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out2live
09-10-2007, 04:07 PM
I would like to say hello to everyone and share a little bit about myself by way of introduction.

I am an evangelical Christian who in April of this year finally came out to my friends and family. I am 25 and my faith has always been a big part of my life. I grew up always going to church; I went on staff at my local church around the age 17. Upon graduating high school, I went off to Bible college in upstate New York, then took courses through Moody Bible Institute. While on staff at my local church I led worship for all services and doubled as an administrative assistant. Being so involved with ministry made it very hard for me to express what was really going on inside. Fear of what people would think if they found out I was gay constantly was on my mind. I went through a very traumatic time in my life in my early twenties and went to several Christian counselors. I explained the struggle that I was dealing with and the hope that I was given was that I could change. I wanted to change and that was my goal. Four years of trying to do things "right" did nothing but leave me even more frustrated than before. One day I was with a pastor who had been counseling me, and he finally said to me that being gay was not a choice but rather was who I am. I know to some that may sound like no big deal, but to me that was what I needed to hear. Finally a huge weight was lifted. He let me know that it was my choice to act on that (or not) and that was where the spiritual issue was. That sufficed for the time being. As time went on though, I longed for a relationship and to be with someone. Now I was at the point where I was told "It's ok to be gay...as long as you don't 'live that out'". I started seeing a secular counselor who was such a help to me I could never say thank you enough to her. She helped me come to terms with being gay and Christian -- not that I have reconciled the two, but that I acknowledge they are both a huge part of me and can both remain a huge part of me. I still am working through that whole aspect. I started dating someone in April of this past year and I did not want to keep that relationship a secret to my friends and family. So one by one I told each of my family members and friends most of whom are evangelical christians themselves and many of them active in ministry. It was very hard for me, but thank God, not one of them turned their back on me. God has been so good over this past year and has worked in my life to bring about so much positive change. Recently, I just graduated from Liberty University (that to some is another discussion :o), but I am glad to finally be finished. I found soulforce in a search for getting to know others that share a similar story and hope to build friendships while growing along the way. I look forward to getting to know everyone.

u-dog
09-10-2007, 04:19 PM
Welcome home. There are many here who share various aspects of your story and who know the sadness and confusion and fear. How wonderful that those you love haven't turned their backs on you. God is INDEED Good! We are a varied lot. men/ women, young/old/inbetween, protestant, catholic, liberal, evangelical, pentecostal, jewish, budhist, pagan, the occasional atheist. some of us are even straight. some of us are gay but have been in traditional marriages, some of us still are. There are as many paths represented here as there are people, but everyone is respected and loved (respect is expected).

Please feel at home and jump into any conversation that is interesting to you! If you have questions ... ask!

BrentRichards
09-10-2007, 04:30 PM
Echo, U-Dog ... Welcome Home! Speaking of home, I'm a NEPA boy myself ... born in Wilkes-Barre (up da Valley), raised in Berwick (down da line) ... now transplanted to Amish Country, but still a coal-cracker at heart. My two sisters are still in W-B and Bwk, so I get up there occasionally. In fact, have a 20th class reunion coming up in November. Haven't really seen anyone from school since graduation, and I was DEFINITELY not out back then, so it will be interesting. Blessings to you, friend, and welcome.

archyboi
09-10-2007, 05:07 PM
Good for you! It's a hard road but a worthwhile one. I appreciate your courage and journey. It goes ever on. Have you heard of Justin Lee?

You might check out his website, http://www.gaychristian.net/justins_view.php.

We might have difficulty agreeing theologically, but we have nothing that separates us from the love of G-d, so in that we can be united.

Yeah?

--kev

scott snedeker
09-10-2007, 05:23 PM
Your story is another affirmation of the evidence we see all around. That your family is part of the future where the world is a kinder place. and barriers to love are overcome with both sides the winner!

pnggrad79
09-10-2007, 07:05 PM
Jim,
Welcome and your story is so very similar to a lot of gay Christians who struggle with it thinking the two cannot peacefully coexist, when in reality they can. I hope you continue on your journey of reconciliation and find true love that God has waiting for you. Know that God does love you, will not forsake you and will keep you. Blessings to you and those who love you. Kudos to your family who accepts you for who you are and not for who they want you to be.:)

GrantJordan
09-10-2007, 09:53 PM
Jim- I remember when I was your age and the longing to be loved and accepted overwhelmed me so much that I married to prove that I was a true man, and could make life work in the 'normal' world. I had become a Christian at age 19 and saw no way that being gay and loving God could coexist.

