The Silent Ones

[u-dog]

Have you all noticed that lots of folks come onto the forum and introduce themselves and then fall silent, never to be heard from again? I know that all kinds of things could account for that, but it kind of makes me sad. I would like to hear more about their lives, their hopes, their opinions. Any idea why this happens? Do we who are regulars scare them away somehow? Are we behaving cliqishly? or even if we are not are we being percieved that way? Do people think that they have be "smart" or "clever" or "experienced" before they can participate? is there something that we can do differently to be more hospitible? :confused:

I don't have any opinions about any of this... I'm just thinking that maybe we should talk about it.

HEY QUIET PEOPLE! any ideas?

I don't want to suggest either that there is anything wrong with sitting and listening... that's cool too. I don't want to do anything that makes people feel like they are not welcome here or not valued here.

[paul]

What it could possibly be u. Unless it's that we are cyber vs. 3d. I understand the need for 3d, but there are so many who have nothing and this place can really end up meeting a need.

I searched around for a place to be me and usually ended up feeling invisible. I would try to persevere, to no avail. I was immediately welcomed here by a group of open, warm and caring people. My only regret is that we can't all get together on Saturday nights and pal around.

I look at the various threads where it says how many are "viewing" and realize there are many more who are 'here' and simply not participating. Maybe they just benefit vicariously...like reading a book.

I like you have grown to love you all and agree with your description of awesome. I often find myself shaking my head in wonder at the love and insights the individuals here have. Like Jeff and his "body image" thread...where else can you go and find a group willing to be that open and vulnerable? And how everyone responded to Kyo last night. I logged on and off briefly last night and didn't notice his plea. The a.m. I had a pm from Zerbie from last night pointing it out. When I zipped over to the thread, I saw that he was already in such caring company...there was nothing to say (tho I pm'd him this a.m. to see how he is doing).

So, as to your query dog, I haven't the faintest idea...this place rocks. Maybe people have been so burned by net sites they don't give it enough of a chance to realize that.

[Alecto]

I think that, given the nature of the forums, a lot of people might feel more interested in just reading. There are threads I personally try really hard not to post in, simply because I feel that it's not my place (and there are others, for whom it is their place, who are doing a fine job anyway). Other times I'm trying really hard to put my thoughts into words that aren't offensive: that's more difficult for some of us than others it seems. That said, I'm probably not one of the silent ones you're talking about, just....more of a whisperer.

[BenL]

... not enuf of it. That's why I don't post more, which, come to think of it, is a blessing in itself. :rolleyes: Here are some other reasons:

I don't like to post something without thinking about it first. Many times others have already said what I think. Me-too posts aren't much use without added input. Sometimes I have nothing to say on a topic. Sometimes I only read threads that interest me. (The subject line IS important.) Sometimes life overtakes events, and I have chores physical, personal, and/or relational to attend to. Sometimes a thread runs off in another direction, which is fine but doesn't interest me. Sometimes a thread should die a natural death but doesn't, so I stop reading it.

Some of you, I think, have the forums open for long periods of time and can jump right in when someone else posts. I can't do that at work or at home. I can only check in a couple of times a day. I also can't view videos or listen to audio files at work ... too disruptive in an open office.

All that said, I've managed to rack up a respectable number of posts. I only listed the reasons to suggest why others may choose not to contribute.

[BrianB]

There are many times that I have thought about what to post; only to read my thoughts already posted. Like BenL said "Me-too posts aren't much help without added input." Many of the regulars are very intellectual. It may be intimidating to the quiet ones. I have been intimidated at times. Another problem is that sometimes a person thinks they are being respectful when they are actually being offensive by couching their argument in "religious right" phrases. Generally, the topic often is near death by the time I formulate something fresh to say.

[sailaway58]

You ever think some of us may spend too much time here? It's 5:30AM and I have been here looking around for the past hour. I do this all the time. Ever since they did away with the forums at Catstevens.com I have not found a place I like to visit as well. Till now anyway.

[BrianB]

Brian!

I have met you in "3d" and you have NOTHING to be intimidated about! You may not think "fast" but you think "deep" and I have often been moved and changed by the things you say! Its like Gandalf said about Butterburr in the "Fellowship of the Ring" "Butterburr can see through a brick wall if you give him time" I wouldn't mind a few "me toos" from you OR Ben since you are both subtle thinkers and often nuance your replies differently than others!

