View Full Version : Hello, I'm Carol
09-05-2007, 11:00 PM
I got some good-natured grief from my friend Sailaway for having been a member for nearly two years and posting just recently for the first time. So, Sailaway, and the rest of you, this is a brief intro.
I first read Mel White's book almost 3 years ago when my husband came out to me. My world fell apart, but I read "Stranger at the Gate, and I began to learn that I had been wrong. I had trouble making sense of the fundamentalist world I'd lived in, and I knew I had to change. I changed what I believed about God and the Bible, and I listened to people's stories. I learned that gay and Christian DO go together, and I kept loving my husband of over 30 years. Our four adult kids have grown and learned alongside me, and aside from the fact that they see how hurt we both have been, they also realize that we both need to be who God made us. With that being true, we are going through a divorce.
I see so many lives hurt by the church, and how these negative messages nearly killed my husband. He'd prayed for so many years, with every fibre of his being, all the while keeping his secret, alone. Now, finally, I know the real person that he is, and I continue to support him. Others need to be released from the untrue messages. I want to be a voice that says, "God loves us all, He accepts us all."
09-05-2007, 11:23 PM
Welcome, Carol. :) I'm so happy you finally introduced yourself.
My heart breaks at these stories. . . no one should feel such fear and shame that they believe they must struggle all alone, yet so many people do. I'm sorry for what your husband and you both had to go through because of society's lack of understanding of what gay is (and isn't.)
It is obvious that you love your husband very much. While I can't exactly rejoice at hearing of a divorce, I am glad that you have come to a resolution of the problem, and that both of you are now free to truly be yourselves. It sounds like you are really honoring your vows to love and cherish one another, by finding this way to let each other go and grow, even though it must be very painful. I am so glad that even as you dissolve the marriage contract, your love for him is so clearly evident. He must be a wonderful man.
Thank you for posting. Please stay around. :love:
09-06-2007, 08:26 AM
I admire women like you who have accepted their husband's sexuality, gave them a divorce and allowed them to be free to live their life authentically. It takes a big person to let go of feelings and anger in their own life being disrupted to allow another person their freedom. Mel's wife was simply awesome when he was going through his ordeal. You are that kind of person and I applaud you.
Some of us who were once married to the opposite sex have to endure ex spouses who are neither accepting of us nor wish us anything but harm. So it is refreshing to hear the other side of the story and someone being so gracious, kind, and unselfish as you, when you have had to pay a hefty price for it as well. God's best to you and your husband, soon to be ex. I hope that he finds love with another man, and that you find love with another man. I hope you continue to support him through this. This is what love is and should be, and you are a shining example of it. :)
Welcome. I am getting a better understanding of sailaway, reading your brief account because I now see one of the "friends" that he refers to who has influenced him on his own journey. I am always impressed and amazed at a straight person who says the things you do. Your story is even more remarkable, poignant, because of the path you have trod. I am in awe of your love for your husband and understanding of the conditions that has caused you pain. To give up the security of life long beliefs in favor of love in the middle of a crises marks you as a significant person (understatement) in my book. I hope you will become a regular contributer as you have much to offer and you will enrichen our lives.
09-06-2007, 03:08 PM
Welcome to the forum, Carol. Thank you for sharing your story. It's so wonderful to hear that you and your husband love each other despite what is happening. I applaud you for sharing with us and will pray for you both.
09-06-2007, 08:20 PM
You'll never walk alone, either of you.
All our friendship and love, T&C
09-06-2007, 09:55 PM
Thanks, I appreciate your kind words - I'm overflowing with gratefulness and it comes out in tears. Thanks, to all of you. :rainbow:
09-06-2007, 10:34 PM
Hi Carol, and welcome to the forums! An overdue welcome no doubt! But you are posting now, so that's great. I'm so glad you are here.
