lonliness

[paul]

Hi gang.

I've been away on a forced absence. I found out September 28 that the company that I have built over the last 19 years had been sold effective October 1. The president of the company had pretty much let me run and build his business. Okay, that's just some quick background. I've gone from being my own boss to have several in a mega corportation. Sigh. this is why I left Mobil Oil 20 years ago...can't seem to flee the mega corp. (I'm getting there, be patient) With the large corporation comes the company computer system, with the spy hardware. Suddenly, I found myself alone and away from my wonderful friends (that would be you guys). I had to stop communicating, mid stream, with my special pal Zerbie right when she was in the middle of hosting 7SN, till I got a new personal computer (it's a new Macbook with wireless broadband. yeehaww) that no one could spy on.

I'm hoping that some of you lurkers and newbies will read this. I really missed this place. I say this every time I welcome a new person. This place is not like most on the internet. There is a stable, warm, caring group here. People bend over backwards to make you feel welcome and loved. It's real, not smoke and mirrors. I know that many of you out there are lonely. Please jump in and don't be lonely.

For the rest of you, this may sound schmarmy to you, but I really missed you. I've been alone my whole life and this is the first place I have found understanding and acceptance at such a high level. I've found friends elsewhere on the www, but never a group like this who just simply understands and accepts. So, thanks to you my wonderful friends here. Do not under estimate the impact you have on another. There are so many here who have loved and impacted me. I love you guys.
paul

[Zerbie]

I I've been alone my whole life and this is the first place I have found understanding and acceptance at such a high level. .
paul

It makes me so sad to hear that. :( You should not have been alone. :love:

I too wonder about our lurkers, and all our one-time posters who do not come back. I hope they are busy having happy productive lives in 3D - not feeling unwelcome here. This is a VERY unique part of the internet - I have never found another web forum with this degree of kindness, hope, gentleness, caring, and respect for humanity. Kind of amazing, isn't it?

We are all so glad you're back around Paul. :)

[iowan woman]

Paul,


I am in my third floor apartment, the late afternoon is sunny and warm, the wind whips and whistles, gains power, settles, allows other sounds of life to creep in.

Loneliness. I am someone who has sat outside looking in my whole life noticing and sometimes (when I was young and brave and had not experienced - repeatedly - repercussions from asking other people to be ethical when they don't want to look or take responsibility for their own behavior) confronting what I saw. No, our classmate does not think it is funny that you always call him slave. Why is it kids grow into adults who hold onto those same shallow comebacks and justifications? They permeate our lives, eg, we (American's) name sports teams after Native American tribes or customs and then tell people who complain that they are spoil sports. We hear in schools (I have subbed in many) the three letter f word leveled at people and allowed. As a substitute teacher I did talk to high school students, one time saying to a group who tried to tell me they were only teasing: you don't know me. You don't know who I am, who my family is (I actually don't have a family but I could - my kids don't count as family - They are my kids), and you don't know who all of your classmates are, who their family members are. They were sweet, their faces open to listen. I don't know if our short discussion made a difference in how they joked around but it seemed to make them think.
At work years ago a masters level student of psychology, one who said she planned on being a therapist, her husband of many years already in practice, lashed out about a coworkers (a very young adult) sexuality in a manner that was cruel. When someone is edging on 30 and they have held onto that level of nastiness, confronting them is not so easy.

I have been lonely all my life too. I am not gay but I am different and different is lonely. Once when I was a young teen a neighbor looked at me and said impulsively: you don't belong anywhere. You don't fit in with the jocks or the freaks. In my adult life someone told me that I "resonate" too high, like a rose, she said, and that irritates people. This was from a psychic, she did not know me but it is true (that I irritate people, not all the time, only...only sometimes).
By the way, I get along with people fine, I love people and they learn to know it as I spend time with them. But that is not the same thing as being known.

I want to thank you for responding so warmly to my post in the Hello's - I emailed my response to you, still uncertain about how this all works and so I don't know if you got it.

Did you read my first paragraph? Then I tricked you into reading my bad poetry.

Smiles.

[Pablo Rafael]

Paul,

Before I logged in I was thinking that it had been a long time since I had heard anything from you. I was wondering what was up and thinking of sending a PM to check on you. This place also has been valuable to me. It gives me a connection with other gays which has become essential.

Sorry about job troubles. I have always worked for a church, never a large corporation so I don't know what it is like. I wish you all the best.

Tu Amigo, Pablo

[paul]

"It makes me so sad to hear that. You should not have been alone. "

I really must stop saying things like that, I sound so pathetic. I really wasn't fishing, honest, I meant it matter of factly. I know I am not unique in that sense, being alone is the gay plague...especially when you're young or caught in a belief system that makes you 'twisted' because your gay.

Iowan,

I did respond, finally to your email...was away from computer access for awhile, sorry it took so long. I am glad to see you are posting. Lonliness has a way of perpetuating itself. When you have been "repeatedly" rebuffed, as you seem to have been...it makes it harder to be, thus harder to be known. You are right, different is often lonely. I am sorry you have been in that place, I hope you will be less so here. Please post, start new threads even. Consider brave Antiochian and the responses he has illicited by his posts. Vulnerability is just that, vulnerable. But it's also a wonderful and loving gift to give.