Hi, Dave.

At first I was intimidated because many of the folks here have lots of education. Now that I know you all are a bunch of goofballs... :D Comparing me to Butterburr? I suppose that's a compliment. Thank you. :) I've always seen myself as more like Sam. The kind of hobbit that looks soft until you corner him. Speaking of subtle thinkers; do you remember this quote "Do not meddle in the affairs of wizards for they are subtle and quick to anger."

[sailaway58]

Hi, Dave.

At first I was intimidated because many of the folks here have lots of education.
Me too.
But I equally have found the postings interesting because of it.

[Jennifer5]

I really think it's more of a timing thing... most people don't spend several hours a day on here.

I don't really think it's an education thing considering how many appearances we get from teenagers (btw, Austin and Ryanne... come back and join us, I miss you.... and Jorge, we need to see more of you around too). I think it's pretty safe to say that appearing to educated shouldn't be an issue as long as you have all of us around along with Steve, Andy, Dave, etc. etc. etc.

I've never felt intimidated by this place.... I really think that people just have no idea how much they're missing out on by not taking the time to get to know us better. I don't really see how we could all be any more welcoming. :)

[sailaway58]

I don't really see how we could all be any more welcoming. :)
I agree with that, At times difficult to think of an intelligent add to to topic because some here articulate so well. Fortunately for me not having intelligent thought has never stopped me from posting!

[carolb]

I'll chime in here, even though I have read some of the reasons that others have written.

For one, I love reading the posts and following other's thoughts and the postings reveal not only thoughts but the very lives that are shown. Because I know that I'd be making myself vulnerable to people who would read MY posts, well, that is intimidating. I'm not intellectual, and my purpose in posting isn't very deep. I just LIKE you folks, and I DO want to be let in to the group.

There is always a "cliquish-ness" to message boards - like you are trying to break into an established fraternity. I don't think I've felt that you here are trying to keep anyone out, and posting this question, with this chance to throw in my comment, lets me chime in with this entry.

Here I am - I'll try to post more. :p

[animejunkie]

I sometimes do not log in a lot because I have a lot to do! I really love this place. The outpouring of love, its amazing. This is true christianity. Giving love without judgement! You guys rock so much! Its hard for me to get time in to post, but I promise to post more often. Why people are silent on here? Well, I guess they are a bit shy. Soemtimes people write really long posts, and that makes you feel overwhelmed, since you fear that you will not write something as great. Anyways, I promise to be on here more often. I love you guys! God bless you all!

[labguy22]

I first joined a few months back and have always felt a welcome spirit. I have posted topics, not always in the correct forum, and have thoroughly enjoyed the diversity of responses.
I agree with Alecto that many feel more comfortable just reading. Maybe it comes down to personality types? I will offer opinion on pretty much everything (something I am working on folks) whereas my husband will really have to be worked up before he speaks out.
Thanks for asking the question u-dog.

[alisaeyes]

I just read most of the time...I do feel intimidated by how smart you guys are...but if I need to know or ask anything I do...

[Casey]

*waves hand* SILENT ONE HERE! im trying to be more assertive!!

[Jennifer5]

A lot of people go silent simply because of lack of time. I know I have... I come back and try to catch up, but there's no way I can when I have schoolwork to do:(

[Casey]

Yeah, schoolwork is getting tougher, but i like being a senior! yay! graduating!

[Jennifer5]

Yeah, schoolwork is getting tougher, but i like being a senior! yay! graduating!

I'm only a sophomore, but private schools can be challenging. I do just fine, but I just have a hard time staying on task.

(for example, right now I could be working but instead I'm listening to music and doing this.)

[iowan woman]

i need to be more respectful of my daughter, which is why I erased this, and I need to be more careful of my own boundaries.

[Jennifer5]

Although I would suggest that everyone see it... you really need to see "The Secret".

I'm sorry that there must of been a misunderstanding when you first joined, but I'm sure that who've you were arguing with has forgotten about it and I'm sure you will be able to move past it as well. Realize that this place is incredible, it is filled with love, don't just let it go that easily. :)

In fact, I think that Patrick (Emproph), is one that I got into a couple arguments at first... but to be honest, he was the first one to step up when I really needed help with something really big. I love him for it, he didn't really know me, I didn't really know him, but he was there for me and stuck with me to the end. It resulted in us meeting at a Soulforce event in Colorado.