You sound like a wonderful person, loving and kind. Divorce is hard, but in the end sometimes it is what needs to be done. I know you love your husband, the love comes through your words. You never have to stop loving him. I'm certain the two of you will remain close friends. He will certainly need that as he makes his new life as an out gay man. He'll need your encouragement and support, and sometimes likely a shoulder just to cry on.
Please stay and get to know us (or, do you know us already?!). Perhaps, more than that, let us get to know you better. Welcome! :D:love:
(PS. Yes, gay and christian go together quite nicely!!)
09-07-2007, 09:45 AM
No, I really don't know everyone here, but have read a lot on the site. I'm getting to know folks, and am glad to be received among those who are posting. I feel like I have a new group of friends, and I'm so glad. (Most of my friends are fundamentalists, among whom I no longer fit.)
When Tim started posting his songs, I began to catch up and keep track of who was saying what. I talked with Tim and was amazed that one of my friends actually READ some of the stuff I told him about. I have tried to talk/share with my closest friends, and believe me, I have NOT received any of the kind of support shown by Tim and his wife. I decided I couldn't NOT start to post.
If you were to compare Tim and his family with the friends I've tried to talk to in the last 2 to 3 years, they are the ONLY ones who have pursued valid information, much LESS the fact that they have become involved with equal rights for all.
I guess when it is possible, I have to just keep trying to talk about what I believe. I think Straight Nights is a great idea. I go to a UCC in Florida, and I wonder if they will participate. I am going to check into it!
I'll be here - don't know how much to post, but here I am!
09-07-2007, 10:50 AM
Just last night hubby and I were talking about straight folks "coming out" as equality supporters. He saw the phrase "come out as a straight ally" in an email last night, and said it never occured to him it would be difficult for a straight person to simply say what they think and speak out for equality. He said it got him thinking more deeply about the kind of (anti-gay) climate that has been created in our society that pressures straight people into closets too. For perspective's sake, he's in a field where acceptance and support for equality are higher than average. In response, I told him about Sailor's experience.
We both think it's incredibly sad that things are made so difficult for people all round. Which is why we tend to speak up pretty loudly about these things.
Carol, any friend of Sailaway's is a friend of mine. I have been in such awe of the mental and spiritual stretching he has done over glbt issues.
I, too, have been married ... for 34 years. I came out as gay to my then-wife, now husband, before we got serious. It took him another 30 years or so to come out to me as trans. Now, we are both out as a gay couple.
We spent a few years in the online mixed-orientation-couple community. We met some good friends there, and it provided the safe place we both needed to become our authentic selves. Most of those couples have split up as you and your spouse have. Most of them remain friends and continue to coparent their children. Honesty and genuine affection for each other enabled them to grow into the next stages of their lives. What a differrence the Internet has made for couples who otherwise would be so isolated!
Of course, Charley and I have always been a little different, :rolleyes: so instead he realized his essential maleness (which was, I think, what always attracted me to him) and decided to transition. I think when Tim read our story he was stunned and had trouble even imagining it. More stretching, eh Sailaway?
Carol, please stick around and participate.
09-07-2007, 04:04 PM
09-07-2007, 06:13 PM
Just last night hubby and I were talking about straight folks "coming out" as equality supporters. He saw the phrase "come out as a straight ally" in an email last night, and said it never occured to him it would be difficult for a straight person to simply say what they think and speak out for equality.
That's a great way to think about it - it's a coming out process for everyone. It may be different to come out as a straight ally, but not necessary less difficult. Especially when the prospect of 'losing' friends and family looms. Carol, I appreciate you and your support. I'm sure it is very difficult when you don't have the support of those who you feel close to. But know, you have friends here and we appreciate and care about you. You can always come here and 'talk'. :love:
09-07-2007, 11:40 PM
You'll never walk alone, either of you.
All our friendship and love, T&C
Ditto here carol, and welcome to the forums :D
09-08-2007, 02:19 PM
10-01-2007, 10:42 PM
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