any help...?

[scott86]

hey,
i just saw the film "for the bible tells me so" and it really made me think a lot about my own situation. though i'm not really currently attending church or practicing any real kind of religeon, i was raised in the church and my parents are both very involved in the christian community in my hometown. until seeing the film i hadn't really been considering coming out to my parents anytime soon, but now i realize that it's something that needs to be done so that they might truly accept me for who i am.

anyways, here's where i need the help: i was trying to think of anything i could do to help my parents accept the fact that i'm gay, and was thinking it might be helpful to give them some stuff to read about homosexual culture, views of the church, and stuff like that. from a small town, i'm not sure if they have even ever spoken to anyone who they knew was gay, so just some general stuff about gay statistics and stuff. also, in reference to the church, im looking for something that isn't just proving that the church's views wrong, as i don't want to completely turn my parents off. maybe something that could help them accept me rather than try to put me through a reform program or something.

any help would be greatful. thanks!

[keltic63]

hi scott, welcome to the forums. I'm glad you found us. The first thing that I'm struck by in your post is the idea that your parents would try to force you into some ex-gay therapy. I'm hoping that the "86" in your screen name means that you are 21 now, or very close to it. If so, I don't see how you could be forced into doing something you do not wish to do, especially when it comes to ex-gay therapy programs.
When I came out to my parents, I gave them my copy of the book "The Children Are Free" because it's well-written, concise, and biblical. I never saw that book again. My parents never brought it up. Most of my attempts to discuss anything about my orientation, or even relationship with my partner are met with short responses that bring the conversation to an end. My parents love me, they treat my partner well, we are welcome in their house, they enjoy visiting us in our home. They just don't talk about things, which seems to be a characteristic of that generation (they are in their 60's.)
Your parents, I assume, are younger, but that doesn't mean it might be any easier to talk about for them. It also doesn't mean that they get a pass. Perhaps you can start by reinforcing your love for them. Do you tell each other "I Love You" ? want to hear it from them? start saying it to them. Open the lines of communication, and yes, sometimes you will have to force the communication in matters of your being gay. It may also be the case that they just won't ever get it, but that's not an issue for you to resolve. You can't make anyone else do anything. You are responsible for you!

[BenL]

PFLAG (http://www.pflag.org) (Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays) is a wonderful organization. There are local chapters all over the place. They also have many good publications that can help answer questions your parents might have, such as "Our Daughters and Sons: Questions and Answers for Parents of Gay, Lesbian and Bisexual People (http://www.pflag.org/fileadmin/user_upload/Publications/Daughters_Sons.pdf)". Even if they're not willing to visit the PFLAG site, you can get some good tips yourself on how to approach the question with your 'rents.

The people at PFLAG are wonderful, non-judgmental people who are accustomed to helping others through the "shock" of learning that a family member is gay. They're also a good place for glbt people who are just coming out to find support.

[Dumbledore]

Here is a good article from the American Psychological Association. You can also download and print off a PDF version of it:

http://www.apahelpcenter.org/articles/article.php?id=31

[antiochian]

Hi! I know there are lots of good books out there. One is "A Place at the Table," by Bruce Bauer--it disspells a lot of myths about gay people. But it's lengthy. I agree that PFLAG may be a good starting point. Good luck!!

[scott snedeker]

Picture in your mind a spiritual sanctuary. picture The Loving arms of God embracing you like a warm blanket. He wispers to you. You are a very special boy who I created with the ability to love another of my Gay children who needs you. Search for him. When you meet him, you will know he is the one I told you about. I have a wonderful life full of love planned for you. The search is to make the joy of finding all that much greater. And when you feel the joy of loving this special person, I can't help but smile, because my gift to you is giving you joy.:love::love:

Hopefully one day your parents will know that God only Loves and that love is infinite in the forms by which it appears. Any message that is not love does not come from God. Absence of love is disconnection from him and the cause of all pain and sadness.

[Merlin637]

hey,
i just saw the film "for the bible tells me so" and it really made me think a lot about my own situation. though i'm not really currently attending church or practicing any real kind of religeon, i was raised in the church and my parents are both very involved in the christian community in my hometown. until seeing the film i hadn't really been considering coming out to my parents anytime soon, but now i realize that it's something that needs to be done so that they might truly accept me for who i am.

anyways, here's where i need the help: i was trying to think of anything i could do to help my parents accept the fact that i'm gay, and was thinking it might be helpful to give them some stuff to read about homosexual culture, views of the church, and stuff like that. from a small town, i'm not sure if they have even ever spoken to anyone who they knew was gay, so just some general stuff about gay statistics and stuff. also, in reference to the church, im looking for something that isn't just proving that the church's views wrong, as i don't want to completely turn my parents off. maybe something that could help them accept me rather than try to put me through a reform program or something.

any help would be greatful. thanks!

Hi there

Welcome to the forum

Anyway there are a couple of things that I might suggest. First there is a new movie coming out called God and Gays. Not sure if you are familiar with it, but they have a website - www.godandgaysthemovie.com

The other thing I would suggest is a book called what the Bible really says about homosexuality, by Daniel A Helminiak. Thats available in most good book stores.

Anyway I hope all goes well with you. Know that I will be praying for you.

Graham

[Jennifer5]

Welcome Scott! :)