Creepy "Ex-gay" Children's book

[Steven E. Webster]

Friends,

Check out this link over at Andrew Sullivan's blog.

http://andrewsullivan.theatlantic.com/the_daily_dish/2007/08/christianism--1.html

Click on the link labeled "Children's Book."

I haven't figured out the source of this book yet. Focus on the Family or some other group? It certainly presents their "junk science" as Andrew Sullivan aptly calls it.

Steven Webster

[paul]

Whoa.

This book is brought to you by the same folk who accuse gays of having a recruitment motive. They are recruiting gay kids to become straight. They are poisoning all kids minds, gay and straight, with the idea that being gay is caused by pedophiles and neglectful parents.

Kids should be taught how to think critically, not what to think. These are social manipulators.

[tpdncr4christ]

My father and I were very close. That is the biggest bunch of bull that I have ever read. This really needs to stop... We need to pass a law against this crap.

[Jamie McDaniel]

The book is called "Alfie's Home" and was written by Richard Cohen. Though Andrew Sullivan is blogging about it today, the book is apparently not new, having been published in 1993.

Here is the link at Amazon.

www.amazon.com/Alfies-Home-Richard-Cohen/dp/0963705806

And also here (http://www.gaytostraight.org/resources.htm#Alfies_Home_).

:inspector: :inspector: :inspector:

How did I find this? Elementary my dear, Watson... er, Webster. Though neither Sullivan's blog nor the one it linked to contained any info on the source, it did have the URL for the images. For example:

http://photos-a.ak.facebook.com/photos-ak-sctm/v118/27/22/9100063/n9100063_34379436_8182.jpg

I then googled 9100063 facebook (http://www.google.com/search?q=9100063+facebook) which turned up a discussion over at the NBC forums. Someone there had posted the title of the book.

[Emproph]

:inspector: :inspector: :inspector:

How did I find this? Elementary my dear, Watson... er, Webster. Though neither Sullivan's blog nor the one it linked to contained any info on the source, it did have the URL for the images. For example:

http://photos-a.ak.facebook.com/photos-ak-sctm/v118/27/22/9100063/n9100063_34379436_8182.jpg

I then googled 9100063 facebook (http://www.google.com/search?q=9100063+facebook) which turned up a discussion over at the NBC forums. Someone there had posted the title of the book.

I didn't even think to check the photo urls, good work. :applause:

[BrentRichards]

The good news is that, on the Amazon site, the book is unavailable, and no indication when/if it will ever be available again.

There's a review there from the School Library Journal, too:

From School Library Journal

Gr 3-5-Alfie lives in a seemingly happy home with his parents, brother, and sister, but his father is always working and yells a lot. Uncle Pete comes to stay with them and gives Alfie attention, including unwanted sexual attention, calling it their ``special secret.'' As Alfie grows into a teen, he is teased about being gay. Finally, he goes to a counselor who tells him he isn't gay and that he just missed his father's love and was taught wrong things by his uncle. The same man talks to Alfie's parents, they stop fighting, and Dad begins to spend time with his son playing ball and camping. Uncle Pete is also confronted, but is forgiven when he cries. Now Alfie is ready to date Nancy, whom he marries, and they have a boy and a girl whom they love a lot. Everything about this book screams fake. The illustrations are flat and garish in their simplicity, lacking any personality or appeal. If the generic illustrations aren't a complete turnoff, the saccharine tone of the writing gives further challenge to credibility. If readers were able to ignore the presentation, there is still the message of the text to choke them. A boy from a dysfunctional family who is abused throughout his childhood and into his teens sees a counselor and everything is suddenly wonderful. Now if everything is pulled together, there is still a problem-the format of a picture book with large print makes this look like a book for preschoolers, but the writing attempt is aimed more at preteens who would scorn such a presentation-and rightly so.-Nancy A. Gifford, Schenectady County Public Library, NY

HA!

[elcharrom]

The good news is that, on the Amazon site, the book is unavailable, and no indication when/if it will ever be available again.

There's a review there from the School Library Journal, too:



HA!

Again they dont know what it is like, although I didnt have a good childhood, I now have my family back, and Im still gay, I havnt miraculously changed or looked for my dad's love from other guys, my da's love can only come from my dad. Scary what this could do, real scary.

