I want to scream and cry.

[Jennifer5]

My dad's arranged to meet with our principal on Thursday after school.

It's bad enough that he bothers us about it... but he's endless attempts to get us out of our school... I just want to cry. If he cares about us, why do his actions make it seem like he hates us?

:'(

I don't know what it takes to make him go away.

I just need to vent in a safe place...

[andrewlittle]

My dad's arranged to meet with our principal on Thursday after school.

It's bad enough that he bothers us about it... but he's endless attempts to get us out of our school... I just want to cry. If he cares about us, why do his actions make it seem like he hates us?

:'(

I don't know what it takes to make him go away.

I just need to vent in a safe place...

vent away, darlin'. I wish I could more than just listen.

[Jennifer5]

vent away, darlin'. I wish I could more than just listen.

Thanks :love:

It doesn't help that there isn't really anything I can do.

All I can do is watch it happen and have it eat me away, he thinks that he isn't hurting us... but when someone attempts to take you away from those you love, from your family, it really hurts. I love this school, it's been a huge part of my life since we moved here this was the one safe place that has always been here.

[Mia14]

I ache hearing that you're having such a rough time. I don't know the whole situation, but maybe there's something you can do to help keep yourself grounded/sane at this crazy time. Maybe like writing letters (by hand often feels better than on computer), or drawing pictures to the man who seems to be making all this chaos - don't necessarily send them, but it feels better to write it out anyway. Try to get yourself busy with something fun you can look forward to in the future - like mapping out what your dream house would look like someday when you're that CEO with the big bucks :D. For something silly, try to design a Halloween costume for a pet - or even better, how about a pet like a lizard or a bird to be a bigger challenge? (You can't claim that an iguana dressed like Paris Hilton, complete with tiny dog in purse, wouldn't be funny...).

I think you're in the right place for safe venting, open ears, and available shoulders because it's alright to cry.

[Jennifer5]

I ache hearing that you're having such a rough time. I don't know the whole situation, but maybe there's something you can do to help keep yourself grounded/sane at this crazy time. Maybe like writing letters (by hand often feels better than on computer), or drawing pictures to the man who seems to be making all this chaos - don't necessarily send them, but it feels better to write it out anyway. Try to get yourself busy with something fun you can look forward to in the future - like mapping out what your dream house would look like someday when you're that CEO with the big bucks :D. For something silly, try to design a Halloween costume for a pet - or even better, how about a pet like a lizard or a bird to be a bigger challenge? (You can't claim that an iguana dressed like Paris Hilton, complete with tiny dog in purse, wouldn't be funny...).

I think you're in the right place for safe venting, open ears, and available shoulders because it's alright to cry.

Thanks, I know you're right. I do need to try and get a hold of my mom so she can contact her lawyer, but I need to calm down. :love:

[Zerbie]

(((((((( Jennifer ))))))))

:(:love::(:love::(:love:

I'm so sorry sweetie.

[Jennifer5]

(((((((( Jennifer ))))))))

:(:love::(:love::(:love:

I'm so sorry sweetie.

:love:

I can feel that you all care. Thank you.

[Vanessa White]

I am holding you close, Jen, in a big bear hug. Feel the love, prayers, thoughts and support that surround you. YOu are always safe here to vent, wish, grieve- whatever you need.

I wish I was on the West Coast about now........

Don't lose hope, honey! :love::love::love::love:

[Jennifer5]

I am holding you close, Jen, in a big bear hug. Feel the love, prayers, thoughts and support that surround you. YOu are always safe here to vent, wish, grieve- whatever you need.

I wish I was on the West Coast about now........

Don't lose hope, honey! :love::love::love::love:

Thanks:love:

[Jennifer5]

We officially can't do anything legally.

I have to think of something else. I can't stand it.

[andrewlittle]

I suppose unofficially doing something illegally is out of the question, too.

You and/or your mom can always talk to your teacher/principal first - to explain the stress this man causes in your life. At least, then, he may have limited effect.

[Zerbie]

I don't understand if he CAN take you out of your school? Is he allowed to do that?

Do you know why he wants to do this?

Anyway - I suppose answering those questions won't be helpful anyway, but I want to understand the situation a little better if it means we can offer you more support.

Man. I'm sorry Jen.

[dsdrane]

Jennifer, forgive me, but I'm a little in the dark. Why is your father trying to get you out of your school? Is this a divorce/$$ thing? Or is he against a special curriculum or something?

Regardless, I'm so sorry this is happening...I'd just like to know a little more of the background...you know...to better inform my incredibly amazing words of wisdom 'n' stuff.

:rolleyes:

:love:

[Jennifer5]

I suppose unofficially doing something illegally is out of the question, too.

