Hi, My name is Donna

[WindHorseKelly]

My son is making preparations as a MTF transgendered person. I am looking to support him/her as best I can. I am a christian who believes God loves us as we are. Thanks for this invitation.

[BruceChris]

There are a lot of transgender resources out there, but I admit that I don't know where most of them are. Here is a link to our in house resources:

http://www.soulforce.org/forums/showthread.php?t=2300

When I was younger, I used to date Lynn, who spent her first 23 years as Allen. Seeing someone go through this is an amazing experience. I wish you both the best.

Namaste', Bruce Chris

[Zerbie]

Welcome.
I'm so happy to see a supportive loving mom here. I believe the transgender community in particular has some rough shakes from much of society.

Glad your child has you.
:love:

[antonyh]

I'm so glad that you're supporting your child. Let us know how we can support you :love::love::love:

[tymejumper]

YES!!! Moms so rock! Thankyou for being a loving and supportive mom. You are more than welcome here and we are glad to have you. Just stick by her/him and s/he will be fine. The one thing that really helped me when I came out as Lesbian was my moms love. Don't under estimate it:D

[WindHorseKelly]

Thanks for the welcome. I've really had to study who in my life can come on this journey with me. It's made me scrutinize my family & friends. I'm a humanistic type christian who has an open mind. It was not always like that. I'm realizing who can really love us & who's hearts are open. So far my son can count on me, his sister, his Aunt (my sister who suspects her oldest son is gay, age 16) and probably his Aunts sons (his boy cousins). I'm afraid all the other fundamental christian members of our family are going to flip out. They can flip out elsewhere, as I told my son, them that are against you are now not my friend. He was planning to just move away up North or out West thinking his family would not accept this; But now he plans to stay in the Atlanta area. THANK GOD! I'd be lost without him, and not able to know he was ok. He approached me when he was young about the issue of TG and I hoped it would pass. I got him counseling, the christian PhD told me he was probably so deeply disapointed in his father he wanted to cut his penis off. A lot of research now shows that is not the issue. On Thanksgiving I just came out and asked him if he still was thinking he was, and he said yes, he was about to start on hormones and his counselor was on board with him. He also spent time with my academic advisor who has been supportive. GOD IS GREAT. THANK YOU AS A COMMUNITY!
Namaste, Donna

[Gennee]

Welcome to Soulforce, Donna. It so wonderful that you are supporting your son. I am a transgender individual also. There are many transgender groups out here. I'll list a couple that I can think of and will look up some more.

Gennee :love::wave:

www.genderpac.org
www.transgendercare.com

[BruceChris]

But very important. I think that I just counted your using the words "he, him, his, and son" about 23 times in one paragraph. If you really want to help your child, you should probably start thinking in terms of using different pronouns. You don't have to do it all at once, and you may want or need to spend a serious amount of time thinking on this. This would be one way that you could help both of you, a lot.

You won't be perfect at it right away, and you may have to stop and correct yourself a lot at first. When you are working with government agencies or similar that do not have a clue, life will probably be much easier to say "he" to them, and then switch back to "she" when you are back in your own space. This will be a lot of work, but it will all be worth it some day.

You should also be aware that you may be losing a son, but gaining a daughter, and the child that you have you will always have, but in some very important ways, more so.

Namaste', Bruce Chris

[WindHorseKelly]

Hey Bruce Chris,

Thanks for noticing this. It only took 23 years to grauduate college at age 50. My son/daughter is 23 years old.... mmmm. (23 times, how obnoxious of me)! My critical thinking skills went out the window so fast it would take a jet plane to bring 'em back!

My son/daughter John/Cassandra just called & we are discussing this observation of yours. He/She has not "come out" yet, still lives as a man and she (says) she doesn't care so much yet about pronouns. I hear the sound in her voice that says "Mom, it's ok. I'll put up with your ineptness as long as it takes." I'm so darn green.

I think I am in a greiving process and want to hang on to HIM just a little while longer. Although when I just asked she said she would like to hear me call her Cassandra just as much as I would like to. ...(Donna here's your sign)! Duh! I should have asked!

Speaking of grief-work, she just asked me if I had gotten to the "bargaining" phase yet. The answer is yes. I went to bed one night lately, praying earnestly begging God that this wasn't going to happen if God cared about such things. Basically... please let this cup pass... When I woke up I got on-line & found resources like Whosoever.com & Soulforce.com, and SouthernComfort. I realize I had gotten my answer.

