Hello my name is Kyo (fake name)

[animejunkie]

I will keep from divulging my real name, since my true homosexual identity will remain hidden, since my parents would kick me out of the house if they find out. I am searching for colleges right now, and while I was searching Gordon's site, I happened upon the Soulforce, my parents and many of my relatives harass this group saying they are all hell bound, and out to confuse those who are struggling with homosexuality. I have been in a depression for four years over trying to refute my homosexual identity, and my Christianity. Hearing all this talk around the house about how homosexuals are hell bound, and all that it is a choice made me really confused, I kept hearing different things from different people, I did not know what to believe. I have recently come out to both my gay friend and lesbian friend, they have really helped me, and without them I would probably be dead right now, since I was so close to suicide. Right now, I am trying to keep my identity hidden a very hard task and it is really taxing on my grades, all this stress is making me go crazy. Also I am sick of on a day by day basis, of hearing the most homophobic comments come out of the mouths of my parents and fellow christians, i hate it, and they really should keep their mouths shut, for they sound more like the Pharisees than true followers of Jesus. How did I finally accept myself to be gay? That took a while after spending two years forcing myself to be straight, cutting my wrists out of frustration and stress (Yes call me emo, but I was really depressed) Thankfully God showed me the light, I love him so much, he led me here, he showed me two true friends who I am open with, and even though they are not Christians, I can easily talk to them. The journey continues for me, soon I am off to Christian College, which will bring new challenges of their own. Anyways, about myself, I am not the stereotypical gay person, I hate fashion, pink and purple scare me, cutesy things are horrid. I am a huge anime nerd, LOTRS, Harry Potter, Stargate, and Star Wars nerd. I read too many fantasy books for my own good, and I am quiet, shy and really love to write fantasy stories, and Neil Gaiman rocks! Oh and I also am in love with Japanese music. Anyways, nice to be on here!

[dsdrane]

Hey Kyo!

Yours is yet another example of the amazing amount of inner strength people can muster when they have to. It's really impressive...you should be very proud of yourself.

Your observation about Pharisees vs. followers of Christ is right on the money, by the way. I agree completely.

I'm very glad to welcome you here and look forward to hearing more form you on the various threads.

David

[u-dog]

I will keep from divulging my real name, since my true homosexual identity will remain hidden, since my parents would kick me out of the house if they find out. I am searching for colleges right now, and while I was searching Gordon's site, I happened upon the Soulforce, my parents and many of my relatives harass this group saying they are all hell bound, and out to confuse those who are struggling with homosexuality. I have been in a depression for four years over trying to refute my homosexual identity, and my Christianity. Hearing all this talk around the house about how homosexuals are hell bound, and all that it is a choice made me really confused, I kept hearing different things from different people, I did not know what to believe. I have recently come out to both my gay friend and lesbian friend, they have really helped me, and without them I would probably be dead right now, since I was so close to suicide. Right now, I am trying to keep my identity hidden a very hard task and it is really taxing on my grades, all this stress is making me go crazy. Also I am sick of on a day by day basis, of hearing the most homophobic comments come out of the mouths of my parents and fellow christians, i hate it, and they really should keep their mouths shut, for they sound more like the Pharisees than true followers of Jesus. How did I finally accept myself to be gay? That took a while after spending two years forcing myself to be straight, cutting my wrists out of frustration and stress (Yes call me emo, but I was really depressed) Thankfully God showed me the light, I love him so much, he led me here, he showed me two true friends who I am open with, and even though they are not Christians, I can easily talk to them. The journey continues for me, soon I am off to Christian College, which will bring new challenges of their own. Anyways, about myself, I am not the stereotypical gay person, I hate fashion, pink and purple scare me, cutesy things are horrid. I am a huge anime nerd, LOTRS, Harry Potter, Stargate, and Star Wars nerd. I read too many fantasy books for my own good, and I am quiet, shy and really love to write fantasy stories, and Neil Gaiman rocks! Oh and I also am in love with Japanese music. Anyways, nice to be on here!

KYO!

Welcome home! We're glad you are here... we've been waiting for you! We will call you whatever you ask us to call you. It may be that KYO isn't a fake name... perhaps it is your true name and you have just discovered it. See how the name feels to you after people who care about you have called you that for a while.

