Hello, My Name is Brad

[bradladd]

I'm in the process of taking up a new job in Washington DC with a Quaker organization, while continuing my work in Wheaton, IL. I've been working on HIV-prevention in Wheaton and surrounding communities, and have increasingly been working with faith communities on finding common ground (many of the churches in Wheaton see AIDS as an African plague, not local). As a gay man with HIV, the challenge of transcending these barriers has been rewarding.

In DC, I hope to bring together Christian College students and glbt campus leaders to bring Peace (using the Quaker vernacular) to the relationships, and bring voice to the healing - not just to the participants, but to many of the older generations of gays and lesbians who continue to carry the hurt of their past experiences and deeply need the healing. It is my hope that Soul Force can be a vehicle to help make this happen.

A part of my passion comes from having lived the last 16 years with a man whom I deeply love, and who was raised Mormon. Despite his deepest wishes for a better world and to be happy, his self-damnation continues to plague him. I know many others like him - who truly believe they are not worthy of happiness, and my deepest commitment is do what I can to end these destructive messages that also continue to fuel the HIV/AIDS pandemic.

[paul]

Hi Brad,

Welcome. I hope that you will participate in our little community, and your lover as well. You will find an unusually warm and caring group of deep people here.

Thank you for what you do. My brother was one of the first people to be diagnosed with AID's back when it first was identified. I watched him die a broken man. Perhaps the saddest part of his life and death, I think, was his inability to ever truly accept being gay. He was much older than me, raised in a conservative Christian background that considered gay to be sick and sinful. He lived a party life, which to me seems like a way of trying to drown out the demons of self rejection. The ravages of dying from AID's were used to coerce him into "repenting" of being gay.

What you are doing is so vital. Thank you again.
paul

[Gennee]

Hi Brad and welcome to soulforce. I will pray for good things to happen with your new job.

Gennee

:pray::)

[Pablo Rafael]

I want to echo the others who have already said, "thanks". There are so many of us who have gone through that process of "self-damnation" that you mention, especially those of us with conservative Christian upbringings. It is of vital importance that we have people like you who can encourage and build-up.

Please let us know your thoughts. I look forward to hearing more from you.

Tu Amigo, Pablo

[dsdrane]

Welcome, Brad.

The continued self-damnation makes my heart break. It's so unnecessary and perpetuates so many lies. Talk about sin...!

Thank you for all your efforts to counteract this insidious fear-mongering, and thank you for joining us.

I look forward to your input and insight.

Peace,

David

[Zerbie]

Thank you for what you do. My brother was one of the first people to be diagnosed with AID's back when it first was identified. I watched him die a broken man. Perhaps the saddest part of his life and death, I think, was his inability to ever truly accept being gay. He was much older than me, raised in a conservative Christian background that considered gay to be sick and sinful. He lived a party life, which to me seems like a way of trying to drown out the demons of self rejection. The ravages of dying from AID's were used to coerce him into "repenting" of being gay.

paul

Oh! I am heartbroken! I have been on the verge of asking about your brother for some time now. I had no idea he was not with us. :'( What a horrible experience! What a monstrous thing to tell someone. Dare I ask who used his illness as "coercion"?

[Zerbie]

A part of my passion comes from having lived the last 16 years with a man whom I deeply love, and who was raised Mormon. Despite his deepest wishes for a better world and to be happy, his self-damnation continues to plague him. I know many others like him - who truly believe they are not worthy of happiness, and my deepest commitment is do what I can to end these destructive messages that also continue to fuel the HIV/AIDS pandemic.

:( Brad, I am so saddened to read this part of your note. I also know someone raised Mormon who feels similarly about his own sexuality. No one should be taught to believe such things about himself! My heart breaks for so many innocent souls who have been harmed in this way. Is there anything friends can do to be of comfort to someone with these types of fears and "self-damnation"? I want to end those messages too. No one should be hurt that way. :'(

Whew!

On a less profound note, welcome to the forum Brad. :cowboy: (felt like tipping a hat, and this cowboy was the closest I could get:p) Glad you are here and hope you stick around for a while and participate in the discussions. I really would like to know if you have any suggestions for what friends could ever do to support and love LGBT people who are conflicted about their sexual/gender identity. Life is hard enough without adding these sufferings to it.

[Daniel]

Brad,

My soul grieves that your beloved is still plagued by thoughts of damnation. I pray that his liberation comes swiftly.

May you both be blessed!

Weclome.

[paul]

Oh! I am heartbroken! I have been on the verge of asking about your brother for some time now. I had no idea he was not with us. :'( What a horrible experience! What a monstrous thing to tell someone. Dare I ask who used his illness as "coercion"?


I'm not sure, I think it was out mother...she played a part. Also the "Christian" organization that helped by bringing meals.

[Zerbie]

I'm not sure, I think it was out mother...she played a part. Also the "Christian" organization that helped by bringing meals.

:(

That is cruel! because confusing.

Oh god, Paul, did you witness this? Or did he tell you? Sorry - hijacking Brad's hello here. I;ll stop.

[paul]

:(

That is cruel! because confusing.

Oh god, Paul, did you witness this? Or did he tell you? Sorry - hijacking Brad's hello here. I;ll stop.


He told me, but not a lot of detail, he was on drugs and pretty far gone at that point. I flew out to S.F. a few days before he died. He was indeed confused and scared. Those around him used his pain and fear to 'encourage' him to 'repent.' He was one of the first to be diagnosed and die from AID's. PBS came to San Francisco General Hospital and included him in a special on the subject. AID's was a "gay disease" then. He knew this was "God's judgement" on him for living a gay life. The thing I find so wonderful about what Brad is doing is that I know my brother never really escaped the demon of self rejection and condemnation. There is no doubt he lived a promiscuous life, and I am convinced that so much promiscuity in the gay community is attached to self loathing. I think what Brad is doing is providing healing and dignity to the gay community.

[Zerbie]

He told me, but not a lot of detail, he was on drugs and pretty far gone at that point. I flew out to S.F. a few days before he died. He was indeed confused and scared. Those around him used his pain and fear to 'encourage' him to 'repent.' He was one of the first to be diagnosed and die from AID's. PBS came to San Francisco General Hospital and included him in a special on the subject. AID's was a "gay disease" then. He knew this was "God's judgement" on him for living a gay life.

:'(:'(:'(:'(
:'(:'(:'(:'(
:'(:'(:'(:'(

Early 80s?
God, Paul!

I feel so awful for your brother!

I remember that time you are talking about when it was new and "the gay cancer" they would sometimes say. I was little. I saw some of those news reports and I so wanted to go visit men like your brother in the hospitals. :pray:
I am so sorry he was confused and scared. My heart just breaks for your brother. I am glad that you were with him those last few days. He had an angel by his side, when he most needed one. :love:

Brad - I really do want to know how friends can create a supportive climate for people like your partner, who are tormented by internal conflicts and shame. It's so important!

[Sherrie Z]

From a fellow Quaker, welcome Brad!

Thank you for the wonderful work you are doing to help with the kinds of issues discussed here. Big hugs to you, and to everyone connected to the stories shared in this thread. : )

[SomervilleGuy]

Hey Brad,
Hello from a fellow Wheatie! Welcome to Soulforce! Im a Wheaton grad from 81. Did you go there too?

May God bless you richly in your new position. You have a beautiful heart, man. I know that God will use you to help bring peace.

Geoff

[Jennifer5]

Welcome :)