[pnggrad79]

Conversely, I guess if a girl does not receive love or affection from her mother, she is going to be a lesbian. Balderdash!!!! How many lesbians does this definition apply to? Not me...

All these people are doing is trying to make homosexuality a mental illness and linking it to pedophilia, which is just ludicrous. They don't understand it, and because they don't understand homosexuality, it MUST be bad, and because it is BAD, we must criminalize it, write books about it, etc...


Next thing you know, they will be rounding up the homosexuals, pinning a pink triangle on their sleeve and carting us off to the gas chambers....

[sailaway58]

My dad and I weren't close and I'm straight, of course I had no uncles.

[Blockwell]

What a crock! It’s the same old claptrap I always hear, distant father, smothering mother; yet when I discuss this hypothesis with my gay friends, it holds no water at all. To make matters worse, it does terrible damage to parents of gays who read it. When I came out to my father he did some reading and honestly thought he had failed me somehow. I was furious that these people could lay such a guilt trip on man I loved and admired so much. This topic came up a few months ago on another forum and we ended up discussing what makes a “Real Man.” I responded with the following:

I would consider my father as a role model for a “Real Man.”

He had many of the stereotypical attributes most would find manly. He served in the Pacific Theater during WWII; He was physically fit and enjoyed hunting and fishing. He married and had three children. He was a good provider and helped to create a home environment that was secure and stable. He put his family’s needs above his own personal desires. He commanded respect without being violent or verbally abusive.

For a man born in rural Oklahoma in 1924 he was a bit unusual in some ways that I personally regard as having Real-Man characteristics. He respected my mother’s opinion and I saw them as both having equal say in everything. I never once saw my parents argue in front of me. He was not shy about expressing his love for my mother and us kids. A peck on the cheek and an “I love you” was literally and everyday routine in our family before heading to bed. (Every phone call as an adult ended with an “I love you” as well.)

Then there are a few other examples that I feel set my father apart from many other Real-Men I know. Although I never heard my father say anything disparaging against any class of people when I was growing up, he did decide to make some changes to how he felt about homosexuality. When my father learned that two of his children were gay (my sister and me) he did not get angry. Instead he went on reading binge to learn as much as could on the subject. He needed to learn that he did not fail us somehow. He quest to understand something rather than to just react is a Real-Man characteristic in my opinion. His ability to change is mind allowed him to reach out to me and develop a close connection that he would not have otherwise been able to do.

During the last few years of his life after my mother died, my partner I would visit him. We would share a few beers in the backyard and shoot breeze together. He was eager to share in our lives helped us buy our first home and he adored my choice as a partner. I Real-Man is someone you miss when they are gone. “Smooch – I love you Dad”

[BrentRichards]

What a crock! It’s the same old claptrap I always hear, distant father, smothering mother; yet when I discuss this hypothesis with my gay friends, it holds no water at all. To make matters worse, it does terrible damage to parents of gays who read it. When I came out to my father he did some reading and honestly thought he had failed me somehow. I was furious that these people could lay such a guilt trip on man I loved and admired so much. This topic came up a few months ago on another forum and we ended up discussing what makes a “Real Man.” I responded with the following:

I would consider my father as a role model for a “Real Man.”

He had many of the stereotypical attributes most would find manly. He served in the Pacific Theater during WWII; He was physically fit and enjoyed hunting and fishing. He married and had three children. He was a good provider and helped to create a home environment that was secure and stable. He put his family’s needs above his own personal desires. He commanded respect without being violent or verbally abusive.

For a man born in rural Oklahoma in 1924 he was a bit unusual in some ways that I personally regard as having Real-Man characteristics. He respected my mother’s opinion and I saw them as both having equal say in everything. I never once saw my parents argue in front of me. He was not shy about expressing his love for my mother and us kids. A peck on the cheek and an “I love you” was literally and everyday routine in our family before heading to bed. (Every phone call as an adult ended with an “I love you” as well.)

Then there are a few other examples that I feel set my father apart from many other Real-Men I know. Although I never heard my father say anything disparaging against any class of people when I was growing up, he did decide to make some changes to how he felt about homosexuality. When my father learned that two of his children were gay (my sister and me) he did not get angry. Instead he went on reading binge to learn as much as could on the subject. He needed to learn that he did not fail us somehow. He quest to understand something rather than to just react is a Real-Man characteristic in my opinion. His ability to change is mind allowed him to reach out to me and develop a close connection that he would not have otherwise been able to do.

