suicide...

[missmari]

You guys this is sort of terrible I know...I'm not the type that would think of it...but I must be honest, I need to tell someone, I may explode...

suicide is so selfish, i know, I had two friends (close to me) committ suicide...

it's crossed my mind several times lately...

obviously I never in the end have the guts to, I know that I need to pull myself together...

I should be grateful not unhappy, it's just so hard though, trying to decide who you are and all that...
I'm having such a hard time with just telling myself it's okay to be gay...even though millions around me are homophobes...

I know lots and lots of gay people go through this stage, because of how society treats them sometimes...and I think it's downright cruel and awful!

I'm going to get some counseling, that's true...if any of you guys pray, please pray for me I need it...:(

thanks guys...

I love you all

missmari

[wmanion]

I think many of us have been there. And YES, get help and recognizing that you need help makes you a strong person. I use to always remind myself that suicide is a permanet solution to a temporary problem...I have you in my prayers.

Hugz,
Bill

[Zerbie]

(((((((( missmari )))))))))

:pray: Oh no no no!!!!!!!!

Please, dearest missmari, you must NEVER think of harming yourself. You are a precious, beloved child of God - all those voices saying you are bad or wrong or dirty - they are LYING to you. There is nothing wrong with you.

Got that? I'm putting my arms around your shoulders right now and saying it again: ((((( mari ))))) There is NOTHING - NOTHING! - wrong with you.

Have you got someone you can call right now??

Hang in there. If you haven't got a friend you trust with this yet, or no one is available now, find a hotline - call one of the SF office numbers, anything - but do NOT harm yourself. Got that?

You are loved and wanted. Loved and wanted!!

We love you Mari and we want you well, healthy, happy, and here with us. There is great joy in life.

Someone I knew commited suicide during the winter. The morning after she died, I was on the Gulf coast walking the beach in the sunny breeze, warm sand, watching waves break on the shores, listening to the seagulls overhead. It was so beautiful - such a beautiful lovely world. And I remembered she will never experience the beach, seagulls, gentle sunlit mornings, ever again.

Mari, you are loved and wanted. Please reach out. You need friends right now, but tomorrow they may be the ones needing you. Don't take your light away from them.

Have you got someone to call right now?
:love::love::love::love::love::love::love:
:pray::pray::pray::pray::pray::pray::pray::pray:

[Jennifer5]

NO!! Please don't even think about that :'(


I couldn't handle it and I don't even know you that well. Please promise that you won't do anything to harm yourself!! :love: :pray:

[sailaway58]

You guys this is sort of terrible I know...I'm not the type that would think of it...but I must be honest, I need to tell someone, I may explode...

suicide is so selfish, i know, I had two friends (close to me) committ suicide...
I don't believe it is a selfish act. When one becomes depressed his ability to be rational goes out the window. Your self talk become destructive and you will not snap out of it. You don't have to be gay to understand this issue. In 1985 my wife found me with a gun in my hand sitting on the side of the bed. Later I tried affixation but it took to long and I talked myself out of it. What was most frustrating to me was I believed Christians shouldn’t feel this way. I later sought help from my family physician and got the help I needed. You are looking at yourself and your life through a dirty window. Until you see clearly your thoughts of personal demise will not leave easily.
Bottom line is you need help through this. You may need meds, you may need counsel, you may need both, just don’t assume it will go away. People who talk about suicide contrary to popular conception, are at risk or carrying through their plans.
So get help, life is good!


it's crossed my mind several times lately...

obviously I never in the end have the guts to, I know that I need to pull myself together...

I should be grateful not unhappy, it's just so hard though, trying to decide who you are and all that...
I'm having such a hard time with just telling myself it's okay to be gay...even though millions around me are homophobes...

I know lots and lots of gay people go through this stage, because of how society treats them sometimes...and I think it's downright cruel and awful!

I'm going to get some counseling, that's true...if any of you guys pray, please pray for me I need it...:(


thanks guys...

I love you all

missmari
As we pray for you reach out for the help you need.

