another reason we need to get married

[RedneckDyke]

My partner Anita is away being a travel nurse in MASS. (or as we say here "the land o' the enemy" :p;):D )
Anyway, she likes to get online and buy stuff. She went to the online auction for the NC state surplus property. (They sell off all kinds of junk)
She bought this BBQ smoker. Turns out , I can't go get this thing because it's not in my name. Stuff like this has happened several times. Once, I couldn't even get into the storage unit to move our junk out because she was travelling, I didn't have the key, and the unit wasn't in my name. We ended up having to pay an extra month on the dang thing because we had to wait till she got back and could get into the thing.
Little things like this are just one more reason we need to get married.

[BruceChris]

http://www.relationshipllc.com/index.html

I admit that it is a rather unromantic substitute for marriage,(:eek:) but it should stand up in court, or elsewhere.

Peace and Love, Bruce Chris

[tdogg]

I admit that it is a rather unromantic substitute for marriage,(:eek:) but it should stand up in court, or elsewhere.


Hmmm, creativity as a bridge between not good enough and full equality...I like it! What about putting the storage in both your names?

My partner and I have agreed that we need to 'register' as domestic partners, so we will have at least a few of the priviledges of 'couples', such as visiting each other in the hospital, some joint benefits, etc. We did buy a timeshare together, no one at the company blinked, but I'm sure they were desperate for our $$. I'll admit, California is a bit better than most states - but still no equality. And there won't be any as long as the Governator is in office...

[Daniel]

Breaks my heart to read stories like this.

http://www.365gay.com/Newscon07/08/080207foreign.htm

[Zerbie]

Breaks my heart to read stories like this.

http://www.365gay.com/Newscon07/08/080207foreign.htm

Oh my god! :(:'( No one should have to DO that! **** DOMA!!:mad:

[NathanATX]

Breaks my heart to read stories like this.

http://www.365gay.com/Newscon07/08/080207foreign.htm

That last line is the one that pisses me off.

"A local television station was tipped off to the alleged scam and following a news report federal prosecutors opened an investigation."

[u-dog]

That last line is the one that pisses me off.

"A local television station was tipped off to the alleged scam and following a news report federal prosecutors opened an investigation."


Yes! A crime was committed here but NOT by the star-crossed lovers. they are the victims of the crime!! :mad:

[pnggrad79]

Well it wouldn't make such good news fodder if it was legal! I hope marriage for everyone becomes legal someday, but what would the news people talk about then? :rolleyes:

[Blockwell]

This is my first day posting and this thread really caught my attention. The following personal story is yet another example of why marriage for gay couples so important.


In 1987 I lost my first partner of eight years to a helicopter crash; he was only 29 years old when he died. Losing my partner was awful enough, but what happened afterwards could only be described as horrific. My partner’ parents had been divorced since he was four years old; he had had no contact with his biological father since he was eight years old. His mother and step-father had disowned him when he told them he was gay at the age of 19. During our entire eight years together he never saw or heard from his parents.

When the police came to our door to tell me my partner was dead the only thing they wanted from me was the name and address of my partner’s “family.” I was nothing but his roommate in the eyes of the law. When my partner’s parents found out their “precious” son was dead they immediately contacted an attorney to sue for Wrongful Death.

Just prior to my partner’s death I had transferred all my savings ($3,000) into his bank account so that he could get a better rate on his car loan. The loan came through and I decided to keep my money (under his name only) in the account because the interest rate was so good. To make a long story short, my partner’s parents closed out the account, stole my money and I was left with all our joint debts. My partner’s mother and bio-father split $360,000. I sent them a letter explaining that if they were unwilling to share in the Wrongful Death suit, they could at least give me back my cash. They sent me a gift-wrapped empty wallet in return.

It is now 20 years later and I learned from my mistakes. My current partner and I are just about to share our ninth anniversary together. We have seen an attorney to bind our relationship as best we can (loads and loads of legal documents) but it comes nowhere close to what a marriage certificate would do. If my partner were to die tomorrow in an accident, I still would not be able to sue for Wrongful Death, only a “family” member could do that.

For me anyway the term marriage is not as important as it is to others in the gay community. I don’t care what they call it as long as the state recognizes my partner as “Next of Kin.” I hope that someday we can rectify this problem and no other same-sex spouse has to go through what I went through.

Dennis

[tdogg]

That's worse than awful Dennis! I'm with you, call it whatever, just make it the same. Same rights, priviledges and protections. Anything less is not acceptable.

Just another fine example of discrimination. And really bad ethics on the part of the parents!

[Zerbie]

What's even more awful than the fact that this happened, is that it happens OFTEN.

I'm actually not sure what my cousin's situation was with the house, I've always assumed his name must not have been on the deed - just that an estranged niece who had had no contact with cousin's partner in 17 years (because the partner was gay, of course) waited until after the funeral which she did not attend, to bring a lawyer and claim the house was hers as "next of kin." My cousin who had stopped working to care for his ailing partner for nearly a decade and had emptied their savings had no means to hire a lawyer, and no case against the next of kin claim.