Your story is precious and we are glad you shared it with us ... but it is not UNLIKE the stories of other people here. Read through the forums and you will see.

Many of us (but not ALL of us) are Christian. Many (but not ALL) are GLBT. ALmost (but not quite) all of us love God and have come to understand that God loves us too! So you are among brothers and sisters here who understand your personal and spiritual journey.

I am so sorry that you cannot be authentic about who you are in the 3d world. I am sorry that you are afraid that your parents would reject you. As a parent myself I find that whole notion of rejecting ones kids to be SO OFFENSIVE. I am sorry that you have to hear your loved ones saying cruel things about who you are. You know that if they heard those things through your ears... they would be so ashamed of themselves. it is primarily out of ignorance of the truth that they say those things. None of those things are true of you.

I'm also sad to hear that you were cutting yourself. Don't beat yourself up over that or call yourself names. We won't. Cutting is a common response to intense psychological pain such as you are experiencing. But in the future... when it hurts THAT BAD... come here and tell us. We'll wrap you in prayer till it subsides.

Remember that you are RIGHT ON THE EDGE of being an adult and having way more freedom and responsibility for your life. It is a short time until you will be able to be yourself openly. Do what you have to to stay safe in the meantime. I am really glad that you have those two 3d friends to help you through.

God Bless you KYO!! GOD LOVES YOU!

[animejunkie]

KYO!

Welcome home! We're glad you are here... we've been waiting for you! We will call you whatever you ask us to call you. It may be that KYO isn't a fake name... perhaps it is your true name and you have just discovered it. See how the name feels to you after people who care about you have called you that for a while.

Your story is precious and we are glad you shared it with us ... but it is not UNLIKE the stories of other people here. Read through the forums and you will see.

Many of us (but not ALL of us) are Christian. Many (but not ALL) are GLBT. ALmost (but not quite) all of us love God and have come to understand that God loves us too! So you are among brothers and sisters here who understand your personal and spiritual journey.

I am so sorry that you cannot be authentic about who you are in the 3d world. I am sorry that you are afraid that your parents would reject you. As a parent myself I find that whole notion of rejecting ones kids to be SO OFFENSIVE. I am sorry that you have to hear your loved ones saying cruel things about who you are. You know that if they heard those things through your ears... they would be so ashamed of themselves. it is primarily out of ignorance of the truth that they say those things. None of those things are true of you.

I'm also sad to hear that you were cutting yourself. Don't beat yourself up over that or call yourself names. We won't. Cutting is a common response to intense psychological pain such as you are experiencing. But in the future... when it hurts THAT BAD... come here and tell us. We'll wrap you in prayer till it subsides.

Remember that you are RIGHT ON THE EDGE of being an adult and having way more freedom and responsibility for your life. It is a short time until you will be able to be yourself openly. Do what you have to to stay safe in the meantime. I am really glad that you have those two 3d friends to help you through.

God Bless you KYO!! GOD LOVES YOU!

Thank you for that!! :D, people on here seem awesome already!

[scrupulous_stoic]

Hello Kyo, and welcome! It is great to make your acquaintance! I recently joined myself, and I have found this group to be earnestly uplifting and sincere. Hope you find it to be the same!

[Zerbie]

Kyo!! You've come to the right place!

I know you just introduced yourself but I hope you don't mind if I immediately say:

:love::love::love::love::love::love::love::love::l ove:

Your words indeed make me (us) sad, but you are also inspiring because you are resilient, you survived, AND you are self-aware! Being in an environment where something is repeated all the time of course is influential, so if you are confused, I think it shows that you're SANE! :D Who WOULDN'T be confused with all this screaming and bludgeoning going on?

Please continue to be safe and take care of yourself. As Dave says, find another way to get through the pain when it hurts, other than cutting or harming your own body. Sometimes when one of us is down, we make lists of things we do to cheer up, or to let the hurt out and cry, etc.

Feel free to make a post whenever you like - and jump in on the conversations.

I'm glad you made it.
:):love::pray:

[animejunkie]

Kyo!! You've come to the right place!