During the last few years of his life after my mother died, my partner I would visit him. We would share a few beers in the backyard and shoot breeze together. He was eager to share in our lives helped us buy our first home and he adored my choice as a partner. I Real-Man is someone you miss when they are gone. “Smooch – I love you Dad”

Sounds like your Dad and mine were cut from similar cloth ... hero material. We were tremendously blessed, no? I also could never have gotten off to bed, or out of the house without a hug/kiss/love you. Hanging up the phone without an I love you was unheard of ... which is how I know those were my last words exchanged with both my mom and my dad. Mom and dad never knew I was gay (my issues, less that what I thought might be theirs) but I know nothing ... gay included ... could ever have changed their love for me. The "reparative" folks are full of crap. Go fix your own family, Nicolosi, mine's just fine.

[Blockwell]

Sounds like your Dad and mine were cut from similar cloth ... hero material. We were tremendously blessed, no?

Yes we were both lucky to have the dads that we did.

What I find even more infuriating is that when I describe my childhood to the holders of the ‘distant dad, smothering mother’ syndrome, they accuse of my lying. I suppose it easier to call me a liar than accept that I had no choice in the matter of my sexual orientation.

Let’s take a look at the rest of my childhood.

Not only was my dad loving and affectionate and thoroughly enjoyed being a dad, but I also lucked out with his job. My father was fireman and his schedule allowed him to spend a great deal of time with the family. My childhood memories are crammed full of family vacations, over a 100 overnight trips to the nearby desert to ride motorcycles, hunt, target practice and generally have a good time blasting things to smithereens. I spent more time with my dad outside of school then with my friends.

What about mom? My mother was a stay-at-home mom in the very traditional sense. She was affectionate, a great cook, a tidy housekeeper and she allowed her children the space to grow up and be independent. She had an equal role as a parent and disciplinarian. She taught me how to cook, keep a clean house and was a great help with my homework. She also kept me in stitches with her wicked sense of humor. I enjoyed her company. I took the security my parents had created for granted, and for that I will be forever grateful.

What about my neighborhood? I grew up in area where all the homes were all alike and built just after World War II and nearly all the homes had the same general family makeup. They were headed by WWII vets and their stay at home wives. Nearly every home had three to six children. No one on the block had ever been divorced to my knowledge. My brother and I were born near the tail end of the baby boom so most of the kids on the block were older. I grew up on a cul-de-sac of twelve homes. I literally knew everyone in each of those homes; it was almost like an extended family of sorts.

But what about what when on behind closed doors when no one was watching? Nothing at all. The image my family projected to the world perfectly matched the real us inside. I was never once physically, emotionally, or sexually abused. I was without a doubt the most sexually ignorant a kid could get. The older kids on the block never discussed sex with me, heck I never even heard of ‘let’s play doctor.’

I know my childhood was unusual. Most of us have a bit more turmoil to deal with as kids. The reason I went to such lengths to give you a picture of my childhood was to prove a point. My childhood does represent what many of these people (fundamentalists) feel will eliminate the chances of having a gay kid, yet two of my parents three kids came out gay! Why? Because that is the way they were meant to be. :)

[Steven E. Webster]

I know my childhood was unusual. Most of us have a bit more turmoil to deal with as kids. The reason I went to such lengths to give you a picture of my childhood was to prove a point. My childhood does represent what many of these people (fundamentalists) feel will eliminate the chances of having a gay kid, yet two of my parents three kids came out gay! Why? Because that is the way they were meant to be. :)

I remember researching some of these "bad childhood" theorists. Interesting thing is that they would probably counter your story with some claim that there was some forgotten "traumatic" or not-so-tramatic episode in you childhood that you've forgotten about and that "caused" you to be gay. That revealed to me how unscientific their hypothesis is--there is really no way to test their hypothesis or prove it wrong. It's all so vague and insubstantial when you get right down to it. It's pseudo-science.