I've witnessed two other couples who were torn apart at death because of hospitals refusing to allow same-sex partners in to visit. In one case, the family members I believe advocated to get the partner in to say goodbye. In the other case, the "real family" made the decision to pull life support from a woman's partner without even telling her, and giving her no chance whatsoever to see her one final time or say goodbye. It was especially tragic because the dying partner had been in a freak accident, fine one moment, brain-dead the next. It was a complete shock, and no one, not even her partner of 15 years, had a chance to even learn what happened before she was gone.

Both deaths occured the same summer, either 1997 or 98 - what an eye-opener. I had not been aware of the incredible inequities gay couples faced until these events unfolded around me. In one case, I was the only person in the world who the surviving partner was really "out" to, and it was overwhelming to witness her grief being invisibilized.

I don't see these kinds of problems being completely eliminated unless marriage equality is acheived, by name.

[Daniel]

Dennis- welcome to the forum.

Your story is heartrending!

I hear you on the wrongful death situation. Reminds me how surviving partners in the 9/11 tragedy had to push and push to be included in the compensation fund. In the end, those with domestic-partner agreements had success, but it was harder for others- the whole documentation thing being an issue.

It just makes one fighting mad. :mad:

I'm so glad you are your partner have documented your relationship as much as you can. My husband and I have done the same.

A straight married couple goes and fills out one form- and zippo- all taken care of! No one asks to see it. It's all taken for granted.

sigh....

Our day will come.

[Zerbie]

.

A straight married couple goes and fills out one form- and zippo- all taken care of! No one asks to see it. It's all taken for granted.

sigh....

Our day will come.

Yes, it was that easy for me and my guy. Took 15 minutes.

The day *will* come Daniel. Promise.

[Blockwell]

Thank you all for your comments regarding the death of my first partner. I learned a great deal from the experience and I am a better man for it. One important lesson I learned is that dwelling on past injustices can be dangerous, for they can consume you. For two or three years after his death I was consumed with anger and resentment at his parents for what they did and how they treated me. I obsessed on it and could not let it go. I became an angry man with a chip on his shoulder and people in my life, though supportive, got tired of hearing me lament about the past.

The most important thing I learned was that the act of forgiveness can set you free. Three years after my partner’s death I wrote his parents a letter. I told them that I had forgiven them for what they did to me. Whether or not they felt they needed forgiveness was beside the point, I did it for me. I told them about the eight years of their son’s life they had missed out on, how he had become an accomplished helicopter pilot and what a great man he was. I never received a response, but again that was not the point of the letter. I wanted them to know how much I loved their son and what they had denied themselves because of their prejudice. It would have been easier to berate them and tell them how horrible they were, but that would have given them just what they wanted, a reason to justify their actions. I wanted them to know that compared to the love I had for eight years, the $360,000 in cash the received was chump change. In the end I recognized that I got the better end of deal, I had my partner’s love and wonderful memories; they only got cold hard cash.

[Zerbie]

T. I told them about the eight years of their son’s life they had missed out on, how he had become an accomplished helicopter pilot and what a great man he was. I never received a response, but again that was not the point of the letter. I wanted them to know how much I loved their son and what they had denied themselves because of their prejudice. It would have been easier to berate them and tell them how horrible they were, but that would have given them just what they wanted, a reason to justify their actions. I wanted them to know that compared to the love I had for eight years, the $360,000 in cash the received was chump change. In the end I recognized that I got the better end of deal, I had my partner’s love and wonderful memories; they only got cold hard cash.

:love::dove:

God!

You did something incredibly difficult. Wow - Dennis, I'm so glad you joined us! It's wonderful having you and your insights here. Thanks so much for sharing that.

[pnggrad79]

You are right Dennis! You got far more than his parents did and it should be the other way around. I am sorry you had to deal with such loss, but I hope that now you feel like you've been rewarded in so many ways because you chose to love instead of hate.

Hate has no rewards only victims. Love reaps love. Bless you Dennis.:)

[Daniel]

http://www.365gay.com/Newscon07/08/080607indy.htm

[Steven E. Webster]

http://www.365gay.com/Newscon07/08/080607indy.htm

Read to the end of the article Daniel links to above. There is the lie of the Focus on the Family crowd (whatever the name of their front organization in Indiana). This is an example of the need for marriage. Even if this couple did have living wills, the parents, as the next of kin, could have caused legal trouble and intefered with the guardianship of this man. They might well have gained guardianship and custody despite a living will.

Only marriage can make you legally next of kin with your life-companion. Just look at the Terry Schiavo case---even when there was a marriage, other relatives can interfere and cause a great deal of trouble. Had Terry and her husband only been cohabiting, the case would have turned out differently.

And the sad fact is, in this society, because of religious teachings like that that emanate from Focus and Christian churches, there are alot of cases where families are not inclined to respect their adult childrens' wishes and their domestic arrangements. They will go to court to dispute wills, living wills and other legal arrangements. Even if they don't prevail, they will cause a great deal of trouble.

Steven Webster

[wmanion]

Another example of why domestic partnerships are not the same as marriage
http://www.statesmanjournal.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20070806/NEWS/708060324