I know you just introduced yourself but I hope you don't mind if I immediately say:

:love::love::love::love::love::love::love::love::l ove:

Your words indeed make me (us) sad, but you are also inspiring because you are resilient, you survived, AND you are self-aware! Being in an environment where something is repeated all the time of course is influential, so if you are confused, I think it shows that you're SANE! :D Who WOULDN'T be confused with all this screaming and bludgeoning going on?

Please continue to be safe and take care of yourself. As Dave says, find another way to get through the pain when it hurts, other than cutting or harming your own body. Sometimes when one of us is down, we make lists of things we do to cheer up, or to let the hurt out and cry, etc.

Feel free to make a post whenever you like - and jump in on the conversations.

I'm glad you made it.
:):love::pray:

Thanks! I have really been trying to stop cutting, ever since coming out to my two friends, I feel much more happier. I am able to discuss freely the crushes I have, and other stuff.

[scrupulous_stoic]

Thanks! I have really been trying to stop cutting, ever since coming out to my two friends, I feel much more happier. I am able to discuss freely the crushes I have, and other stuff.

That was the same with me. I was depressed before I came out, but when I did, it was a state of bliss for me, at least when I came out to my friends. Family, on the other hand, was a little more difficult.

I am glad that you have finally found peace in your life. It is a difficult process, but worthwhile in the end. As stated before, feel free to post whereever, whenever. There is a teen chat thread in general discussions, and a prayer request thread as well.

Again, welcome.

Bennett

[Steven E. Webster]

Kyo,

I was wondering what colleges you are considering. I gathered that you parents are going to insist on a Christian college, but there are alot of different Christian colleges out there. Some will be more oppressive of gay people than others are. Some will be located in communities where gay communities exist.

Steven Webster

[BruceChris]

I would support what u-dog says. Most large cities have many resources to offer support to almost anyone, and Minneapolis/St. Paul have more than most. I guess I should know, as I've lived here for most of my life.

In Minneapolis, we have a GLBT youth center, called District 202. We have 250,000 plus people at our gay pride, and 3 gay men on the city council. Well, you get the idea. :wave::agree:

It's good that you have friends that you can talk to. Someone to let you know that you are not all alone, and that you are not crazy. When you have time, read some of our past threads, and you will find that there have been many people who have come here, who have/had problems just like yours. You might start by reading the introductions in "Hello, My Name Is.....

And come back, and swap postings with some of the regulars. :applause::reading::wave:

Peace and Love, Bruce Chris

[animejunkie]

Thank you! Well I'm looking at both Messiah and Gordon right now, and Wheaton, and yeah my parents would never allow me to go to a secular school. I really do not want to either, but I do not want to go somewhere where I am constantly on the verge of tears, because people around me are whispering and saying insults like that disgusting 3 letter F word, I despise so much! I love my parents, but my relationship with them is severely lacking, because I feel very paranoid, I also do not have many Christian friends since I fear if they knew what I really was, they would hate me and judge me, I know I should not be like that, since not all Christians are the same.

[scrupulous_stoic]

Thank you! Well I'm looking at both Messiah and Gordon right now, and Wheaton, and yeah my parents would never allow me to go to a secular school. I really do not want to either, but I do not want to go somewhere where I am constantly on the verge of tears, because people around me are whispering and saying insults like that disgusting 3 letter F word, I despise so much! I love my parents, but my relationship with them is severely lacking, because I feel very paranoid, I also do not have many Christian friends since I fear if they knew what I really was, they would hate me and judge me, I know I should not be like that, since not all Christians are the same.

I know what you mean. I go to a public school, but half of the students belong to one megachurch, and another quarter attend other churches. With that, I faced much mockery and hate from those who saw me as an abomination. However, there were some who were fervent in their beliefs and became very good friends of mine. So, as you stated, not all Christians are the same, but it is always something to take into consideration, especially since you plan on attending a religious college.