You and/or your mom can always talk to your teacher/principal first - to explain the stress this man causes in your life. At least, then, he may have limited effect.
She knows the situation well enough. She's only meeting with him because she has to.

I don't understand if he CAN take you out of your school? Is he allowed to do that?

Do you know why he wants to do this?
He can't without our say, he can fight endlessly until legal bills are so high that we can't afford to stick around. The school board is looking out for us and wants us to stay. But he does still have legal rights to participate... that the big issue... and it could cost a lot to get those rights taken away.

Jennifer, forgive me, but I'm a little in the dark. Why is your father trying to get you out of your school? Is this a divorce/$$ thing? Or is he against a special curriculum or something?

Regardless, I'm so sorry this is happening...I'd just like to know a little more of the background...you know...to better inform my incredibly amazing words of wisdom 'n' stuff.

:rolleyes:

:love:
It's not money, my mom's paying for everything. The curriculum is not an issue, it's basically the same curriculum we'd be going if we did switch schools.

It's a matter of being in a school where people know all that has gone on, everyone here pretty much hates him and he can't be around. It's a matter of this being the 'good father' that his new wife thinks he is, but we've hardly ever even seen her. It's a matter of a church full of people(those who know we exist) wondering where his children are... when we live just down the street.

It's really mad for him to have us in the community.. and he hates my mom.... if we were at boarding school(that's where he wants us), she'd have no reason to be living here.

My mom's already promised that she won't let us be sent off to boarding school unless we decide that that's what we want. But that doesn't mean he can't make life a living hell. She can't afford to be battling this.

[dsdrane]

She knows the situation well enough. She's only meeting with him because she has to.


He can't without our say, he can fight endlessly until legal bills are so high that we can't afford to stick around. The school board is looking out for us and wants us to stay. But he does still have legal rights to participate... that the big issue... and it could cost a lot to get those rights taken away.


It's not money, my mom's paying for everything. The curriculum is not an issue, it's basically the same curriculum we'd be going if we did switch schools.

It's a matter of being in a school where people know all that has gone on, everyone here pretty much hates him and he can't be around. It's a matter of this being the 'good father' that his new wife thinks he is, but we've hardly ever even seen her. It's a matter of a church full of people(those who know we exist) wondering where his children are... when we live just down the street.

It's really mad for him to have us in the community.. and he hates my mom.... if we were at boarding school(that's where he wants us), she'd have no reason to be living here.

My mom's already promised that she won't let us be sent off to boarding school unless we decide that that's what we want. But that doesn't mean he can't make life a living hell. She can't afford to be battling this.

Cite mental and emotional abuse. You may not be 18, but you're old enough to have him kept away if you want to.

Or perhaps your mother can go back to court to have whatever parental rights he has (or thinks he has) trimmed or removed entirely.

Besides, he's not the only one who can make someone's life miserable. Perhaps a little visit to your step-mother is called for...or a visit to his pastor.

Two can play at this game, my dear.

[Jennifer5]

Cite mental and emotional abuse. You may not be 18, but you're old enough to have him kept away if you want to.

Or perhaps your mother can go back to court to have whatever parental rights he has (or thinks he has) trimmed or removed entirely.

Besides, he's not the only one who can make someone's life miserable. Perhaps a little visit to your step-mother is called for...or a visit to his pastor.

Two can play at this game, my dear.

Restraining order is smart... because it could keep him away from the school right? (even when we're not there?)

Court may have to be an option, but expensive... so it's a last result, but probably will happen.

I tried to contact her before... she just reported back to him, she thinks he's a good guy. My father is the pastor.

I really like the restraining order idea though, since they're pretty easy to get(or at least so I'm told).

[dsdrane]

My father is the pastor.

Oy.

Well...in some ways that's even better; he's in a high-profile position where some bad publicity might encourage him to back off. :cool::agree:

Regardless, I think it's time to take the offensive and let him know in no uncertain terms that his days of riding rough-shod over you and your mother are over.

Try a warning-shot over his bow, and, if that doesn't work, spell it out plainly:

Back off, or suffer the consequences.

[Jennifer5]

Back off, or suffer the consequences.
I'd get in a lot of trouble for that...

I wish that he would just be scared and back off, but so far, no luck with that.



Thanks:love:

I'll have to look into more about a restraining order.... that would put everyone in a very difficult place where they wouldn't any longer have much control. Do you think his legal rights could still over-ride that though?