Now nearly 29 years later, I woke up after a lifetime of trying to be someone I'm not and am untying the knots, experiencing much loss and pain from a wife who is grieving and children who don't know what to do with their pain and disappointment. I sounds terrible and it feels that way most days, but the blessing of coming out is that you begin to be honest on every level. The risk is no longer the same- you can stand before God and be accepted, loved and taught as a son. You can be known in the church and community for who you are. You don't need to hide.

I wish that my children (boys 26 & 24 and girls 21 and 19) could have a friend close to them like you. Flesh and blood who could tell them their story and they would learn more on their level what it must be like to be gay. You can pray for those of us who woke up late, that we will accept the grace we need as well to handle the gulf that can exist for a time between those who have known us a long time, and whose expectations have been dashed. There are lessons on both sides to learn.

God bless you and lead you in close fellowship with him and others who know and love him. Thanks for coming to soulforce and sharing your story.

Grant

Daniel
09-11-2007, 08:33 AM
Jim- welcome to the Soulforce forum.

When I read you post, two things came to mind. The first being the need for others to accept us as we are, especially those who we look up to. The second matter is one of getting help once one has that validation.

That you had a pastor who responded in the way that he did tells me that things are actually changing for the better. It IS a big deal. A huge deal. This is the reason that Soulforce exists: to make certain that more pastors help others like yourself, even if they don't fully understand gay persons.

This- to me- has been the biggest change during my lifetime. When I was in school (Evangel College) in the early 80's- at the start of the AIDS epidemic- got one shown to the door immediately. By and large, one was condemned out of hand.

Monopoly: "Straight to jail. Do not collect 200 dollars."

The change?

Nowadays there seems to be the understanding, even on the part of the most rabid conservatives, that being gay and acting gay are two different things. Of course, this is a perspective that makes no sense to a gay person. But on the part of conservatives? That's progress.

Looking forward to hearing about your experience at Liberty.

Again- welcome!

Gennee
09-11-2007, 09:53 AM
Welcome to Soulforce, Jim. Thank you for sharing your story. It's so refreshing to hear that your family didn't turn their backs on you. I am transgender and recently came out to my son. I told my wife last year that I am a crossdresser and transgender. They are both cool with it. I'm fifty-nine and look forward to the future. I pray that all will go well for you.

Gennee

:):pray:

paul
09-11-2007, 12:48 PM
Welcome Jim :wave:,

Sounds like we have similar Christian type backgrounds. Moody? Oy, a real liberal background, eh? :D

your signature struck me:

"...then you will know that I am the Lord; those who hope in me will not be disappointed." - Isaiah 49:23 NIV


I have thought that this is key. So many people attribute particular things to God, and then when reality doesn't line up, they are "disappointed" in "God." The words "hope" and "expectation" are exchanged, depending on the translation. Knowing God and placing our expectations in God rather than our ideas of who God is means we'll not be disappointed....more than you wanted to hear.
welcome
paul

keltic63
09-11-2007, 10:18 PM
Hey Jim,

wanted to welcome you and let you know I'm glad you found us!

I'm in the opposite corner of the state, south of Pittsburgh.

you offer a great story there in your first post. Thanks for sharing.

steve

Zerbie
09-11-2007, 10:55 PM
Howdy Jim,

Welcome. :)

Thank you for sharing your story. You've found a great place here.

Zerbie

tdogg
09-11-2007, 11:00 PM
Welcome to the Souforce forums Jim!

A lot of us here have similar circumstances as yours - not entirely, but enough to empathize. I'm really glad you found this place, and I'm sure you'll make it a home. Looking forward to getting to know you better.

You are blessed with a wonderful family indeed! :love:

Tdogg

Jennifer5
10-01-2007, 10:49 PM
Welcome, glad to have you here! :)