[u-dog]

Everything that the others have said is ABSOLUTELY right! Call a hotline, call a friend, make an appointment with your physician, get a referral to a psychologist.

Make sure the the psychologist is open and affirming of BOTH your faith and your Sexuality. both are part of the beautiful person that you are!

But get on the phone first thing tomorrow morning. Call a suicide hotline TONIGHT if you think you are in danger.

WE LOVE YOU. WE WANT YOU AROUND HERE. :love::love::love:


We ARE praying for you!:pray::pray:

[missmari]

I know I feel ashamed for having thought about it, I called my best friend, she lives in Florida, she was freaking out on me...she suggested I call some friends and make it a girl's night...

so I am...

My girlfriend called me too, and she talked to me and I felt sooo much better!!

I know, I do recognize that there is nothing wrong with me at all, that I'm just having problems coming to terms with who I truly am and who I've tried so hard to be when I'm not...

thanks for the prayers, I know I need them...

missmari

[u-dog]

I know I feel ashamed for having thought about it, I called my best friend, she lives in Florida, she was freaking out on me...she suggested I call some friends and make it a girl's night...

so I am...

My girlfriend called me too, and she talked to me and I felt sooo much better!!

I know, I do recognize that there is nothing wrong with me at all, that I'm just having problems coming to terms with who I truly am and who I've tried so hard to be when I'm not...

thanks for the prayers, I know I need them...

missmari

NO NO NO !! :) No more "ashamed" you need to be ALL DONE WITH THAT. Shame is the problem... not the answer!!

We love you and we don't want you to experience shame... just being loved and accepted for who you are! glad you are feeling better but you should STILL talk to your physician or a counselor of some kind!

[Dash]

Oh darlin'! I'm sorry you're feeling so bad! :'(

Yup! I've been there myself...a long time ago now, I guess... :(

Be good to yourself....have a delicious meal...and try to get some good sleep. Simple things, but they can be very healing. The other side of this steep mountain goes down. You'll get to that easier trail before long, dear heart.

But rest a bit, and we'll pray for you as we hold your hand from afar.:pray:

Peace to you....and love...love...love...
:love::love::love:

[Zerbie]

Mari,

I'm so glad you contacted friends and loved ones. :love:
Yes, please do take good gentle care of yourself - call for counseling and get help for depression. Whatever is needed, that please do. You will get through this and find joyous life on the other side.

You also have many friends here who care about you. :) Just be gentle to yourself, and call on us whenever you need.

Rest well tonight. :pray:

[pnggrad79]

Missmari,
Please don't ever think this life isn't something to hold onto. If I have to repeat what the others have said I will if only to make the point stronger-God loves you, gay or straight. It matters not to Him who you love. It matters that you love Him and love others, that is all he commanded of you.
I feel so much sorrow for the ones around you who chose to kill themselves. It was a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Please seek help and learn to be happy with yourself apart from anyone else's affirmation. You are precious and wonderful and I hope to hear from you in the future. :pray:

You are in our prayers!!!:pray:

[Vanessa White]

As you have heard from so many of our dear family members here, don't give up, and don't EVER take from yourself the precious thing known as your life. No matter what others try to tell you about your own worth, or try to make you believe that you have no worth because of who you are, or because of your own self talk along those lines. I also, have been there, thought about it, planned it, never tried it, thank God. But being at the edge of that cliff can be scary and comforting at the same time. So many of us have felt that way, but please, do not hold onto the shame because of it. Shame kills, in and of itself. It kills us all to our very souls. Let go of that, be real with who you are, be gentle with yourself, and keep reaching out as much and as often as you need. Come here for comfort all the time, my family here has been there through joy and through tears. This, here, is really what love, understanding, compassion, and commitment is all about.

I will put you on our prayer requests right now...... peace within, dear one.

:love::love::love::love::love::love::love:

[dsdrane]

Golly.

I'm so sorry to hear that you've been experiencing all this angst and pain. It can be so overwhelming, can't it? It seems impossible to see past it at times.