[sailaway58]

Maybe it won't be that bad, you're only 16 and based on my experience with teens everything is a big deal. Perhaps you could arrange a moderator or councilor to help you both talk. He is your dad. I have no idea what he has done to you but if the court hasn't taken him from your life you will be dealing with him for a while. Are you going to expect him to help you pay for college? I doubt you need people to take sides against him but some one with both interests in mind might help you come to an understanding you can both live with. Use a neutral party and listen to him/her. Someone likes your Dad, he can't be all bad.
I have known lots of teens that hated really good parents.
Anyway, good luck.

[Jennifer5]

Maybe it won't be that bad, you're only 16 and based on my experience with teens everything is a big deal. Perhaps you could arrange a moderator or councilor to help you both talk. He is your dad. I have no idea what he has done to you but if the court hasn't taken him from your life you will be dealing with him for a while. Are you going to expect him to help you pay for college? I doubt you need people to take sides against him but some one with both interests in mind might help you come to an understanding you can both live with. Use a neutral party and listen to him/her. Someone likes your Dad, he can't be all bad.
I have known lots of teens that hated really good parents.
Anyway, good luck.

Your absoultly right, teenagers can over-react a lot. The counciling has made issues worse and we will not be spending anytime in the same room and I will not be seeing him. There's long history. I don't expect his help with college after he had emptied all but on of the college accounts (they they now froze so he can't touch it).

I know what you're thinking... but ask anyone who's been listening to what's been going on for the last 2? 3? years... they'd tell you it's not just over-reacting. He really needs to go away. People, don't know everything that's happened, that's why they still trust him.

One important fact is that my mom has a restraining order against him for death threats (documented by marriage counciler).

[dsdrane]

Your absoultly right, teenagers can over-react a lot. The counciling has made issues worse and we will not be spending anytime in the same room and I will not be seeing him. There's long history. I don't expect his help with college after he had emptied all but on of the college accounts (they they now froze so he can't touch it).

I know what you're thinking... but ask anyone who's been listening to what's been going on for the last 2? 3? years... they'd tell you it's not just over-reacting. He really needs to go away. People, don't know everything that's happened, that's why they still trust him.

One important fact is that my mom has a restraining order against him for death threats (documented by marriage counciler).

This being the case, and considering you are living with your mother and under her care, I think extending the restraining order would be feasible.

In addition to anything your mother's attorney can do, having others in their official capacities as (disinterested) third parties (Health and Human Services or Child Protection types) is not a bad idea to a) keep things on the up-and-up and b) keep things in the public record (which I'm guessing could potentially act as a check on your father's behavior).

:agree::smashy:

[Jennifer5]

This being the case, and considering you are living with your mother and under her care, I think extending the restraining order would be feasible.

In addition to anything your mother's attorney can do, having others in their official capacities as (disinterested) third parties (Health and Human Services or Child Protection types) is not a bad idea to a) keep things on the up-and-up and b) keep things in the public record (which I'm guessing could potentially act as a check on your father's behavior).

:agree::smashy:

:love: ((((hugs)))) :love:

[sailaway58]

You got to take it to court then I suppose. Sorry if I sounded unsympathetic. I'm just talking with you, not judging. It sounds really bad and I hope you can work it out so you can move on from the mess.
Hang in there, seasons change and this too will get better. Keep looking for your options.

[Jennifer5]

You got to take it to court then I suppose. Sorry if I sounded unsympathetic. I'm just talking with you, not judging. It sounds really bad and I hope you can work it out so you can move on from the mess.
Hang in there, seasons change and this too will get better. Keep looking for your options.

Thanks. :love:

[Progo35]

Hi, Jen,

I'm so sorry that you're going through this. I'll definitely be praying for you.
Given your description of your situation, particularly his lack of responsibility concerning your college fund, there is ample ground to support the position that he should NOT be making decisions about where you go to school.

From a family/Dad perspective, if you desire to have or express a desire to preserve a relationship with him, I would advise you to say, "Dad, I love you very much. But, I'm going to oppose you on this firmly. What you are doing is hurtful to me and my education. We can have a relationship, but you need to let me make my own decisions about where I go to school. I feel safe, supported and productive where I am right now and that is where I'm going to stay."

One thing that helps me in times of great difficulty is asking Jesus to intervene and saying, "I cover myself and my relationship with my school with the blood of Jesus for my protection." Know that God is on your side and he will help you fight the the good fight.

One agency that you might want to think about contacting would be the US department of education, office for civil rights. I'm not sure, but I think that they might be able to come to your defense on the premise that your father is interferring with your right to attend a school that you and your mom (primary guardian?) feel is appropriate. They also have attorneys there who will give you advice via the phone free of charge. If the agency gets involved, that is also free.

Just type US Department of Education office for civil rights into a search engine and it should come up.

Love, hugs, and prayers,
-M

[BruceChris]

I would have to begin by saying that Progo seems to have covered most of the basic points. Believe in yourself, find as many friends as you can, and pray for strength whenever you need to. Or maybe just anytime.

