Hello, my name is Robert

[Unmasked]

I am currently attending Great Lakes Christian College in Lansing, Michigan. I am studying Psychology under Doctor Larry Martin. I discovered Soulforce somewhere around a year after I started coming out. I have had a difficult time reconciling my sexual orientation with my faith, and I was almost expelled before I came to school here, because one of my classmates reported my MySpace page to the Dean of Admissions, and the faculty was very concerned that my bisexuality would be an issue. I was forced to change all my information before I came here.

So I feel like somewhat of an outcast here. I'm not out to very many people on campus. I was moved to a different floor because only one RA was prepared to take me in. I've felt more stressed out and lonely and depressed than I did when I first came out. I love God, and I love Jesus, but it's very hard to live in this environment. Sometimes I feel like the entire Church is against me, and I am so grateful for groups like Soulforce and Whosoever. Reverend White has been an inspiration to me, and I hope that one day I might be able to meet him, and to thank him for everything that he has done for our community, and for all of the lonely nights that his words of comfort have carried me through.

[BrentRichards]

Welcome home, Robert. You've found the right place ... you'll find that many of us here struggled to reconcile our sexuality with our faith, and you'll be glad to know that many of us (I include myself here) found that neither of them had to go. I'm a former Campus Crusade staffer, so I know what it's like to be in a less than affirming environment! I also studied counseling at a conservative evangelical seminary. Stay awhile, browse the stories and discussions, and chip in your two cents. Glad you're here!

[Zerbie]

Welcome Robert.

:):love::pray:

Best wishes to you at this time.

So - you came out in high school and had to go back in a closet now that you are in college? Or you transferred from a previous college/university?

Sorry to hear that things have been made so difficult. When will it change, I wonder?

There was a Soulforce action in Lansing last week, I believe: I believe Lansing was one of the cities that held a 7 Straight Nights straight ally vigil. http://www.sevenstraightnights.org

That would suggest that while there may not be much support on campus, there is support around in the general community.

Glad you said hello. Stick around and join the conversations.

:rainbow:

[antiochian]

Welcome! I haven't been here long myself, but there are some great people here who care and who are safe to talk to. I'm a college student as well and I know how overwhelming it is to be surrounded by straight people, especially if you're in the dorms the straight/macho/manly image that your male peers tend to project. For me it gets tiresome.

I also know what it's like to wrestle with faith and sexuality. "Do I have to be chaste forever if I want to go to heaven?" Things like that. The Christian community has some bigtime house cleaning to do as far as its attitudes towards those who are different, including those whose sexual orientation or identity is not that of the majority.

There are times I want to throw the whole Christian thing out the window. Heaven knows how many people have been scared out of the Church by the cruel actions or words of "Christians." But then I remember that God is so much bigger than people's limited views of him. God cannot be put in a box. His mercy and love are without limit. I know this in my heart, but I get so tired of the hatred. Christendom needs an exorcism or something. Enough said. Hope this place is helpful for you.

[carolb]

Hi - I'm someone fairly new here, but I want to say HI and welcome you to the forums. I hope you will take advantage of the openess and willingness for others to share. This is a good bunch!

[Unmasked]

Thanks for the welcome, it's nice to feel wanted.

I self-identify as bisexual, although my relationship history has been mostly heterosexual. I'm a college freshman, and I have been pushed into silence since my arrival here. I was active in the LGBT community back home, taking the initiative in Day of Silence and organizing a good deal of it. I was open in high school. I was not out to my church, and I was only out to my little brother as far as family went.

I desperately want to be out here, because it's crushing me, but I am very afraid that I will be ostracized. Being in the closet is hard, but I think it's twice as hard being pushed back in.

[BrentRichards]

Christendom needs an exorcism or something. Enough said.

Intriguing idea! :)

[Gennee]

Welcome to Soulforce, Robert. I am attending Christian and will graduate in May. I can only imagine what you are going through. I discovered that I was transgender two and a half years ago. I was able to reconcile my faith and my transgenderism. God didn't reject me. I am also a crossdresser. My wife and son know about it and are okay with it. I'mnot out to my church or the rest of my family.

