Definite need of prayers and advice!

[zephyr013]

I have developed my plan action:

My work-study supervisor is also the chaplain as well as the assistant professor of religion and philosophy at my college, which is a small private "American Baptist affiliated" school in rural West Virginia. This chaplain has never EVER made even the tiniest remark as to any particular stance on Christian homosexuality nor has he said anything remarkably "fundamental" regarding marriage. And I have never done or said anything about my sexuality aside from wearing a rainbow belt one day, hidden by my hoodie.

Now I would like to know where he stands on the issue, because 1) I feel a little guilty around him, for not being my whole self because, 2) I consider him to be a close friend, and 3) if he and I differ, I would like to have open dialogues with him in an effort to reveal any insights into truth that either of us may have, so that both of us may more fully experience God and Life.

I plan to do this after my work study hours are up just in case he is more bigoted than I could possibly imagine and would want to fire me or try to get me expelled or something mean like that.

But I don't know how I should bring it up.

[Zerbie]

Invariably, there will be a moment when the subject will come up naturally out of the conversation, without you having to make a grand pronouncement. Be ready to be very open with this person when that "opening" in the conversation appears, and then speak as you feel guided to speak.

I strongly believe it's unnecessary in cases like this to try and force a moment of disclosure like it's a big production. There will be a time when it will be the natural next thing for you to say. Maybe tomorrow. Maybe 3 months from now. I don't believe you are "being dishonest" or "withholding" from your- ? colleague/? boss? - by not making an announcement. Consider that door open, if you so wish, and then a time will come when it will make sense to openly say where you stand on these issues.

[keltic63]

I agree with zerbie, don't push it, it will come naturally. I'd also make a guess that many people in your life know or suspect that something is different about you. That was certainly my experience. It's also important to remember that although this may be a friend, your primary relationship is boss/employee. I think it could backfire on you to speak up as a friend, then have the chaplain pull the "boss" card on you.
Be patient, the time will come.

[awediot]

I would have to third that... You may have been waiting for this opprotunity and now are getting anxious, but it is amazing when that resolve comes on your part, how many chances will pop up. But be prepared for the worst though, a little head spinning, green soup, levitation and then firing and expulsion. Do not persue it if you haven't mentally decided to make a stand, and lose alot. Then, more than likely then you'll be pleasently surprised. ...But the condescending, you poor thing I'll pray for you bit, has it's own special salted wound feel to it as well...

Strange how simply wanting to be honest can be seen as shoving it in some peoples face. They just mention their spouses in passing, while doing the same, we appear all militant.

[Emproph]

I recently had a long talk with my younger brother who’s been kind of an outcast in our family.

He’s a member of Assemblies of God and married to the Preacher’s daughter. They are part of our lives as they often show up for dinner at my parents’ or when we go out to eat, but at my parents house they rarely make the effort to participate socially and it’s makes for an uncomfortable undertone for the rest of us. Feeling they don’t want to be approached, much speculation and suspicion of judgement on their part abounds within the rest of us. All of which we attribute to their strict religious beliefs.

I had something to share and discuss with him about God specifically because I knew he’d understand. Yet knowing how devout and Biblically dogmatic he and his church are, I didn’t want it to turn ugly, for ANY reason, that would obviously defeat the purpose of understanding better for both of us.

More than several times I decided to myself “Yes, I must contact him and share this with him!” I finally did so after a year and a half of mental wrangling. In a year and a half’s time I had the opportunity to assess every possible angle of what I wanted to say to him and how to ensure that it wasn’t taken the wrong way.

I wanted to 'witness' to my evangelical fundamentalist Christian Brother about God in a way I assumed he would not accept, it was a big deal. The result is, I used to judge my brother for thinking he was judging me, I now know better.

He’s not judgmental nor is he closed minded, and what I realize my preparation for this conversation/potential confrontation meant was that I established trust immediately and consistently throughout the conversation as being most important, more so than even the message itself.

Establish ‘first do no harm.’ In regard to the subject matter, what I told him first was, “If anything about what I’m saying comes across as less than unconditional love, then either I am saying it wrong or you are taking it wrong.

I then took care of all the concepts that contained potential misunderstanding first, and I made sure I understood all his views on things religious and Biblical before delving further. As long as you’re right there in the moment you have the power to ensure at least the understanding of sincerity on your part.
You may want to “inquire” as to his willingness to discuss ‘controversial’ issues, because maybe there’s something important and you were wondering what his views were, or that your “friend” was wondering about. {Once removed conversations, they’re not just for sitcoms anymore..} :D
-The fact that he’s been silent on the subject when it’s all the rage these days screams cool to me.

Besides the tone of sincerity I set up for the conversation with my Brother, I also clarified that my only expectation was that he understood precisely what I meant.

I know the preparation on my part helped immensely and was beneficial conversation-wise for both of us. It wiped away a lot of stereotypes he had of me as well. Remember, I rarely see my brother, so it was necessary for me to make that decisive jump. From what you’ve said, and in agreement with the above posts, it looks like most options are open for you in regard to broaching the subject.

Go with the flow, think creative, be open.
-pray on it, spirit will lead – both of you, with perfect ease, into the right moment.

Time to 'test' God...
-no pressure of course... :rainbow:

[zephyr013]

Thanks everyone for your advice. No, emproph, I don't mind at all if you want to type that much all the time. You could also call me Kyle if you wanted to.

I knew I was going to wait until after he is no longer my official boss to talk. From what I do know, he won't pull the Chaplain card or try to expel me, that is just one of the infinite hypothetical possibilities.

I know I'm not just going to sit down in his office and say "Hey hey, I'm gay," but I would like to discuss with him, share our perspectives on truth. I'm going to sit down and try to talk seriously with him more often, with no steering, in hopes of the issue coming up. I have nothing to lose, and alot to gain.

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Thanks again everyone, and now I have a different question.

I think my older brother is gay, but I don't know for sure about that either. He doesn't know about me and I know that if we knew about eachother, we would become so much closer.

How do you think I should initiate this conversation?

[awediot]

I think my older brother is gay, but I don't know for sure about that either. He doesn't know about me and I know that if we knew about eachother, we would become so much closer.


Just be mindful of the opprotunity, or bring up a generic topic like Phelps' picketing soldiers' funerals because of the evil U.S. of gAy. Then gently guide the issue with a keener eye and anxious motive next time. God will create the opening.