The friendships that you can make here, are incredible. :love:

[iowan woman]

Jennifer,


would you mind editing out my post for my daughters sake?

I woke up and realized how wrong I was to post it.



Thank you for your response. I was trying to use my example as something to think about. We all read in a hurry - I am certain if the person who responded as he did would have read my post closer he would have not responded as he did.
Jennifer, ican't make you follow suit but I can ask you humbly please - if it is possible for you to erase your comment to me quoting my WHOLE post, please do it.

I am impulsive, I have a legal action to take, I should not have written so much.

[andrewlittle]

Jennifer,


would you mind editing out my post for my daughters sake?

I woke up and realized how wrong I was to post it.

Knowing how sensitive Jennifer is, and that she generally has time to be here just at night, I have asked the moderators if they can edit Jennifer's post for you. I doubt it will be up long.

PM (private messaging) may be a better vehicle for speaking out about deeply personal issues, as it cannot be searched publicly.

I, for one, would be very happy to talk with you by PM - if I can be any help whatsoever.

With regard to the introductory posts in the "Hello" section, it is sometimes hard to know how to respond. I have had exchanges with as many people who did not want a "discussion" about what they posted (it was just a way of introducing themselves) as those who did. I find it easier and less invasive to respond to subsequent posts about particular topics. This is, of course, a bit of a crap shoot and runs risks either way.

I can well understand how it feels as though a new poster is being ignored, however, and I think it was admirable for you to point that out. Perhaps you could put some of those thoughts - the ones that wouldn't be risky for your daughter - back in that post, so we can wrestle out the implications.

[Jennifer5]

Hey IW!

Know that you are welcome here. Even when (if) you say something wrong or trip over somebody else's issues. That happens to all of us. It happens less as you stick around because you learn what things you need to confront in others and what things you just need to ignore and as you learn the foibles of each of the participants.

I remember some REALLY testy exchanges with both Daniel and Keltic early on and they made me want to just quit this place and walk away. Thank God I didn't. We worked those things out over time and now there are no two people on the forum whom I respect more than those two... not to say they don't STILL piss me off from time to time ;).

I have also had the experience of putting something out there and having no one pick up on it. If that happens now, I ask myself "do I really need these guys to respond to this? or can I let it go?" If its important, put it out there again and say "I NEED FEEDBACK" if its just a passing thought... let it go.

The important thing is that this is NOT a "virtual" community ... its a REAL community. The people here are real. the friendship is real. You are welcome to be a part of it. If you get a response that feels wrong to you. Use the PM feature to clarify in private what the person's intention was. This is a good way to avoid the misunderstandings that are inevitable when you are connecting to people through a keyboard.

:love:
Awe, yes, you're another one I had gone after for something at one point or another... :love: (of course, it's not as memorable, because I'm usually gentle with my wording if I'm not fully sure that I understood)

Knowing how sensitive Jennifer is, and that she generally has time to be here just at night, I have asked the moderators if they can edit Jennifer's post for you. I doubt it will be up long.
Thank you! :love:

I, for one, would be very happy to talk with you by PM - if I can be any help whatsoever.
I would as well if there's any way I can help. :)

[Casey]

I'd also being willing to talk! You sound like a very nice person...

[alisaeyes]

I am kinda lost here.with iowan woman and .Jennifer5 post....thats why I don't post more..I am always lost....LOL>>.

[Jennifer5]

I am kinda lost here.with iowan woman and .Jennifer5 post....thats why I don't post more..I am always lost....LOL>>.

She had posted something and I had quoted her and commented on it... but then she realized that she didn't want certain information public to the world, so what she said was edited out. It makes sense to be lost in that situation. :)

[Casey]

And if you do ever get confused, just start a new topic and at least ONE person will follow! ^-^

[alisaeyes]

Yep ...just one post can take you in another direction...thats how great minds work ....:lol:

[Jennifer5]

That definately happens a lot around here. One comment can get us off topic for the next several pages.:rolleyes:

[Casey]

As you can see right now!!