Can you go back?

[Progo35]

You know, some say that in relationships, you can't go back. If enough time elapses, things will not be the same between two people even if you want them to be. I mean this in respect ao all relationships, not just eros-oriented ones, I mean friendship, family, etc.

Right now, I know that there are friends who I love very much. But, I don't know if I'll ever see them again. I miss one person in particular terribly. But, I don't think that this person intended to abandon me. I keep hoping that we will eventually be able to at least talk to each other normally. Right now we only talk via email and it can be difficult to discuss anything of any consequence, particularly in regard to misunderstanding. For three years, however, this person was my closest mentor. When I grow up, I want to be like this person. So, I keep hoping that things will work out, through God or something.

With my other friend I want it to work out but I feel less "scared" at having lost the relationship. She was my friend for twenty years, but it is as if she doesn't understand self respect or respect for others. The other person REALLY seems to understand that, yet continues to behave disrespectfully by acting like I have cooties after being a close mentor for three years.

But, anyway, if it is God's will, I hope that these relationships will be restored.

[Alecto]

First: I used to get really mope-y about the temporary nature of most of my friendships. And then I kind of got a little bit more comfortable with that. Things don't have to last forever to be real, and meaningful etc. Some people drift, others have a blow out, but that doesn't mean they were never "really" my friend.

That said, I think that there are some relationships that really do last. To answer the question, as phrased, no, I don't think you can go back. I don't think you're supposed to. BUT, you can always go forward. Sometimes, the other person will end up going forward with you.

(The change in relationship to one's parents, should they still have that relationship, is the most obvious example of the moving forward thing, but if I think about it I think that every one of my relationships to people who I really care about...it always changes. When things stay static too long, it's like you're holding onto the past instead of stepping into a future together) <--world's longest parenthetical?

[Vanessa White]

I think we as human beings conduct ourselves in any number of ways when it comes to our personal relationships, be they friendships, family, or love relationships. I agree with Alecto, that we cannot go back if we want to continue to grow as individuals and as a couple, in love relationships. One thing I have learned in the last couple of years of my life in terms of my love relationship, is that different doesn't have to be bad. I think part of my leaving that relationship was because it had become toxic for both of us, and our daughter. But the other reason was because I didn't feel the love anymore. What I have come to realize since then, is that the love was there all of the time, we just expressed it differently. Now, we try to communicate differently, yet effectively with how we feel and what is going on between us. Go back? No way, not even to the beginning "you are all I ever think about and do we ever have to leave this moment?" kind of time. Plus, to go back, or even look back, keeps us stuck in old behaviors that did not work for us. FOr us, being apart for a year brought us back together, literally. It helped us to both put some serious issues in perspective.

In terms of friendships, I have ebbs and wanes in my friendships with others. I used to believe that because a person had been significant in my life at a certain period of time, that I needed to have them hold that place forever. Not so for me anymore. Things change, I believe persons come into our lives for very specific reasons, and I think one of the natures of friendship is that we are there for each other when we really need each other, so if there is lapses of time in between, does that have to be bad? Isn't it okay to not need the support and be self sufficient at times? Now that differs from friends who we are social and hang out with also. I have different friends who fill different needs for me, and its all good.

Family. That is many threads worth of content there. Again, I wouldn't go back in time at all. I really appreciate the time that I have with my family in the present, and I appreciate how my relationship with different persons in my family have changed and grown over the years. There are some members whom I grieve over, because they are still in so much emotional pain, but I am also reminded how fleeting this life can be, and I dont' want to waste a moment on "what ifs".

I didn't mean to be all that wordy, but this thread really speaks to me. Hope that my input helps. If those friendships are still meant to be in your life, do what is in your power and let go of the rest. Don't try to figure out why someone else does, or doesn't, do what they do or don't do. A mentor for three years is an awesome run, so let go in love and be peaceful, if you can. :love:

[Progo35]

Thanks, guys. Your replies are really helpful.