You know what? I have been ok with other people being GBLT, but this time I am called on to be the mother of one. I don't want to blow it. My goodness, talk about being "born again"! We both are doing just that.

Cassandra is living as a male & has 3 male roomates and we were just talking about how the timing of the next lease in August she is going to move to a single apartment to make the adjustment privately. For me to ignore all the signs or not ask is selfish on my part. Yes, I know I am getting a greater gift in the long run. And quite an education.

Thanks Bruce Chris, I came here needing this support. God Bless.

Namaste,
Donna

[tymejumper]

Hey Bruce Chris,

You know what? I have been ok with other people being GBLT, but this time I am called on to be the mother of one. I don't want to blow it.


My mother tried to blame herself for not seeing it sooner and not realizing that I was having a hard time being and realizing I was a lesbian as a teen. She feels like she failed me and still sometimes expresses this to me.

I know she is in my court and always will love me and have my back. I am not worried about her being a good mother to her lesbian daughter, as I am sure your daughter is not worried if you will be PFLAG mother of the year. I am only worried that my mothere loves me, I do not require any special type of love from her other than what she already gives.

You will not blow anyting with your daughter, you have already accepted and that is all you need to do.

[paul]

Donna,

Welcome, and thank you for your response to your child. Exercising love and acceptance is a gift to the world, not just your child.

I cannot begin to see you "blowing" this. You may stagger now and then on the unfamiliar terrain, but you have already been to successful to "blow" it. You have chosen love over belief. Beliefs can always be scrutinized and questioned, but who can question the love response? Life can be so enormously complicated without love, but love has a way of clearing away cob webs.

best wishes on your journey, I hope we can be friends to you and Cassandra as you navigate this.
paul

[Jennifer5]

Glad to have you here Donna!!! The world needs more people like yourself!

:wave:

[Sherrie Z]

Thank you for your beautiful open and loving posts, Donna! How great to see your wonderful supportiveness for your child ... I'm very glad you found Soulforce ... our love and prayers go to you and Cassandra! : )

[tdogg]

So glad you are here. This is a difficult time for you and especially for Cassandra. The important thing is that you love her so much, be supportive, encouraging and give praise to her. Be the shoulder she'll need to cry on, the arms that will hold her up through the difficulty, the palm that gives her a high 5 for accomplishment, her best defender and biggest fan.

This will be a major life event in Cassandra's life journey. And yours too. I wish you both the best! You will definitely find so many caring, compassionate and supportive friends here on the forums. :love:

Tdogg

[WindHorseKelly]

Hi everyone who have written or taken the time to read this post.

I am in such a time of transition and your kind words and even genteel correction is so appreciated. I certainly didn't get a manual for a TG child. Although I have studied under Daniel Helminiak @ the Univ of West Ga! That's the first time I ever saw an opinion or academic work concerning God & homosexuality. I had a transpersonal experience of God that made me believe that the average opinion of God's will was truly limited.

Paul what you said about me chosing love over belief was comforting, as if God was reminding me that my role in life foremost is to love.

My dis-orientation (no pun) about still addressing Cassandra as my son John has been because I've never seen her dress like a female, or behave expressly like a female. She lives as a man currently but she definitely is a female person.

I want to thank BruceChris for helping me open up a dialog with Cassandra that helped me to realize she was ready for me to see her as Cassandra; and show her my willingness to express even more acceptance of her decision.

Thanks to Zerbie, Antonh, Tymejumper, Gennee, Paul, Jennifer 5, SherrieZ, tdogg & everyone else who has written me with encouragement, prayers and an outpouring of welcome. Thanks I needed that.

Peace,
Donna

[Kelli Busey]

Speaking of grief-work, she just asked me if I had gotten to the "bargaining" phase yet. The answer is yes. I went to bed one night lately, praying earnestly begging God that this wasn't going to happen if God cared about such things. Basically... please let this cup pass... When I woke up I got on-line & found resources like Whosoever.com & Soulforce.com, and SouthernComfort. I realize I had gotten my answer.


