Gay Couple Together 33 Years Get Story in Local Paper

[Joe Brummer]

My partner Rick called me this morning at work to be sure I read the paper. Of course, I always read the paper, but hadn't yet. He pointed me to a "love story" as the paper is calling it, about a gay couple who have been together since 1975. I really enjoy hearing these stories and can see Rick and I being just like them.

The couple state: (http://www.projo.com/news/content/lsvegher_07-30-07_EJ6EI8I.20b0a69.html)

“We never had to declare anything,” says John. “We didn’t march in parades. We were a couple with the same values as other folks in the neighborhood: being good neighbors and good citizens and not hiding the fact that we live together, that this is our home.”

It a great story, but it paints the Rosy picture of gay couples trying to steer through a heterosexual world. They have a nice house, nice things but what happens when one gets sick or dies? Does this cute romance turn into legal nightmare? It does for many.

[Daniel]

Nice story. And you are right, what happens when one gets sick and the other is left behind? At that point it's all about pieces of paper. Barring marriage, one better have that iron-clad will, health care proxy and Power of Attorney.

It's called taking care of business. And if anyone thinks that love between two people shouldn't be hampered with such concerns, I say: "Wake up and smell the coffee!".

You'd be shocked at how many gay couples I know who don't have these documents. They say they just haven't gotten around to it.

It's nuts!

[antonyh]

Nice story. And you are right, what happens when one gets sick and the other is left behind? At that point it's all about pieces of paper. Barring marriage, one better have that iron-clad will, health care proxy and Power of Attorney.

It's called taking care of business. And if anyone thinks that love between two people shouldn't be hampered with such concerns, I say: "Wake up and smell the coffee!".

You'd be shocked at how many gay couples I know who don't have these documents. They say they just haven't gotten around to it.

It's nuts!

Smart advice :)

[Zerbie]

My cousin and his partner were together for 35 years. They didn't have any documentation. When his partner died, leaving my cousin alone in a house in the heart of West Hollywood with only the partner's name on the deed, my cousin lost literally everything. I can't believe they hadn't thought of something like that.

[antonyh]

My cousin and his partner were together for 35 years. They didn't have any documentation. When his partner died, leaving my cousin alone in a house in the heart of West Hollywood with only the partner's name on the deed, my cousin lost literally everything. I can't believe they hadn't thought of something like that.

That is really terrible. It is hard for me to fathom how people can act like that. You just have to have the legal documents.

[pnggrad79]

Yes, you do. Without the legal recognition of our relationships, we must have the forms to give our partners medical power of attorney and legal power of attorney as well as living wills. I put my wife as a beneficiary on my 401K, my teacher's retirement, and life insurance. If something were to happen to me, she would at least be taken care of. Of course, I split with my two daughters as well...

There is a website where you can download forms for powers of attorney and living wills. All you have to do is fill them out, and have it notarized, and keep a copy in a safe place in case you ever need it. I think it is smart forms.com Try it and see if you get anything, but let me know. It is well worth it.

My wife's cousin is in law school and she was adamant that gay couples and lesbian couples get this kind of documentation. It will save the surviving partner a lot of heartache.

[Steven E. Webster]

Friends,

Our adversaries sometimes argue that all LGBT persons legal problems can be solved by existing legal paperwork that is readily available. THIS IS NOT TRUE.

No amount of existing legal paperwork will make us equal to married people before the law.

Yes, people should get wills and powers of attorney--no question about that. However, wills are often contested. "Blood relatives" will go to court to invalidate wills and powers of attorney and often they succeed. They wouldn't get away with that to the same extent if LGBT couples could be legally married.

Lawyers are very expensive--especially if, like most people in this country, you are living from paycheck to paycheck. A physician friend of mine makes regular visits to his attorney in order to maintain and keep up the rather involved trust arrangements required to protect the assets of he and his same-gender spouse.

Yes, people download legal forms from the internet and try to do these things themselves--but that can be risky--especially if you have to go to court to enforce a will or power of attorney in the face of hostile "blood relatives." Laws governing these types of things vary from state to state, a lawyer familiar with the laws of your state might do things diffently than the forms one might find on line on the internet.

So, yes, the legal paperwork is important. The large number of people who don't hire attorneys and do these things right are maybe negligent, dumb, ignorant or poor. There really is no substitute for legal marriage.

Steven Webster

[Daniel]

Friends,

Our adversaries sometimes argue that all LGBT persons legal problems can be solved by existing legal paperwork that is readily available. THIS IS NOT TRUE.

No amount of existing legal paperwork will make us equal to married people before the law.

Yes, people should get wills and powers of attorney--no question about that. However, wills are often contested. "Blood relatives" will go to court to invalidate wills and powers of attorney and often they succeed. They wouldn't get away with that to the same extent if LGBT couples could be legally married.


When I met my husband he was battling a relative who contested the will of his mentor. The legal case was expensive and arduous. It lasted four years! The opposing side made motion after motion, in an attempt to tie up resources and force a settlement.

It was sheer hell! But in the end, my guy won.

You are right. There is no substitute for marriage.