Pablo,
:love:

[antiochian]

I have no idea what lonely is! (Can you smell the sarcasm??) A big round of e-hugs to all. ;)

[Zerbie]

"It makes me so sad to hear that. You should not have been alone. "

I really must stop saying things like that, I sound so pathetic. I really wasn't fishing, honest, I meant it matter of factly. I know I am not unique in that sense, being alone is the gay plague...especially when you're young or caught in a belief system that makes you 'twisted' because your gay.


Pablo,
:love:

Paul,

Its a good thing that we are NOT 3d because this kind of statement makes me WANT TO SLAP YOU !!! :mad::love::mad::love:

You must NOT stop saying things like that... because YOU DON'T SOUND PATHETIC. You are SO MANY things! (like proud, honest, compassionate, loyal, brave) Pathetic NEVER EVEN COMES CLOSE to being on the list. So just CUT IT THE F*** OUT !!

Heh heh heh! U-dog put that very well. :p

I have a right to feel sad when you write things like that, and you have a right to express yourself without hyper-editing ('if I write this, she's going to think X, and if she thinks X, I'll have to apologize Z, and if I apologize Z, she'll say A. . . .') - oh no! Let's not go there!

:lol:

You are a wonderful valuable part of this community, Paul, so don't keep us at a distance. We :love: you. Consider your own words about vulnerability. What a gift it is that you share with us. We thank you. :love::love:

[dsdrane]

...has an annoying way of poking its head into some of our most pleasant routines, doesn't it?

And, by life, I mean (largely) work, considering that's the row most of us have to hoe during many to most of our waking hours.

But, then, absence makes the heart(s) grow fonder, eh?

All of which is to say: good to have you back!

:)

[iowan woman]

Paul,

You are a very kind person.

Thank you. More than I can say.

iowanwoman

[paul]

Paul,

You are a very kind person.

Thank you. More than I can say.

iowanwoman

Wow,

What an incredibly sweet thing to say. I've only been a little kind (tried) to you. I am sorry that you have been hurt so by life to respond so to such a little. I do think I see gold in you and truly hope that you can once again venture out and share yourself, for your sake and others who will be touched by you. You will, I believe, find this a very worthy group of which I am only a small part. You've stumbled onto the site for the society of the wounded who have and are overcoming those wounds vs. the accepting the defeat of self pity. I have glimpsed the person of substance that you are and am honestly pleased that you are here, adding to our wealth.
paul

[wmanion]

Paul,
Being one who has also been away for a bit because of obstacles, I know how you feel and am also glad I stumbled across this post as I am trying to catch up with what has been going on. This is a place of acceptance and love and one that is truely liberating.

Hugz,
Bill

[Zerbie]

Paul,
Being one who has also been away for a bit because of obstacles, I know how you feel and am also glad I stumbled across this post as I am trying to catch up with what has been going on. This is a place of acceptance and love and one that is truely liberating.

Hugz,
Bill

How are you and how is your brother?!?!

I was wondering about you guys the last week or so. :pray::pray::pray:

[Daniel]

Paul- Good to see you back!

You are right. This really is a special place. There is nothing quite like it elsewhere. Being here, one has the sense of an oasis.

[paul]

Paul- Good to see you back!

You are right. This really is a special place. There is nothing quite like it elsewhere. Being here, one has the sense of an oasis.

Thanks Daniel,

You are one of the people I missed, I want you to know. I saw a really special side to you in a thread you started awhile back (A Course in Miracles). Reading it, you demonstrated that you really have a sensitive heart (and not just a keen intellect), and I was touched.

Re the oasis, good word. I checked out gay.com yesterday. Lots of gorgeous guys who add new meaning to the cliche' that beauty is only skin deep. It reminded me why I had such a hard time identifying as "gay." The opening line of description for so many people was whether they are "bottom" or "top." :eek:. It's like a massive house of prostitution and is, frankly, a discouraging place. Here, well here so many people seem not only sane, but down right deep. I keep having to pick my chin up off the ground. I hope for the day when places like this will replace places like gay.com.

paul

[BenL]

I hope for the day when places like this will replace places like gay.com.

paul

It already has for a lot of us! :p Welcome back, Paul.
:love: :rainbow:

[ladyinred]

BenL "When you can transform the war and violence in yourself, then you can truly begin to help others find peace." Thich Nhat Hanh
I like this quote ,it says something of substance, thanks for posting it. Perhaps I should keep and save all the quotations I like that people have underneath their posts,Zerbie's Rumni, for example,Scotty's about Joy and alot of others LOL I guess I think and hopefully I am right this forum gives people the opportunity to share the hopes ,dreams ,feelings,problems ,insights, to give and get advice, to learn and support, love and help others when they are feeling down and to share laughter . and who aren't going to dog you and try to bring you down for it( at least that is my perception of the people here.I've yet to feel differently) Call that a leap of faith and trust on my part. Many times in the past I had little trust for people.