[elcharrom]

Konnichiwa Kyo, hey we have something in common, we both like Japanese things, well one of the things I like, my favorite band is Porno Graffitti (:eek:) haha that name dont sound good. And yea I completely know what youre going through, I struggled with depression ever since I was 6, and just a year ago I started to see the light in which God wanted me to see the world :D and dont worry we dont bite, well cant really speak for everyone :rolleyes: (jk, no 1 bites here, they do, then I dont know what to tell you, get a rabie shot?) well bienvenue a l'forum :D (I dont know if thats proper french but it sounds and looks like it so close enough)

[Zerbie]

And yea I completely know what youre going through, I struggled with depression ever since I was 6, and just a year ago I started to see the light in which God wanted me to see the world :D


) well bienvenue a l'forum :D (I dont know if thats proper french but it sounds and looks like it so close enough)

Almost perfect. I'd make it "au forum." Pretty sure forum isn't feminine gendered. Haven't checked tho.



Since SIX?!!?!

:'(:(:love::love::love:

It sounds like something turned around for you in the past year. :):pray:

But gee whiz, SIX???!!

[paul]

Welcome Kyo :wave:,

Are you intending on being "out" at college? Are you a senior in h.s. now and going to college next year?

You will find this group to be very different from what you have heard. No one here is interested in "confusing" you. It's sad that so many make judgements without even taking the time to get to know the people they are judging. It's worse when those who should love you look right past you.

I am glad you have found some self acceptance. Stick around and join the conversations. Give us the opportunity to love you as you are and value you as a person.

paul

[Steven E. Webster]

Kyo,

Wheaton's in the Chicago area, isn't it? I've nothing against Minneapolis, but Chicago also has a strong LGBT community and LGBT Christians have strong organizations there. I know, for instance, that the United Methodist Church in the Chicago area is very LGBT-friendly.

Steven Webster

[Gennee]

Hi Kyo and welcome to Soulforce. I'm sorry about what you are going through. I will pray :pray: for your parents and for you. God has brought you this far and he's not going to drop you.

I attend a Christan college here in New York City named Nyack College. I am transgender and a crossdresser. I haven't revealed my status to anyone since I will finish my classes in December and graduate in June. I heave been transgender for only a couple of years. I don't know if Nyack is gay friendly. There's an LGBT center about a mile from campus and there's plenty to do also.

I pray that you go to the place where you feel that you will flourish. Your interests tell that you are a very creative and intellect individual. What are you going to study?

Just remember, God loves you. :love::love::love:

Gennee

[mjules]

Ohaiyo, Kyo! You have a soulmate of an anime junkie in this little girl. ;) And may I ask - did you by chance take your Kyo handle from the character in Fruits Basket, the one whom his family believes is cursed because he's the Cat in the Chinese Zodiac, but who turns out to be the key to breaking all their curses when he finds out how truly loved he is? :love:

If you didn't, it's still appropriate.

Good luck picking a college, and sorry to hear you're feeling pressured to pick somewhere that might not be so friendly towards your orientation. What area of the country are you looking to be in? I'm moving up to New York in the spring (the state, not the City) and hope to go to Binghamton U., which isn't Christian but does have an amazing anthropology program, which is what is tempting me. There are some more liberal Christian colleges scattered about, so here's hoping that you find one that suits you and keeps your parents comfortable for the time being.

:D

[squirt07]

Kyo, I wanted to offer a thought about Wheaton because a friend's sister was there and then transfered. I don't know if much has changed in the past 6 years. My friend's sister started at Wheaton but finished her degree at North Park (in Chicago) because the oppression was too great for her to handle. So just a thought of warning...

[BrentRichards]

Thank you! Well I'm looking at both Messiah and Gordon right now, and Wheaton, and yeah my parents would never allow me to go to a secular school. I really do not want to either, but I do not want to go somewhere where I am constantly on the verge of tears, because people around me are whispering and saying insults like that disgusting 3 letter F word, I despise so much! I love my parents, but my relationship with them is severely lacking, because I feel very paranoid, I also do not have many Christian friends since I fear if they knew what I really was, they would hate me and judge me, I know I should not be like that, since not all Christians are the same.

Hey Kyo ... I met with the Soulforce Equality Riders when they came to Messiah ... I live nearby (it's literally right down the road from where I will shortly be working). The administration and students were pretty open to the visit, and while I was there, there was talk of starting a gay-straight alliance at the school ... so while the official stance of the school is definitely not affirming, some support is available ... also, here's a site started by a Messiah alum, also showing some of the support available there: www.gayatmessiah.org ... it may give you some good info on the climate there.

