Just an Observation

[tpdncr4christ]

So I've been taking a Psychology Class this semester and one of the "assignments" that the professor has asked us to do is to watch people in society and observe and remember/record their behaviors. Well... I've found an interesting behavior that I would love to share with everyone.

It seems to me that us gay's are far more judgmental than any other division of society. My question is why? At gay day at Disney Land I observed so many different judgmental glances from other outed members of gay culture. We are so very judgmental. Is it because we have been judged our whole lives? Is it because we feel the need to prove our self worth by judging others?

This question has been bugging me for a while, and I really don't mean to offend any one here, it's just that in general our society is very incredibly judgmental. Why is that so?

[tpdncr4christ]

But I am curious to know more details about the behavior you observed? what sub-catagories of gay people were judgemental about what OTHER sub-catagories and behaviors?

Just about everyone in a click or group of gay friends, anyone and everyone in a red shirt was rude, self obsessed narcissistic whores. Ok, maybe not everyone, but that was the extreme impression that I developed at the end of the day. It felt as though every second I was up on a stand being judged as to weather I'm good looking or not, or if my friends are good enough for me, a feeling I never get anywhere else. I found myself being judged. I want to know why I was being judged so much. Why I was judging these folks so much. It was just weird.

[Zerbie]

I find that strange. That does not reflect my experiences with most of the gay people I've been close to over the years.

Then again, I am aware that there is a sector of the gay community out there that values cute young guys and disses everyone not looking a certain poster-boy way, over 35, etc. Naturally, I do not find that an interesting bunch and don't happen to have anything to do with them - they wouldn't wanna hang around me anyway.:rolleyes:

Could it be that you ran into some insecure 20-somethings who felt they needed to 'look the part, act the part, dress the part' in order to be included in an "in" group? 'cause it really sounds like it.

[Daniel]

Just about everyone in a click or group of gay friends, anyone and everyone in a red shirt was rude, self obsessed narcissistic whores. Ok, maybe not everyone, but that was the extreme impression that I developed at the end of the day. It felt as though every second I was up on a stand being judged as to weather I'm good looking or not, or if my friends are good enough for me, a feeling I never get anywhere else. I found myself being judged. I want to know why I was being judged so much. Why I was judging these folks so much. It was just weird.

But I love my red shirt! Hubby says I look hot in it. :D

But seriously. I think what you're refering to isn't judgmentalism as much as it is one facet of being young and handsome. It's the world we live in. And it's called discrimination, as in sorting thing out.

When we're young (and not so young) the meeting up and mating vibe is turned on real high- higher than one realizes actually. And everyone that we 'see' gets puts through a mental sieve. "Is this one for me?" "Does he like me" "Am I good enough" Those who have some measure of self-confident get past this kind of thing easily enough with experience, but those who aren't can turn this thing into a downward spiral. It can be mean and cruel. That's when its judgmental. But ya gotta understand, we make judgements about ourselves first- then other people second. Really loving people just push all that aside and take people as they are- very little questions asked- because they can accept themselves as they are- in or out of a group. And that kind of demeanor- well- I think it speaks volumes.

It's the kind of person we all want to be with, but we have to learn to be.

[ladyinred]

I don't really find that much different for heterosexuals, our culture is beauty oriented,Why do women get boob jobs, botox , face lifts or go on starvation diets to look "glamerous. Men too.( They'll go to the gyms and bulk up.,Not that that is bad but some of the guys I've seen compete with each other to get even bulkier) I don't think of this as an affliction of soley gay men,I think our society in general is just that way. When I hear 17 year old girls saying ,"Oh, I'd love to look like Paris Hilton ,look how thin she is.I turn around and say, and yes? what is wrong with you? Not every woman is meant to be a size 2. It seems like thinner is better but some of these women look anorexic.
Even when I worked out and I was a petite size 7, people actually said I looked better when I was a size 12, I didn't look so thin in the face.

[andrewlittle]

What you may not notice, since your attention goes naturally to young men, is that groups of young girls will "judge" young guys, and groups of young men will "judge" young women. In both cases, sometimes this evaluation is less healthily critical and more - well, pissy.

While I don't know for sure, my guess is that this also happens in groups of young GLBT folk as well.

[scott snedeker]

Your question is Why.

Many reasons for the observation present themselves to me.

A perception of others being judgemental is at least in part the observer being self judgemental.

Each of our perceptions is subjective. Our world is our perception of the sensory input around us. We activate emotional vibrations in others with what we have active in our selves

I am very self judegemental when I get off track of my spiritual path of good thought hygiene. My whole spiritual paradigm is a reaction to my self judgement and self loathing which in itself is a reaction to my perception of a homophobic society.

I periodically immerse myself in the nonjudgemental sanctuary on Short Mountain to ground my perception of being with the aura of peace and love. It is to take a vacation from outside pressure that in turn internalizes to self judgement and self judgement of my self judgement.

Hoo boy!

But I had a few miniphanies (mini epiphanies? :lol:) yesterday that I wrote down:

Do something because I want to and not because I should or because someone expects me to ( especially including me).

Don't restrict from doing something I want to do myself because it is something I shouldn't do or am expected not to do.

So if I want a martini at 9:00 am I can have one if the is no practical reason that it would mess up my desire to have a good day (like work for instance).

Or if I want to eat a high calorie junk food I allow my self to, and not beat up myself.

Or if I want to get angry because I feel disempowered then I play some angry music and yell out my car window.

By doing these things (each of which I did today) I am exploring entitlement rather than repeating self judgement.

Great thead, Austin!

[Alecto]

Isn't "narcissistic whore" a bit harsh and...well...judgemental? Well, moreso the "whore" bit, I think.

I do think that a part of it may very well be on your end. Self-consciousness about some things + observational bias about others (perhaps your more likely to remember the negatives) + stereotypes (that CAN be internalized, and have been shown to affect what you notice, what you remember, and sometimes even how you act to elicit the response you'd expect all on a subconscious level)....did you have any control to observe a similar sample in the heterosexual population? Did you possibly mistake some looks of interest with looks of judgement (I'm a big fan of "the gaze", but when I took a straight friend to a gay bar, he was asking why people were giving him "this really creepy stare"; he's not uncomfortable with being hit on, he just really misunderstood what it meant).


Almost all of the gay folks I know are capable of queening out when provoked, but there's a necessary provocation involved, and they're (usually) some of the least judgemental people I've met, specifically because they've already had to question some of the judgements that society makes for everyone, so they're a little more likely to question other such judgements that society makes for everyone.