Steven Webster

[Zerbie]

I remember researching some of these "bad childhood" theorists. Interesting thing is that they would probably counter your story with some claim that there was some forgotten "traumatic" or not-so-tramatic episode in you childhood that you've forgotten about and that "caused" you to be gay. That revealed to me how unscientific their hypothesis is--there is really no way to test their hypothesis or prove it wrong. It's all so vague and insubstantial when you get right down to it. It's pseudo-science.

Steven Webster

Not to mention, what about all the heterosexual folk with severely traumatic childhoods? Are they going to try to map every factor in life to try and determine which combination causes which sexuality in adulthood?

Holy crap, what's going on w
ith this compute
r?!?!!

[rainbow7]

The book is called "Alfie's Home" and was written by Richard Cohen. Though Andrew Sullivan is blogging about it today, the book is apparently not new, having been published in 1993.

Here is the link at Amazon.

www.amazon.com/Alfies-Home-Richard-Cohen/dp/0963705806

And also here (http://www.gaytostraight.org/resources.htm#Alfies_Home_).

:inspector: :inspector: :inspector:

How did I find this? Elementary my dear, Watson... er, Webster. Though neither Sullivan's blog nor the one it linked to contained any info on the source, it did have the URL for the images. For example:

http://photos-a.ak.facebook.com/photos-ak-sctm/v118/27/22/9100063/n9100063_34379436_8182.jpg

I then googled 9100063 facebook (http://www.google.com/search?q=9100063+facebook) which turned up a discussion over at the NBC forums. Someone there had posted the title of the book.

Yuk! A VERY dangerous book! Kind of makes you want to rethink the whole book-burning thing, huh?


Polly

[mjules]

Not to mention, what about all the heterosexual folk with severely traumatic childhoods? Are they going to try to map every factor in life to try and determine which combination causes which sexuality in adulthood?



Precisely the point I was going to make! I mean, I had a pretty traumatic childhood in some respects (multiple sexual molestations, though none of them by family members or particularly close friends), and I'm bi, sure, but most of my very close friends also had traumatic childhoods (funny how we seemed to gravitate to each other) and most of them are straight. I mean, heck, if childhood sexual trauma made one gay, I wouldn't have had cause to be so frustrated over being in love with my very-straight childhood best friend!

People and their psuedo-science. Just tryin' to make things fit into the wrong frame of mind.

Though I really need to learn how to build a better case for this than being wry and witty and throwing up my hands in frustration, since I have dear, beloved friends who have been indoctrinated with this tripe...

[sailaway58]

Books like that a few years ago made sense to me. I can remembering the first time I heard a speaker say the reason a man turns gay is he didn't get enough interaction with his dad. Didn't hear I love you enough. That made me feel like I Had some control on the outcome of my children.
While none of my children are gay I know for sure it had nothing to do with my great parenting skills, it is just not who they happen to be.
The one thing I like about the book is that it gives opportunity for open duologue.
I dislike it for all the same reasons mentioned above.

[Steven E. Webster]

Books like that a few years ago made sense to me. I can remembering the first time I heard a speaker say the reason a man turns gay is he didn't get enough interaction with his dad. Didn't hear I love you enough. That made me feel like I Had some control on the outcome of my children.
While none of my children are gay I know for sure it had nothing to do with my great parenting skills, it is just not who they happen to be.
The one thing I like about the book is that it gives opportunity for open duologue.
I dislike it for all the same reasons mentioned above.

So what changed your mind?

[seifer_boy]

Conversely, I guess if a girl does not receive love or affection from her mother, she is going to be a lesbian. Balderdash!!!! How many lesbians does this definition apply to? Not me...

All these people are doing is trying to make homosexuality a mental illness and linking it to pedophilia, which is just ludicrous. They don't understand it, and because they don't understand homosexuality, it MUST be bad, and because it is BAD, we must criminalize it, write books about it, etc...


Next thing you know, they will be rounding up the homosexuals, pinning a pink triangle on their sleeve and carting us off to the gas chambers....

Well, one person has already said that homosexuals with HIV/AIDS should have a tattoo on them so other people could know about them. And that if they try to cover the tattoo up, the get sent to some Hawaiian island for lepers? And if they said to also castrate men who tried to cheat on nature. That came from Paul Cameron.

[ladyinred]

pngrad they say the same thing about boys having a domineering mother or an absent father. Well I loved my mother but she could be domineering and my father wasn't what you call affectionate and could be mean many times and none of my brothers were all that close to him, none of them grew up homosexual and in their years starting after puberty they were chasing girls. And never showed any indication toward being homosexual. They are all married to women. Was my father distant and unavailable yes.most of the time.