[TigerXero]

This post isn't going to contain any advice, but given that your name does come from the anime Fruits Basket, that's an interesting coincidence. My bf and I take the names of Kyo and Haru, respectively, from characters in that series, so I was wondering if he had made a username for the forums when I first saw your post.

I'm sorry to hear what you're going through, but know that you're no alone, and the people here will be extremely helpful while you're going through these dark times.

Best of luck,
Haru

[mjules]

This post isn't going to contain any advice, but given that your name does come from the anime Fruits Basket, that's an interesting coincidence. My bf and I take the names of Kyo and Haru, respectively, from characters in that series, so I was wondering if he had made a username for the forums when I first saw your post.

I'm sorry to hear what you're going through, but know that you're no alone, and the people here will be extremely helpful while you're going through these dark times.

Best of luck,
Haru

*butts in for a second*

*waves*

Haru was my favorite Furuba character. :)

[TigerXero]

*butts in for a second*

*waves*

Haru was my favorite Furuba character. :)

Oh gosh, we're really off topic, but here's a picture of us at an anime convention cosplaying as those characters. I'm Haru on the left. Kyo's on the right.

http://photos-187.ll.facebook.com/photos-ll-sctm/v72/131/8/9432187/n9432187_33824014_7592.jpg

We had a whole group that cosplayed as Fruits Basket characters (we had a Tohru, Ayame (and Ayame's shop assistant), and Hatori), but yeah...

[animejunkie]

That's awesome! I want to go to Otakon with this one boy I really like, who I am always really nervous around and afraid he will not like me. He is out to everyone, while I'm only out to two people. Sometimes when I see him, I turn the other way, because I get really nervous and my cheeks literally light on fire. XD! I'm so love-shy. He likes anime, and I want to go with him as Sasuke and Naruto.

[TigerXero]

That's awesome! I want to go to Otakon with this one boy I really like, who I am always really nervous around and afraid he will not like me. He is out to everyone, while I'm only out to two people. Sometimes when I see him, I turn the other way, because I get really nervous and my cheeks literally light on fire. XD! I'm so love-shy. He likes anime, and I want to go with him as Sasuke and Naruto.

Aw, well good luck with that! I know if everything goes well that you'd definitely be swarmed by Naruto fans who want to see Sasuke and Naruto as a couple. Hah... the same sort of thing happened with me and my boyfriend, although Naruto is a much more well known series, so I don't know how you'll be able to move around the con without someone wanting to take your picture every other seconds, lol!

I know the phase of worrying about rejection is a bummer, but again, hopefully everything works out for you. You will have to keep in touch and let us know how that goes. (Oh, and nice to see another Stargate fan here!)

[Jennifer5]

Welcome :D

[animejunkie]

Aw, well good luck with that! I know if everything goes well that you'd definitely be swarmed by Naruto fans who want to see Sasuke and Naruto as a couple. Hah... the same sort of thing happened with me and my boyfriend, although Naruto is a much more well known series, so I don't know how you'll be able to move around the con without someone wanting to take your picture every other seconds, lol!

I know the phase of worrying about rejection is a bummer, but again, hopefully everything works out for you. You will have to keep in touch and let us know how that goes. (Oh, and nice to see another Stargate fan here!)

Yay! Another Stargate fan, I will probably be mobbed by fangirls, XD! Thanks for all the welcomes!

[Vanessa White]

So glad that you found your way to us. Yes, as others said, keep yourself safe, call your newfound friends when you want to cut or harm yourself in someway, and udog is absolutely right:


WE ARE AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:love::love::lo ve::love:

[seifer_boy]

I know exactly what you are going through Kyo. I have almost the same problem with being kicked out of the house if my secret was found out. Someone in the house has seen my secret stash of gay related stuff though they haven't said anything I don't think. I don't really know. It's stressful everyday that someone might find out. Many of my relatives are fundies too so I know all about that as well.

You're shy too? lol that's funny. We have so many things in common from shyness, loving anime and fiction books. Have you ever read any of Terry Brooks' "Shannara" series? I'd totally recommend those.