Dear Donna, The world will love Cassandra and she will amaze you with the person who is currently waiting in the wings. Early in my life I beleaved my transgender issues were a curse. 20 years later a woman emerged and now I enjoy love, friends and faith I could never have had as "Scott". My life is truly full. Cassandra is a very lucky gal to have you. Many transitions are put on hold due to family worries. It will take alot of time and work, but the results are invaluable. I belong to a MCC church and have found my way back to the lord surrounded by my GLBTIQ brothers and sisters. I wish you all the best, Your friend, Kelli Busey

[Zerbie]

So glad you're here, Donna.
:):love:

Could a thought, interpretation, or rule ever matter more than loving, respecting, cherishing the spirit of life itself as manifested in sentient beings? In one's own child no less. You are certainly walking the right and compassionate path, Donna.

I'm sure your child recognizes and appreciates how much you care.

[Vanessa White]

First of all, Donna, Welcome, and tell Cassandra about us as well, maybe it could be of help/support to her as well.

We are imperfect creatures, but that helps to make our journeys so much joyous and adventurous and exciting!!! I would actually want to hug you if I were to see you in person, for being the epitome of what I believe a mom should aspire to be: supportive, loving, open, and willing to hold on and let go at the same time. It sounds like you are doing well so far, and we will help you with as much support and/or guidance as you need. Or even just some prayer, or internet hugs!!!!!! Peace to you, Vanessa :love::pray:

[WindHorseKelly]

Hi All,

I told Cassadra about Soulforce and she has visited the site. She seems glad that I have reached out to Soulforce, PFLAG & Southern Voice to help me understand what she is going through and her community.

The info is coming in so fast and I am amazed at my ignorance. But, I am also glad that I aligned myself with a God Force so supportive and fiercely loving (Romans 8:37-39) :love: years ago as I experienced a "Dark Night of the Soul". I'm believing now I went thru that darkness then so I could have light now when I need it most.

What helped me a lot in the PFLAG/TNET brochure "Our Trans Children" was the knowledge that she could not explain why she felt the way she does & I couldn't understand it if she did try to explain it. One less thing to argue about & all the more power in acts of "letting go/acceptance".

Now that is something to smile about!:D
Love & Happiness,
Donna

PS Thanks for the hugs Vanessa!

[tymejumper]

I am so glad that Cassandra is going to be part of our family on soulforce. I was hoping that she would join as there is alot of support and understanding here.

I am a lesbian and was married to a TG man. It was very difficult as he/she(Mischa) was not willing to come out all the way, and even though we married knowing each other as gay, he/she attempted to use me being a lesbian against me in an effort to gain custody of our children. It was awful to be 'outted' to the neighbors, our friends and co-workers, not to mention the whole court system by another gay person who should have known better.(not to mention anger I am still dealing with) I think the most painful thing for me, personally, is the fact that Mischa is in the closet suffering and I have been there and know how it feels. I would not want another person to EVER feel that way and have that pain.

I am glad that your daughter is loved by you and willing to come out to be who she is. It is a blessing to finally be able to live the life God(or your higher power) has given you to live. You will find this will bring your child closer to you and give you a type of relationship that few mother/children have. So, Welcome Cassandra, and Happy Coming Out Day!!!!:dove:

[CCarter]

Well, since mom mentioned me, I figure I should jump in and say hello real quick. I'm Cassandra, much spoken-of, it seems. :) I probably won't post much, because college and transition is going to be my big focus, but I will be reading and checking in from time to time. I'm active on campus with our Lambda chapter, politically active with the Young Democrats, and with my jobs, too.

Its great you all have been helping my mom, it's definitely improved things to see that she's feeling better about the situation and coming to terms with it. One less thing to have to think about; after all, I have enough to do!

I may not say much, but I will be around! Thanks so much!

~Cass

[Zerbie]

Oh hello Cass, you're here. :)

Thanks for stopping in with a Hello. You're involved with a lot of exciting activities - cool! Have fun, and see ya around.

[Vanessa White]

So glad that you stopped by! Enjoy your life, and all of the changes that are coming...... I really think that you are blessed to have a mom like you do..... V.:love:

[tdogg]

Hi Cass!!! Welcome to the forums. You have an awesome mom!

Good luck and many blessing to you in your busy time of school and transition. Stay cool! :cool::love::rainbow:

[WindHorseKelly]

:love: WOW I'm glad you introduced yourself Cassandra. Love you! :weee: Mom