But, just like believing in God and His love, faith is something you can fall back on and trust. You may not see how things could get better, easier, clearer, more hopeful; but, as long as you have faith that the pendulum shall -- must! -- swing back, you can bear the present.

I thank God that you shared your feelings with us here. It was exactly the right thing to do. Your instincts served you well.

Now allow us to serve you well. Don't be afraid or ashamed to ask us for what you need. If it is ours to provide, we'll do so gladly and without question. Use us.:)

And finally, and most importantly, allow yourself to be wrapped up and feel deeply God's peace and love. Drink it in deeply and let it reside happily within you.

You are loved, missmari.:love:

[missmari]

thanks...I sought a counselor..

thanks again guys, I know that sometimes the pressure can be big, but the solution is never to just end it that way, it's to face my fears...

the session helped as you can see

thanks

i now feeel on the right track...

[scott snedeker]

Sis,

It is all about what you focus your thoughts on and how you focus upon it. A counselor is a teacher and guide on how to do this. You have shown that you want to want to feel better.

You're gonna make it!

[skylark]

Having just spent 12 months recovering from a really bad bout of depression I sympathise BUT .... when I went to the Docs (virtually frogmarched by my Daughter who told me she wouldn't talk to me again if I didn't) I almost broke when the question 'have you considered harming yourself ?" was asked. I then realised how much I might lose, daughter, wife,parents, friends , the kids at school (even the little @!*^%) . When I told my Wife that I'd had to answer yes we really cried together.
GET HELP , there'sa lot of people on your side but you don't realise it when you're in 'the shadow' . Please get help (said it again) from your doctor or a counselling service.
Depression is a big killer (it's probably up there with heart disease and cancer) and you have no less right to good treatment than any other chronically ill person. Your sexual orientation is not a cause of the problem , other's expectations of you may be , and you should NEVER blame yourself for feeling like this.
I and millions of others gay and straight have been where you are - make sure you are one of those that can help others in future :).

Just had a chat with 'the Big Guy' about you and asked for him to help you.

Cheers CJB

[Progo35]

Missmarie,

I am so sorry to hear that you are feeling this way, and like the others here, I affirm that God loves you perfectly, unconditionally, justly and completely, no matter what your orientation is. God loves you and it grieves his heart, I am sure, to know how you are feeling. God would never want you to harm yourself, He gave you the gift of life.

As many others have said, you don't need to feel ashamed for how you feel. On the contrary, I thank God that you've had enough humility and courage to tell us and your friends, for this takes a lot of honesty, personal awareness and compassion. It is good that you are talking about it: if not, it would just eat you up inside. We are all broken...and times of despair are part of the human condition. I believe that this is why the Bible tells us to "carry one another's burdens"-because without one another's support, our own fallacies cause us to shrivel. It can be SO HARD when those surrounding you do not offer that support for which we yearn. People are often cruel, insensitive, and unrelenting, and it can make one feel like it would be better not to wake up in the morning. But, that is, I believe, the world and the evil powers that rule it telling us a lie. Personally, I also believe that Satan exists and that while he will NEVER, EVER have even one quarter of the power that God has, he will use anything-including bigotry and depression, to "steal, kill and destroy" what is dear to us, including our identities, our self esteem, our communities, and our lives.

I, myself, have struggled with depression and it can be very overwhelming, physically and mentally. As others have said, this can be caused by chemical changes brought on biologically, or, as my therapist believes in my case, these changes may be being caused by all the trauma you are experiencing from your environment. Daniel, another member, posted what is called "the Jesus Prayer" on my "I've Lost my Brain" thread in the general chat. It is a very powerful meditation on Christ's intercessory work on our behalf, and so I suggest you take a look at that.

Two other books that I strongly reccommend are "Glimpses of Grace," a collection of short meditations from the works of Madeliene L'Engle, and "Revelations of Divine Love," which is a fourteenth century mystic's account of her visions of the Passion and God's abiding love for humankind. They have both aided me during depressive episodes.

Jesus is with you, no matter what: he died on the cross for you and shares your suffering.

Love and hugs,
Meghan