As far as the theory that gay and lesbians may have suffered abuse sexually or other wise, there are those who probably have in truth, but I also look at the numerous survivors of incest or sexual abuse who are not gay or lesbian and are heterosexual. One man I saw on tv was molested by a priest, he was heterosexual and married, apparently the abuse had no bearing on his sexuality.(I'd also seen similar stories like this as well) So I would question these studies in the light of what we know from personal experiences.

Robert Burney The author of the codependent website talks about his dad in depth, he was not what you call close to his dad either , in fact he said his dad didn't really show affection to him. A heterosexual man by the way. (Who also doesn't hate GLBT people either) He writes:"Homosexuality - sexual and romantic attraction to beings of the same sex, the same gender - is a natural and normal part of the human experience. There has been a portion of the population, in every society that has existed on this planet, that was homosexual. In most tribal societies, homosexuals were accorded honored positions of importance in the cultural scheme of tribal life.

The vast majority of individuals who are living a homosexual lifestyle are simply following the first real guideline of healthy behavior - to thine own Self be True. A Gay man or Lesbian woman knows very early in life that they are different. Environment does not produce homosexuality " Whole article here:http://www.suite101.com/article.cfm/3691/102980,.
He says he does not know alot about bisexuals or transexuals but none the less they are children of God. He writes: "There are also some people who are bisexual. There are people who are transsexual and transgendered. I do not know a whole lot about the later two - what I do know is that we are all ONE in the Spirit. We are all children of God / Goddess, extensions of the Divine, part of The Great Spirit. We are all experiencing being human. We all deserve to be treated with respect and dignity.


He also writes:"And homosexuality is as much related to pedophilia as fish are to bicycles. Homosexuals are not pedophiles - although some pedophiles may be homosexual, the two are not even closely synonymous. Homosexuals are not out prowling, looking to recruit "innocent" victims - that is bull. Those are the kind of ignorant, bigoted pronouncements made by small minded people whose beliefs do not support Love and ONENESS - whose beliefs are in fact reversed to the Truth of Love, because they promote separation and fear of differences. "

He also writes:The definitive factor for me in determining what is Truth - what is a natural and normal human behavior as opposed to a reaction/an effect of the emotionally repressive, Spiritually hostile, shame-based, love mutilated environment that has been present on the planet - is: does it support Love and connection between individuals, or does it support separation and fear. Being True to Self and Loving another human being, no matter what gender they are, is aligned with Love and Truth. Bigotry and hate are not aligned with Love.

He writes about his website and articles:In this series of articles, I am sharing my beliefs. As the quote from my book above states, I am not trying to impose my beliefs on anyone else. I am sharing them as an alternative perspective for you to consider. These are the beliefs that work for me. I do not need for other people to agree with me - I am just sharing my perspective because I have found that many people find it helpful.

I do not waste my time and energy arguing with people who think I am wrong. People who believe that their beliefs are the only "right" beliefs, and any others are "wrong" - are reacting out of the black and white thinking of their codependency, in my opinion.


So all these theories don't really hold up to light in viewing these things and of course what I've read here on other people's posts. In light of what I've read in many cases on psychology and other websites, alot of people grew up with less than ideal childhoods,many were severely abused and neglected and came from less than ideal situations.And they all turn out to be gay or lesbian? I'd hear personal stories as well from family and friends and even a neuro-psychiatrist who worked extensively with children, that don't support these theories.

Their theories just do not hold water. bully hocky......they are so full of it. Perhaps if they spent more time and concern with their own families and problems and focused on that , they'd have less time to focus on gays and what they are doing. They are always talking about family values right?

[sailaway58]

So what changed your mind?
I don't know when you asked this but I just saw it.
When I started seeing that it was not as simple as a choice concerning orientation treating a gay person with little respect no longer felt comfortable to me. This is over many years.
Deciding it is not a sin came recently but it was an easy transition for me because I had already accepted orientation. Not that gay people don't sin mind you. ;)
So what changed my mind? A combination of life experiences and education.
I am not comfortable with everything about GLBT but I don't have to be comfortable to understand, accept and care for this community.