I'm sure that there are other men and women like yourself on the campus. Maybe they not open but they are there. pray that God will lead you to them. Feel free to post as often as you like.

Gennee

:love::rainbow:

[iowan woman]

Robert,

I hope you find a group of people in your area to fold into when things are rough. Maybe someone can give you a contact in your area, a group or church. I have noticed that there are some very resourceful people in this forum even though I have only been logging on a short time.

Be well. I wish the world different for you. I wish I could do more for you than this note. Your painful experiences can be a blessing to other people as you move through life. It is sensitive and loving kids like you who will help make this a better world.

God made you to be who you are. Don't let the emotionally or intellectually immature people around you make you feel any different.


iowanwoman

[Pablo Rafael]

Robert,

It is good to have you with us. Like others have said, many of us have had difficulty with being gay and Christian. I struggled with that for decades; finally God had to knock me in head and get me to realize that I was gay and Christian because it was his plan for me.

Being in an unwelcoming environment is tough. I have found the people on these forums to be a lifesaver. I hope you will let us get to know you. There is a lot of love to be found here.

Tu Amigo, Pablo

[dsdrane]

Welcome, Robert!

Thanks for letting us know you're a freshman; I was going to ask about that.

I cannot believe your school made you change your profile on MySpace; it's soooo none of their damn business.

Is there any way perhaps that you can transfer? Obviously, I have no idea what your circumstances are...but are there financial/family/etc. reasons that would keep you at this particular school?

Assuming for the moment that you cannot transfer, remember that, as a freshman, you've just started and are still feeling your way around. It's a big change, even without the coming out issue. Be on the lookout for friends and allies...they're there, you just have to find them. Do whatever it takes to construct a safe and affirming place for yourself.

And keep talking to people here, many of whom have been through what you are now going through.

:):agree:

[Unmasked]

Thanks all for the support. I actually had a sit-down with the Dean today because the rumor mill got started and it reached administration. Not wanting to have a war on their hands, they got a few people to have words with me. It was really eye-opening, because it was one of the first times that I hadn't been treated like a disease by people in the church. Apparently there are others like me that have been through here, and it's comforting to know. My RA wants me to start coming out more, and at least tell my roommates about it, to see if they do have a problem with it. I don't know whether to tell them both at the same time or one-on-one, but I'm going to try to do it sometime within the next week.

I want to transfer next year because I'm having a long-distance relationship with somebody, and I really want to be close to her. I like this place, but I also love her very deeply. The school I would be going to would be a secular one, and she's not a Christian, so I feel like I might lose some of the stability I've got here, but financially it would be better in the long-run because of the new tax-breaks in Maine which would effectively erase my student loans. I want to get more information on that and then talk to my mom about it.

I'm conflicted, because I do want to be here, but I also want to be there. I know that God calls each of us places, but I know that His plans make room for our plans. I haven't felt as if I shouldn't be with her, because she's everything I've ever wanted in a partner, but I don't know if my time and His time are synchronizing. It's something that I need to be in prayer about. Would you all mind praying for me as well?

[Zerbie]

No troubles, Dave.

This is a really a general statement, not directed to the OP. I heartily recommend that anyone embarking on a serious relationship really know him/herself well on all levels before making a long term commitment. It's only fair to closely examine, in a case like this, questions like "am I genuinely bisexual, or might I actually be gay?" and so on. I think it's worth stressing the importance of certainty.

[paul]

Welcome Robert,:wave:

Ditto what many have said about you finding the right place. It's not just SF pride, though it would be legit (stick around, you'll see). We all mourn that our relationship here is cyber, wishing for 3d. Still, it's a wonderful place if you, like so many glbt, have been on your own most your life. Here you don't need the mask, leave it at the door when you enter, you will still find love and acceptance...sounds like what church should be, no?