Is there a more liberal church in the town you live in? Perhaps you could find a place, and support in a church like that. How big is the population center that you live in, and/or how close to Seattle are you? Is there any way that you could bring out into the open some of the things that your father has done, without being terribly un-Christian or making yourself a target?

Maybe when things get a little better, we can see a little more of you, and a little less of the guitar - But I do like the picture. O.K., I see that you have a very nice profile picture.

Peace and love, Bruce Chris

[Vanessa White]

I think dsdrane is right about the extending of the restraining order, and if you get Human Services persons involved, you could be represented by an attorney yourself, in an advocate type role, and then it would not cost your mom anything, I don't think so anyway. It probably varies from state to state but worth looking into. I also agree that there may come a day and time when you want to have a healthy relationship with your father, but if that day is not right now, TRUST THAT. You, your mom and sibs know what is best for Jen. Family relationships are important, but sometimes it takes time to heal wounds that the adults in the equation created.

BTW, I absolutely love your new pic on your pages when you post. Deep, beautiful, soulful, and just showing a bit of herself- just like YOU!!!!!

Thinking of you often, do you feel a bit better today? have you spoken with your mom about all of this yet? :love::love::love::love::love:

[Jennifer5]

Is there a more liberal church in the town you live in? Perhaps you could find a place, and support in a church like that. How big is the population center that you live in, and/or how close to Seattle are you? Is there any way that you could bring out into the open some of the things that your father has done, without being terribly un-Christian or making yourself a target?

His church is definately the most liberal one in the area and I really don't want anything to with a church. If I had to say what church I go to, I'd simply have to claim the SDA church (I go to the SDA school).... I don't believe their religious stuff, but I don't even care because they've been here for my family no matter what. I love it here. :love:

I think dsdrane is right about the extending of the restraining order........
We're looking into that, trying to figure out whether or not it's a real option.

BTW, I absolutely love your new pic on your pages when you post. Deep, beautiful, soulful, and just showing a bit of herself- just like YOU!!!!!
Thanks:love:... I couldn't deside that one and one that actually showed my face, but I kinda like that one. 675 <If people really think I should change it then I'll consider it.... the guitar just means more to me.

Thinking of you often, do you feel a bit better today? have you spoken with your mom about all of this yet? :love::love::love::love::love: I had called her yesterday afternoon... she was upset about him arranging to meet with the school (actually, right after I talked I posted soemthing about 'offically nothing I can do' or something like that)... but after talking to here I felt so much better!

He can try to make life horrible and he'll be successful at times probably. But things will be fine, there are a lot of people looking after us. :love:

[u-dog]

[QUOTE=Jennifer5;44785]
Thanks:love:... I couldn't deside that one and one that actually showed my face, but I kinda like that one. 675 <If people really think I should change it then I'll consider it.... the guitar just means more to me.
QUOTE]


I like the guitar pic:)

[Zerbie]

The guitar pic is perfect. It is so you. All the things Vanessa said.

Makes me so proud to have you as my Officially Unofficial Little Sister.
:lol::D

Best wishes Jen. I hope this all resolves well. :love:

[Jennifer5]

The guitar pic is perfect. It is so you. All the things Vanessa said.

Makes me so proud to have you as my Officially Unofficial Little Sister.
:lol::D

Best wishes Jen. I hope this all resolves well. :love:

:love:thanks

[drewcaine]

I have a similar prob, believe it or not.
Whatever you do, make sure the only way he's taking you away is in hand-cuffs, you have a right to be in a safe environment and noone has the right to endanger you like that. I know he's your dad, but if he's anything like my dad then the dude needs to reconsider and re-reconsider what the hell's he doing. Don't give in, and if you can then get some of your trusted friends and faculty, instructors, whatever-have them testify that you love your friends, family, school, and feel safer there than anywhere else (if you can throw in the probability that your academics might drop, that's how you get some of those bullies busted, hehe;)
Don't give up!
drewcaine, the li'l gay puppy^_^:p

[Jennifer5]

I have a similar prob, believe it or not.
Whatever you do, make sure the only way he's taking you away is in hand-cuffs, you have a right to be in a safe environment and noone has the right to endanger you like that. I know he's your dad, but if he's anything like my dad then the dude needs to reconsider and re-reconsider what the hell's he doing. Don't give in, and if you can then get some of your trusted friends and faculty, instructors, whatever-have them testify that you love your friends, family, school, and feel safer there than anywhere else (if you can throw in the probability that your academics might drop, that's how you get some of those bullies busted, hehe;)
Don't give up!
drewcaine, the li'l gay puppy^_^:p

Thank you :)