he could call ya from Europe.