I look forward to getting to know you and enjoying who you are.

paul

[colie]

Robert,

Good news about the administration at your shool. I'm glad that you are not being treated like a disease. I have a couple of things I want to address at least one of which will likely get me in trouble.

1. Regarding God's Call: It is often a long and twisty road to discern what God is doing in your life and to sychronize yourself to that call. sometimes trial and error are a part of the process, but God is patient and can wait you out if you are patient enough to wait on him. Frederick Buechner said that our vocation is that place where our deepest joy intersects with the world's deepest need. I think that is as good a guide as any. Thats not what may get me in trouble with the bi-sexuals in the group.

2. This is! I know that you identify as Bi. And I am a true advocate of the "B" in "GLBT, so don't misunderstand what I am about to say. I also identified as bi-sexual when I was in my 20's and went on to marry a woman and have kids with her. In fact we are still married nearly a quarter of a century later. Probably we will die married to each other and be buried next to each other. I truly love her and she me. We haven't given up on our intimate life together. We continue to explore together what our intimate life can authentically be. But the reality is that I am NOT a bi-sexual. I am gay. And that reality has caused both of us but particularly the woman - the PERSON - that I love more than any other, more pain than I say. I am saying all of this simply to ask you to be ABSOLUTELY honest with yourself and with your beloved about who you are and what you are feeling. If when you are being intimate with her you are thinking about someone else? thats not a good sign. When you are in your twenties your body will respond to almost anything... as time goes on that becomes less true. I am NOT judging you and not suggesting that my experience is universal and that you are really just gay and saying "bi" because its easier. Thats not who I am. I'm just sharing my experience for what its worth. ALL of my prayers go with you Robert. Every blessing as you follow the path that God is laying out for you!! :love:



question, are you married or in a relationship with a man, or divorced and now in a relationship with a man?

[Jennifer5]

Welcome! :)

[scott snedeker]

Thanks all for the support. I actually had a sit-down with the Dean today because the rumor mill got started and it reached administration. Not wanting to have a war on their hands, they got a few people to have words with me. It was really eye-opening, because it was one of the first times that I hadn't been treated like a disease by people in the church. Apparently there are others like me that have been through here, and it's comforting to know. My RA wants me to start coming out more, and at least tell my roommates about it, to see if they do have a problem with it. I don't know whether to tell them both at the same time or one-on-one, but I'm going to try to do it sometime within the next week.

I want to transfer next year because I'm having a long-distance relationship with somebody, and I really want to be close to her. I like this place, but I also love her very deeply. The school I would be going to would be a secular one, and she's not a Christian, so I feel like I might lose some of the stability I've got here, but financially it would be better in the long-run because of the new tax-breaks in Maine which would effectively erase my student loans. I want to get more information on that and then talk to my mom about it.

I'm conflicted, because I do want to be here, but I also want to be there. I know that God calls each of us places, but I know that His plans make room for our plans. I haven't felt as if I shouldn't be with her, because she's everything I've ever wanted in a partner, but I don't know if my time and His time are synchronizing. It's something that I need to be in prayer about. Would you all mind praying for me as well?

Sounds like you are taking huge steps in the right direction! Good going! Ana sounds just irresistable to be near! I have no doubt that she must have a magnetic aura! I am quite envious already!:love:

[Vanessa White]

Hey Robert: welcome to the forums, and glad that you found your way here, since it sounds like you have struggled lately with a support system. However, it does seem as if you are gaining some support there at your school, which is great, and I hope that it is genuine and there is no inclination to want to "change" you in any way. God created you in the image God wanted you to be, whatever that means when all is said and done. It is true that "coming out", whatever one's set orientation is, is a process, not an event. That being said, I would agree with my friends udogg and zerbie here, that you want to keep in tune with how you feel in terms of your orientation, and to thoughtfully plan what it is you feel you need to do next in your life. We can never know one hundred percent that the decision is the right one, not right away anyway. But, listen to your heart, but use your head as well so that you can maintain balance.

Ana seems awesome. Glad you two joined us here! Peace, Vanessa :love: